Matys

To keep things fairly straightforward, I've been "seeking" for the better part obsessively for around 6 years now. It's come full circle where I can discern on a rational basis that there are no others or particular, but my life for all it has never seemed worse off. Anything I could provide already seems included within others, and I personally have found no higher sense of love from a perspective somewhat closer to the whole. Honestly, I don't know where to go from here and I feel no genuine drive towards anything. When there is no lasting basis for action, how does one act? What determines the finality and freedom of existential thought as opposed to this lost wandering? I feel as if I've seen and considered all that honestly need by inquired into and am only here because I am at a lack of a better place to ask.

This feels like a silly question to ask, but any idea how I start to bridge that gap? I feel this is the answer, but I've already been in this "State" for so long its genuinely difficult to let the motion be when it seems dead set on doing nothing and going nowhere

Thank you, I'm gonna give my best at that

I suppose my issue is less that I haven't seen that but that presently it reasserts itself as soon as I fumble in my continued practice. It seems as though I can't properly transition to the other shore without the habit being properly eroded. It just feels hard to tell if the necessary view is really being discerned or if I'm running in circles, and it has become extremely tiresome.

Once again I have a feeling towards the direction but without an ability to make a definite sense of it. Great metaphors and explaination though, I really appreciate it.

Not sure where to ask about this so I thought I'd post a comment here to see some opinions. I know that is my mind creating a logical hiccup by obsessing over the technicality of conflicting concepts, but I've been snagged on what constitutes worthwhile action when it seems all spiritual teachings seem to teach of the world being made of necessary opposites. I feel called through feelings of empathy and compassion to want to create means to make people more conscious, but is that itself being unaccepting of the world as it is? And people as they are? I've become uncertain of my path forward when the fundamentals of the world seem based on polarization, and hate the idea of just being an opposite to yet another force. I wish not to be cynical, but it seems like a pointless cycle where people will ultimately come to life conclusions based off circumstances or grace beyond their control. What use is anything I can do, regardless of my calling towards it? I cannot even dictate my spiritual impulse, so what right can I possibly have in assuming people need to be more conscious or loving if life has naturally brought them to be closed or spiteful? My own view is based only off my own life circumstances and perspective that I myself could not have avoided, and therefore cannot claim ownership or merit over. Sorry for the wordy-ness, it's a bit tough to explain and I've been a bit at odds with myself over it. Thanks for reading through if you did, would really appreciate some thoughts.

I suppose then the problem isn't the reality but the series of symbols and images we use to convey our ideas to each other? Or not necessarily that they are a problem, but they create the illusion which I'm conflicted with?

Just to be a playful prick with this idea, doesn't believing in non-dualism immediately imply that they don't believe in it's opposite?

Just wanted to post again and thank everyone for the lovely responses and points of view. I remain roughly where I started but think perhaps now is just simply the time for that to be the case in my life.

I've been under the impression that this time is necessary, I have a lot I could say but I suppose it's all fairly self-evident and pointless in being said. Thank you for validating my experience, it takes away some of my resistance, fear and anger.

I feel cornered while simultaneously knowing I cannot force myself to embody the direction that this points.

Lovely read, especially enjoyed the last bit. Really resonated with me despite the difficulty I have been facing in allowing what is "myself." Thanks for the share.

Is self-love necessary to a self-realized person? I've done much to try and change how I view myself but am seeing lately that I feel the most peace when I accept that I presently don't like myself. Also, I'm sure you've covered it elsewhere but the further I look into non-duality I keep finding myself snagged. You yourself mentioned it in a thread regarding 1-5 rules of absolute truth about life and one was that everything comes from love and on a logical level I don't get it.

I know it's silly since it's my mind that thinks it needs a framework to work from, but my dreams lately all seem to be pointing towards an upcoming dissolution and my fear around it. I've never been spiritual and the self inquiry questions just leave me in a muddled state of conflicting realities, I only really started this because I needed to resolve the pain. It feels my entire life has suddenly come to a standstill and is waiting on this to pass through. Is it really that I have to let it unfold by itself and if so is there any way I can accept beforehand what feels like death? Semi-related but does anyone know much about the divine feminine/anima? She seems to occur in various forms depending on the need of the dream. Sometimes as the last girl I fell for, a couple times as a beautiful blonde I've never seen before. It's gonna sound silly but she always seems to be radiating love, a patient understanding and guiding me away from the crowd. Last night I seemed to be set on a course for a one way ticket and falling apart about it. When I told her I was afraid of dying she just smiled and asked "why?" before disappearing like she knew something I didn't. I don't want to sound weird but I always instantly fall for her charm and simultaneously get pissed off when I wake up whenever I recognize she took the form of an actual lover I can't have irl. It's like a pure loving force that wants to lead me through doubt but also dicks with my emotional structures. What's the deal and is it wrong to be a bit bitter about it? Thanks.

@tsuki Thanks. It seems a tiny thing but I think this has helped dispel part of the illusion I seem to have surrounding the experience. Keep forgetting it's never going to be what I expect because that's just the mind attempting to make conclusions, and that the idea/image that has been created is more of the problem than the reality is. Really appreciate having somewhere to go to talk about this, the process is so incomparable to anything I've ever seen or heard about it's so easy to feel like you're just losing your grip on reality. Which I suppose is the entire point

I'm a bit jarred by the contradictions that pop up, it seems obvious but I think I get your meaning. The sensation doesn't stop at any point of the conscious experience and underlays every moment. I also immediately sense more is available to me in observation than during "ego control" so it would seem like my fear is the actual opposite of truth? Ego is more of a deprivation chamber than total self is?

@tsuki Thanks, I'd appreciate it if it's not a bother. Tbh I haven't really put a great deal of imagination into it, it just seems like something that's gonna just swallow me offscreen when I least suspect it? Perhaps a bit childish but it seems like a hollow void, with life being so shaky as I'm pulled towards this it's just difficult to imagine it being a good thing. I think more of the fear comes from the idea of not having a choice in the matter?

The further I sink into the ideas of actionless action and living from the fullest uninterrupted self, the more that I wonder that an entirely "awakened" Earth to be contrary to the process that seems to be itself already happening and the suggestion itself from a place of judgement. Any thoughts? I'm sorry if my question is poorly worded, I'm having difficulty translating these ideas into easily readable concepts under regular language. The idea seems to be that in an "enlightened" state that we realize even the "bad" to just be a judgement and just part of the process. If that's the case does the world need to wake up at all, besides the usual amount of people that already are usually on the path? Thank you.

I suppose all my notions of harm are still directed towards the human experience and not as experiencing godliness, so I don't have a context to pain in a higher sense. I might have been more fixated on bad as unnecessary suffering before self discovery, but equally chaotic circumstance that can happen to ruin "lives." Guess it comes down to still living at the perspective of the ego, but even considered as a collective and absolute unity I have difficulty seeing how a perceived misfortune could be intended from pure love. Perhaps I need to stop trying to rationalize everything in a logical sense but I can't help an amount of human curiosity.

Ah. It's strange how I can see the truth playing out on different levels though on the base level they seem to contradict each other. I suppose I'm only still searching because I haven't entirely exhausted my options yet, I'm having great difficultly seeing how I can accept the purpose of being taught a lie in the first place only to have it unlearned. It feels more like a game than anything with meaning, I'm still too bitter about the construct I've lost to trust it? Just yet anyways, I'm even getting bored with bitterness now it seems xD.

I am also snagged on #4 and equally on #6, though I'm sure it could just be my level of understanding. Are all bad things just the universe's way of waking people up so that is to be seen as love? I can't see the truth using my mind but my intuition is just as deeply perplexed. As someone who is skeptical of the LOA and seeing many people here support it, can anyone point in a direction that made them from skeptics to believers? I ran this line of inquiry near the start of my self realization but felt it was a dead end and a sort of feverish need for positivity. Is not even the negative as necessary as the good for either to exist?

Im actually a bit lumped on the same thing lately in my point of seeking (which more sort of happened than was chosen) I feel myself still pursuing my old projects but I don't really know why? I'm trying to stop questioning it and just to let myself enjoy whats coming up in the moment but it is a definite mental snag. It's difficult to feel energized about any venture if I feel I'm just a sequence of conscious and unconscious reactions that were destined to be exactly what they are from the moment I was born. Maybe it just means we should spend less time wrestling with the illusion of control and more time being in the moment and living it fully?

Not that I want to discount it completely, but my whole journey started somewhere near LOA teachings and I ditched them pretty quick. I just don't see how such a "law" could be helpful for much besides the development of the ego if it even were true. I think you could attribute anything that happens without a clear line of correlation too, so it's a bit hard to get on board with. Not that I'm not interested but it's just hard to see how such a principle from a loving universe favors people who know a general rule set to hold for thoughts, and abandons all the people who need it the worst to change their lives but are in too low a place to possibly have a chance to know it. Which is without mentioning that thoughts in regards to enlightenment are generally discouraged as a distraction from the present moment. I suppose a large part can be my own conditioning in the matter, but I just don't see how the reasoning adds up anywhere in between. I do think it promotes proper and healthy mindsets that can alleviate your resistance to the things you want and make them more likely to happen. I don't see how that makes it a bulletproof law.

I feel called to reach out to someone in person to help me make sense of this whole awakening process, but so many spiritual mediums seem at face value a circus act for people who aren't truly seekers. Is there any reliable means to find someone or is it up to trial and error? Thanks.

I fear the instability this line of inquiry will bring me, but I see what you mean and I will try. Thank you kindly.