PepperBlossoms

Aside from genetic and various toxic chemicals, I was thinking that much depression/anxiety/bipolar/etc. comes from realizing/noticing/feeling powerlessness. Like that powerlessness is one of the roots of suffering/mental health issues. Being forced to do things; being told we can't do things; not having control of things; being too small to really address some large thing; in environments we have no control over; being in a body and on a planet that we didn't ask to be in; having rules we are told to adhere to that we didn't ask to have; being forced to go to church/school/work/activity when we didn't ask to, not being allowed to quit, being exploited, feeling unheard and unable to make a difference, feeling like our opinions/wants/values don't matter and only some get the right to have them but not us, too many hoops to jump through, seeing futility, ... so many things we are forced to do instead of do because we want to... and the things we do because we want to, it is for our own exploitative cause/need (codependency, fulfillment)... By the powerless, exploitative nature of reality, we are upset and feel slaves to this body we are in and slaves to the hunger, slaves to the thirst, slaves to the need for belonging and attention, slaves to the pain, slaves to the money/property/government system... we don't want to keep on being a slave... Yeah sure some of mental health issues could be from having an inaccurate model of reality and possibly refusing to switch models Thoughts?

From my perspective, if I am upset with something, I can either change my perspective/understanding so that it is no longer upsetting, change whatever the action is that is so that whatever was making it upsetting to me is no longer happening, increase my capacity to handle upsetting things, or leave the relationship as another option for me to get away from the upsetting. I could also be saying I am upset about the relationship but I am kinda upset about something else and using the relationship as the scapegoat. I could be operating in black or white thinking and right now I have amnesia and have forgotten the good stuff and am hyper-focusing on the bad stuff and forgetting nuance. Spiritually, if everything is me, then I am just doing some moving stuff around, which I do constantly anyway like as my fingers move on the keyboard or food moves through my stomach or ideas change from one thing to another. From my perspective, breakups are really hard and I feel sad for the potential loss and don't want to let go and want to salvage it but also understand everyone has their own situation, needs, etc. and that the present form of me is temporary and is subject to various changes all the time, some of them very hard.

You mentioned depression. Question this - what could have caused it, what is it that you are sad about? Regarding pushing orders back meaning you don't like creating, it is hard to say xyz means abc or that xyz leads to abc. It is hard to know what means what and meaning and definition is kinda a flexible thing but yet still super helpful and pragmatic. Sometimes we do stuff and then we hit a point where it gets really hard - we don't know how to do it, we lose patience, we get bored, we get lazy, we get uninspired, we are frustrated, something else comes up that needs our attention more or is distracting, we notice some other need that we decide is more important and stop what we are doing to do that, etc. With regards to having faith in making music, you may need to be more specific. What part? In the software, in the instruments, in the rhythm, in the popularity, in the profits, in the reliability, in the perseverance to keep on going and not stop, in the knowledge, in suggestions, in the time, in the enjoyment, in that this is what I should be doing, in that this is what I want to do? What can you do to get the answer? What can you try, see how it goes, then give yourself feedback, and then make a tweak, try again, etc.? Life has an opportunity cost it seems where we can only do one thing at a time to a degree. So to stop doing one thing can allow for another. Sometimes the hardest part is just getting started again and getting back in the flow of things and then it gets easier because we start to get dopamine hits. Would hiring someone to help you edit the music, master the music, give advice, train, to sell your stuff, etc. help? Music making can be as complex or simple as we make it. Yes there is loads and loads of info on the internet and it can feel overwhelming with ALL the various software, add-ons, extensions, methods, tricks, whatever. The fear of missing out, of oh I need to learn this and this and buy this and this and do this and this.. it can be a lot. I think we can go back and forth where we want to make stuff to where we just want to consume to then wanting to make stuff to then wanting to consume. We don't stay stagnant in just doing one thing and tend to like to switch stuff up to where consuming can get more interesting and then making can be more interesting. Advice for one person may not work for others and everyone's situation is different. We are all getting older everyday.. or at least in terms of physicalness. When your brain says to give up, what does it say to do instead and how do you feel about that?

Here's a question to ponder... What is wrong with judging and why do you want to stop? Judging can be super fun. It is like making an observation, noticing things, questioning things, etc. We see it from one perspective and we play that out and see where that line of thought takes us. Then maybe we try another perspective/lens/filter/logical reasoning and see where that takes us. Then maybe we change our mind again at some point down that path and diverge again to think about either the origin differently or something down that path differently. Maybe we are contemplating about A and then thinking about A leads to thinking about B which leads to thinking about C which then leads to D then E then, oh wait, now E brought us to revisit B but now B looks different... and stuff like that. I think it is okay to judge and can be fun and interesting. It can also feel toxic, it can feel threatening, shameful, embarrassing, wrong, right, hopeful, annoying, etc. Judging and saying, oh "my parents waste their times doing useless things." That is a starting point. An initial idea/thought/hypothesis/statement/opinion/experience/story. Now, what else do I see about that that I did not notice initially? Why am I saying what I am saying? What do my parents think of themselves? What does my dog think of my parents? What would someone 10000 years ago think? What does the cactus think of it? But also, why is stuff the way it is? What had to happen for it to be like that? What had to happen for me to focus on my parents and focus on this particular thing and say this particular thing? Why am I feeling/thinking this way and how do I feel and think about how I feel/think? How does my experience differ from my parents, from my dog, from the cactus, etc.? For me, I say don't try to judge less, actually try to judge more. Judge the judging, experiment with it, question it, tweak it, explore it. It can take you in many places and have great potential. To say, I am going to shut off judging and never judge again... well... now what? One can make an initial observation.. and one can then spend a whole lot of time exploring it more and more and more and it can have so much more nuance, depth/breadth than it did initially. .. But yeah sure even I know that this response doesn't have enough nuance either and I can judge it too and say, well now let me discuss the antithesis of what I just said and explore that. Let me look at what I didn't focus on (or didn't respond to) and see what else is there. Maybe let me just stop judging this and just start doing some other activity. What are the pros/cons to this activity and how does it compare to the other one? What is good about judging? What is bad about it? How does it work, why do we do it, when do we do it, what are all the ways to do it? Maybe I want to shut off my thoughts and how is that experience like? Maybe I want to think less and that is cool too.

Something to consider though... it is a blessing and a curse that people are so complex that we don't fully understand them/us. If we were as predictable as a lamp, a pillow, etc., would that get boring? Does the seemingly unpredictable chaos, does it make for challenge, inspiration, for change? But meh maybe I am being too simple here yet again. Maybe even the lamp is so complex, other systems are so complex, that we don't understand those either. There is so much complexity and our individual self only knows so much, only thinks about so much, only has so much experience. If we had the awareness and knowledge of how everything works, how everything is.... would that get boring? Why do we tend to have the desire to be entertained, to have a good time? Why do we tend to have the hatred of feeling bored, of stuff being too easy or hard, too confusing, too mysterious, too shameful? Why the preference? Ah so many questions! Why I am typing so much to this question? haha

I feel the most comfortable when alone too and may have similar trauma. Some ideas I came up with... (for my own exploratory fun and anyone else's) Taking the notion of alone and making it more abstract... lets say there are no "people" in the area but there are pillows, lamps, towels, lamps, etc. I am not alone in that those items are with me. Now the notion of people... make it abstract and say... oh we have drawn "dividing lines" for reality, created distinctions, created definitions. If I am okay with the lamps next to me, can I be okay with the pillow next to me, okay with a hamster next to me, okay with a raindrop next to me, okay with a person next to me? Now lets take distance and make it more abstract.... what we call "people" are around but in different ways. They may not be physically in the same house but maybe they are in the house next door, maybe they are at the park and they are 1' from me, they are 500' from me, they are 5000 miles from me, they are on another planet from me, they are in another dimension, they are in 100 years ago from me, they are 1000000 years ago right here from me, they are in my mind in my daydream, they are in my dream at night, they are in my vision, I can hear them with my ears. There are people, or I imagine there to be people and do a good job of thinking there are. Am I considered okay, calm, and alone when they are 10' away, when they are 100' away, when they are 1000' away, when they are not within the same room as me, the same house as me, the same city as me? Or another thing... I close my eyes and I see whatever.. fireworks, black, a scene at the beach. I can say, I am alone. I open my eyes and I see a person. I close my eyes again and I see the forest. I open my eyes and I turn around and I see a window. When I see the window, the beach, the forest, what am I feeling/thinking? When I see a hamster/donkey/snake/cockroach/glass of water, what am I feeling/thinking? When I see the person, what am I feeling/thinking and why are the problems/irritability/fear from the image, sounds, smells, tastes, touches/associations from the person but not the beach, forest, hamster, donkey, snowflake, etc.? What about the person that makes it irritable? Is the light waves, the visual field of just looking at the person irritable, is it the sounds they make with their mouth/hands/shoes, is it the smell the body gives off, the taste (if I do that haha), the touch of their skin/hair, or the association of associating this person = scary/mean/dangerous. Why did I make that association? Oh well the beach, forest, hamster, donkey, snowflake are not threatening in the way the person is. But how is the person threatening and what is the person going to do? The beach could drown me, the forest could have snakes that eat me, the hamster could break my heart, the donkey could eat my shoelaces. I guess the thing is is that people can hurt us, can be unpredictable, can put us in jail, can gossip about us, can kill us, can kidnap us, can rob us, can make fun of us, can criticize us, can mock us, can manipulate us... and that can be scary/no fun. It feels unsure, unpredictable, risky, chaotic, unstable. The forest/hamster/donkey/beach seems more predictable. The human is so complex, it can do so many things.. yeah sure the other stuff can too... but the human is a system we don't fully understand, don't fully know how it works or how to work with it. Human to human interaction is so complex too, it is like a pipe network, a theme park, a systematized thing with all these valves, links, alarms, maintenance workers, etc. The system we still don't understand and that failure to understand everything can have consequences we also don't understand. So it makes total sense to be like, ahhh around people. People don't understand people and people don't know how to interact with people. Beaches - oh I see the waves, I see the sand, the sand moves with the water and the wind, the waves move like this... it is kinda predictable. Oh I am in my room and the pillows just sit there, the lamp just sits there and a light comes on when I turn the knob and the light goes off when I turn the knob again. The bed just sits as is and the sheets just sit as is. The walls just be walls, the carpet just be's carpet, the windows just be windows. There isn't much change with those so we don't really pay any attention to them and they don't usually react or do anything unless we physically alter them ourselves.... BUTTT yet the carpet is made of atoms, the lamps made of atoms, the hamster made of atoms, the human made of atoms, the beach made of atoms... but yet the human combination of atoms has more possible potential than the lamp combination of atoms... more options, more flexiblity, more potential for change and to transform itself, to reflect and think on itself, and to change others.

Thinking about your post, I guess I haven't thought of the word authentic enough. Authentic kinda reminds me of the word truth. I am weary of applying the word truth to things because it is kinda impossible to know the truth about anything. However, if it just goes with, instead of aiming for authenticity, aiming for feeling and what feels "right", even if it is based on a bunch of things that are based on a bunch of things that are based on a bunch of things... where everything is based on everything and everything is the foundation of everything... Even though we can't really rely on anything, I guess there is the whole paying attention to feeling. How do I feel about this? And keep on asking that. The hard part is that we could pay attention to feeling and feel one way but then later those feelings change....and how can we trust what we are basing our feelings on? How we can trust our feelings though? Pay attention to feedback, pay attention to body movements, pay attention to thoughts. I guess just try stuff, see what happens, make some tweaks, try again, see what happens, make some tweaks. BUT... can we trust our judgment, our interpretation, our environment's judgement/interpretation? But where is the dividing line between me and my environment? It's hard because we may never have all the info but we just try our best. Life is whatever we make of it. Something could feel "inauthentic" because "oh I don't usually talk like that or do that, that is not me." But... what is me? Me is whatever I make myself. So is that inauthentic or is that me trying something new, something different? Me can change and transform all the time. Shapeshifting. Me has to be something though right? Like I have to have some sort of skin/personality/appearance... Is it bad for me to start acting/being a way that I have never been before? Is that inauthentic, is that being silly, is that being experimentative, is that being creative, is that being exploratory/curious, is that being impromptu? Do the words I say have to match the words I think? Do the words I say have to match the words I have said in the past? There is no "have to" to anything. Some stuff feels horrible, seems horrible, looks horrible... but then what is our definition of horrible and why are we saying xyz is horrible and abc is great? Why do I even want to be "authentic" in the first place? Am I trying to be the "same" person and do I want to be the same person I was 10 years ago and the same 10 years from now? Is to be authentic to be upholding a sameness? Or do I want to do stuff that feels foreign, inauthentic, weird, scary and am I going to be something totally different in 10 years? Is that okay? Am I pressuring myself to be the same and not change because of how I think others will think of me? Are the others me? Do I want to be authentic for me or for others? Cool topic thanks for sharing the question.

Even if there are few people at college, there are still opportunities to engage with the ones that are there. It is relative too. A college could only have 10 people and that could be considered a lot. A college could have 10,000 and that could be considered a little. Our mental illnesses can feel miserable and the more we work on it, the better we can feel, cope, and heal. Good job for working on yourself. With conversations, sometimes having a fuck-it, let me just try this even if it is very clumsy and miserable and even if I get triggered or the other person gets triggered or one of us comes off as an asshole or whatever.. the more we keep on trying, the more we can find what works and what doesn't work. I too will have anxiety and sometimes the back of my jaw starts chattering or I get triggered or say something I regret later but I think I am getting better at it. If you want to talk fully, talk fully. Take the idea/feeling and just go with it just for the heck of it even if it is corny or doesn't feel authentic to see where it goes. You can brainstorm several ways to find people and even if they aren't a perfect match, find a "good enough" match. Aside from online forums, online peer support groups are also a great help for both mental health, practicing talking and interacting, and voicing one's feelings. Good job for leaving a degree you didn't like and going for the one you did, even if that meant leaving your friends. That took strength, courage, and insight. You can make your own fun too. Everyone will have their own good times and bad and you will too. We could also note the friends we do have, even if they are in other cities, and talk to them. Some of us never finish our needs of socializing and it is a continuous thing to various degrees. I can totally understand the loneliness and how one can feel like the need is not being met and that they can't work on anything else until that need is met. We are all intelligent in different ways and to different degrees. We all struggle with different things and to different degrees. There will be those that do understand or can try the more we let them. Seek what you want to find and keep on seeking until you find it. There will be lots of people who have various overlappings with the same struggles as you. There is failure everywhere and sometimes expectations are not met and sometimes they are exceeded. We can choose to only see the wrong and low qualities in others. We can also look for more nuance. What is bad but has some good? There has to be good as well. Stuff usually isn't 100% bad or 100% good. People may be interested in different things and may want to grow but in different ways based on their experience and values. What is deemed high quality to one person may be low quality to another. Sometimes we have to steer the interaction and conversation into growth and questioning topics. We can choose what we want to talk about and some may really be inspired by that and want to do it with us even if they don't typically do it otherwise. We are all "passing time". People who look at social media, gossiping, eat junk food, have pointless conversations, etc. - that could be all that they are aware of. You don't have to do it. You can again choose to make the conversation however you want but yes some may be easier for working together and developing insights than others but also we can make the conversation so the other person is inspired to having an intriguing, curious seeking conversation... and some will go for it and others will reject and not want to. To understand reality more... contemplate, journal, read books, watch videos, talk to lots of different people, observe... But also, ha understanding is like a magician's seduction. To be more creative and passionate.... sit and think for awhile about what it means to be creative and passionate, what that looks like, what you want to do with it "High quality" people will be sprinkled everywhere and based on what we are looking for and have for our own definition of "high quality" No one is going to be on the exact same level and chances are, your potential partner will be at much higher levels than you in some domains and much lower levels in other domains and some similar levels in some domains Even if a potential partner is not interested in spirituality, you could share it with that person and the person may become interested or may not. One will have some things where them and there partner are both interested in some of the same stuff and some stuff one is interested in and the other is not There will be people of all ages who are looking for partners Quite a bit of people have gone through being in lockdown and you are not alone in that Ask yourself what you want your last year of college to look like, what you want to do, and go for it Good luck.

For me, it has helped to notice when I am getting triggered and to try to see what triggered it and then at least come up with a list of my triggers to have some sort of sense of things. Then when I am getting hint that the trigger event is happening again, I can at least identify it and may try to soothe myself and say, "it is okay, I don't need to react to this physically and emotionally right now. I will just let it happen and wait awhile to see how I feel and think about this later." We can't hide from everything that is going to trigger us so just being able to come up with a game plan for when we are around something that would typically trigger us an alternative action we can take in place of what we have been doing. It can take a long time and come randomly to try to fully make sense of why we get triggered the way we do but at least deciding how we want to react to the trigger event, even if we still don't seem to understand why we are triggered yet, can be helpful. Sometimes we feel we can't do something and sometimes it is interesting just to try it anyway just to see what happens and where that leads us.

Sometimes I feel like when depressed, it is not that we don't care, but that we care so much that we are unwilling to drop the seriousness obsession with how much we care; so much that that is what we focus on the entire day non-stop constantly with extreme work ethic, focus, and diligence on our dire mental health. It is what we see all day. We care so much that we are willing to try anything to make things better, even if that means turning to drugs, turning to wild sex with random people, turning to speeding, turning to stealing, turning to hitting, turning to yelling and calling people names, willing to stay up all night. We care so much we contemplate suicide because that is just another thing we could try, another state of mind to play with to see if that will make things better; if we tell ourselves that this is the worst, this is the bottom of the barrel, if this, a way like procrastination or a way of having no plan B, that maybe this will get some sort of idea, reconciliation to pop into our head, something to make things better. We care so much about feeling better that we are willing to quit school, quit our jobs, play video games all day, go for our passions, make music, write books, chase after the dream partner, etc. because we want to see if that will work. ... I guess I need to explore some more on the not caring.

I liked the idea about how the stuff we are doing is not serving us and is taking away our energy. For me, when I get depressed, my thoughts would be like daggers and I would be under constant attack by my thoughts all day, day after day. The thoughts were not serving me to feel well and I was not doing anything with my activity to serve me well either. I was sitting in the puddle of getting attacked by my thoughts. I can see though that we are choosing to be under attack, maybe we have shame and we feel we deserve to be attacked because of our shame and so we keep on throwing the daggers at ourselves; we think we need this shame, we think we need to talk down on ourselves, we think our karma needs to have it to make things even, we think that that will help us to figure it out and to strengthen us; however if nothing but shame, it can be too much and too constraining, too confined, too repressed. But also the thoughts can eventually help us figure stuff out but not necessarily when they are daggers but rather when they are like lily pads of ideas, when they aren't as threatening to work with. When we can use them to build mansions of ideas instead of just stay huddled in a shed. This reminds me of how sometimes I have to do something completely different, like a video game, weed, a painting, an interaction, something to distract me and change my environment/focus and get me to be too busy to have time to dagger myself, that I can let ideas in that do serve me, do lift me up, do inspire me, etc. I guess when we do inspiring stuff, we inspire ourselves and that inspiration can feel so great that we don't feel the need or desire to dagger ourselves. And it can produce this dopamine effect where we want to do more things that inspire us, captivate us, make us curious, make us feel proud, etc. The act of doing things that the heart will enjoy and that fills the heart up is huge and very helpful for recovery, in my experience.

I was thinking about how all religions, emotions, identities, understandings, issues, etc. are stories that we just have to tell ourselves over and over again with great diligence.. it is kinda super weird how we keep on replaying it in our head. Anyhoo.. if everything is just a story, what story do you want to create? What is it going to look like? Why that story? Do you think that it is actually going to happen? Or are you like me and just see a black hole, too unimaginative to imagine what the story would look like...?

Thank you for sharing this. This is really good stuff.

I have started shaking whenever I would speak about something sensitive to others (teeth chattering, feeling jittery) such as about my experiences/goals/desires/thoughts/suggestions. I too had an energy where I was excited(?) but also scared of what I was saying and if it was even the right thing to say and how others would respond. Part of me may have been like, oh maybe this isn't something I should be wanting or suggesting/doing/talking about.. and then battling with saying it anyway.

what works for me when stuff gets really dark is noticing that its in the thoughts that are making it horrible and to go back to the present moment. the thoughts are mad/sad about the past and worried about the future. to stop listening to the thoughts because they don't have all the info anyway and just focus on feeling - my head hurts, my neck is tilted on my pillow, i need to use the bathroom, my laptop is against my lap, etc. living in feeling can be a nice escape and then the thoughts kinda go away and some nice hopeful thoughts may come later. the present free from all thoughts is kinda freeing when the thoughts are such daggers

you're imagining x can be applied to everything and can be applied to nothing.

the "point" is what you make it to be.

To focus on the stuff that is weaker than me OR focus on the stuff that is stronger and more intelligent than me.

How do you more skillfully speak your mind, set boundaries, be assertive, be yourself? How to avoid being too nice?

haha my life is a rollercoaster so yeah. I live in conflict.. here are some more -mental illness -huge ego; thinking of self as so much better than everyone else (intellectually, discipline-wise, skills, etc.) and one becomes absolutely ridiculous to deal with (out of control ego/asshole) -wanting to be "morally good" so badly that one sees the bad in everyone else but self and logically reasons with self that self can do what self is doing even if it is bad stuff; obsession with being "respectable/perfect/morally just" (example - one wants to kill the killers as a way to rid evil but then becomes a killer in doing so); one justifies one actions because one was hurt by other but yet the actions are going to cause hurt too -defending one's stance/team/actions because of tribalism; "us vs. them"; using social norms, current ethics laws, religion, etc. to reason one's actions even if they are hurtful -when there is no punishment, people may start to steal/kill because they can get away with it and benefit from it; when one group has so much power imbalance advantage that no one can really do anything to stop them that the power corrupts them (wealthy; large militaries; large corporations) -when there is too much punishment/strictness, people may start to resent authority/rules and see authority/rules as bad and themselves as good even if they are causing conflict for the group/others -poor sleep/diet can cause anger -the natural conflict that exists where stuff has to eat/take from/consume to survive -the natural conflict that exists when: you start making land, property, resources, food, water, information, etc. private and put a money value on labor/goods and the owner gets more value from the work than the laborer does; when people are forced to work; when jobs do not get the same pay or even people within the same company not getting the same pay; when there is an imbalance in natural skills, aptitudes, abilities, interests, values, experience, resources; when people have different values to where they cannot agree on what the outcome/goal should be; when one refuses to admit wrongdoing for anything or when one takes the blame for everything; when people do things to benefit themselves at the expense of the group's suffering or vice versa; having a different experience and so different understanding/views .... lots of ways for conflict.......

I wasn't feeling good about my last self-actualization journal. I had said things in there about others that I did not like having shared out in the open like that. So I decided to start another one. One of the things I saw in a video that @Loba had on her journal was that we need to pay attention to what feels good and what does not feel good so I wanted to start with some thoughts on that. Also it said that we may feel like we literally just have one step we can think of to do next and I feel like I am in the same boat. I feel like I am in the boat of not knowing what to do in the long term and in the boat of trying to figure things out. Okay well lets see - I think looking at other people's journals feels good because I am getting new perspectives and lots of it I partly feel bad for hiding my last journals because then other people cannot learn from me. But I was also feeling bad about some of the info I shared. My therapist had said that you can have many things that feel bad and that you will want to weigh what feels less bad over what feels worse... so I guess I am still not sure about that. Um I guess it feels good that I quit my job when I was uncomfortable with the impact it was having and uncomfortable with how my boss treated me. One thing I can say though is that sometimes we prioritize feels good over feels bad when something that feels bad may actually be better for us - so maybe we have to see - okay well more of what is the long term effect of this feeling, not just the short term. I guess I have also felt bad about saying things to others that was condescending, insulting. I have felt bad about interrupting. I have felt bad about talking for so much more than the other person and not pausing to let them thing. I have felt good when I ask others questions and when we can go back and forth. I have felt bad when I put things off. I have felt good when I helped people with something. I feel bad about trying to convert others over to my belief. I feel good about my attempts to learn more things. I feel bad about shaming others for things I disagree with. I feel good about having read some books and still wanting to do that. I feel good about stretching, meditating, breathing, eating healthy. I feel good about only being mad at my aunt's email for a few minutes and then stopping and being respectful in my reply. I feel bad about posting some negative things on the forum. I feel good about having the Motivation app because I feel like it is helping me to have more self love. HMMM I guess part of me is feeling bad about hiding my last journal because then other people can't learn from it. It is like I am trying to hide certain parts about me and part of me does not like that. Maybe I need to just accept how I am and be okay with people seeing bad things. I feel bad about calling my mom to try to fix things instead of trying to fix them myself. I feel bad about talking about others with others instead of trying to work through it myself and work through it with the other person. I guess I am not sure if this whole feel good/bad thing is the best way to go but it is an interesting theory to try out.

Welcome to Team Pessimism!

It'd be cool to meet DMT elves/entities that people talk about... if those are even a thing. Or other beings/entities that are like way more intelligent/conscious than me Or anything with magical powers.. or some "aliens" and life on other planets/universes/time periods would be cool and probably terrifying.

Maybe not the right answer but a different answer that sends the experience in a new direction

I put Jesus earlier and then deleted it haha.