Dlavjr

I can't give the greatest information because in hindsight I'm not sure if I was in love either, but if I can give you some advice, try to keep yourself busy when you're apart. The more you think about her, the more you're going to infatuate yourself with her, and you'll create all these thought stories that'll ultimately give you expectations. Expectations are never a good thing, especially in a relationship. Just live in the moment as best you can, worry about her when you see her, and focus on making memories in present time rather than assuming what might happen. I think love is a momentary thing, you feel it in your heart when you see the person and when you talk to them. A good sign when it's infatuation is when you're slaving for them and you can't be yourself. You do what they say, you try not to disagree or argue, you put off things that you want to/need to do to spend time with them. Let things happen naturally and go with the flow. Hope that helps

I definitely feel that way too. Problem I find is people take relationships a little too seriously, every girl I've met is looking for immediate commitment and wants the relationship to be at the forefront but nobody wants to just treat it casually and have a good time

Weed is a hard habit to kick too, I was a pretty major stoner for a while but I just got sick of being high all the time. I feel like maybe I just need to get to that point with cigarettes where I just straight get sick of them and ease off them naturally without really consciously making an effort, because the ego certainly has a major issue with "if you tell me I can't I'll want to even more". Thing is, I don't know how long it'll take for me to get to that point.

Vape juice consists of water, flavoring, nicotine, vegetable glycerin, and propylene glycol, according to the Google search I just made. Admittedly I know very little about vaping, so I really don't know how it compares to cigarettes, but I can't imagine it's as bad. Certainly cleaner. I just love cigarettes themselves. I know that juul offers lower nicotine pods but with all the commotion going on with vaping right now I'm not sure I can get ahold of them. I'm certainly not fully addicted, I can say no to a cig and there are times I'm just not feeling one. It's definitely offering more pros currently but like I said, I wanna avoid it coming back to bite me in the ass later in life. I'm young and push my body to it's limits and at this rate I'm gonna have a lot of health problems later in life if I don't catch them now. It seems like vaping is a better alternative but it's more expensive for me and honestly I have a tendency to unconsciously vape throughout the day, which is where I'd argue it's just as bad. I don't just treat it like a cig, I practically chain smoke vapes. I've tried quitting cold turkey but I end up cracking a lot easier that way because it just becomes overwhelming, but I have a hard time easing myself off as well because it just becomes second nature to reach for a cig at certain points in the day. Vaping is the only way I can strictly quit cigarettes but once I try quitting the vaping the cigarette cravings return. It's a cycle, and I'm not sure of an alternative that works for me.

You hit the nail on the head. It's the act of smoking, plus the social benefit, that keeps me hooked. Smoking has been helping me further my career in construction as well, because I hang out with the bosses while I smoke and get to know them, which gives me an edge as a worker. Plus when in traffic it's hard for me to get my mind off the craving. I started hitting the gym again and I'm able to do a surprising amount of cardio considering I smoke half a pack a day. I don't feel any side affects now which makes it harder because I don't physically feel a reason to quit, but I've witnessed the long term affects and it's more than concerning. It's like, I know I should, but I just don't have a good enough reason to yet. And with the financial stress I'm under right now I have a hard time finding the strength to let go. Thank you for your advice though, I'm trying my absolute hardest to at least slow it down.

Your teenage years are more exploration in regards to sex, most likely all the sex you'll have will be unconscious and pretty bad. I lost my virginity around 16/17 and it was pretty rough the first handful of tries. Even when I got better, I still had no idea what I was doing. Sex is an art, you don't master it right away. Don't even worry about sex, the more you obsess over it, the more likely you are to get cold feel when it happens. Focus on self improvement. Hit the gym, better your diet, learn piano or something. Sex for women is all a mind game, it's not like with men where we're more excited by the physical act of sex, which is why men care way more about penis size than women do. Do yourself a favor, don't watch porn. It's clearly given you unrealistic expectations for sex. People can start exploring sexually at any age, but when you're young it tends to be more egotistical rather than an intimate moment. You have your whole life ahead of you, just relax.

You seem to have a really good heart but try not to let it be misguided. Nobody ever said that emotions being involved means that it's meant to be. You're capable of falling in love with anyone. It's very easy. Especially for women, and if a man knows what he's doing he can really manipulate a girl's heart to bend her as he pleases. It seems like you need to work on your independence a little. Letting somebody in and having them help you with an emotional issue is perfectly ok, but it shouldn't make you attached to them. Attracted, sure, but not attached. Emotions can be a bitch, especially romantic ones. There's nothing wrong with being single. Enjoy it, live it up. You have all the time in the world to work on yourself, be the best version of yourself that you can be. When you focus on yourself and personal development, you'd be surprised how many things fall into place. And you can pretty easily tell a man's intentions more often than not if he's pointing towards sex that much. Like flirting and getting sexual is one thing but sending pics all the time and all that, seems like that's his focus. Admittedly men are obsessed with sex but, the good ones will at least lay a foundation first. You'll make the right decisions, just be mindful of your feelings and try to stand by what you want. If your minds aren't lining up, don't ever try to push change on somebody. Nobody is obligated to do anything for you, no more than you are for them. Don't expect him to be emotional and want you and do all these things for you, and then get mad when he expects you to put out. Both of you are setting expectations of change in the other, and that's setting yourself up for failure. Good luck, glad I can help

Honestly, don't even bother. It's a waste of time for you to be putting your energy into somebody that doesn't want what you want. Personalities click, but that doesn't mean you have the same vision for yourselves. It sucks, but, there is no "one person" for everyone. You'll find somebody else in time, it's clear you're in a better headspace without him. I agree that you should work on jealousy, try to dig deep and find the root of it, try to get in the mindset of "if they leave they leave". Be independent! You don't need anybody, the root of jealousy is attachment and attachment comes from insecurity due to not having confidence in one's ability to make it alone. There's nothing wrong with either of you really, he has every right to play the field and do his thing, and you have every right to want a relationship. That being said, neither of you should be expecting the other to agree to any terms. It's clearly not meant to be. Also, most men do think about sex a good portion of the time, but a lot of the men who have their shit together typically don't. If he's coming right out of a divorce, he's probably got a lot of pent up urges and emotions that he's letting out through sex, and he's not gonna be emotionally ready to commit for a little while. I've been single for about 6 months now and I'm still kinda iffy on jumping back into commitment, and that's after a 2 year relationship. Don't take it personally, but also don't waste your time waiting around and having your heart broken for a chance at something. Focus on yourself and try to see a relationship as an additive to life to make it more exciting rather than your main focus.

Learn to dissociate from yourself a little. Stop focusing on what you look like and your shortcomings and just be in the moment, talk to people. Anyone and everyone. Make friends, it's a start. You clearly need to get out of your shell. I used to be pretty overweight and shy but as I started eating healthier and losing weight and bettering myself and learning to love the people around me and accept myself for who I was, I grew into a social butterfly. There is no "I'm not this kind of person", you're any kind of person you set your mind to. Lose the idea that you're set to be a certain way and realize that it's all a big placebo, you're only what you tell yourself you are. Fake it till you make it. It doesn't just come to you out of nowhere, you gotta push yourself to step outside your comfort zone. Best of luck to you my friend

I mean in my opinion the further you get to reaching enlightenment the less you really care about labelling sexuality. If you rid yourself of dogma entirely, rid yourself of all beliefs and just live authentically, an orgasm is an orgasm. If you fuck a guy, and you enjoy it, does it matter that it's a guy? Orgasm is orgasm. And honestly, all that psychological bullshit that you're feeding yourself might convince you that you're gay, but until you're face to face with a penis and the choice is 'to suck or not to suck" I think that's the ultimate test. Experiment with a guy, see what happens. Stop labelling sexuality or acting like there's a certain way it needs to be. We're pretty primal creatures, honestly I think if humans were to be stripped from all the beliefs and rules we've set for ourselves through politics, religion, and societal "norms" we'd be having orgies a hell of a lot more often. Hell that's how things used to be in earlier civilizations predating Christianity.

I'm 20 years old and work a construction job. I used to be in decent shape but I've been eating like shit lately and picked up on cigarettes again. I'm gonna be quitting cigs and I need a solid routine and some motivation. Any good suggestions?

Hit the gym, before I started with all the psychadelics and meditation that's how I released all my aggression.

If you're confused, experiment. Try not to question your feelings, if you feel something then feel it, it doesn't matter who it's for. Nothing should be defining you or what you're attracted to. Generally Christianity holds to man and woman being the natural way of things but, that shouldn't mean a thing to you. You're really the only one who knows what you want.

You're not too far off with that because I'm only 20 haha, I get what you're saying but despite that I stand my ground. Your ability to make money, raise kids, and maintain a job are all personal. You develop those skills, you have no need to display them right away. We're discussing how to find these women, not how to keep them. Go up to any women at any age and tell her all about how wealthy you are and all that good shit, I gauruntee they won't give you the time of day. Your goal is to make an impression. If you present yourself as a confident man who doesn't take himself too seriously and is able to show a girl a good time, you'll be able to catch her interest. Then, you get to know each other. If you've got your shit together at all, you should have a stable job or at least a plan to get one. Many women stay with men who don't have their shit together, and they stay with them for long amounts of time. If you have goals and passions you're ahead of the game. Things like wealth, paternity skills and career focus are shown over time, but that's not what grabs attention. And if it is, then those aren't the kind of girls you want anyways Also, not that it's necessarily important but I've been in 2 relationships in my life and they lasted 2 1/2 years each

I can tell you first hand that even if you manage to steal a girl away from her boyfriend, it's going to bite you in the ass. I was having sex with a girl behind her boyfriend's back (she initiated a good amount of it, I still went along with it though so I'm at fault as well and I definitely was after her) and throughout the whole relationship there were trust issues, she was flirting with other guys, and eventually she left me for somebody else once things reached a breaking point for us. She was the kind of girl that would rather jump ship than get together and work it out. Generally speaking, if you pursue a girl that's willing to cheat/leave someone for you, then you can get a good idea of her values and mentality towards loyalty in a relationship. Would not recommend. Plus, it's also respect for other people. If her relationship is already poor, let them break up on their own. In my opinion, most regular people need healing time between relationships to grow and reconnect with themselves, otherwise you're going to reach a point where you forget who you really are.

All women are attracted to different things, yes, but that doesn't really change anything. The only way that you can specifically target thosetypes of girls is if you stay authentic and go places that girls like that might go. Other than that, it's still the same process. Also, women don't all value money and material things. Some do, sure, but most of the women I've met in my life are not that way. I'm no pickup artist but I'm a social butterfly and I love meeting people. I talk to lots of women randomly and I have many female friends and from my own personal assessment, seems like every girl is just looking for a man that can rise to the occasion and is fun to be around and in control of/secure with his emotions, and that's at all stages. If a woman is looking for a man with money or something, she's not looking for love. A solid majority of women that are looking for genuine romantic love, are probably gonna be in tune with what you're looking for. The ground rules of pickup will generally always apply, but think about location. A bar or social event is more likely to have women interested in sex and money than say an art show

I think you're missing his point. It doesn't matter what kind of girl you want to attract or where you intend to go with it, if you don't have game you're not gonna get anywhere. It's not like these "feminist/egalitarian" girls are gonna be out there looking for you. Most women are shy. You gotta know how to approach and how to sell yourself. Then you gotta work your way into her mind to open her up, and get to know her, get her comfortable. It's all still game, it's all still the art of seduction. Nature is nature, you can hope for a woman to hit on you and it MIGHT happen, sure, but you'll be waiting a while. Flirting to me is purely authentic because it can't be premeditated, it has to be done in the moment. Not to mention, when you get good at it, it'll benefit you because you'll have a way with words and people will enjoy your presence. Even if you don't get a girl to come home with you, you can still make her laugh, maybe even make her night. Don't take it all so seriously, have fun with it. A good relationship will fall into place, but you gotta be in the game to meet women, you need to be able to flirt, otherwise you'll be really putting the odds in the hands of pure chance.

Imo I think you're overthinking it. Best case scenario, it works and you have a relationship with her, worst case scenario it doesn't work and you forget about it and move on. To me, it just sounds like fear of rejection, but you're making rejection out to be a bad thing. It's worth a shot, there's zero harm in trying.

Nothing wrong with that, if anything it's better. Live your life, pursue what you want to pursue and grow as much as you can. You'll naturally attract women, and you'll eventually find somebody that you really grow to love. If not, there's nothing wrong with it. Live your life doing what feels right, not what you feel you should be doing from conditioning. If a relationship doesn't seem right at the moment, don't force yourself to feel like it is. Good things come naturally.

I mean, I've talked to a lot of people that have had bizarre childhood sexual experiences like that, some even worse than that, and they turned out fine minus some of them having trauma depending on the situation. With anything like that though, it all depends on how much you think about it and associate yourself with the memory. You were a kid, kids do some weird shit sometimes, sometimes exploration gets way out of control and you don't know any better. In my opinion, and I know it's easier said than done, but don't hold on to stuff like that, cause it's only gonna fuck you up as long as you allow it to.

Admittedly not too many. I'm a social guy, I make conversation with as many girls as I meet, but evidently you don't meet too many when you work on a construction site and fill your free time up with hobbies and meeting up with friends. I tried Tinder for a week, and I'm very aware that a week is not nearly enough time to find somebody, but honestly I just got tired of swiping through the same recycled profiles of girls who seem all too similar. I think out of the 6 matches I had, one of them actually conversed with me and mid conversation just kinda stopped responding. I'm not really sure how good my "game" is but I know I'm an outgoing guy. It doesn't help that I live in a somewhat shitty area in Rhode Island so a lot of the girls around here are pretty predictable and kind of clingy and superficial. I see what you're saying, though. I haven't really put myself out there long enough to really say that there's nobody out there.

I've been single for a few months now. I'm trying to get out into the dating scene again but I'm having trouble finding somebody that meets my criteria. I don't ask for much, I want somebody emotionally stable, somebody that has personality and passions for something, and somebody that takes their personal health seriously (I have a tendency to be somewhat shallow when it comes to weight, stemming from myself formally being obese I try to avoid people that aren't at least trying to get in shape). Problem is, I'm only 20, so the girls my age I feel for the most part haven't really matured yet to the point that they have themselves figured out the way I'm expecting them to. Am I setting my bar too high? Or should I just be patient and keep looking? I'm not exactly desperate, but I miss the spark and excitement of romance and having a partner to grow alongside.

I think that's pretty fair. I'm kind of the same way, I try to better myself in every way I can and as narcissistic as it seems I don't wanna settle for anybody that's not where I am in life. I'm not a very insecure or depressed person and I'm outgoing and like to exercise and go out, I just don't find girls attractive if their only personality is eating, drinking, smoking, etc. I'm just impatient I think

I'd like to casually meet/talk to women and see where it goes but I work very often and have other hobbies that take priority so I was wondering if something casual like Tinder would be a bad thing. I'm not a fan of the idea of dating apps though I've never seriously used one, just to me it seems so artificial and lazy. Am I better off just making time to go out and meet women or would a dating app be worth it for what I want?

I made an account on Tinder a couple days ago, and again I find myself so much pickier. It's like, I judge women based solely on looks because 90% of the time their bios say nothing about them, and they themselves are never particularly interesting. Guess I gotta accept that if I want the RIGHT person I gotta be patient. Ive never counted out older women, I've just never thought about it. I'm not really sure where to meet older women or even how to talk to them, girls my age are where I've kinda been comfortable. I'm open to it though Not really. I've been single for about 6 months, prior to that I was in a relationship for 2 1/2 years and before that the same thing, I've never really just dated casually