Eph75

@Preety_India Also, as I mentioned earlier, where the guilt/shame comes from is worth exploring as well. As you probably already know, what is taboo or that which we deem is wrong or strange often carry an attraction with it. Things like this can carry an excitement with it that is coming from it in that sense being forbidden. And it can become something of an obsession/compulsion. Making it accepted, through self-acceptance, can very well reduce, remove or change that attraction. In any case, getting rid of the guilt is a win-win, and would be a perspective changer, regardless what the next step would turn out being.

@Preety_India Being authentic is important as it dictating our self-esteem and self-worth; to be able to be and express who we really are, and align with our morality. Not having that alignment reduces our self-worth and guilt and shame arises. Feelings of irrational guilt is very destructive, and we should eliminate all aspects of irrational shame and guilt. If you really want to enact these ideas, but you restrict yourself from doing so, out of shame or guilt, that's keeping you from being authentic. Sometimes fantasies are only that, fantasies, and not much more, without any desire to enact them. Here the important thing here is to not let such thoughts create irrational guilt and shame. No one can give you the answers you seek, you need to come up with the answer yourself. My advice is develop your assertiveness, by not asking others what to do, instead use others for extended reasoning and to shine light on that which is hard for yourself to see, so that it can bring clarity, so that you find your answer. Perhaps another advice as well; Don't take yourself nor life too seriously. Life is a mere game, it's a playground, play it well, for your enjoyment. Experiment and have fun. There's much less at stake than we make up there to be.

Fear is like an onion, layered; fear percieved as X, when deconstructed, may very well consist of Y and Z, and X was just a distraction. Deconstructing multiple fears usually boil down to few underlying needs that are not met. From this vantage point is is much easier to address that underlying thing. Around these underlying needs we create encapsulations that allow us to navigate around and away from that which is unpleasent. A control mechanism of sorts, a fear of discovery or subjection of that which causes us some sort of pain. Understanding these dynamics redefines what fear is, and, what related anxiety is. It helps with navigating the depth of self, the exploration of ones inner being, and inner wiring, that ultimate can lead to decontruction of whatever that underlying thing may be - uncovering facets of ones ego imposing limitations back on oneself. We may think that we are complicated, but we are not, not really. We've just lost ourselves for a moment. Our reactions are complex and chaotic in the sense that they are not predictible in a linear fashion. Yet, peeling those layers of that onion of ours off, the simplicity of being becomes increasingly unveiled. Try detaching from the what and where fear arises and explore the nature of the experience, and in that sense, peeling off one layer at a time, with loving embrace, to see what is hidden below that which is first percieved.

Attraction that you feel guilt over? How can that be healthy. Whether that is the "sadomasochistic attraction to Dominant males" that makes it unhealthy or the guilt you feel for having that such an attraction, that's something only you can answer. Considering past stories about narcissism, it sounds like a codependency thing, and if so, that makes it not seem very healthy. On the guilt side, what thoughts are connected to this guilt, what is it in this that trigger your guilt?

Can't "make" anyone do anything, rather be who you can to catalyze interest in them, so that one day, they're ready to start their own journey. Notice the desire to share that which we are enthusiastic about. Beware of allowing yourself get demotivated by not having anyone to share with

This book might be interesting to check out. Frederic Laloux Reinventing Organizations: An Illustrated Invitation to Join the Conversation on Next-Stage Organizations

So, this tells us that there is, at least currently, no way to confirm whether or whether not speed of light is the same in different directions. Are there any grounds as to why different speed in different directions would be plausible? E.g. the nature of the universe expansion? Or is it mostly mental masturbation centered around the not knowing?

@r0ckyreed The one feed into the other. Meditation helps with hightening the baseline of calmness of mind and lowering the baseline of intangible, indistinct noise and interfereing thoughts. That in itself helps to let, shall we call it the inner light of infinite creativity, to shine through into your awareness layer and change the dynamics between you and mind, making new connections, see things in new light, notice what could not be seen before, gaining new insight through a-ha moments, flipping switches in ones mind and so on. Some people are naturally [i.e. conditionally already setup to be] better at such deep contemplation without meditation. I myself have always been a deep contemplator since as long as I can remember, very small child age and beyond. With beginning meditation it still added something new to the mix, in a sense the ability to go where I had not gone before, and in such sense, with less self-biased than otherwise would be through more circular reasoning. The letting go of mind through meditation, or even, through inquire and explorations within meditation is naturally complemented with deep contemplation outside of meditation. Also the mind is working hard and baking at ideas and thoughts in the subconscious. Setting us up for new insight when we are ready for them. That's why a general calmness of mind through-out the entirety of our waking-and-sleeping hours is important for the development of cognitive and consciousness abilities. If the mind is noisy, it's baking at stuff that won't benefit us, with increased distraction as a result.

A comment about this, as I just mentioned the voice briefly. Awareness of this internal voice and dialog is fundamental. It's a great step towards becoming able to take a step away from "it" - ego and its voice - and observe "it" and what "it" is doing and how "it" affects us. Actively doing this, and gradually raising the awareness of when, and how "it" is operating through imposing limiting attributes, will allow us to, and to more efficiently so, address those limitations, so that we gradually deconstruct the negative and limiting aspects of our ego. The resistance you are mentioning, this is just one aspect of the ego that we benefit greatly from working on deconstructing. In a sense, this resistance aspect is quite fundamental as it allows ego to maintain status quo, its main line of defense so-to-speak, i.e. ego protecting itself from deconstruction. Authenticity is in a sense is our Excalibur, that will guide us through the great inner spiritual conquest against the ego.

@Roy ?? @electroBeam Two parts of an emerging path that complement each other beautifully ?

Oh my, that turned out longer than intended -- @Roy If there was a quick and easy solution to this, that could be sold, someone would get rich, fast. It's basically about personal authenticity, to show up being and doing what your morality tells you that you want or should be and do. There's no "perfect" here, all we can do is to acknowledge when we're not being authentic and then work ourselves into greater levels of authenticity. There will always be challenges that are too great, anxiety inducing and off-putting. There are more or less difficult challenges in life. A lot of things that can't seem to get done are easy, and small, and just a quick decision away. Yet, there is something in-between authentic thought and being authentic that is hard to pin down. That or rather the dynamic between you and that need to change so that you shift towards being authentic more often than not. Awareness when this happens, of course, is key. But what next? With awareness comes the awareness of ego actively talking ourselves out of taking such action that makes us authentic. How do you need to handle that voice in your head, that monkey companion that never seems to shut up or cheer us on into the right direction? That seems to work hard at shifting us towards taking the easier, most effortless route, all the time, to do nothing or waste time on simple distractions such as surfing the web, refreshing social media waiting for something new to show up, playing video-games, watching movies/TV-series and so on. That thing that needs to change is hard to name. There are a combination of factors that collaborate to help flipping an unnamed switch, that thing. Such factors as intention, strategy and pure will-power all add up to being better at handling those switch-flipping moments when they present themselves. Notice how intrinsic motivation trumps all, if there is something that carry the label should or must, we have a hard time doing. But if there's something in us, intrinsic motivation, that puts a label want onto something, there's usually no stopping us. So how do we turn should or must into want? Jedi mind-games. What could start with trivial things, such simple things as always picking up stuff that is lying around, when you see them, no exceptions. Notice that without incorporating intention and will-power, nothing will happen, and strategy most certainly help to follow-through. You spot a pair of yesterday's socks on the floor and you just pick them up, that was your intention, and put them in the clothes basket, using will power. Repeating the process will start to feel the satisfaction of becoming "a person that puts dirty clothes where they belong", and you get a wee shot of serotonin every time you do, and, soon enough you will get dopamin levels going when you catch the scent of dirty socks From here is till be easier to stack other similar habits on top of that one insignificant action, from socks to all clothes, perhaps to make the bed every morning, no exceptions. Same thing happens again. You start identifying with being a person that "has a tidy bed all day, every day". Moving on to, e.g. unloading the dishwasher every morning, and putting dirty dishes back in it. You become identified with someone that "keeps a neat kitchen". And from here is becomes really easy to become a "tidy person". These chores are also in a sense redefined from being things that need to be done, to quests for being authentic, where intrinsic motivation probably is higher than with picking up smelly old socks. It also not longer matter whose socks they are, that's beside the point, and the quest. Tougher challenges await, but from what changes you've gone through, you have also redefined yourself from "being unauthentic" to "being someone that is becoming increasingly authentic every day", and that switch-flipping unknown thing that resides inside us hold less resistance than it used to. Perhaps you're still not ready for tackling the big dragons. Just make it about becoming ever more authentic and walk-your-thought. You will become identified with "a person that changes ones life", and when that is our identity, difficult challenges and large thresholds become "more manageable" to approach. Seems very easy, feels very hard, astoundingly easy to change.

I just sing "I'm a Barbie girl"... same same and not different

@Preety_India Yes, of course. Yet, the nature of the emotional attachment to beliefs/ideas of how things should be and play out dictate how you perceive the happenings in any given scenario. Assume something happens, that is "bad", here are two possible scenarios: - Scenario 1: the ego has created limitations that make things that happen appear to "happen to you" , leaving you a victim to circumstances and with a sense of powerlessness. That story is about you, and the bad things that happened to you. And, a feeling that there's nothing you can do about this. - Scenario 2: the ego is not/less involved, things that happen just "happen". It wasn't specifically about you, there was no elaborate plan to do "bad" against you or do you wrong. It happened, there were circumstances and reasons that made it happen, and you were absolutely there and a part of it, but it didn't happen "to you". And, you don't become a victim under those circumstances, you may remain powerful. That's the story that prevails. These two scenarios carry two very different stories that will impose very different effects on you. Some people get crushed by things happening to them, they struggle, maybe even give up, maybe for the rest of their lives. Other people strangely grow and exit stronger, with a sense of having become "reborn", even though what happened was "bad" or worse. The outcome is depending on ones ego limitations. What he did, you can't change, what happened did happen. How the ego dictate the story, that is something you can own. So the choice to make the story different is within your power. An interesting thing with stories and perspective shifts, is that they do change the past. The past is residing in your thoughts, and the thoughts are in the present. Changing your stories and shifting perspectives changes the meaning of the happenings of the past. What happened still happened, but the meaning carried by what happened can dramatically change. That power is inside you. And who knows, maybe at some point, when the narratives have changes, and perspectives have shifted, there can be true loving forgiveness, and letting go, even of "him".

@Preety_India Sorry for that For example: This happens because the ego is strong/limiting. Instead, this will happen when the ego is deconstructed/not posing limitations. The only selfish act would be setting ones actual needs aside to try to fulfill the pathological needs of ones ego. No (i.e. less dominant) ego results in no feeling of selfishness, no judgement against self nor others, no sense of nor lack of self-importance, no victim-hood. And, no limitations in helping others. Taking above into account, demonizing "him" is strong ego acting out, by upholding self-importance, in various ways, even though it means stuck with suffering. Reading this block, the only thing it says is "to me?", "on me?", "me so badly?", "hurt me/loved me?", "unfair", "use me", "care about me", "hurt me", "manipulate me", "not cared about me", "hurt me?" Strong ego makes this replay over and over again, reliving the past in the now by exercising the thoughts which means reliving the pain and suffering over and over again, while maintaining ego self-importance - again - even though that is irrational and through suffering. It's not the idea of "him" that you need to let go of. It is something in you that you need to come to terms with, and let that go. That "something" lives in the stories about "you" that happen to include "him". This may seem counter intuitive, but it's not. Reality as you experience it is created, and happening in you. The stories made up is created by you. The emotional attachments and triggers are in you. None of this is with "him", regardless of what he actually did to you. This might not be helpful to you, where you are right now, but considering the amount of work that you are putting into yourself in your self-actualization, I assume working towards awakening and some day enlightenment, I hope that it will be enough to start to unravel what it is inside yourself keeping you stuck. "He" is distraction, and thinking that "he" is the problem is what is trapping you. If "he" isn't "it", then what is "it" and how can you shift focus to "that"? That's the key to the paradigm shift that you need. Whatever that is, it is "you" and can be released with realizing self-love.

@Preety_India There is significant self-deception lurking in the shadows of your posts. It is up to you to spot what that is - a start/clue is to delve deeper into what curve-balls "ego" throws us, and explore how we get decieved by it and in what unthought-of ways it could manifest without us being aware of it going on. Your reactions are more about you than about others. It always is. And that's where progression lies. Going the other way, expect gridlocks and wild goose-chases.

@Preety_India Notice how the ego makes it all about you. And notice how the stories are very elaborate. Also notice how the stories strengthen your "rights" and demonize his "wrongs". In this process you make a permanent place for these stories to live on, casting shadows of the past over your present, a dusk falling over you like a damp, heavy blanket. Notice how our self-importance grows by repeating these kind of stories. They makes us feel anger and with it comes an infective and addictive false sense of power. Letting go of him requires letting go of your stories about you-and-him. Taking the negative energy away from fueling the stories. Packaging him in such a heart shaped box and letting it go, with love, is in that sense rather that letting go of your stories. The stories are easier to take responsibility for than taking responsibility for "him" and "his words" appearing in your thoughts. When the stories goes, he will follow. Living in the now prevents these stories from being. Being in the moment is being in a storyless space. Being in the past or the future both cast such shadows over the present. In this very moment, nothing else than your awareness exists.

@Preety_India What is it about him that you are having difficulties letting go? Do you still want him, deep down, somewhere, in some way? Or, is it his critical voice that makes a guest appearance in your thoughts, putting you down in his absence? Trying "hard to forget" sounds a lot like suppression, and we all know how that's not a solution. What is it that you needs to come to terms with [with yourself] in order to package him up in a red heart shaped love fueled balloon and just let the thoughts of gently drift away in a breeze, never to haunt you again?

You are going to reason yourself into moving in with him, you are "already there", he will seem like he wants to change and you will fully buy into it. You want to fix him, a lot of people have this need when there's something they have that needs to be fixing in themselves, and turning away from that into fixing someone else, becomes more graspable. But hey, it is time to wake up, you can't fix others. They can only fix themselves. Just like you need to have the motivation to change yourself, to make the change needed in you happen. Also, if there are these kind of tendencies before living together, at a stage where people usually show their best sides, the indication is that it will get [much] worse when you two are tighter linked by living together. It is at these kind of moments there should not be created too much room for over-thinking the situation, and instead to just get out! - and for the simple reason that no-one has the right to impose these kind of behaviors onto others, and no-one should allow themselves to be someone else's stepping stone. You both have issues, his may be destructive and more visible, but you are in denial of your own pathological behavior towards this, as many people that are "caught" in abusive relationships are. A good thing is that you say that you don't have a pattern of being/selecting/having these kind of relationships "finding you", and that's good. So let's not start such a pattern now, right? Up and leave, immediately. Contemplate what you need to work on with yourself. Life goes on. More caring people will cross you path.

This may come across as harsh, but, to you, does it seems like a healthy thing to move in with him? It is not your job to fix him. Leave, and focus on dealing with your own pathology instead of focusing on him.

Partake in your own race, don't fall into the trap of becoming a part of others races, comparing yourself with others successes. There will always be someone that is better than you, and all those others combined will be better from every aspect you could possibly think of. That trap is a self-esteem-destroyer. Focus on yourself, do your best and don't compare that best against others accomplisments. Quit Facebook and similar social medias, they're will make you feel inadequate. Fake success and extraordinary people seem like the norm, but it is not. Faked facades to fool others into thinking that they are not as miserable as everyone else. Redefine "failure" from being something bad into something necessary, a requirement to success is to fail. No one can succeed all the time, there must be failures but they are truly only failures if you let then set you back. Use them as lessons of life and learning opportunities, that which they are. Also daring attempts increase the risk of failure, yet, daring attempts asserts great developmental growth - and great successes. With that said, only you know best if you really are wasting time doing nothing, not even attempting, or if you are doing your best. And that you have the power to change.

There are opportunities for accomplishments everywhere, all the time, just start with smaller increments and you get into the habit of having small successes. The snowball effect will run its course, greater successes awaits. What is the rush? What is rushing you? Is the feeling rational or irrational? In this day and age everything is rushed, a time of instant gratification, we want results and we want them now. In reality, 10 years of invested time is more realistic, before hard results happen. What is this about? Is that inadequacy linked to the amount of money vs. state of consciousness questions above? If you focus on well being, do you feel that you will be side-stepping building monetary wealth? If you focus on monetary wealth, do you feel like you will be side-stepping well being? Where does the expectation that creates the inadequacy come from? Again, is it rational or irrational?

There's a big difference between "going nowhere" and "going somewhere", the latter doesn't have to mean that you know what your calling is, you can still take steps towards "somewhere" and that "somewhere" can shift over time, yet the time invested is not wasted. In a sense, starting out building a sound foundation on which everything else gets built. Spot what you identify as waste, then be authentic by addressing that, and then just keep doing that. It will allow for building that foundation but also, for each step you take, you gain a new perspective and a direction starts to manifest, a direction that could transform into your calling/life purpose/vision. Once you get going, the "ball" just tend to "keep rolling" and new opportunities present themselves. Moving from thought to action is harder. Deciding this at a young age is like deciding what your favorit food is going to be for the rest of your life. How could you possibly know, you haven't had time to sample the food market enough to make that call. Unfortunately the answers to these kind of questions are not served on silver platters, they are things that you will have to figure out for yourself. In a sense, that's the journey that is life. But don't take it too seriously, there's no one direction in life so whatever direction you end up focusing on can manifest much later in life. After all, it's all about the journey, isn't it

It is quite relative to your own objectives, isn't it? And objectives are quite relative to where you are on your developmental journey. A very simple example; spending time on the forum to gain perspectives and grow yourself in different ways is "useful", while spending time on the forum being dogmatic about your beliefs and arguing with people is a "waste of time". If the time spent is adding value to your objectives, or your calling, whatever that might be, then it isn't "waste of time". What that calling might be, and if/how it relates to the world and others and if/how that changes humanity to come is a related subject. A risk of course if that your calling is irrelevant from a more holistic perspective, or even toxic. If your calling is to become a master at playing video games, then practice is useful to achieve this. Yet it is not very likely to be useful to make a living, nor useful towards some greater calling, e.g. the future of humanity. "Waste of time/well invested time" is relative to your calling, and the usefulness of your calling. On someone else's scale it might be useless.. If we want to retire to some cave to eat maggots and meditate for the rest of your life, and you find that sustainable and peaceful, who's there to judge the objective usefulness? Sure, that opens up to making all sorts of "bad" judgement calls, but that's life isn't it? Navigating choices as best as we can, with as much awareness as we have. The question is, can you catch yourself when you're bullshitting yourself? If you go against your authentic self and subdue to the ego desires you'll end up with conflicting thoughts that is the growing ground for "unhappiness".

Yes, awareness and perspective. Although, limiting beliefs can make sense, as beliefs are relative to perspectives and the needs/desires to fulfill some desired outcome. Even if the beliefs can be limiting to growth, they can can be useful in pursuing and fulfilling toxic needs/desires. [The definition of toxic needs/desires also them being subject to perspective ] That's also why such beliefs are so hard to identify as being limiting, let alone to let them go, as this implies becoming aware of, gaining understanding of, and the letting go of the underlying toxic needs/desires.

To "destroy" limiting beliefs, it is assumed that you become aware of the beliefs being just that, believing and not knowing. If you have the determination to explore your limiting beliefs, to better understand them or to alleviate the limiting effects they impose, simply take a random belief and ask yourself if you truly know this thing, where does your perceived knowledge about this comes from, does it come from first-hand experience or through accumulation of information conveyed to you. Acknowledge the possibility that you have created "truths" out of information that is not first hand experience. Also acknowledge that first-hand experience is subjective and is more than likely [] distorted, deceitful or down-right false. This is planting the seed that sprouts into growing open-mindedness, not in form of gullibility but as curiosity to explore other perspectives that contradict whatever "truth" you have made for yourself by your existing belief. Note that all beliefs are limiting and limited in some way. Also, we cannot be completely free from beliefs. What we can do, is to work towards emotional detachment from our beliefs, so that they are not as much of something we're holding fast to, in order to ensure not losing our footing when the foundation of the reality as we currently know it starts shaking and our ego is being challenged. Instead, we can lean onto a certain set of beliefs, which are not as much "my beliefs" as they are "convenient beliefs". There will be no emotional need or desire to defend them, if they were attacked, and also, there would be no prestige in letting go of the existing beliefs so that we can [more] effortlessly transition to other beliefs that make more sense as we further develop. We're then becoming more at flux, and flowing with what is and new understanding will appear more effortlessly, and from sources that were not available to us in the past. An interesting aspect of this, is that many of our beliefs have been adopted/created in order to protect ourselves from ourselves; a coping-mechanism that allows us to avoid confrontation of that in ourselves that is painful to face, and to accept. Stay brutally open to the possibility that with your beliefs, and the limitations they present, you also have to address the limitations of your ego and address those. This way you will develop authenticity and lessen the need to be protected by such beliefs. In this sense, it is about recognizing and destroying ones dogma, and not so much about the belief itself.