Rob_91

This morning I decided to go at it again, for the first time without a tripsitter. I weighed out 10 mg, insufflated and layed down on my bed. It kicked in very fast. Heartrate through the roof, doing weird sounds pumping. witch witch witch witch. "Good" I thought, as I established a jogging routine recently. I instantly recognized the place where I was going to, the same place where it always takes you. yanked out of my life once again. pretty early I started to get a bit desperate. I couldnt fully surrender. I was stuck in an infinite strange loop I knew I wouldnt get out of. I banged my arms and legs against the wooden boards of my bed. I felt like Neo as he was getting unplugged from the matrix for the first time. My naked body was doing weird symmetrical poses, for example I would lie on my stomach and my hands go over my back. Afterwards I reemerge for a short moment, but realize that the experience is not nearly done with me. Fighting it will not work. At this point I wasnt sure if I will survive it. Things I read on this forum made more sense to me, for example the god stuck in infinity with himself part. I didnt notice how I had fallen out of bed, but about halfway through the experience I found myself on the floor. I pulled myself under my bed where all kind of old shit was lying around covered in dust and bathed in it. Martin Ball came to mind "and this is god too". I was grasping for air, thinking if I wouldnt consciously breathe I would suffocate. Then I melted again and I was thinking I have gone officially insane now. Im going to the madhouse. Later i learned that this is a typical egoic mechanism (reading Martin Balls guide). Slowly the experience lessened in intensity, I vividly remember the moment I was reemerging felt like Doctor Strange going through the whole universe and then being dropped off back again on the floor. Fuck yes, I'm me again! I'm here again! I got out! I was lying on the ground, staring at a dust particle, holding onto the foot of my chair. The thought of cleaning up later still seemed very surreal at this point. Finally I was able to get up, hurl myself back to bed and putting the sheets over me, freezing. I knew I had been given a second chance. This whole thing sounds very negative, but I actually dont regret the experience, because 1. I was afraid of doing it again after 3 months and I conquered my fear and 2. even tough I had many insights from my first 2 sessions, some time passed since then in which i could get some perspective on them, also getting some new input (tryptamine palace by James Oroc) and I had the chance during this experience to further contemplate some concepts. What I've learned: -Gratefulness -dont trip naked -I am god -think before you do this again

I did 5 Meo a second time a week ago. About 13mg insufflated. It was an intense but pleasurable experience, from which I got many insights. But then something strange happened the last 4 days: when I lay in my bed at night I re enter the 5 meo realm. And then I have to swallow, because it feels like there is 5meo in the back of my nose dripping down. this can happen 4-5 times a night. Then I ask myself where does this come from. is it still from the trip or does the brain naturally release it or something else. Thoughts anyone?

@pluto yep

@Serotoninluv thank you ? I will definitely grow from that experience. As a little update I switched back in that 5meo state 2-3 times tonight which was a bit freaky at first. Generally im feeling relaxed and refreshed. Also everything seems more crisp and colorful (very subtle). And I was pleasantly surprised how clean the substance felt (only reference point the one time doing cocaine to be fair). I want to take my sweet time to integrate the experience but definitely feel compelled to repeat at some point #addicted

@pluto nicely put i would also add that if you surrender to "the greater divine order at play" you can travel lighter and have a more enjoyable life experience. And yes, it blows my mind that such a chemical exists. You seem to have your fair share of such experiences as the description "temporary ejection" is spot on Like a pause mode. everybody around you is playing on while you freeze. And the gratefulness comes when you notice you didnt die, you are allowed to resume the game with the knowledge that its a game. Amazing

@OBEler thank you! you mean psychedelics I took before? it started summer 2017 with a magic truffle trip on a festival. then a few more truffles the following months/year. After that 3 1PLSD trips with increasing doses (highest 100mcgs February this year). And then just some microdosing. Try it when you have the chance and feel ready @Conrad yeah, that was what i was philosophising with my friend after the 3g aswell. Its a different state of consciousness, but that doesnt mean that its the truth. its also easy to attach a lot of stuff you heard about as a belief onto the experience. And it will definitely pass, life will go on. But for now the gratitude is going strong

I'm still blown away by what has happened. Not a big writer so bare with me. Yesterday I decided to finally test the substance that was lying around in my room since 6 months. I started with a test dose of about 3mg insufflated and was astonished how powerful even that small of a dose was. It was comparable of the peak of a 22g high hawaiian truffles trip I had last summer. a very enjoyable experience, which gave me the courage to go at it with a larger dose today. My buddy arrived at 18.00, I insufflated a bit less than 10mg and we went up to my room. it kicked in very fast. thankfully my friend calmed me down a lot by his presence, opening his beer and farting on my bed. perfect tripsitter for my taste. "is everything ok?" he asks me. "Yeah.." I tell him. "this is some near death shit" .."holy shit" I layed down on my bed, completely relaxed and it felt like everything that happened had to happen in exactly that way. then there was a white-out. I felt like I died but in a good sense. It felt like I played a video game with my life until this point and with the decision to take 5Meo I reached the end of it. That feeling was fucking beautiful. Everything was so perfect in these moments. I was lying there in my bed in complete awe. whoever has written the script of my life and did let it end in this way did a damn amazing job. I thought about films I have watched like the 13th floor, or The Game with Micheal Douglas that were like the perfect preparation for this experience. And I thought about the guys that layed the groundwork for me with all the advice and direction: Jed Mc Kenna and Leo. Slowly I was coming back to my senses. Tears came. It was all so perfect. I melted away in tears. My friend played 'You'll be a woman soon' by urge overkill and my first joke was that that is the perfect song, because I'm as fucked up as Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction and he should punch an adrenaline needle in my chest which he thankfully didnt do. This was fucking amazing...