PepperBlossoms

I'd like to deconstruct more assumptions, social norms, understandings, delusions, etc. about "reality" etc. via psychedelics, reading, thinking, making observations, discussing, etc. It would be cool to inspire others or share with others the ideas that I have come up with along the way as well as get to listen to other's ideas. I would also hope to integrate these learnings into helping change the way people (including myself) think and explore reality concepts. It would be cool to have some impact on future generations and other non-human beings. I am on the border of - oh it doesn't matter if I change anything and is it really just ego that wants to change stuff and anything I do would get destroyed anyway in terms of infinity vs. oh well it would be cool anyway.

We are imagining that we are the universe imagining that we are the universe. Or in the case of what you put, one is imagining that one is an object in an imagined space in an imagined universe that one imagined that one created.

Aside from getting your first job, GPA doesn't matter. And you already are working anyway as well as working on actualization so you are still on track. No one in the business world cares what your GPA is once you are working- they care if you can do the job. If you have a strong desire to succeed, then you can just have the attitude that I will keep on trying even if it means I have to re-take a class or whatever. There are setbacks all the time in life. They come whenever and it can be hard but they are also helpful as it gives us the skills to get stronger and deal with even harder setbacks.

To get "the love", one has to know what "the love" is. Consciousness is love. In non-duality terms, everything is one so consciousness is love but it is also hate and also neutral. But yet there is a net positive of love rather than it being neutral because hate is what one is doing to love oneself - hate is a subset of love and when hate/neutral do not work, we find more holistic things, greater and greater forms of love via systems. We are the universe trying to do the most loving thing we can and know. We love ourselves - do what ourself wants so it is happy, peaceful; do what we can so that others too are happy and peaceful because when they are happy, so are we. We become so conscious of how we are impacting others and how everything is connected and one that we cannot not do xyz because that is too hurtful to us and others. We become more conscious of how we are creating our own pain and joy and work to stop the pain and grow the joy - for not just the human self but for the infinite self (and for future selves). We want to make a difference on a more macro, universe level rather than micro level - what is going to do the most good for the most of the universe? What is systemically going to make the most difference? However, the pain of the universe that we worked on and got destroyed may be hard but we will keep on doing loving things anyway to keep on making it as good as possible for everyone. Love may require tolerating some things we disagree with; or if we see that it is creating lots of problems and become conscious of that, we do what we can to fix it. One thing I am struggling with is the nihilism of - who cares if we go towards love or not, why bother; and the question of, are we fooling ourselves that we even have to bother moving towards love. Is it more loving for instance to try to talk one's Christian friends' out of their beliefs in the man in the clouds? Or is it more loving to just leave it and try to combat other things? I guess it will depend on what one sees as the most worthwhile thing to assist with and what they feel would be the most worthwhile thing to focus on. Does the universe really love/care or is it just that stuff works more harmoniously when harmony is the goal and hence it is a mere accident? The universe is forever - there is nothing to save as the universe isn't going anywhere and can get transformed infinitely over and over again... but I guess to enjoy the ride and appreciate and "love" life, we do go ahead and try to make life better. @Javfly33 The finite ego self "gets the love" when it sees that it looks bad when it does anything other than love - it wants to look good and feel good - which is why you are asking the question in the first place because your ego wants to know how to find love. It sees that killing/stealing/cheating/excessive speeding would make it look bad and it has too much pride so it won't do that (stage red spiral dynamics), or being too strict with rules would make it look bad so it doesn't do that either (stage blue), it sees that being too greedy with money makes it look bad too (stage orange), it sees that being too strict on social justice makes it look annoying and inconsiderate (stage green), it sees that the models it has come up with don't make sense when looking at all these other perspectives (stage yellow), and then it sees that everything is imagined and enjoys deconstructing reality and moving towards being more loving - the ego loves that. The ego is constantly re-defining what rules it is allowing for itself so as to get to experience being the most egoic - which being loving is something that makes the ego look good and hence it feels super awesome and egoic about. Hence selfishness leads to love...

Thanks for typing all of that. You put in a lot of effort there. Here are some of my comments in bold.

I am realizing that the opinion one has of the world is so strong and that when it comes into contact with a different one, there is such anger, disagreement, collision. It is weird how we take it so strongly, so seriously. It is like we get into the grips, handcuffs, walls of the religion/idea/opinion and it is hard to knock those walls down or see into the other person's wall. Yes we identify with it, we have our values based on it, we make decisions based on it, we make our life purpose based on it, we talk about stuff and focus on stuff based on it - - and yet it has HUGE HUGE impacts - wars, deaths, blood, slavery, laws, whatever. It is weird that we have a hard time seeing the other person's view - but maybe it is a lack of creativity, laziness, lack of imagination, lack of empathy for the other person's perspective, lack of curiosity/questioning/honesty, lack of understanding, lack of caring, selfishness, etc. I kinda wish I didn't care so much about my opinion but also don't know how to stop caring - - but also I kinda don't care about a lot of other stuff. I guess our opinion impacts our survival and we take on one that we think helps that.. but then when there is nothing to survive.... why still have a strong opinion?

Yeah hehehe Many different ways to approach something via facets. Here is one - again the ego is trying to show off.. (also could look at it in terms of ego in terms of emotions, careers, etc.) Stage red filter for red: Everyone is my competition. I must win. For blue: I don't want to get caught and I don't want to play by the rules - the rules are in the way of what I want and we need to get rid of them. For orange: I have no idea how others are doing what they are doing but they are dominating quite well. We are justified in making money by selling/making guns, war, jails, surveillance, drones, oil/gas, fast food, meat/cattle, slaves, pesticides, prostitutes, etc. as that gets us money and gives us a power advantage over other people/animals/bugs, etc. I will put my people in government to get the laws how I want them to serve me. I admire those who drive the fastest. For green: Poor people just want handouts. Animals are to be eaten by humans. Women are to have sex when men want it. Taxes are a threat to my wallet. For yellow: That information goes in one ear and out the other. For turquoise: This is a waste of my time as I need to dominate now. Stage blue filter for red: Those criminals are threatening. Lock them up. Lets ban drugs. For blue: I appreciate all the rules and harmony we have and those who follow it. We need the police, law, and military for protection and more family for stability. For orange: Those money thirsty people are cocky and selfish. For green: Protestors/democrats are making too much noise and disrupting harmony of the current system. We need the police to stop the protests. For yellow: I admire all the knowledge they have. For turquoise: You are overthinking and looking at it wrong. You need to look at it like xyz. Those are crazy idiots on drugs. Lets drug test everyone. Stage orange filter for red: I will have guns, laws, and police to keep those red from messing with my business and keep them off the street. I don't associate with criminals. For blue: I go by the law when it is to my benefit. Sometimes the rules get in the way of what I am trying to accomplish and make lots of hoops for me to jump through. I see religion as a way that I could make lots of money selling bibles, leading a church, getting people to follow law/order. For orange: Other people in orange are my competition/threat and I need to be the best orange I can be. I will do whatever as long as it makes me money/fame/status/sex. For green: I only claim to care about animals/the environment for social status gain or the possibility of making money off of it. For yellow: I only study science to the extent that it makes me money. For turquoise: I don't have time, I am addicted to money, Stage green filter for red/blue/orange: These people are ridiculous and are not caring about the environment/animals/etc. They are greedy and selfish. They aren't thinking!! For green: We need more people like us. For yellow/turquoise: Art/science are a waste of time when we have a planet to save. Stage yellow perspective for red/blue/orange/green: It acts that way because of its developmental level, what it has been exposed to, its values, its biology, etc. For yellow: It feels lucky to be in yellow and all the knowledge that it has and wants to study and make more models. For turquoise: It finds turquoise mysterious and wants to study it some more. Stage turquoise filter for red/blue/orange/green/yellow: The levels are taking life very seriously and playing their own games based on the contexts they have imagined. They have no idea that stage turquoise thinking exists. For turquoise: It feels lucky to be in turquoise and fascinates with exploring more. Yeah it isn't always about showing off but the ego sure loves to show off anyways based on what the ego's rules are that it has created and wants to show off how well it is aware of the rules and how well it follows them. thanks! thanks! thanks!

Red - look at all the land, women, sex, money, power, fame, slaves I have, look at my dedication to domination Blue - look at all the rules I am following, look at my family I have made, look at ability to follow religion and get my work done, look at how clean my yard/house/record is, look at my dedication to the community/family Orange - look at all the cars, homes, women, money, success, degrees, friends, muscles I have, look at my dedication to winning Green - look at how much I am caring for animals, plants, bugs, poor, anti-war, sustainability, LGBTQ, healthy food/body, look at my dedication to nurturing love/peace Yellow - look at all the models of understanding I have created and thought about, look at all the perspectives I am considering, look at my dedication to learning Turquoise - look at how much I am laughing at all the models and games, look at how enlightened/non-dual I am, look at all my crazy psychedelic trips I have had, look at how aware I am, look at how I can see past the imaginations/norms/delusions of everything, look at my dedication to exploring reality

If we are interested, we can go-go-go. If we are not, we kinda stop and have a hard time continuing as the mind isn't able to go-go-go in ways it otherwise would as the stuff we are doing is not allowing a flow state based on how the mind wants to work. It feels "exhausted" because it wants to work in a way that is different from how you are having it work - or do mind tasks on different things other than what you are currently giving it. Maybe it is exhausted because it has already done whatever you are giving it over and over and it wants something new and different to explore. It is like how we walk one way and then change direction - the mind is signaling to itself to change direction.

The things we are aware of varies based on our experience. Maybe for the teacher, sexual misconduct was normalized in his social sphere and he, bombarded with so many things going on and possibly personal emotional turmoil, wasn't thinking about the situation fully and the context of what impact it would have. Maybe some of the girls were giving him sexual approval signals or he was reading things wrong. Maybe he thought he could get away with it and enjoyed it. Maybe ego problem and not considering the girl's perspective. Even though you have lost some friends, you could still get them back. It is tough though. When we feel like stuff is getting destroyed, it feels horrible. I guess just riding it out and eventually, even when something is bad, it can get better and the badness may go away. Every moment is gone as soon as it happens. The moment of me writing the above is gone and has now transformed into me writing this sentence and now even that is gone..... The imagined universe is weird - the solar system could get eaten up by a universe a trillion times bigger at any moment and there is basically nothing we could do about it. So just riding out the bad times because they are temporary and coming up with better ways to deal with hard times because as you said, life is fragile.

We are the world imagining that there is a world, we are constructing the notions of problems to fight for and constructing reasons to fight for them (like climate change, veganism, flooding), everything is changing via impermance but yet also permeance, so what to do? The form now paves the shape for the future form to become. Do I "save the world"? But we may be here for infinity anyway - and everything here now may change so many times that the stuff I would be "saving" will be completely different and unrecognizable an infinite amount of times - so why bother "saving" it? Do I inspire others how to think via teaching/therapy/writing? But is that not kinda like being a missionary and trying to convert everyone over to your view which you think is best? I don't actually "know" anything and can't prove anything and don't want to be a salesman of selling my views. I am reaping the benefits of the infrastructure my peers (me) has created but at the same time, is it a waste of time to develop that when it is temporary and will get destroyed eventually? Is it a waste to teach others the stuff I imagine when the others are me, so really I could just teach myself? I am conflicted but also recognizing that this world requires money to survive but that I am having to trick myself to create a notion of purpose but I can't really trick myself. I do enjoy exploring reality but it's also hard to have reason to work a job with these realizations. If I teach, I don't want to be giving the students existential life crises. I'd rather just get them to question things and imagine more and look at epistemology/ontology/systems. When everything is imagined, how do you still come up with purpose?

The elaborate worlds we create could get smushed as we are an atom-sized universe compared to another entity that ate a chip for lunch and swallowed our universe or stepped on it or sneezed on it. But yet we keep on creating and imagining anyway knowing it will get destroyed because it is forever and we enjoy playing around in forever........?

@Raptorsin7 I am curious to explore more while also looking at how to integrate this into life purpose, career, values, etc. It feels like a new dilemma of what game should I be playing with the temporariness of the person I call myself and having more significance of asking - why do that and what is the holistic effect of that going to be, but yet at the same time, if it is all a game and constructed... it feels more complicated now in a way. If everything is one, then it doesn't matter what one does as it is still all one (my bf said that). It feels more tricky like - why bother "save" anything when its all just here changing but yet I humanisticaly am benefitting from human efforts - why bother learn anything when we kinda trick ourselves that we "know" stuff - but yet it is still fun anyway. The struggle of convincing oneself to do a job that really is just for money/human survival as anything we learn/change will be changed/not last in terms of infinity. Yes I could try to get others to be more mind opening but also note that those others are me and there is the scale of just trying to get my human self mind opening or other humans (somewhat greater self) too. @Nahm Thanks. @Carl-Richard Haha having different sleep schedules can be fun.

So today, I realized that the days of the week are made up - there is no Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, .... Time is made up too. I realized I don't know anything. I realized I made up the idea that there is a universe. I realized we came up with the idea that all of this is god or consciousness and we just go with that but even that is made up. We never die and this goes on forever so thank goodness we don't remember forever. --(But we even made up the notion of forever??) I realized my past is a story and I was questioning if it even happened - the past felt compressed into a single combined moment. I felt like everyone was in on everything and my bf and Leo were trying to teach me the way - like everything is the Truman Show - but then that everyone is me so we are all clueless. I felt like I was still in Kindergarten with how much I didn't know anything and was tricking myself that I was advanced. Life is all a game and some are more aware that it is a game than others and it is okay to let the others keep playing the game so they can enjoy it without seeing the meta of the game.

@lmfao I'm sorry about your struggles. I suggest therapist and mushrooms. You are able to see past the social game that so many people fall trap to. But at the same time, the social game appears to still be making you angry so you have not fully escaped the game. It is just a game and there are many games that one can play in life. Many games to focus on. Yes the game can impact survival as we rely on humans so much for things like money and work. Look at your strengths - you have awareness that some will probably never get and can't see. Build on that but also work on and question the anger. Maybe try to understand people better. Find beauty. Life may feel bad now but it doesn't have to stay this way - every moment is impermeant and so is the desire to kill oneself - that too is temporary.

I was imagining that the universe (basically talking to myself) was telling me this notion of - don't speak we can't be heard - all these people take this life thing so seriously but it is all a game - money is a game, work is a game, life is a game, socialization is a game, survival is a game. I realized that stuff I called problems were not problems and then I was laughing. I realized that the idea of climate change as a problem or eating meat as a problem is not a problem and then I was like, then what is the problem, and then I realized we make up ideas that there are problems. The I realized that the idea of getting enlightened is a game too. But its also people have their own games they are playing and that is okay. The mind likes to make up games. Everything seems to be made up. Enlightenment feels like a game of deconstructing or twisting as many views or notions as possible.

More, more, more. Get more experience, more money, more insights. Work more hours, more years. Get more clothes, more food. Read more books, play more games, travel to more places, talk to more people. We are all competing for the same money, the same jobs. Those who have enough still have the same more mindset as those who don't. The more doesn't turn off even when people have enough. More, more, more. Then you die.

I am so sorry to hear that you have been abused. That must have been tough. There are lots of ways to help people who have been abused. Doing something with police would be one like you have come up with - another would be doing something with counseling/therapy so that you can psychologically help the victims heal and would also be investigative into their mind/past experiences. Other investigative careers also include writing, teaching, medicine, engineering, art - it will just differ as to what is being investigated, what is being healed, what is being focused on, etc. Or just other protective careers would include fire fighter, trainer... I guess one could look at lots of careers and find various aspects of it that could be considered protective and various aspects that could be investigative - and other things. I hope you've been able to work on healing from the abuse and that it isn't still happening. Best of luck.

I can see that online dating may be super tough. I hope you can find someone or that someone will find you. Connections can take awhile to establish. In the beginning, you are really just learning more about yourself and some of the other person but they are still very much a stranger. The relationship evolves over time. See some comments in bold below. Best of luck!

Companies will vary with regards to how toxic they are and how many hours they work. Could look on glassdoor.com to try to find some that seem to have the best employee reviews and ranks. My brothers both loved gaming and both went into software engineering and really like it. If you have a passion for games and really want to design them, you could still go for it. Playing the game won't be the same as developing it. Why do you want to be a police inspector? Wow that does sound like it is pretty tough to get in to.

I am realizing it is hard to discuss anything without being in some way reductionist - one can try to be as holistic as possible but it will still be a form of reductionism as we aren't aware of the whole as we are always learning more and more things. It can be nice to take something and put it into nice organized boxes but to even put it in a box - there are many ways to do that and where the box boundaries go How does one try to not be reductionist? To basically say, here are some ways of seeing something but there are also other ways too.

I'm so sorry @Preety_India that people have been treating you with such meanness and that you have been having to deal with that. That sounds like it was really hard. I hope you will be okay. It was nice reading your posts and getting to explore reality with you. You've got a big heart. Best of luck. I wish you peace, love, and happiness.

I guess also the notion that "more" is relative. It depends on the value system. I could say - I have more cheeseburgers than you. But if you are a vegetarian, less cheeseburgers is more (in terms of better) than more cheeseburgers. And more is another way of saying "change" - I get one experience looking in this direction and I get another, or a different experience, looking in that one. Advertisements aren't forcing us to buy "more", we ourselves are choosing to say that the advertisement is getting us to buy more when we are the ones who decided to do so or say so - - but yet at the same time, advertisements are part of the system in which the person saw and decided to buy more so one can't isolate the advertisements or the self but rather include the whole. I would hear noisy cars driving fast from nearby streets and project the idea of - oh that is someone with a purpose and a place to go - they are being "driven" to go after someone as by how fast/loud their car is - - but again that is a projection of the concept of more - - but also can't isolate self and ignore the noises. We go places and get more, or rather get the same and it is a trade of one thing for another. "nothing is created nor destroyed" You could look at someone with lots of money and say they have more opportunities than the one with less but it could also be that they are more constrained by their work/social rules/etc. and hence it may balance out - or may not - there does seem to be asymmetries by the structure of life Yeah sales people can be psychopathic - creating ads for meat products or wage slave products - but so is everything else psychopathic too in a way.. hence brings up the question - are some careers/tasks more psychopathic than others and how would one be able to rank them - the ones that try to increase awareness whereas the ones that don't have any

How does one stop rejecting things? How to be okay with everything? It seems that we pick one thing which is then a rejection of everything we did not pick. To survive, we decide to pick those choices which would not lead to death. Yes on the absolute sense nothing is rejecting anything. But on the relative sense it is - even though there may be no control that we are rejecting but we have the illusion that we think we are in control. The rejection causes pain but at the same time, to not reject can also cause pain. (Edit - yes this does relate to Leo and Curt's discussion)

An ego can't be in the right when everything is evil and love Teachers - push their perspective and rules and notion of correct and incorrect onto the students Doctors - charge insanely high prices and make a whole lot more than everyone else; insurance rips people off; drugs get people addicted and reliant, keeps people who do evil stuff alive Engineers - polluting environment, killing animals/bugs/trees, taking away habitat, species loss Accountants - financing for corruption to keep on happening Construction workers - building something that is aiding stuff that could be destroying other stuff ... Teachers - introducing topics to students, getting them to think Doctors - keeps people alive Engineers - creates infrastructure for people Accountants - creates money system for people Construction workers - creates infrastructure for people .. The jobs are all people oriented mostly as people pay people for people stuff