PepperBlossoms

We don't always want the direct answer to what we are asking. Maybe you don't want to leave Iraq but really want to learn how to cope with the living situation and think about it differently and have peace to your concerns and get new excitement/stimulation in something similar but you aren't sure what.... IDK ah okay well good luck.

I like the overlay idea. Like every moment has an overlay of an imagined past/present/future and that gives it imagined character and context. Like everything is kinda like rotating and intermixing with itself but there is no direction of moving from here to there (in the absolute sense) - since it all stays within itself (the universe) as itself (the universe). Kinda like stuff is vibrating in place and trading spots with each other (itself). I think I need those direct insights too to fully get it ugh yeah I was just wanting to fill the gaps and didn't fully grasp the concept yet but have heard people talk about it but also it just popped into my head and for whatever reason, I was kinda going over some of the ideas I had and that one could use some more work like when you say everything IS nothing, it is like two opposites. So past/present/future in a linear way made me want to explore some non-linear way. Even saying "everything is nothing" doesn't fully make sense yet other than the idea of oneness and not being "a thing" that could be considered separate from another "thing" since there is no where to make the dividing line absolutely and the idea that we can't tell if stuff is real or imaginary and it doesn't really make a difference either way. So I guess - it exists and doesn't exists, it is all and it is not anything (because there is nothing absolutely separate to compare to) oh so everything is now - - and the antithesis of that is everything is never (never as opposite of now) - or - - nothing is now (nothing as opposite of everything); or nothing is never agh maybe it doesn't matter. I just was thinking of time as part of a physical phenomenon's change but we could also say, nothing is changing, no time is passing (on absolute sense). I guess I need to stop talking and just wait. They still feel more like word games I guess. Interesting response. Makes me think of how we get ideas in our head and don't really know where they came from - unless the idea we are having for "the future" already existed/happened in "the future"- - but then, is there an infinite amount of things that already existed/happened and possibilities for what path we are to experience?

I realized that if you find yourself as both identifying and as adapting to a narcissist parent, what you could do is identify the good traits from both that you want to develop and identify the bad ones that you want to work on eliminating. NARCISSIST Bad - inconsiderate, judgmental, mean, power hungry, dominance hungry, toxic, deceptive Good - strong, confident, bold, brave, insightful, creative, successful, skilled, thorough CO-DEPENDENT Bad - weak, scared, intimidated, unsure, shy, annoying, nagging, needy, clingy Good - considerate, empathetic, friendly, kind, patient, kind, loving, loyal, supportive

It's also hard to not want to change others when your parents did that to you your entire life. Ugh. Parents can be the worst.

I guess all the people that tried to convince me to join their religion and get me on their medication and read their bibles - I am mad at them for being too unwilling to see my perspective but trying to make me see and join theirs.

I guess there is a part of me that just still has quite a hate for Biblical religion that I want to shout to everyone all the logical fallacies it has but also it is like, well am I going to look like an arrogant fool and it doesn't even matter in the universal notion of things and am I just as bad as a religion person that is trying to convert you if I do that... I guess when your friends tell you - I don't want to talk about it - for some reason, I get mad and don't want to be around them anymore - which is dumb but IDK.

Imagine - if no one ever had the desire to convince/convert/lure someone to try to adapt their ideas, organized religion WOULDN'T EXIST!! For it to survive, people have to be constantly trying to get/forcing others to join. (Same goes with science/history/language) It is weird at how we sometimes have this desire to convince others to agree with us or try what we are trying. We could think that it was helpful for us and that we are wanting to help others too and would get joy out of seeing them benefitted and feeling grateful for us. It could be that we think we see something that is wrong and that it would be so much better if we just commented on it and tried to change it by how we see fit. I used to have the same thing where I was like - Oh I can't have sex before marriage and would turn it into a discussion quite a bit but I completely left Catholicism and no longer worry about that thankfully. She thinks that she is doing what is right by not allowing herself to consider anything new because the religion wants faithful followers and she wants to maintain that but isn't patient enough to even allow 5 minutes of trying out a new perspective. I have been like that with stuff. I used to try to convince or thoroughly question my friends/family's religion and have noticed that it doesn't do anything and they are too far deep into it. Part of me would be like - I just need to get the logic to make sense in an easy enough way and there is no way they will be able to keep thinking what they do. As long as they aren't going to jail me for disagreeing or whatever, they can think what they want. I see though that parents raise their kids to be religious who then can raise their kids to be religious and the cycle repeats and now we have banned abortion and gays that could get killed in some places.

The funny part about religion meeting deficit needs like safety/esteem is that it also doesn't meet esteem needs because of the guilt part - like it is "supposed" to make you feel good but yet ends up making you feel bad I guess I can see that I would use it for both of the types you are referring to. I guess it is weird to describe. It is like - oh I am part of everything and this is mysterious but then it is like, I forget and think I am a human.

I am sorry to hear that. One of my parent's was tyrant/absent. I guess one thing I am curious about is - the notion of child, teenager, adult - - it is like, well, what is that supposed to feel like? I can feel a headache in my head right now and one leg on top of another and my arm on my leg. I can feel excited/sad/bored about stuff. Well - the notion of feeling like a child, or feeling like an adult, or whatever - - we are still going to have the body sensations and we are still going to have emotions about various things - so how does "feeling like an adult" contrast to "feeling like a child"? Is it the body pain from when you get older and are sore or may feel more fat if you ate some bad stuff whereas a child may not feel fat or sore? Is it the stuff you have opinions on like a child might feel excited about a Barbie/pokemon card while an adult may feel excited about a video game/concert/book? Or the stress where a child may be stressed about a test or the first day of school and an adult may feel stressed about a family reunion? I guess all I can think of is that the feelings are similar we may just be focusing on different stuff and may have different thought processing. Kids can be excited as can adults - unless we say that excitement is only for kids. I guess like, some people could like work and say they feel like an adult and some could say, no I hate work I like play and so they associate it as feeling like a child??? If our baseline is based on our past, then how are we supposed to know that our baseline is "CHILD" when we didn't start off getting to see what baseline "adult" was like? We could say, well I feel the same as I did 20 years ago so I am just going to say I am still child because it doesn't feel different and I assume that adult is supposed to be different? Ah well idk!!

@Mesopotamian Can you explain some stuff: (Yes it is like I live under a rock) -Do you know why ISIS was formed and what their objective is? -Why was the US in Iraq, how did that change stuff, did they leave and how did that change stuff? Was the US just there for oil access but even so, how would they get the oil rights/access? Did you see military everywhere? -Did the US in Iraq make the situation worse or better? -Do you know why there is such avoidance of women/gays having rights as well as avoidance of opposing opinions/lifestyles? Why so much death penalty and are people supportive of that punishment method? -How much of the population supports the government and how much does not? Do you think the supporters are brainwashed/low development and what do you think causes that? Are most people who live there traumatized and do they still feel terror or have they become desensitized/used to it? -Are you allowed to go on vacation to another country and then just never go back or is literally leaving super hard like North Korea? -Do you see the country changing ever to be more peaceful and what do you think would actually work? Do you think it is going to take the oil money drying up for that to happen or the wealth imbalance? Are psychedelics used by people or allowed or any drugs at all? -Is there a forced religion or can people be whatever they want? -Did the US's military involvement over there make it way more dangerous by adding more money, weapons, bombs to the area? -It is just really weird how a country would actively make itself such a horrible place to live - you would think they would try to make it better.

The writer blames the entire syndrome on a tyrannical parent, which it says the person may adapt to them (adult child syndrome) or identify with them (covert narcissist) - - I have definitely had my moments where I have gone back and forth from those two. One just has to learn to stand up for oneself when someone is being judgmental in a bullying way and recognize the errors in logic/assumption that the person is using and take responsibility for oneself and not rely on or feel so impacted by the judgements of others. They can create boundaries when they no longer allow toxic stuff to slide by calling the person out on it or not engaging with them or being calm and not reacting to it. One can build oneself up with stuff one enjoys and find their own self worth. One can create their own library of values that doesn't have to merge with others and can be what it wants to be. They can develop a stronger sense of their identity/interests/values that when someone tries to pick at that, they will be able to defend it and not give in to the person's demands. One can stay away from aggressive people or try to understand why exactly they are aggressive so that it is not scary/uncertain but rather makes sense. One can start to value the idea of being considerate and respectful of other's needs and ideas and start to want to be more like that and be around those who are like that rather than being and being around those who are judging basically everything with no concern for the person/thing judged. One can start to value other disagreeing perspectives as another way to learn, explore, and experience life and not see them as something that must be changed to match one's own or fought with. I can see that if one is used to putting up with toxic people and so they surround themselves by it, they may be able to eventually learn how to cope/deal with it but they will also probably need to be around people who are not toxic so as to have healthy examples to try to be like which could then help the toxic people to be less toxic as well. One can find that one feels more empowered and stronger when they work on things they are proud of and when they are honest about their impact/role on the result, they can take more responsibility for what has happened and their effort/performance.

https://www.themigrantproject.org/iraqi-kurdistan/alternatives-for-iraqi-kurds/ https://reliefweb.int/report/iraq/knowing-how-go-iraqi-asylum-seekers-and-legal-pathways-get-and-stay-europe-november-2017 https://www.dw.com/en/the-route-from-iraq-to-belarus-how-are-migrants-getting-to-europe/a-59636629 Start reading up on what people from Iraq typically do. Looks like there could be orgs that help Iraqis specifically with this as well as asylum.

https://www.guideconsultants.com/iraq-passport-visa-free-countries-2022/ https://goexpat.com/the-easiest-countries-to-get-dual-citizenship/ https://best-citizenships.com/2019/05/05/citizenship-naturalization-fees/ There is also like going somewhere out of Iraq for vacation/work by driving/flying/train which could require vacation/work visa depending on the country. Could also talk to an immigration attorney that is in the country you want to go to and see what they recommend. How about using an Iraq passport and get a visa for whatever country you are going to (if that is required) and then when there, you need to get a job there to stay and keep on renewing your visa until you get to however many years is required for you to be able to then apply for citizenship. Example: I had US passport as US citizen and Chinese visa to go to China and I had to renew it a few times to stay longer which really just meant walking out of China and then back in which is kinda weird. Heck, you could even do a remote job that could be out of any country that speaks the same language as you but you just need to be on that land. Yeah the whole country/citizenship/borders thing is kinda great and kinda horrible at the same time and stinks if you are in a place you don't want to be. Iraq passport (25000 dinars = 17 US dollars) Some citizenship fees are like less than 1000. I don't think you need 120k. But I could be wrong. I apologize if I got some stuff wrong as I am not familiar with Iraq or all of this. That is quite nasty how some countries don't want to let people from Iraq in as it is not everyone's fault for whatever some of their peers are like and every country has crazy people.

I guess like how we could say this is bigger than that, like a blueberry being smaller than an apple - well then, why can't we say that this happened before that? But then the notion of before and after creates a sense of linear like how the blueberry and apple create a sense of scale. So maybe it is rather that there is not really a direction that all of existence/time is moving in in the physical sense like going from Europe to Asia but there is a sense of NOW but yet we keep on seeing NOW as having changed. Ugh

@VeganAwake Okay so like, the notion of forwards and backwards is irrelevant kinda like up and down is irrelevant cuz you could look at the sky lying on your back and it looks like down is up... but then - like the calendar, days of the week, hours of the day, the seasons - this order that we have created and a notion of going "forward" during the day with the clock- - it is kinda all made up and there isn't really forward through the calendar but rather just happening But it isn't going from here to there or starting or stopping. Its just instantaneously happening over and over... The universe is staying in the universe and not going anywhere else cuz there is only the universe so no where else for it to go... But yet - it still feels like there is a past though.... BUTTTT we can't touch the past nor the future - we can only touch whatever we are currently touching. But yet, as stuff "seems" to be happening, we get memories that seem to be from the past because if there was no memory, the info may not be held long enough to experience -- -so it seems like by the function of how the experience happens, that the linearity is there. I guess it is like a ruler but there is no direction to point the ruler... This is the present arrangement - but that experience is constantly felt... agh I don't know. TY

Yeah sure!

How do you tell when something is trying to help vs hurt you?

Gosh I hate bullying so much I wish I would have never even bothered with that person....... UGHHHHHHHHHHH

UPDATE: It can sometimes be hard to tell whether a message is considered bullying, a joke, or when it is considered advice that we are just having a hard time accepting. Info that is painful and confusing to hear and process can sometimes be worthwhile for growth. Sometimes even though we like to learn and grow, the message can be communicated in such an unrelentingly disrespectful and toxic way that we decide that it is no longer worth exploring and that we are better of with moving on to some of the other seemingly infinite ways and sources to explore. I have since decided that some people are not worth sticking with and that y'all are right - sometimes the cord does need to be cut. There are so many ways to explore and learn that if something is just so inconsiderate about one's feelings, why bother? It is too distracting and we could be learning other stuff. I haven't been a perfect friend in the past but I have definitely learned to apologize and try to be sensitive to other's feelings and some people still have not gained that skill and may have no desire to. Also, if their reasoning/logic seems to be very disillusioned and they are making lots of assumptions and those happen to be negatively aimed at you, it can be hard to use logic when the other person isn't. AGHHH I hate bullies.

@Preety_India I think I am triggering myself by imagining things that aren't really there like the idea that I can't talk about xyz with them or that they will react like abc when I really don't know. Or imagining that it is even a problem in the first place when really I could just accept it and be done with it. I could also accept that I will just never fully understand them anyway as well as everything else. @SgtPepperAgreed on trying to be more conscious of how and why we communicate.

EDIT: Thank you to everyone who has been part of this experience.

@SgtPepper That's an interesting idea! But what about if I start talking about stuff and then start criticizing a religion that they just so happen to be in???? Then I could be offending them and creating tension.... then what?!?!???

So, some of y'all may have found that as you grew in awareness, your realizations about your job's impacts may have grown and you may have had a hard time reasoning with yourself to be able to keep on doing the job because your values no longer aligned with your actions. Did you quit? Did you stay? Did you have to rationalize quite a bit for your decision? Did you ever get over the cognitive dissonance? Did you revert back to compartmentalization/doublethink? Are you jobless and just waiting it out till you run out of money? Were your coworkers experiencing the cognitive dissonance too or were they too unaware/unconscious to even think about it?

Yeah totally agreed. People who have lots of money tend to be super dissatisfied with the corporate world and their job but feel stuck - - as my boyfriend said: some people can't afford to not have money; well some can't afford to have a job because it is just too psychologically numbing/depressing. Interesting points. On the disillusionment for the young people - well school doesn't talk about cognitive dissonance AT ALL really (mine didn't) and so it isn't until we get to the job and are there for several years to where, once we have learned how the job works, we start to learn the impacts and then shit - HOW THE HECK DO I allow myself to keep on doing this job?!?!? There is so much more to it than just working... the psychological/emotional impact is HUGE. Interesting idea on stockholm syndrome. I like that idea combination. I've heard that one applied to pets. "I am stuck here, I can't leave, I need to love the job, I love this job - you should love it too. "I hate working but I am going to act like I love working and hey you, you need to get a job and get to work." "I am going to act like I love my coworkers even though I kinda hate them!!" Agree that cognitive dissonance is going to be talked about more and more and that this anti-work movement could be just the beginning. As people start becoming more aware of things and realizing the impacts of their job and struggle with the value clash, work is going to get harder and harder to rationalize for oneself to keep doing.......... Yeah, I ended up quitting and am still processing the cognitive dissonance ha. it isn't the company though - it is the entire industry. I am unsure of how many people actually feel cognitive dissonance in the industry or if they are too unaware.. being unaware can be a blessing but also I would rather be aware than unaware.. (but meh what is awareness anyway...) I am currently writing a book and doing some research about cognitive dissonance in that field.... not sure what will happen next though.