Eph75

I'd say this is a phase of sometimes grossly misdirected energy to "do good" that shouldn't be wasted too much energy on resisting. Sweden has been through such a phase a number of years ago, it got a lot of focus, but then it seemed to go away, shifting to the "next Green buzz". There have been similar "themes" that have been moved through, not really connected in other ways than being the attractor for some groups wanting to identify some sort of injustice and make some noise and difference, focus eventully moving on to some new "theme". Today's focus is noticeable shifting towards a more practical direction. This is the system testing itself through such somewhat misdirected energies and attempts to push the boundaries of the cognitive development of the one stretching, as well as stress-testing of the system to make it stretch. Much like they way a toddler tests the boundaries of the parents to see what and where those boundaries are, and to what degree they tolerate stretching. In some cases that testing is warranted and positive, in other cases that testing result in dysfunctional child-parent relationships that create long-going negative effects on one, and often both parties. The managing of this is to facilitate a healthy manifestation while still allowing for stepping into that which is "uncomfortable". I'd label it a dysfunctional by-product of a somewhat wider emergence of Green vMeme in a society, whereas such phenomena are inevitable growing pains that is a requirement for a society to grow, and applying that stress to the system that is needed to process some of the collective shadows that are holding the society back, as a whole, from further development. While needing to resist at least some of it, fighting it also gives fuel to the cause. Without traction focus shifts. With traction the fight might become a cause in and of its own, looking for increasingly trivial or far-fetched manifestations with the only desired outcome to rattle the cage. Some of the resulting changes have been warranted, would not be tolerated today, and resistence is more of an ideological stance against the change or against "rewriting or denying history", e.g. literature, or children's literature in particular, or brand product names that easily can be misinterpreted, or even was blantently strange. It's hard to imagine that someone would actually miss that which was removed, other than lost awkward moments of "that's funny in a odd sense" kind of reactions. New consumers certainly are oblivious to there being something lost. Word games and gross misinterpretations in such cases as mentioned "black coffee" (even though this was not a real life example, there have been very close examples) becomes collateral damage to the cause as focus and boundaries become increasingly blurred out. Growth pains, different to different people, in different ways.

Matter of defintion. What is, is absolute - impossible to grasp. Call it reality if you will. Call it illusion if you will. Call it god if you will. Call it common definition.. no, that's not it. What is perceived is relative - relative to human kind, relative to individual sense/need of self, relative to what is imagined as no self. What we experience as reality is a make up of perception, and letting go moves us closer to the absolute, as much as we can perceive. Disidentification removes limitations as process. The absolut majority of us will never sense it. Not a single one of us will grasp it. The one who claim to have grasped, is disillusioned. Getting caught with definitions is a distraction. The illusion is based on the need to understand. Mu. And it's all perfectly fine. "I" do agree that it all is deliberately but unconsciously mystified - most certainly by ego regardless of how enlighten that ego claims to be. My ego sees it as "certain". The absolute has no need to communicate. Communication is always biased and scewed in ways. Therefore "I" ain't it. Let go of that, too.

Regardless of who is what, being either emotionally or logically "impaired", both present an obstacle for 2nd tier transition. A requirement for that transition to happen is having a certain progression over most or all of the developmental lines, and reaching a certain point is a prerequisite for continued growth, dealing with shadow aspects collected in the past. If some have it easier with some aspects and struggle with others, or vice-versa, the other aspect is still hard. Logic alone don't make 2nd tier, eg. super high IQ makes no guarantees, probably makes it harder as the emotional intelligences are usually lower with extreme high logically gifted people.

@Zigzag Idiot @PlayOnWords Each stage is experiencing the same thing, just around different values and beliefs, an ideological, dogmatic relatedness to those values and beliefs. Externally identified problems linked to suffering is easier to run from, looking for something else, which is "easier" in prior stages than orange and beyond, where the only thing left to run from is internal to ourselves and causes to the suffering is solved in our minds. Pointing at one major shift at the root of the 1st to 2nd tier transition and the growing of Yellow traits, it's the ability to disengage with any stage and from such ideological and dogmatic ways, which translates to an openness that allows for even deeper understanding of the interrelatedness of the perceived reality, and of perspective of perspectives. Blurring the lines of SD and Ego Development Theory, as they follow the same individual development in different yet similar ways, SD pointing at the development of values, believes and therefore perspectives and in a social context, EDT is point towards the complexity of the sense we make from what we are able to perceive, this unfolding of development points more towards EDT than SD and towards becoming deliberate about one's own development for the sake of development and not for the sake of being knowledgeable and be perceived as being "right", which explains the reduction or dropping of dogma and the fascination of not knowing. Also here it's still important to recognize and keep in mind that the unfolding of the stages happen in a predictable way, and you don't choose to transition into stages, and shifts need to happen in a certain way, and often order, before self-development becomes a means to and end, and transitions into a means for the sake of being.

It's not a matter of choice, what we perceive and what we think, and the meaning we make is a result of how we think. So creating a shift in how we think is what needs to happen first. In most cases this is circumstantial. Something happens that throws our current way of thinking out the door, and a side-effect from that is that we become open to absorb new ways of thinking to fill that void. As a child we had not yet become ridgid in our ways and accepted shifts as a more or less constant flow, until a point where the flow of new improved ways of thinking diminishes and we create that ridgidness in what we already know. We all resist that which we don't accept. So it's not strange, it just is. Either hope for others to get there through circumstance, or facilitate environments where circumstances to more likely to happen, e.g. when safely exploring that which causes anxieties. Turning this towards yourself, where are you stuck, and why haven't you chosen to unstuck yourself? You have to see and understand that you are stuck to even begin considering that question. But how can you do that with something that you are not yet aware of. One of the biggest hurdles here is that problems are externalized as a result of the ego protecting itself. And since the solution for one's problems is looked for externally to us, we can never create change, as all change happens internally to us. Self-deception is a powerful thing.

@IAmReallyImportant Don't study what other successful people did that define them as successful, or do to keep the successful image. Study what qualities made it possible to become successful in the first place, the prerequisites of being, i.e. self-leadership. Without self-leadership competencies you'll be in a more uphill quest than needed, and more likely to not be able to keep going, or even fail to start. Self-leadership includes many competencies and one being constructive thought processes, including not getting stuck with ways of thinking that are limiting, and to be able to catch these and shift into constructive positivism. Comparison with others is not constructive, and it is detrimental to developing grit. Grit being another competency, the ability and stamina to keep going without getting demotivated, and shying from difficulties, not stopping when failing, embracing failure as necessary learning that is an inevitable part of the process, and to have self-compassion and not being hard on oneself when things don't progress, when it feels like things regress, or when progress inevitably plateaus from time to time. Self-compassion once again comes back to constructive thought processes, and the awareness of wasting energy on negativity. (There is much, much more to self-leadership) All of this of course stands on a foundation of self-awareness and self-knowledge, and understanding of what drives us, our values, what kind of experiences that make us feel good that we want more of, and developing this understanding takes us closer to the journey towards life-purpose. This only becomes a problem when it is driven by desire that shifts focus from this as a journey of passion and towards the lack of results and the delaying of bringing you what you desire, which is not likely passion but fame, acceptance, success, money, outward image and so on, negatively fueled by such comparisons against others who seemingly already have made it, getting blinded by their perceived successes, which does not take their past and current struggles into account. A lot of successful people are miserable despite "having made it" as they've yet to master life. On this journey we will need to learn to know our fears and how to constructively navigate and challenge them so that they grow smaller over time, and possibly can go away through the development of courage, courage to pursue that which we feel is challenging, that induces anxiety, that causes fear. Redefining that negative feeling into opportunities for further growth, and a wanting to pursue opportunity. Contemplate, what is it that you have made important to yourselves? Are those values conveying a deeper truth of who you are? Are you chasing a fleeting thoughts or are you looking for passion? What would the difference be? @IAmReallyImportant Even the choice of username can tell a story. Before setting out on a long journey, it's good to prepare and get your bagage in a good shape so that it supports the journey, not being overly heavy with such things that are weighing you down and poses limitations to that journey. Paradoxically, over time, this make the getting there less important as focus shifts towards the being on the journey of life.

You can't predict crypto so you have to be aware the money can be gone tomorrow. That applies as a good mindset with stocks in general but with crypto in particular. As said compound interest is very powerful and you don't have to have a lot of money to make a difference, it's time that is key. If you are young and start from 0, and you can set aside some money every month (10%+ saving on you salary recommended) into some diversified stock ETFs or index funds such as S&P 500, possibly some individual stocks and even some percentage of crypty (5% typically recommended) to be even more so diversified, that compounding over the next 40 years will build a small fortune, looking at a dividend of an average of 8% per year. With luck the upside is larger. This image shows how powerful time in the market and compound interest is. Of course you shouldn't stop after a few years, just keep at it, and increase saving as your salary increases rather than increasing you spending.

@John Paul Yes, but I think you lost a bit of you initial purpose right? To facilitate an acceleration of development with a group otherwise not likely to make the move to green, or who will take a long time to move to green? If I was orange and wanted my kids to grow up responsible and successful, I'd not send them to "hippie camp" and instead get them to realize that to make it in the world you have to work hard, work smart, get a job and accumulate funds so that you can afford a good life, i.e. a job and start building work ethics, possibly entrepreneurship. If I was orange/green I'd would possible consider such a camp, and that would accelerate green integration in my kids. But they would already have some, and continue to embody, green values. It'd still have a purpose I suppose. Just shifting purpose. Raises the question, what is it really that you want to achieve? For something like this to have real value though I think it would have to be a yellow camp, for green integration, navigating around the unheathy green aspects that we see a lot of, and lay way into healthy green themes/perspectives for faster movement into yellow. A lot of unhealthy green is a distraction and just happens by following others, healthy green views in the same direction is moreso about coaching and focusing direction on constructive positivism than it is breaking someone's ideological stance as it would with other stages, unless that green has already become ideological green. Green transition to yellow doesn't have to be as painful as the transitions between other stages, as it's less about letting go as it is to redefine existence, and in a sense the adding a constructiveness on top of the green value base. So with the right guidence and careful design of activities (yellow flavored green-ism) this should be possible to make quite powerful, especially with kids young enough to not having become ideological already, and rigid/dogmatic in their beliefs.

Development isn't taught, it's experienced, through challenging circumstances such that stretches our sense making into previously uncharted territory. So it would have to involve making everyone uncomfortable and alternating between uncomfortable, potentially painful experiences and bringing them back to safety, back to what is familiar. Therapy, coaching sessions, and designed circumstances that challenge based on what comes up in those sessions. Who would sign up? The problem becomes orange not being interested to let go of what they are pursuing as the drive and conviction is having more of the same, not less or something completely different else. They would have to experience the unfilfillment and lack of happiness from continued indulgence, e.g. meeting materialistic or monetary desires and needs not bringing about happiness. Hard to design. A less provoking, pushing way could be to teach about human pain, environmental problems and how capitalism, materialism and overconsumption is taking a big toll on the world, and how it is an unsustainable trajectory that needs to change, sooner than later. Introduction to interconnectedness and belonging, acceptance of one's weaknesses and feelings, introduce mindfulness and the exploration of self. There would still have to be the painful aspect to it, suffering through experiencing proxy, for a moment, and brought back to safety for consolidation, taking progressive steps into the unknown and letting values shift and understanding grows. This might work for children who are not as ridgid in their beliefs as grown ups, but who not already green or beyond would send their children to something like this, and those beyond wouldn't need to as they're likely to grow into green by the ongoing psychosocial programming happening through that parenting. Conformation and reconfirmation camps? Sounds border line abusive and involuntary based. I think rather this would work for orange with emerging greens to accelerate and reinforce that emerging worldview of green, happening from free will based on already shown interest. Slip LSD into the morning coffee? Got be thinking about A Clockwork Orange. The reasonable facilitation of growth is through gaining understanding of someone's edge behaviors, the breakpoint between the safety of the familiar and the emerging experiences, then design circumstances to incorporate small movements towards and beyond that edge.

One out of two: A) Happenstance through the influence from others close to you, although likely to only take you that far before you need a greater intrinsic motivator to push further. B) Suffering too great to not look for change. Me, B. The stumbling onto something usually is preceeded by a looking, even if that looking is subconscious and the finding of a certain path not being as apparent as it would seem at that time of finding. Exactly when that point in time is, where beginning happens, is probably impossible to know, occurring way earlier than we would think, as that thinking is based on a point in time of becoming aware of it happening and conscious choice to pursue becomes available. You could argue that time starts at the moment of birth and the first sense of awareness of self.

@7thLetter It's not about the univerae, it's about how we're wired to pursue change and improvement. Some do this and thrive, others stagnate and go miserable. When the suffering gets too much, the need for change in a way forces us upon us. Of course not everyone manages to go with that change and some are stuck with and consumed by the suffering. Part of this is the ability to attach meaning to things, and that meaning works as an attractor instigating that pursue for improvement. Meaning making isn't very analytical in its way to present this need. Unless working on raising awareness of self and consciousness, it shows up in obscure ways, even as there being higher powers at play, universe having an agenda, and so on. We connect patterns and stories to this unfolding that keeps us going, such narrative that is motivating to change. This motivator can often be perceive as something negative that we want to get away from, especially in the beginning of this journey, until it shifts towards becoming a positive attractor. From certain point of understanding that can be said is true, that a higher power, universal being, oneness points towards some great inner "light" or "force" that is inside of us that is looking to be tapped into, or rather released by removing that which constraints and holds it back. This happening is inevitable, at least to certain degrees, and that could be seen as the agenda of Being.

@Kay100 Confirmation bias - these are numbers we for whatever consciously or unconsciously resonate with, that are being picked up upon among the infinite numbers that we are subjected to. The more fixated and obsessed we become, the more the numbers will show up. I myself pick up on 13:37 and 1337 uncannily often and I always think, "huh, funny that I manage to check the watch, of the car odometer, in this very moment, when it says 13:37". It representing a time in my life when I used to hang on IRC chats a lot in the late 90's and the "leet" mod was a thing people played around with in there, me included, and though was fun/cool. Of course I unconsciously check my watch ever other minute, every single hour and day, and glance over the car odometer inumerous times ever single drive, but seeing numbers that my brain has not yet attach some meaning to, they just stay insignificant numbers and is nothing more than noise. It's easy to see how obsession over some number soon make those numbers appear more often, or seen where numbers typically don't belong, as visual patterns in the sky or whatever. Our mind wants to make meaning, and will attach meaning where meaning is not found if we're not careful. We want to believe there is some greater meaning in things and in life, and so meaning will be created.

I agree with this. It's a bump on the road, exacerbated by the political climate and the stage of a relative small an unhealthy portion of progressive population, a part that is taking more space and getting more effect than it should. The exacerbating is suoported by an inability to deal with problems and rather denying and neglecting problems until they cannot be swept under the rug anymore, being all too concerned about maintaining facade and image than admitting and addressing existing problems. Meanwhile, problems possible to handle grows into something less manageable, which has become the reality of where we are today. These are Swedish characteristics though, and not unique to politicians, afraid of conflict, pretending problems go away if we wait, being non-confrontational, quiet and calm on the surface, accepting what is, regardless is that being healthy or not, and so on. All of these challenges are training and strengthening the system to adapt and overcome, through pains. And this is what is happening, slowly, and to a growing degree, until political powers are replaced and upgraded with a more progressive and functional politicians, in all parties. It will take time still, and stopping the bleeding is needed, sooner than later. The main obstacle at the moment in the sitting governments inability to get to the root of problems. They either need to evolve themselves, or be replaces so that they can retreat regroup and come back with abilities to better address the complexities of today. It's just how things are, the manifestations are different for different stages and circumstances, but there will be edges in development where pressure increases, before moving forward. This is not regression, it is part of development, and not always pretty.

A couple of replies at the end of this thread has gone missing for whatever reason You just made a "getting desire" into a "giving desire". Underneath that "giving desire" there is still a "getting desire", it is a means to some end. Stretch further. Why does there need to be a purpose at all? What is, is inherently purposeless, or meaningless in the sense that what is, is devoid of meaning. Purpose arises from the meaning we create for ourselves through our thoughts. Our minds supply us with sense-making, our ability to make sense of what is happening, and based on this sense-making we create meaning and purpose. What the purpose and meaning we see in things is, is a product of the way we think. In that way, a dysfunctional, deficiency-driven person will create a sense of purpose that creates a drive to meet those deficiency needs. This happens unconsciously. Personal development and developmental growth will inevitably cause us to increase the complexity of our sense-making, and as a result, our values shifts at the same time as the purpose and meaning we place upon existence changes. This is a process though, not a choice. It's about becoming aware of, and able to see a different path, so that you can set one foot upon that path. Then take a first step, the beginning of a journey, and the offering of a new perspective. Go out and try giving unconditionally, without having a receiver that knows/notices that you gave. Don't stay around to secretly observe their reactions. Just do and leave. Notice the feeling, and notice that this happens without expecting any return, without affirmation, or the knowing of other. It lives only inside you. Self-contained. They ensured our survival in the past, in a world where wallowing in self-love and introspection got you devoured by some saber-toothed tiger or other creature with sharp teeth, or, you starving to death due to lack of desire to collect food. Those hormones don't ruin us. They just are. It is our ego and our thoughts, the dysfunctional meaning and purpose we make up for ourselves that mess us up. In the world of today where those hormones don't serve the same purpose, we don't have to struggle for safety, food and survival, and we're left with unfavorable mental disorders as a result from getting stuck inside our heads. Drop the expectations. But to be able to so, you have to manage your desires, and maybe even detach from some of those desires. One way to gain perspective and new insight could be unconditional giving. But you don't have to give at all. "Having to" still implies there being a deficiency need at play.

@fopylo Gah, very lengthy again. Wholeness and self-acceptance comes from within. You won't find that with others. Looking for it in others is a wasted venture. You need to reach that point where you get that insight and turn the focus from the external, to the internal, towards self. Without needs you can freely give, and that is giving. With needs comes the bargaining with people, making implicit deals, I give this and I expect something in return. The other isn't aware of this deal. If he/she was it would look more like a business agreement. That's not giving. That is trading. And there will be expectations that those trades return something that you value. If not, expectations are not met. Desires are unmet. Resentment happens. Or maybe you'd choose not to make that deal. Giving without expectation of getting something in return, is the ultimate reward. You still do get something from giving, but it lives in you. Notice that having others noticing that giving, still can be you looking for a return from others, others admiration, people looking up to you and thinking that you are a great person, or some other benefit you gain. Instead, imagine that you do someone a favor or help in secret, without anyone knowing or noticing what you did. Don't you still feel good? But no one knows that it was you that did it. You still feel good. That's because you give others, and give yourself something in that process. Technically speaking, just to connect some dots, all of this is happening on a chemical level in our brains. And technically we become junkies craving the different substances released in our brains (feel-good hormones such as oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine, endorphin, and also adrenaline, but strangely even the stress hormone cortisol) . That's why we become so attached and crave pursuing things, and why we feel good when we get that which we set out to get, but soon after the feeling goes away and we need a new fix, looking for more. Over time a junkie starts feeling increasingly worse when not getting those fixes. And what was "normal" feels "bad". Actual drugs do the same thing, they cause excessive amounts of these substances to be released. So junkie is really the right word here. And in that sense, what we benefit from is a detox, breaking an unheathy addictive behavior Building yourself up needs to happen within you. If you look to others to give you something that you think is missing, in order for this to happen, then you're on a path that you will, sooner or later, realize has strayed you away from a "truer" path. That true path lies within. Always. Also, looking to the external to find something that is missing implies there's something actually missing. That idea of there being something missing lives only within your thoughts, and ideas of how things ought to be. There's actually nothing missing, we all have the same inherent potential, and it's more-so a matter of not seeing "right", seeing things through a distorted lens, or even a broken lens. Switching to seeing through a less distorted lens is something that is within our own powers, but it implies us shifting something within us, if only for a moment, so that we can get that "a-ha, holy-shit, why-didn't-I-see-that-before" experience. @Julian Fernando might want to answer more precisely what the actual gains were, but he did say that the relationship changed to the better when he showed up not from a position of needing, but a position of giving (adding value) . Exactly what those gains turn out being, matters more from the "business agreement" POV, trying to match up quality and quantity of giving with quality and quantity of returns. The externally given return could be something unexpected. That return can be relative to the others ability to give. That return could be nothing. You still get that internal reward such as you would have gotten when giving to an unbeknownst receiver. Become aware of that. And become aware of how having expectations and following disappointments overshadow that internal reward, as cortisol, the stress hormone, disables the other feel-good hormones. Looking at it in this way, in a less distorted way, through a less distorted lens, seeing what is actually taking place without letting our desires muddying our views, allows us to see that business transaction taking place, that trading happening, and how that has become conflated with "giving". Side-note: understanding our brains and how these hormones affect us is generally good knowledge to have. There are a lot of books on the subject, as with everything, and one easy-going easy read could be Habits of a Happy Brain written by Loretta Graziano Breuning. Side-note 2: Imagine what other distorted or broken lenses we might have, that cause us to misperceive what we think of as being true or what reality is. Rabbit hole Alice, t'is a rabbit hole.

@fopylo When breaking down what @Julian Fernando wrote you get this: Julian gained insight/awareness of him "demanding" something from others is not for him to ask for, and that it makes him "needy", and others perceiving him as "needy". A "switch" in his sense-making "flipped", and his way of perceiving what was happening was "upgraded" to allow for a more complex, more nuanced view of what was going on. This led to the conclusion that Julian wanted to "bring" to others rather than "demanding" from others. This bringing of value dramatically shifted the dynamics between him and others, causing others to respond in new ways. The changed dynamics brought some value back to Julian, without him needing it, or him demanding it. Notice "I", "me" and "my gain" in that statement, and that this is coming from an egocentric world view. There's nothing bad with an egocentric world view, it's just a developmental stage that we can become aware of and move past, into a later stage that we equally so can move past, and so on, and so on. The gain for Julian was "a lot", this insight and the following experience essentially upgraded him as a human being, becoming better at finding enjoyment in life, and this by turning away from what he thought he needed and instead trying something radically different. With different world views, and different stages of development, our values shift, and from a later stage of development this will make sense, as much sense as our bodies breathing air to live. All of this is much more about pushing beyond our current limits and understanding, with curiosity, to find what that "beyond" is. Becoming aware of our current beliefs, and decoupling the tight grip on those beliefs so that we easier can explore and find what will be our next "more loosely coupled" beliefs. The more open-minded we can be, the easier, quicker and less painful this process will be. This is "structure", and this is where we make deliberate developmental gains. A can of yummy worms, this is

What would stop you from changing your situation? You have the freedom to change anything. The reason for change though defines the game - whether you change out of lack of met desire and an attempt to avoid suffering - Or - via acceptance of what is, not being driven by such deficiency needs, instead with abosolute freedom, to shift, to change, to flux and flow with what is. The difference is monumental. Detachment doesn't prevent doing. It allows for doing and maintaining freedom, not from the need to, but for the sake of doing. Because you can. And you can do the same thing as you would have before detachment, but the meaning of that doing will have changed. Or the meaning has gone away, in which case you wouldn't miss that doing.

I'm glad that you find some value ? Oh yes! And, let's not limit this to friends, include all other aspects in life as well. Expectations that things should be according to preconceived ideas, and reality not matching up with those ideas, is the source of suffering. Remove the expectations and what is, just "is", without judgement, not good, bad, right nor wrong. Notice how that approach in the example is all about you, and not at all about them. You can do this with people that you otherwise would have labeled as "friend", "stranger", "selfish" or even "enemy". This is something that you create, by yourself, for yourself, independently of the other. They don't have to agree to this, or know it's happening. In that process, you bring a different self to that interaction with other. Perhaps you get a different relationship as a bonus. Maybe not. Doesn't matter, that becomes secondary. Awareness is happening right now, isn't it? You're open to new concepts and aspects that you didn't think about before. Take this increased awareness with you into your interpersonal interactions, and try to see people and what is taking place through new eyes, through a different kind of lens, allows you to see new things. It needs practice. Without practice it takes you nowhere. Become aware of something new, or a different way of thinking of something old (e.g. through this forum) Set intention to explore, with a curious mindset (drop judgement, labels and preconceived notions) Get out there and practice, rinse-and-repeat Awareness gradually increases as a result A new kind of appreciation magically emerges, through the increased complexity of ones understanding Spot on. Cutting ties without deeper understanding changes nothing. New situations will come along where you'll be subjected to similar circumstances, triggering similar responses. This is being reactive towards, and getting lost in the content of what is going-on. The content is what is observable, on the surface, tangible, can be touched, felt, or seen, for example someones behavior and the emotional responses that behavior creates, e.g. someone acted inappropriately and someone else got really pissed off, and it all ended up in a fight. Content is what typically gets all the focus, and what we use when deciding how to respond. The underlying structures are what creates the behavior in the first place, and adds infinite complexity to something that looked simple on the surface. Add in factors like social programming through childhood and into adulthood, add cultural aspects, add past experiences, add the correlation between behavior, individuals and situations, and how different situations and/or interactions with different people causes the same individual to react in very different ways. How these factors influence the other person, but also how these factors influence you. What are your triggers, where do they come from, and why is it important to you. What are your values and beliefs, and where do they come from, and how are they creating obstacles in your pursuit for what you see as achievements? Structures can be and often are interconnected and interdependent, creating complex relationships between infinite number of factors. Content fixation removes the complexity of what is happening. It makes it easy for us to use our biases to quickly assess and place judgement on that happening. This allows us to be autonomous and preserve energy but also to respond faster, making us think that we have relevant information to act upon. This is only being reactive towards circumstances, and circumstances we can't control. We will get caught up with constant navigation of content. Since content stem from complexity, we can't predict what is going to happen, so we can't effectively come up with solutions to problems, as a new version of the same category of problems keeps popping up. "Quitting" often becomes the last resort: the escape from circumstances or situations that we can't control, and which is causing us suffering. Switching to observing what structures are at play, allows us to make a much more complex assessment of what is going on. It allows us to recognize patterns and complex interactions between factors. And it allows us to choose to react in new ways that may cause others to respons in more favorable ways. In the case of your friend, who got labeled "selfish" in the process, you don't really know what drives him (structures), but you react towards his "selfish behavior" (content), without paying attention to what drives you (structures). What's calling for our attention is content, and that's why it's so easy to get stuck/lost within content.

@fopylo Apologies for my lengthy replies, meaning a lot to interpret and consume. You're trying to figure out what the solution is. This implies that there is something wrong, something that needs fixing. What if there's nothing that is "wrong" and nothing that needs fixing? We're too busy trying to control what is, and that creates a sense of "wrongness". This neither implies continuing as you do, with unfulfilling friendships, nor does it imply cutting ties with such friends. What if we had no needs for things being one way or the other, and we just did things at the spur of the moment, not based on judgment of what is wrong or what is rights, e.g. who calls whom, when, why or why not. Instead doing for the simple reason that we can, not wanting something as a result or in return, or trying to get rid of something that we don't desire. In that very moment we can enjoy ourselves, we are free, and we have the freedom to choose what experiences we want to fill our reality with. Those kind of friendships might bring something in that moment, but that something my get over-shadowed by some other phenomena that doesn't live in the "now", such as expectations. I get that this is a bit of a stretch, maybe too much, maybe too soon, but it will make sense later. Content refer to the tangible going-ons that you can observe. Structure is what phenomena are at play and how these interconnect as a mesh of influencing factors, in you, in them, cultural, interpersonal and so on, and how that dictates the going-ons. Switching from what is going on to the observing of those structures, figuring out what they may be, and how they are at play allows for gaining deeper understanding of self, of others, and of the circumstances that unfold, and this allow us to redefine how we relate to what is going on. For the sake of the example, imagine if you saw that friendship as a social experiment, you would find great pleasure in the observing of what takes place, why you feel like you do, why they behave how the do, and you could tweak your behavior for the sole reason of examining how the friend responds. It would be rewarding, and you would find out aspects of that friendship you otherwise wouldn't. There is no right or wrong here. Just finding more, out of curiosity of being. Same example but you are looking to fulfill a need, a need of feeling accepted and included, and you focusing on there being something wrong leads you to think that they're doing something wrong, something selfish. There is a problem and that problem is usually found externally to ourselves, shifting focus and responsibility away from self, and as a result you cannot control that problem and you can't fix your unmet need, since it's about them. There's something wrong, for sure, and you ain't it. These two cases represents focusing on understanding of structure vs. getting caught up in the content of what's going on. The latter results in frustration, disappointment, anger, resentment, sadness, and so on. The former results in curiosity and sense of reward as you expand your understanding of what is taking place. Notice how going the one or the other route can be a choice of yours, when becoming aware of such aspects. When unaware, we're unbeknownst entangled with the content. The suggestion if any, would be to deliberately forcing yourself to switching to a higher awareness in your interpersonal relationships and start observing these kind of phenomena. This doesn't mean that you can't choose to or not to continue spending time with these friends. You can still cut ties, if you want to, but it wouldn't be the result of getting lost in content and reacting towards content, but for much deeper reasons. And that's in a sense what matters most, becoming increasingly aware and understanding of yourself and why the reality you make up for yourself looks the way it does. And then start redefining that reality.

Keep in mind that the spiral is depending on developing intelligences (plural) and not limited to IQ per se. Autism and aspergers is dysfunctional in nature and high intelligence is common with the downtrade of other intelligences/developmental lines. Extreme IQ people oftan display, and themselves talk about having difficulties with picking up social queues, social awareness and interaction. They're functioning on a hyper-logical plane. Spiral dynamics though require a fairly level development across developmental lines which implies higher development in all, or at least the essental intelligences (plural), not just IQ. Missing essential intelligence or intelligences causes development to cease at some stage, e.g. at the second tier "leap". So from this perspective it is easy to see that autism and second tier qualities may show up in a more similar way in the sense of ability to hyper focus onto subjects, making more complex connections, displaying traits that could look like aspergers, but not limited by the dysfuntional side that comes with the diagnosable disorder. I suppose that what's shown on the surface of one's being and what's going on inside in depth isn't readily available for others to pickup on unless you get to know more aspects of someone. On the surface and at glance they might appear similar, and in this sense specific abilities.

@fopylo Let's just say that raising awareness of what needs drive us makes our choices easier, and changes how we relate to things. Detachment from needs isn't a choice, it's something we grow towards over time. Detachment from some needs will be easy as we become increasingly aware of them. Other needs we might never detach from, nor might we want to, but increased awareness allows us to better navigate them, and not allowing them to have a negative impact upon us. Careful though. Notice how the lack of detachment can become a deficiency need in and of itself. Thinking differently is key, and, you're already doing that, here and now. Stopping for a moment to introspect and becoming able to make new sense of something old, and to create new, deeper, more complex meaning IS the essence of developmental growth. In each friendship category you mention, there is a need that you're either trying to fulfill, or that is getting fulfilled. Learning to see, and better understand those needs is a prerequisite to making new sense. You mention growth. What if the most fundamental need we have is to grow? And what if the deficiency needs that we experience is just noise that is calling out to us for the deliberate facilitation of growth. What if we could address growth without first fulfilling our deficiencies, thus accelerating growth. If our goal shifts towards being able to make new sense, the upgrading of our sense-making processes, we can see that anything that helps us do this carry intrinsic value. This happens everywhere, especially where we experience challenges in life. Focusing on "friends" (content) gets us stuck. Switching perspective to something like this (structure) opens infinite opportunities to explore.

@fopylo Well, stopping for a moment, to look deeper, this phenomena isn't very strange. Looking back at yourself, and trying to be open-minded, you yourself is looking for that connection to fulfill a need that is about you, essentially to feel good about yourself, and them not meeting it is about you. So that too is selfish from that point of view. This is where "why" becomes interesting. Why it is important to get these people's approval and interest in return. The answer isn't to be found with them, it is to be found within you. We tend to externalize perceived problems, which in practice means shunning, pushing away, and the avoidance of full responsibility for who we are and reality as we experience it. The saying "don't go to the hardware store to buy milk" comes in mind. You wouldn't expect to go to the hardware store to fulfill your need to get some milk. It's not about the hardware store not being interested in meeting needs, it's just not built in a way that can meet your need, and that is obvious for you, that going there won't satisfy you. For the sake of my previous example, for a minute, think of people as different kind of stores, that are capable of offering different kind of services and goods. You wouldn't expect some of those deli-store-like-friends to be capable of meeting all your needs, and you wouldn't expect all of those to be capable of meeting one specific need. You would select different stores for different purposes. Although, there are some amazing stores out there that just seem to have it all, and it's nice to go to one place that fulfills all our needs. It saves time, frustration and so on, and we think of them as "great stores". But fundamentally, there's nothing wrong with neither of the stores. It also serves us not to label those stores as good or bad, and best is just recognizing what means serve our needs. So this is all about us. I'm not saying it isn't possible to transcend this ego-centric way of being, but I am saying that this is what the absolute majority of people are doing and that there is nothing wrong with that. This is happening unconsciously and at so many levels of different complexity, that even high conscious people experience blindside when it comes to ego. And so even you have underlying needs that you are constantly looking to fulfill, which in nature is ego-centric. Notice that ego-centrisism from this point of view isn't a bad thing, it just "is". Also pursuing fulfilling other people's needs usually comes from a need of self-fulfillment of some kind, not uncommonly dysfunctional in nature. The awareness of these aspects is calling out for us, to gain better understanding of ourselves, and what it is that we are looking for. Friendship is about investing time. Sometimes we invest too much, too often and too intensively into investments that just won't have dividends. Barking up the wrong trees. Desperately looking for milk in the wrong places. So understanding of self, our needs, and finding what brings balance is sometimes the better choice than trying to rebalance that which is not in our sphere of influence, e.g. others needs and how they misalign with our own needs. It's worth taking a second to digest this and contemplate how choosing this route makes everything less of an attachment to us, and how it calls for us to explore ourselves more, how we relate to things, since what sense/meaning we apply to situations take place inside us. Less attachment allows for more freedom to "be", and to move, flux and flow with the unfolding around us. Not to dismiss friends, and there being something that you do value in their friendship, focusing on that and absorbing that instead of asking and expecting something from them that they are not capable of supplying might be a good idea. After all, there is something there that makes you say that they are friends, right? And that's not them not including you, it's something else. Find that. Maximize that. If there is no "it", why would you call it "friendship" and not just "acquaintance".

@fopylo Also, some people are very much about themselves and not about others. They might get involved and get their needs met by others, or choosing to socialize with others who fulfill their needs in some specific way. Notice how you showing interest in them would fulfill such a need. So they can both value you, for fulfilling the need, at the same time as they might not look for more contact, potentially getting even greater fulfillment elsewhere, in other ways. This wouldn't mean that there's anything wrong, or anyone doing you wrong. Also notice how you do make this about you, and you looking for something similar. Don't take that in the wrong way. It's not labeling that as something bad, but instead just something that "just is". The outcome of these kind of relationships is usually that there exists unmet needs at one end. But that does not imply that someone is doing something wrong, gather that there is an equation that is out of balance. Relationships is much about finding balance in that interrelational exchange that we have with people. And that simple means that we would have to shift focus and allow for other relationships to be found, or emerge, where that equation is in balance. Worst case scenario is assigning blame for this phenomena onto that someone other with whom things don't seem to balance up. There's no one to blame, and sometimes we try too hard, and refuse to gently and without resent letting go where needed and allow ourselves to seek balance in other ways. It's an intricate thing though, as most everyone is looking for something, and that something fulfilling a personal, ego driven need.

Love is more-so the result of consciousness development, happening at the same time as you progress on your ego development, and psycho-social development journey. With increased consciousness, and increased complexity of mind, as comes gaining of increased capacity to hold ever expanding perspective, and with that decreases judgment and positivity, love and acceptance becomes what prevails. Love becomes the constant, an absolute previously not seen, but which was always there, although clouded by surrounding "noise". As "noise" reduces, love emerges out of the mist.

Bottom line is, by getting hung up on others flaws and blind spots, you're neglicting your own blind spot in regards to judging others being and doings, due to lack of any other perspective that your own, trying to force a "square peg" into your "round hole", which inevitably results in "not right". With that said, when it comes to politics and the belief that ones own percieved "high consciousness" justified ones political biases is probably one of the more interesting blind spots that we also can see here. This is quite evident through the observing of how emotional energy rises in such conversations, with people that otherwise appear mindful of their responses in other contexts.