PepperBlossoms

Shrooms may help with OCD. I am sorry your dad feels the need to check everything. I can see that there could be times where things that were not checked had drastic consequences but also, if one spends hours a day checking and repeating things, that in itself can be an ongoing drastic consequence as they are missing out on getting to do other stuff and it could be bothersome to others. We don't get to pick our parents. Maybe try to work towards acceptance of your parents and letting go of anger about them and also distance yourself so that they can do what they do and you don't have to be bothered by it. You could try talking to your dad about seeing a therapist or not checking stuff or ask him some more to dig deep about what triggered him to do it in the first place. It is like a habit it seems and if he can just stop doing the habit for say 3 weeks, he may be able to break it. (I read in a book that it can take 3 weeks to make a habit but that could be wrong.) Maybe you are angry right now because you have seen him but once you get to go away again, the anger will subside and you can focus on other stuff. I can see that that can be a problem if someone's compulsions is keeping the others up, especially if the house is set up to where there is not enough privacy/distance from each other. I too would be mad if I missed sleep. I am sorry your peers do not think it is that bad. That is a very good point in that having parents who do not have any mental illness or traumas and can make it so much easier for the kids. There are lots of us though with parents with some sort of illness/trauma that they did not resolve. Also, it could be that the parents were "healthy mentally" but eventually life has its happenings and shit happens. Agh well good luck and I hope you can heal and move on. Anger is no fun and can take up a lot of headspace. Sometimes it can be easier to move on when you find something else to be angry about haha. Regarding OCD - I am no expert but if you/him could write down every single activity that is considered OCD on a piece of paper and then look at what is okay to be OCD about and keep doing and what is not okay/not beneficial and then decide which ones you will keep and which you will drop and then how you will drop it. Also looking at why you feel OCD about something and how you feel when you do not do it. Like, maybe learning to be okay with stuff not being perfect. I guess digging deep and trying to find the why for many things.

I guess what I have come to is that I would like to stop being so sensitive to jokes, comments, criticisms, and alternate perspectives. I can't just run away from every person that upsets me and feel I would be stronger if I am able to not get upset by it. When someone is doing any of the above, my first reaction would often be to cry, get angry, tell someone else how mean they are, block them, try to get them to go away, or distance myself- - but, there could be stuff to gain by waiting it out, listening, and trying to understand/learn. Heck, that person is wasting their energy thinking about me and thought it was worth the energy of telling me. It would be different if I was some person with millions of people criticizing me or if there was physical abuse. I guess I could also be upset because it is a blind spot that I am not wanting to accept as being true. I guess also I don't have many people to talk to anyway and so cutting even one out would take away my support system and I know that I am not perfect either and can say bad stuff to them sometimes as well. So, if someone says, "your hair is ugly", I could say, "your hair is ugly too." If someone says, "you act like a child", I could say "you act like one too" or "yeah I know haha" or "what do you mean" or "I know, right?!" or "yeah its fun". Like - I need to work on detaching and not being so OCD about what others say or think. I guess just getting better with making jokes back at them to keep the flow going while trying not to blow up. One time one of my friends said a comment that upset me and I didn't talk to her for years - - and so just getting better at handling feedback and processing it can be helpful and allow for growth whereas if I always ran away, I would miss out on that growth opportunity. I don't know - every person tends to think and act SO DIFFERENTLY from every other person so we are bound to have clashes and getting better at handling those differences in opinion can be helpful. I used to cry every time I lost a tennis match. I was very much the sensitive type. So trying to not be sensitive, if I am capable of that, would be nice. I guess it also depends on how the other person responds to feedback and if they can be honest with me, can I be honest with them...

I just have a really hard time when I keep on getting criticized because my response was "not good enough" or the way I am is "not good enough." I guess I have a hard time giving people my full attention and find it weird when people actually want me to listen to them because no one ever did growing up.

@Preety_India I guess its still hard though because it could be that someone is trying to help me with advice but I am reacting to it in a negative way instead of using it to help me. Like, I get criticism and I feel like the person is being a bully but yet, there is often some truth to what they are saying and I just have a hard time accepting it. So then, are they a bully or am I just way too much of a baby to just accept what they are saying?? Ughhh Example - "You were acting like a first grader." (I get mad and say that adults can laugh and smile just like kids can instead of trying to just understand more of why I am getting called that). Example - "Your dyed hair is ugly." (I get very upset). "You failed the test; it was just a joke and you should have just blown it off. (I get upset instead of saying, I don't care what you think or what do you not like about my hair?) (but yet, why would someone joke about that???) Example - "You are too slow at work." (I would chose to get upset instead of choosing to try to get faster). Example - "You can't be a doctor because you can't make decisions." (I get upset and give up that career path instead of trying to change or disregard that opinion) I often chose to be upset instead of choosing to learn/grow/get stronger from whatever and I am kinda mad at myself for reacting and letting stuff get to me. @catcat69123 maybe the lack of integrity needs to be developed some more

I guess because there is hope that things will get better and that I don't know what is going to be around the corner. Because I don't like pain and killing oneself may be super painful. Because I like epiphanies, attention, and food and if I die, I won't get any more. Because I see myself crying horribly but also can see that I am making my own misery and choosing to act like that and question if I am being authentic or what exactly I am doing when I am crying and blaming my siblings for not giving me any attention and parents for being critical and how much of this mess is my doing.

@Berga Hi. I am sorry about your pains. Consider leaving the job because it is causing your body pain, using the lowest brightness when using a computer, and maybe try to use books instead of a computer if that is easier on the eyes. What is the air quality like at work, in your room, in your city? What is the water quality like? Could that have anything to do with it? Have you tried tea? Have you gone back to the doctor or even just called them to tell them that their suggestions are not working? Have you gone to an eye doctor? Consider stretching for at least 20 minutes every day and 20 minutes of meditation everyday and getting fresh air like walking for 30-60 minutes outside. You could also consider going to a therapist and a physical therapist. How is your diet? I hope any of that helped. I am sorry about the boredom.

What's your method and filter for looking for potential? How do you rank stuff on the potential it offers and why are you saying this has more potential than that?

I get social anxiety having my face shown on anything - linkedin, facebook, groupme, here. I find that it is distracting and takes away from being able to think. I'll sign in to facebook rarely and then deactivate it so that no one can see me. I will hide my linkedin page. I will use a photo of an animal instead of me. Does anyone else have that happen to them? Those of you who can keep your photo up or post videos of yourself, how does it not bother you?

Well said.

Maybe from guilt from the attention that showing your face brings you and the problems that that added attention has caused in the past.

@vizual The point is that one can watch it and be mesmerized and be drawn in to an illusion. One could also watch it and see how it is making its own illusion.

Okay so get high and then go to youtube and watch videos of CNN, FOX, etc. Some thoughts... Did the news anchors have a rehearsal of what they were going to say beforehand? How much of what they are saying is being read from a teleprompter or told into their ear and how much of it is actually them coming up with it? They can't actually care about everything they talk about? Are they basically paid actors? Do they really take everything that is presented seriously? No, they possibly can't care about everything nor be interested in all of it! They must have to pretend it is serious though because if you the viewer don't think that they think it is serious, you the viewer might not take it serious either?? The news company needs people to take their product seriously in order to get people to keep on tuning in and talking about it. Like, these people are people who go to bbq's, take their kids to school, have friends, etc. Are the news anchors fully bought in that the stuff they say matters and so it is not acting and is actually authentic or do they not really care but still pretend to keep their jobs? Imagine having to be serious like that all day.... It doesn't seem authentic because people have all kinds of personalities and moods. It is just kinda funny with the voices, personas, and characters that they play/put on. They are either so brainwashed already and hence don't see how they are brainwashing others or they are aware of the brainwashing, but if they were aware, they may have quit.

Examples - One could rank the stuff in a building by potential and say humans (1st place), computers (2nd place), drugs (3rd place) I may rank the human as having more potential than say the lamp shade. But why? Well the human can move around, make decisions, and change itself and the lamp can't. The computers may have the next most potential because of the access to information/communication and the drugs after that because of epiphanies and context changes I could look at cities and rank them - but it will also depend on what I want. I could pick a busy, crowded city and say it has potential for working a wage slave job as there are lots of businesses, lots of places to live, lots of organizations, etc. I could pick a quiet, low populated place in the forest and say that it has more potential for meditation, contemplation, art, music, beauty, nature, writing, etc. than would a crowded city because of not having to deal with traffic, noise, air pollution, anxiety that cities inspire, etc. I could look at careers and say: Actor - my potential is limited to what the writer wrote, what parts I am able to get, what I will allow myself to act like/do Write - my potential is limited to what I can come up with and have been exposed to, what people will be willing to engage with The writer has more potential to shape thought/story and change the momentum of society than does the actor because the writer makes the framework. The actor's potential is less and is more as a puppet. BUT - society may tend to interact more with the actor than the writer and it could be that the writer needs the actor to help paint the story but the writer is still the one coming up with what is getting painted. Teacher - my potential is limited to what I am allowed to teach, what my students are willing to listen to/participate in, what I am aware of, what the parents will tolerate their kids learning, what my kids already know, how much time I have to talk to the kids; the teacher may not necessarily get to create new ideas about reality and may be limited to teaching old ways of thinking. they may only get to teach one subject and may have to follow a textbook but I may have the potential to teach old information in from a new perspective Engineer - my potential is limited to what the codes are, what projects/clients/coworkers I have, what knowledge I know, what mindset I have; I may feel that I will not be able to change the momentum of engineering itself because I am constrained by doing what the client/company wants to pay for and what the code allows for One could look at man-made rules and stuff like gravity and use that as constraints and look at what can be changed/modified. What are my skills, interests, values and what am I currently doing and am I doing something that matches those or is there a clash? One could say that not having been introduced to language can take away potential because one is missing out on info that others have come up with; one could say that having grown up in religion takes away potential if that religion does not promote questioning things.

The funny part about escaping desire is that when you no longer want anything, you start to want to have something to want. But I guess then, that isn't escaping it either.

You don't have to take your clothes off.

Nihilism, lack of inspiration.

We end up making our own meanings.

The creator creates creations. The creations create a creator. The creators are made up of creations. The creations are made up of creators.

Big tech is censoring stuff. Big tech is deciding what we can and cannot see on their platforms. They decide what is considered real and what is considered fake news, (or what they don't want us to see/know). This is a problem because, who is to say what is true and what is not true? When the "news" media is owned by billionaires, they can determine what narrative the media says or else the media loses its funding. They want to have access to our information with the cookies, tracking systems, cameras, etc. but yet we can't have access to their information? How convenient for when the narrative goes against one's profits, one labels stuff as conspiracy theory and then makes it harder for people to find the information by modifying the algorithm. You can't necessarily look to social media or the news for your information anymore. I am finding that you have to look around at books instead (when people get silenced, they find other platforms). Don't take my word on it - look into the books yourself. There are lots of books on the topic. I have read the Google Leaks book and just copy-pasted some others that showed up on amazon as well. Google Leaks: A Whistleblower's Exposé of Big Tech Censorship https://www.amazon.com/dp/B091BBGMMD/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1 Behind the Mask of Facebook: A Whistleblower's Shocking Story of Big Tech Bias and Censorship https://www.amazon.com/Behind-Mask-Facebook-Whistleblowers-Censorship-ebook/dp/B08X6V3836/ref=sr_1_1?crid=271Z85AQTXGAO&keywords=behind+the+mask+of+facebook&qid=1641230959&s=digital-text&sprefix=behind+the+mask+of+facebook%2Cdigital-text%2C110&sr=1-1 Case Against the New Censorship: Protecting Free Speech from Big Tech, Progressives, and Universities https://www.amazon.com/Case-Against-New-Censorship-Progressives-ebook/dp/B08XQXTRN5/ref=sr_1_3?crid=23Y1SNO4981BI&keywords=censorship&qid=1641230983&s=digital-text&sprefix=censorshi%2Cdigital-text%2C128&sr=1-3 Who is to say what it truth and what is not? Of course a place like North Korea would punish anyone who spoke out against the common idea, why the desire to do the same? Aren't we interested in exploring truth? Censoring info really just prevents that. If anything, look to the side that is against the status quo and anti-collective and you may find a wealth of ideas that you had never seen before. (This is a tricky topic as I can see that we don't want to harass or trick people).

Interview with Joe Rogan and Dr. Peter McCullough. https://open.spotify.com/episode/0aZte37vtFTkYT7b0b04Qz He claims that we are in a mass hallucination (like religions) as government leaders have fallen for it and the focus is on getting everyone to take the vaccine instead of proper treatment of covid. Adequate treatments have been pushed aside and made hard for people to have access to. The 800k deaths in the USA would have been 85% avoided if the focus was on early treatment for covid patients. Instead, we are waiting until people are too sick to start treatment and by then, medicines that would have been effective are then toxic to the body and the odds are grim. Effective treatments that have been FDA approved before covid had fraudulent studies put out on them where the drug was given late in the game instead of early on to where yes the drug was more harmful and then doctors ability to continue to use the drug was diminished. Other countries are able to treat with these drugs and are also focusing on early treatment before hospitalization and are not having the problems the USA is having. Yes the vaccine can be slightly more effective for those hospitalized with covid however we have not been told the whole story.... the media is doing us a huge disservice. 9k people have been reported as died from the vaccine in the USA and due to extrapolation based on the Center for Medicare and Medicaid who reports every person, and rationing that off with the whole population, the death toll is expected to be more like 45k. 250k(I think) people have now life debilitating effects. 50% of those who die from the vaccine do so in 48 hours, 80% in a week (I think that is what I remember). 13k people have developed myocardiolitis. 80% of those are boys up till age 50. In any other drug, if more than 50 people have developed myocardiolitis regardless of if millions use the drug, the drug would have been pulled. (I think that is what I remember) There were over 1000 deaths in February 2021 when the vaccine had just started. We are being told to get the vaccine and in some places, forced to or we will lose our job or access to places. However, we are not being told enough of the side effects. Just as in any medical advertisement, they are supposed to tell you both sides of the story - the pros and cons of the drug. All the media and government is doing however is just saying to take it. The "rare" effect of people getting side effects is being talked down too much. People need to know the risks of taking the vaccine. Children are more likely to be hospitalized from myocardiolitis from the vaccine than they are from covid. (Some of that stuff could be off but that is what I remember) The biggest covid problem is the censorship of doctors that are not keeping the narrative that big tech is wanting. Stuff on youtube is getting taking down. People are getting more spike protein from the vaccine than from covid itself and some people's body's, especially those prone to blood clots, cannot handle it. Once you get covid, you cannot get it again and do not need a vaccine after that and that it is more toxic to get it as medicine is not perfect and has toxic side effects. Vaccinated and unvaccinated people can pass covid on to others so that is no argument to force the vaccine onto people. We are witnessing authoritarian governments taking away our freedoms and we are brainwashed to accept this and want more of it. Some countries are being more restrictive and authoritarian than others. People are willingly accepting the authoritarian message too.

@Michiryoku @Onecirrus You didn't even watch the video. Censorship and taking stuff down is the problem. There is more to the covid situation than the narrative the media is spouting and the video talks about that. Taking stuff down is the same as religion saying "atheists are evil, you need to stay in our cult". "Don't talk to outsiders".

Dr. McCullough mentioned the book "The Real Anthony Fauci" during the interview. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08X5YWRRP/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

This is deceitful. It is not including that part about the risks and side effects and possibility of death.

https://phmpt.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/5.3.6-postmarketing-experience.pdf https://phmpt.org/pfizers-documents/ Documents where people sued to get information from phizer. This is from Feb 28 though. I only copy-pasted some stuff as there is more in the docs.

I haven't gone to my childhood church in years. I clicked on one of the youtube videos of my church.... So I started typing almost everything that was said or sung. This is up to nine minutes. This sounds like the biggest cult omg. Summary - We are sinning but we worship you, please hear us lord. We are so happy for you. Please don't judge us negatively, we are trying to be good Christians. Please, please. Look how much we are worshipping you. Don't send us to hell. Please forgive us. We love you please. - It sounds like people who have been hijacked and are tied up and are begging to please not be shot with a gun. They sound blackmailed. I can't take the priest seriously. Whoever wrote the songs the choir sings and the stuff the priest says knew exactly what they were doing and knew how cults work and modeled the language very closely to that- either that or they ended up being close to a cult anyway. It starts here and I bolded some of it. "We worship you" "We honor and adore you our great and mighty lord" "O gracious savior accept the love we bring" "That we who know your favor may serve you as our king" "and rise to bless you still" To marvel at your beauty and glory in your ways And make a joyful duty our sacrifice of praise Love faith and gratitude for our god I confess to almighty god and to my brothers and sisters that I have greatly sinned in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and what I have failed to do. Through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault, therefore I ask blessed ever Virgin all the angels and saints, and you my brothers and sisters, to pray for me the lord our god. May almighty god have mercy on us forgive us our sins and bring us to everlasting life. Glory to god in the highest and on earth and peace to people... We praise you, we bless you, we adore you, we glorify you, we give you thanks for your great glory lord god, heavenly king. Oh god almighty father, lord Jesus Christ, only begotten son. Lord god, lamb of god, son of the father, you take away the sins of the world have mercy on us. You take away the sins of the world, receive our prayer. You are seated at the right hand of the father. Have mercy on us for you alone are the holy one, you alone are the lord. You alone are the most high Jesus Christ, with the holy spirit in the glory of god, the father of him. Amen. Let us pray. Almighty god, give it of all good things for generation upon generation. Peoples of this land have sung your provident bounty we do offer you praise for all the blessings we have received at your hands. Make us truly grateful for the many blessings we receive each day: life, family, friendship, and joy of human life. Bless us and the food we share this day with grateful hearts. Continue to make our land fruitful and let our love for you be seen now, purse of peace, and justice and our generous response to those in need. We ask this through Christ our lord, amen.