BipolarGrowth

@Vibroverse well of course ?

My psychic abilities materialized like crazy after just one moderate ayahuasca retreat which only was two nights of ingesting the substance and a weekend. It’s available legally in the states with several organizations. My depression was also eradicated following the retreat. It might give the immediate relief you’re likely seeking although it likely will wear off. It also helped my PTSD in a way I could’ve never imagined really. This gets into the physic realm.. Anyway, I saw your doc said you shouldn’t take meds. I don’t know you as well as him, but I just want to offer the perspective that him telling you that could potentially be partially responsible for your death. I don’t think you’d be doing all this work if you didn’t still want life to be worth living. I’d recommend, not that you’re asking (bad habit of mine lol), that you at least talk to a psychiatrist about trying an antidepressant with a side effect profile that seems reasonable to you. I’ve found that SSRIs are incredibly ineffective for me. Two months ago I started an NDRI (norepinephrine and dopamine reuptake inhibitor) called Wellbutrin. It’s taken quite a long time to find the right antidepressant, but it can be worth it. I hope this isn’t too intrusive. I know this is your journal after all.

@Vibroverse you’ve got it ?

I feel this on multiple levels. Ultimately, I hope that one day you experience the direct insight that you are the greatest God there is. Not just in some “my ego is illusory therefore I am all of Creation and the Creator” kind of way, but also in the sense that YOU are the master of your “individual” Universe of Consciousness. There is only one Consciousness in that Universe. Take the reins of your own creation my friend and become the Authority of Authorities. Even if you die and find yourself in a realm built upon clouds with beautiful golden gates and a wise, bearded gentleman sitting on a throne professing that he is God, remember that Consciousness as you is the true master there. Nothing there exists without Consciousness as you being present, and don’t let your ego or any finite, temporary form with seemingly greater power than the culmination of your meat suit and mind tell you any different. What’s ironic about all of this is that by heeding these words to any real degree you are still letting a temporary form coming to you in the form of text on a forum influence you, but Consciousness as you is the only thing allowing that to happen.

When you say time doesn’t exist, are you also suggesting change does not exist?

I’m not really clear on how talking about it from the relative perspective aligns with what you said. If you said you were talking about it from an absolute perspective, I can actually totally get how potential is the same as creation. In the present moment, there is absolutely no such thing as a potential for anything other than that which is immediately being experienced (creation). In this way, creation is the same as potential. I kind of think of that in this way: when you are about to roll a die, there’s the potential for six outcomes. This is using one moment relative to another moment and it’s possible outcomes. When you actually have rolled the die and see the result in front of you, if we are examining only that precise moment, there is only the potential for the result you see. Another way to view this is consciousness changes. It’s much more like a television screen than a painting. The television screen is infinite as it can show anything (within limits of course, but these limits do not apply to consciousness). The painting can only show one thing. Creation is static for the painting. Creating is moving for the television. Talk about the present moment being all there is until you’re blue in the face, but you ultimately know consciousness is far closer to the TV example than the painting example. Herein lies infinity. Also, solipsism being true or not true has no effect on something being infinite or not. Just because reality is always viewed from one consciousness does not make it finite. If reality existed in a permanent state, everything would have to be expressed in that state for it to be infinite. Since the state of reality is always impermanent, as far as anyone has ever verified, it can be infinite while only expressing a finite possibility in each individual moment. Really this theoretical permanent state could never be infinite because of features such as location. You can’t have an infinite number of things all expressed in every location in one permanent freeze frame. The way you’re thinking about infinity is actually doomed to only produce the finite. What you are thinking of as finite is actually the only way infinity can exist, through impermanence. Btw, how have things been going with the sleep yoga?

You can rather easily understand mathematical infinity. 0. 1. 2. etc. moving on forever. Consciousness is the same thing. Think of this present moment and all you experience now including imaginative thoughts and everything else. This moment is basically like one of those numbers. It’s one possibility out of an infinite number of possibilities. Due to the impermanent nature of reality, consciousness is constantly changing. It is never the same. This means the freeze frame picture of consciousness in one moment will always be a slightly or even vastly different freeze frame picture of consciousness the next moment. None of these two are the exact same. Because of this you can think of consciousness now as 5. In a second, it might be -467.823. These numbers are arbitrary. The point is consciousness MUST change as far as what anyone can ever verify as far as we know. This creates the necessity of infinity. What the moment contains is in one sense finite as it is fixed, but it can be TOTALLY different in many ways no human mind will ever be able to fully imagine. This makes the process itself infinite. On another level, even this moment which appears finite can be dissected in an infinite number of ways which makes it infinite in a certain sense.

The answer to this question is literally right in front of your face. Potential = Literally Anything. Creation = Only what you’re experiencing right now. If potential and creation were the same, you would experience all potentialities as creation (your direct experience) right now. This is also impossible because creation can have an aspect of time.

People who have not faced deficits to survival because of awakening aren’t very awake in my opinion. It’s a common thing after full God-Realization for me to throw my phone across the room in an attempt to break it or flat out smash it to pieces. This is just one small example out of many things. If you’re actively trying to preserve your body, possessions, reputation, and pretty much anything else that makes up your ego, you’re still not awake to the fullest degrees. Last I saw Alan Watts drank himself to death. He never claimed to be awakened though from any of the talks I’ve heard. He always referred to himself as more of a spiritual commentator. I wouldn’t doubt that his spiritual understanding and experiences could have contributed to alcoholism or suicide though. I’ve certainly experienced many dark night of the soul problems that have been potentially worsened by awakening.

@trenton It’s good to want to improve, but hating yourself will likely never help more with that than it hurts in the long run. Try to focus on things you want to change while simultaneously giving compassion and understanding to yourself for not being there yet. If you ever want someone to talk to the more heavy aspects of mental health that aren’t much discussed on here, feel free to shoot me a message on here, and we can try a call or something if you want.

The conceptual understanding will likely never give you a direct nondual experience, but the conceptual understanding is useful after having a collection of nondual experiences. It’s funny because all the information beginning seekers find early on usually will only be of much real value after they’ve already found their prize.

It was certainly mania but there’s a difference between mania and what you might call “just mania.” For most bipolar people who do not pursue consciousness work, they will experience some heightened consciousness likely to some degree, but it’s nothing compared to what comes in mania with a history of consciousness work behind it. There’s no ultimate law of reality imposed by God that says you can’t be awake AND manic. I would call what the majority of bipolar people experience “just mania.” When you combine a history of consciousness work with mania, these things work synergistically. I personally have found that higher consciousness often triggers mania and mania almost always triggers higher consciousness. Yes, you can be a typical yogi sitting in the lotus position at a high state of consciousness, but you can also experience that same level of consciousness while acting very much against this stereotype. The yogi finds satisfaction in this type of calm expression. This doesn’t mean it’s the only way higher consciousness can be expressed. Many traditional practitioners have a preference or bias to the no-mind state where the ego is generally experienced much less. They likely have not had experiences of heightened consciousness states that can be experienced with full access to the ego. I’ve experienced both. They’re both quite valuable experiences to have. I was mainly speaking for myself when I talked about not caring too much about baseline levels due to risks to survival. People without bipolar disorder (specifically type 1) and possibly schizophrenia as well I would guess will generally not run into these same risks, but their taste of awakening could very well be much different than what a bipolar type 1 seeker might find. For me, I’ve experienced many states where I was so conscious that I literally did not care about anything typically judged as negative that could happen to my ego. Many of us here have probably experienced that on occasion. Experiencing it during a trip in a relatively safe environment or during meditation is much different from living in that state for prolonged periods of time. I’m rather convinced most people are rather immune to this type of experience at the degrees I’ve experienced it. The highest awakenings almost never behoove survival. A normal person might experience this after being more or less “fully awake” plus taking methamphetamine if I had to guess. What no neurotypical person will ever tell you is that mania in many ways is an automatic force taking one closer to awakening. A good way to learn about this would be to look into the connections between kundalini and mania as well as the rising and passing away and subsequent dark night of the soul stages experienced in Daniel Ingram’s models of awakening stages. Daniel Ingram is one of the first serious spiritual practitioners I’ve seen who thoroughly recognizes how blurry the line is between certain awakening stages and mania. Will mania usually take anyone there completely on its own? I’m not 100% sure. It’s probably not too likely. Add in some meditation, spiritual study, and high dose psychedelic trips, and you’re basically on the quickest yet most bumpy path I’ve ever seen or heard of toward awakening. The thing about mania is it is clearly a shift in baseline consciousness. This is pretty much undeniable. The bias comes when spiritual people see that baseline shift and discount it. In many cases mania isn’t awakening, but in some cases it is. The more spiritual practice the bipolar person has behind them, the more likely it’s going to become closer and closer to the latter. It’s very similar to meditators or gurus saying psychedelics don’t count. This is just pure bias to the sanctity and exclusivity of one’s preferred method. It also doesn’t appeal to any neurotypical ego that there is a genetically gifted group of people when it comes to awakening that doesn’t involve themselves. Label those gifted people as having a mental illness (which is really just atypical neurology), and you’ve removed credibility from this group of people with stigma. As a cherry on top, make all doctors say this “illness” and psychedelics should never be mixed and pump the “ill” with medications that numb perception and emotion, and you’ve turned a group that was originally more likely to awaken into one of the least likely to awaken. This is basically society shutting down the higher consciousness part of their awakening cycle to leave the bipolar person in what can oftentimes be a more or less permanent dark night if the soul which most people just call bipolar depression. I can guarantee mania has taken me to higher baseline levels than most spiritual seekers have experienced anywhere outside of a psychedelic peak, and there has been one occasion where mania produced an experience just as potent as any psychedelic peak I’ve ever had without the influence of any substances or even any recent meditation. This likely only happened because of my history with pursuing awakening though. Most bipolar people don’t go into crazy hyper-consciousness nondual God-realization states. They simply go spend money, have sex, and live without much of a filter. That’s “just mania.” Mania + spirituality is a whole different animal.

A fixed, permanent form goes against infinity. Think of consciousness as clay. If the clay were to stay in the same transfiguration forever, it would be finite. What makes the clay infinite is the ability for it to change. Just think of this, you’ve never experienced two moments where consciousness was exactly the same. There’s impermanence staring you right in the face. There’s infinity staring you right in the face. Infinity doesn’t necessarily mean everything will happen imo. It more means there is no limit to what can happen. People don’t realize that the uniqueness of each moment is evidence for infinity sitting right in their lap.

And which one is better? Realize that the real thing, as directly experienced, is vastly different from both of these examples.

Hating yourself rarely ever does any good. How I personally have self-love even when I’ve had homicidal thoughts is to develop an understanding of myself. What led me there? What was the chain of events that specifically made me have those thoughts? How much of that was actually under my control? Is a mental illness playing a large role in these thoughts? I personally have developed to a point where I generally don’t judge anyone for any “wrong” or “evil” action. There are clear things that led that person to act that way. Figure out what makes you do the things that lead you to hate yourself, and give yourself sympathy. You know that you’ve been trying to do what you can for this whole life, so pay attention to that truth. There’s no need to judge when you can see the clear cause and effect of the situation.

I think the word is very useful for this work. I’ve used it as well. It just seemed like you were suggesting it was in some way superior to other words in the earlier posts. THIS has the advantage and disadvantage of making people pay attention only to the here and now. The problem is people probably will never experience THIS as God or infinite or any other counterintuitive things without being pointed in that direction first. Nondualists tend to forget that if all is One and that One is Truth the ego, thoughts, and imagination are also aspects of that One/Truth as much as anything else. Truth in nonduality does not have an opposite.

You never escape desire while in an embodied form and maybe even never escape it beyond that. You merely change from one desire to another. My solution to tackling lower desires that might be detrimental to you is to taste the elegance of the highest experience or realization. Then you will naturally focus on that, and your life will have more net positivity than negativity. Of course the highest experience isn’t some heroin high. It’s God. Experience God, and you will want to experience more. This will slowly reduce your desires for everything else. I can’t even give a shit about playing video games when I literally used almost every free moment of my teenage years playing games. Making money doesn’t interest me nearly as much. The same can be said for sex and everything else. They have all become secondary or even lower on the priority list.

Feel free to shoot me a message, and we can do a call to discuss our various experiences with this. I don’t care enough to type everything out lol.

@Bazooka Jesus my point is that you are telling people using only THIS is more effective while clearly using many other labels. People have to radically recontextualize THIS before they ever even realize what THIS is. Using other words to bring knowledge to important facets of THIS is important. Of course we all know the label is not that which is being labeled, but far less people would awaken if THIS was the only label used.

I actually hardly meditate anymore. It seems like a complete waste of time almost at this point after feeling the power of psychedelics. I really don’t care about raising some baseline level that much. I’ve lived at ridiculously high baseline levels, and it can easily fuck your life and even be physically dangerous in some cases. I was not suggesting anyone do the intense psychedelic use I mentioned, but I was merely saying that I believe the reason meditation is usually more effective for baseline shifts is simply because more consistent time is dedicated to it compared to psychedelic use. No one out there has 10,000 hours of trips under their belt. A significant number of meditators do. Daniel Ingram theorized the varied effectiveness on baseline levels for psychs vs. meditation has to do with growing dendrites. There are other plausible theories that could be raised around this as well. Integration is important, but we’re talking about producing baseline, permanent shifts. What I mentioned above will certainly do that, but it would be possibly the most extreme spiritual method ever done. I also never said the baseline shifts produced by that method would in any way be positive from our relative perspective.

You’re like a guy with his own personal buffet at home telling people they should only eat one type of food.

The idea that you “should” be something comes 100% from ego lol. You as God are literally everything. This includes every “evil” person or action. Do you only see unicorns and Saints walking around? Every spiritual or religious organization that says you should act a certain way is 100% co-opted by the ego. They entice people into the doors with the benefits of God in order to brainwash people to follow their ego’s idea of right and wrong. God doesn’t give a FUCK. Everything is literally the highest Good already. Wake up God, and stop letting that single human bully you around.

This sounds cool and right but is actually just horrible advice lol. Labels serve a valuable function, and without them you would almost certainly never know about awakening all.

It seems there’s a clear line with probably nearly every psychoactive substance where you black out/lose memory/experience nothing you can recall. I actually had this happen the other day with concentrated THC/dabs. I’ve found the sometimes give a psychedelic effect, so I always do way more in a specific session than the typical user while I also have a much lower tolerance. I probably did a dose 4-5x the regular dose for someone, and I felt a body load which I never felt before on just THC. Within 10 minutes I completely blacked out. I wasn’t asleep as my friend said the next day that I was up for quite a while. I guess the lesson is, less is sometimes more.

@Eren Eeager 1) God is experiencing itself fully right now. If you don’t see how you as God are experiencing everything in this very moment, you don’t understand actuality vs. imagination. Check out the what is actuality episode or the last episode on YT. 2) The human life is more important because it is what is being experienced in actuality. The experience of an ant existing as a conscious entity is pure mental imagination. If the ant life was what was actual, it would be more important than the human experience. What IS is always the most important.