jimwell

You will never have full control of existence. It doesn't matter if you are God or not. In the end, you are still limited. But you can expand and maximize your limits. You do this not via spiritual bypassing. You do this via internal and external self-actualization work; self-love, self-esteem, self-confidence, ambitions, planning, implementation, and luck. Luck is the other forces which you don't have control. God is in full control all the time. Even the things I mentioned which seems you have control over, are actually under God's control which are implemented via you. Everything is spirituality, that includes survival. God is all there is, so everything is spirituality. So, master survival (low level spirituality), and find and then keep your connection to your soul and existence (high level spirituality).

You are similar to a typical Japanese who works himself to death. It is called "karoshi". I have heard many times about young Japanese (early 20s) who worked 12 hours a day with essentially no days off (they don't take their rare days off) for big Japanese companies. They made much money but it was all pointless because they ended up dead in their lates 20s or early 30s. The way they died was horrible. They showed up at work in the morning and then collapsed. It's intriguing that their death occurred in the morning. Why not in the afternoon when they were supposed to be more exhausted? Some hard-working Japanese are able to make it in their late 40s before they get sick and die. The others don't die but get depressed and are forced to quit because they just can't continue anymore. Others just murder themselves because of depression. The last category of hard-working Japanese is the one which my former 55-year-old student who works for Toyota Motor Corporation as an Industry-Design Engineer belongs to. His words: "My life is nothing but work. I have been exhausted and wanting to quit for many years but not been able to. I have made billions of yen but it's pointless because I don't even have time to spend them." He looked frail and unhealthy. I hope he is still alive now and ok. It's obvious to me what you should do. Change the work situation. Try a different job if needed. If nothing works, go back to your home country and then regroup. Additional info: My former student wasn't on vacation when he studied. His company required him to do it, so the company paid for it. Studying was part of his job at that time.

The problem is that you have a very strong aspect which is very self-hating or self-defeating. It's very strong that you even identify your whole self as that one aspect. This is a very difficult problem to solve because this self-defeating aspect is embedded deep in your soul and runs in the background of your mind. This is why you feel a very strong resistance when you try to do something good for yourself. I think you should try to balance it out by developing the aspect of you which is self-loving. It must be there, somewhere in your soul. I have a small but powerful technique to help you do that. But first I need to clarify what love and self-love is. Self-love is: Being kind and good to yourself You honor your desires and do things which serve you; you eat delicious or nutritious foods, you sleep long (more or less 7 hrs) and deep, you chase and bang beautiful women, you do self-actualization work, and you pamper yourself with a big pizza from time to time. Being understanding or sympathetic to yourself When you make a mistake, especially a big one, you don't condemn or punish yourself by judging yourself as dumb, bad, or evil. And you don't restrict your chance of succeeding or doing it correctly. You always deserve a chance. Why? For no other reason but you love yourself. You also try to understand why you made such mistake. You consider your external and internal situation (your beliefs, thoughts, and feelings at the time of committing the mistake). Forgiveness It is connected to understanding or sympathy. It is easy to forgive yourself if you understand why you made a big mistake. You can even go a level higher. Even if you don’t understand for whatever reason why you are being dumb or made such a stupid mistake, you still choose to stop punishing yourself. You are still being kind to yourself, the same way you are being kind to that beautiful girl who captured your heart (might sound cringy ). Having respect and setting boundaries You draw lines or set rules for how others should behave towards you, and you strictly implement such rules. Don’t allow others to insult, bully, or gaslight you. You should be willing to punish anybody who verbally or physically harms you. It is exactly similar to protecting somebody or something you love; a dog, computer game, or $1 million in your bank account. You nourish it. And you destroy anybody or anything which harms it. Appreciation You see and appreciate the good things about you and the good things you do. Those are the essence of self-love. Contemplate them until you clearly understand them. Then start a conscious decision to love yourself and be your own protector and cheerleader. There will be a very strong resistance, but you need to use all your energy and will power to resist the resistance. 1. Look yourself in the eye in the mirror for 30 seconds to 1 minute. 2. Say "I want to love myself." Yes, I'm bad, I'm this, and that, but "I want to love myself. Do this 2 times a day, preferably in the morning, and night. You might want to wash your face first before doing it, so you look better. You can verbalize it or just say it to yourself via thoughts so nobody can hear you. And throughout the day, pause or take a moment to say it (5 to 10 times without the mirror). Do this for a few years. You will know when to stop. But after 1 year, you will feel and see the result. Don't say "I love myself". The resistance will be even stronger, and more importantly, it's a lie. It's better to be straightforward and honest, so say "I WANT to love myself". Also don't say "I want to love you". It's more direct and empowering to say "I", so say "I want to love myself". That might look a very simple exercise or routine and you underestimate its effectiveness. But it works. I generated strong and stable self-love via that. It is via self-love that you naturally become connected to your desires and feel love and excitement for existence. It's also good to have an alone time (1 to 2 hrs a day, at least 3 times a week) for contemplation, introspection, and appreciation. And find a way to implement the essence of self-love in your daily life. It's probably better if you continue your van life until you earn enough money to be able to afford an apartment. Don't go back to living with your family. And playing computer games is surely a waste of time and energy. Here is a thread I started which might also help.

Surely.

Not really accurate. If you get healed 90 percent from childhood wounds, trauma, and any other form of mental-emotional damage, you are essentially healed. You will feel the difference. Being self-loving, self-confident, and feeling good are the natural default states. And you will be much more grateful and appreciative of the default states because you have experienced the opposite (being wounded and mentally-emotionally damaged). It is similar to being grateful and appreciative of the cool or warm temperature of mid-spring or mid-autumn (20 degree Celsius to 24 degrees Celsius) because you have experienced the bone-freezing temperature of mid-winter (-10 degree Celsius) and the bone-melting temperature of mid-summer (35 degree Celsius). Another good thing about experiencing extreme suffering and recovering at least 90 percent is that you gain much from it. You will be much wiser or intelligent but also open-minded, stronger but also sensitive, grateful but also not settling for less, braver but compassionate, etc. You beautifully integrate powerful things which seem opposite to each other. You will never recover 100 percent. But you don't need to. Let the power and beauty of recovering at least 90 percent overwhelm your soul.

Then you already have the solution; enhance your ability to appreciate the beauty of reality. That will intensify your experience and enjoyment of the magnificence of existence. Consistently remind yourself to see and appreciate beauty (all forms) every day and every place. It will take time (many months to a few years), but it's worth it. It's even the only way to go. It's a lie and self-defeating. It's probably related to your spiritual bypassing (unhealed childhood wounds and trauma, unchallenged limiting beliefs, depression, and neglected desires). I also experienced this stage of nihilism and depression just a few years ago because of 2 things; remaining unhealed childhood wounds and death (It made me realize that it will erase all my experiences and memories that it feels like I was never born at all.).

@TheAvatarState You have probably fallen into the trap of spiritual bypassing. It is really important to work on your mental-emotional domain first before going deep into spirituality. I have the exact opposite experience of your experience. I am grateful every day that God has given me life so I can manifest, experience, and appreciate the beauty and magnificence of existence. I have developed eyes which are very sensitive to beauty that I feel love and admiration every day. I feel love and admiration when I see my bank account quickly growing, my beautiful red cap hanging on the wall, and when I take a shower. It boggles my mind how much intelligence and complexity are involved in creating that shower head. I imagine myself being in the wild. How do I create a shower head from scratch there? How do I even transform rocks or minerals into metal? ANd how do I manipulate the metal's shape into a shower head? And the result of such intelligent creation results in me feeing clean and fresh. I love it. This contemplation and undersatnding give me much admiration and appreciation. There is much intellgience (which is beauty) in all things around you. You just take them for granted because your eyes are not sensitive to beauty. When I listen to music, I feel good appreciating the intelligence behind the lyrics and melody. But I don't stop there. I also think about every musical instrument used to create the music. I think about how the guitar came into exsitnce. How were the strings created? And it's amazing how the strings were structured and aligned to enable easy playing. How about the business side of it? How was the guitar dsitributed or shipped? It must have taken much planning and effort for the guitarist to be able to hold that guitar. This contemplation and understanding doubles my enjoyment and appreciation of the music or song I listen to. Looking at a tree, dog, or bird ignites joy in me. I'm in awe while looking at God's work of art. It makes me feel my connection to existence. It's a beautiful, spiritual feeling. Thinking about my future also excites me. I think about the intelligent systems and good things I will create which will add more beauty and goodness to the world. I think about my future houses in Japan, SOuth Korea, and maybe China. I feel excited thinking about the very beautiful women who I will bang and enjoy. I also get excited thinking about the many beautiful parks in those countries; parks where I will walk and hang out in. It took me more than a decade to accomplish this mindset. I started with healing my very broken soul (childhood wounds and trauma, anxiety, OCD, BDD, agoraphobia, PTSD, depression, etc.). I self-healed; no therapist, no meds. I did mindful meditation and self-designed meditation. I also did much research, contemplation, introspection, and other forms of inner work. But above all is generating or developing self-love. I can't detail all forms of inner work I did because it's 4:30 am in my country and I'm sleepy. I just felt compelled to post in this thread. This video by Leo in 2018 helps. And you can see me in action here. ? http://1drv.ms/v/s!ArRczozlKBxyugRZxooKIxB1Kkw5

Existence is exactly similar to your nightly dreams. In your dreams, it feels like other people have their own localized consciousness and have their own experiences. But when you awaken from your dreams, you surely know that in your dreams, people don't have their own experiences, and that there is only ONE experiencer or perceiver, which is you. Everything is just an illusion masquerading as real. I speak from direct experience, whether that was awakening or just a mind-boggling hallucination. I think about that childhood experience everyday, trying to self-validate it or experience it again as an adult.

Spiritual bypassing can be described in a thousand words but the quote above encapsulates its core (but I need to add fulfilling your human or animalistic desires). Spiritual bypassing is a very serious mistake. But I often see many users on this forum doing it; including moderators and Leo himself (to a certain degree). Spiritual bypassing is dangerous because it harms both the spiritual bypasser and their listener. Neglecting childhood trauma, mental-emotional wounds, fears, and deep desires leads to brokenness or dysfunction, suffering, pretentiousness, murder, and self-murder.

You conflate understanding and empathy. So, you limit understanding. The deepest understanding is holistic. It includes many perspectives and the associated emotions, not just empathy. I look at bullies and serial killers (psychopaths) from various perspectives, hence I feel various emotions such as empathy, compassion, disgust, and hate. Understanding is very similar to love in a sense that it doesn’t discriminate any perspective. It welcomes various perspectives instead. Understanding and love are not only connected to each other; they are also very similar. It’s intriguing.

That might be true in the highest level; but I have no access to it. So, I can't take it as truth. But I do see that unconditional self-love is the highest beauty. I wish that was true. But think about the suffering and death you inflicted on other living beings to stay alive. The truth needs to be honored no matter how ugly. Humans do evil things because of conditioning and genetics. Nothing is random. But in the end, they still do evil; and to be alive is to be evil. If you insist that in the grand scheme of things, everything is good and perfect; I must say I have no access to it. I need to honor what I see now, which is existence is both beautiful and horrible.

This is a confused response.

Being humble is admirable only if it is genuine. You sound very convinced (or self-deceived) with your statement. I'd love to hear more details about your story.

To be alive is to be evil. So, yes, I am evil. But not as evil as the bullies and serial killers. What's your point?

You better stop playing your spiritual games. If you insist on it, you also deserve to get jailed and tortured, or executed.

You're playing a game. You also hate that who murders your mother, wife or dog. Not everything you hate is a "shadow" inside you.

I don't. You do? ? Stop joking. @tsuki I can understand the empathy and understanding for these twisted humans. They never chose their abusive parents and genetics. But simultaneously, I see the masquerade, power trip, evil, and cowardice in these bastards. These are deeply wounded individuals with much hidden or unacknowledged anger inside. Their entire existence is then devoted to restoring their self-esteem by exacting vengeance to innocent humans. And of course, they choose the easiest or weakest targets who are women, disabled, kids, and senior citizens. These serial killers though might seem outlaws, are actually conformists. It is people who are regarded as low value to society ("bitches", homeless, mentally or physically disabled, etc.) who are usually decapitated and dismembered by these coward bastards. And I value self-responsibility, independent thinking, goodness, honesty, self-awareness, and bravery. Thats why I feel repulsed.

I have been doing this exercise everyday and everywhere for a few years. Yes, love and understanding are connected. But there are situations which hate and understanding are also connected. For example, the more I understand the motives of bullies and serial killers (psychopaths), the more I get disgusted by them.

The appearances or forms are the illusions. No difference. My ego probably wants to survive by continuing to be self-deceived. And it's ok. No need to rush things. There is time for everything. So complete awakening will happen at the correct time.

self-love is not worth it? Isn't self-love the highest spiritual goal and teaching? I think self-understanding or omniscience comes second.

You obviously were the one who typed it. And no, you're not a robot. You are a human without consciousness, an illusion pretending to be real. I just said it for what it is. There is only ONE consciousness. If you are conscious, then I am not. I am just an illusion pretending to be real. But calm down, as I have repeatedly emphasized, I am not sure whether my "awakening" was genuine or just a hallucination.

I have been away for a few months but I decided to sign in because I have something good to share to you. I experienced "Solipsism" when I was a kid. If awakening is real, that was my first awakening. There is only ONE consciousness. So, all humans (and animals) you see in this world have no "localized" consciousness. They are illusions pretending to be real. If you are sure that you are conscious, that means Leo has no localized consciousness. Your consciousness is all there is. But unfortunately for you, I am sure I am conscious. So, it means I am all there is. You, Leo, and other forum members here are illusions pretending to be real. I am not bullshitting. Here is the link if you want more details. Despite this childhood "awakening", I am still not sure whether that was genuine. I can't verify whether that was genuine or just a hallucination. I wonder why Leo is completely sure about it. And in my "Dream-Solipsism" awakening, there was no hint that I was God. That's another difference. I have been contemplating and trying to verify the genuiness (authenticity) of that "awakening" because it is completely important. But I haven't succeeded. It's very frustrating. There is simply no way for me to know.

I have a love-hate relationship with Japan. Japan embodies the best and worst of Stage Blue. The country's extreme collectivism provides a few of the most beautiful things in this world; peace and harmony (people on the streets are very respectful to you), safety (you can leave dop your wallet on the train or leave your bicycle anywhere), beautiful and feminine women, cleanliness and organization (the streets are clean and all activities are strictly scheduled and followed), unity (everybody shares the same values), etc. But it's the same extreme collectivism which results to completely dumb and ugly things. A Japanese (just like any Stage Blue person) values "following the group" than "doing than right thing". How perverted is that? That was the exact worldview which resulted to Germany's Nazism. It's the same worldview which produced the Divine Wind (kamikaze), the crazy, senseless act which horrified the American soldiers during WW2. How could anybody fly a plane only to intentionally crash it into an enemy ship or plane; shattering everything, including the pilot's skeleton? It must have taken tremendous devotion and blind loyalty to the "divine" emperor (Naruhito), and, priority and importance of the country and countrymen (above the self) to pull it off. I have experienced both the best and worst of Japan's extreme collectivism. I have experienced the good things I already mentioned. I was also given tremendous respect and importance because of my job (considered as authority). But because of my innate tendency to stand up for my principles, I also experienced the worst. I chose to quit rather than being forced to change my teaching style from being dynamic and creative to being dumb and robotic. I chose to resist propagating abuse to my juniors. I stopped my mother-in-law from bullying me and everybody in her immediate family. I was considered as crazy and problematic for destroying the harmony and established traditions. So, I lost everything (my Japanese wife, home, school, money, and Japan and its beautiful nature and 4 seasons). It was very mentally-emotionally painful. And I questioned myself many times whether being integrous and uncompromising was worth the tragedy and lost. But at the same time, I knew I still had the most important thing in my life; myself and me honoring my principles. Now I'm crying; not only because of the suffering as a result of the persecution and the big losses; but also because of the intense love and admiration I feel for myself because of the bravery and integrity I displayed and maintained until the end. I'm not out of the woods yet. But regardless of where I go from here, I won't regret my past actions. It was worth it. I'm not bullshitting.

I am the real wolf, not Donald Trump. ? Being a sheep repulses me. I am inherently integrous, I honor my highest values, many times above my survival. This is God's gift (and curse) to me. My life is naturally difficult. I reach the highest levels which makes people envy to death, but I also fall to levels people are scared to death to be at. And people either really love and admire me or really hate me, never average. The recent tragedy and losses were too big and shocking that I asked myself the questions you asked me. But in the end, I was happy with what I did. I can't live my life being fake and repulsed. The tragedy and losses are temporary. I can recreate my past "good" life and even make it bigger. But this time, I am planning to be financially self-sustainable and resilient so that even if I experience tragedies in the future, which I am prone to, my survival won't be threatened that much. I mean in the past, I lacked proper financial investments. Japan is still a very good place to live in if you are an introvert, self-reliant, and self-satisfied. It's a very clean and organized country, and Japanese are very respectful and polite to you. It's good because you really don't need to be close to them anyway. They are the best strangers on the street or acquaintances. And yes, you can't really have a close, genuine connection to them. They can't even be genuine to themselves, because they need to conform to their family and society. They always betray themselves to avoid trouble and shame. But to be fair, my Japanese ex-wife was better than most, but her Blue core was still running in the background of her soul, unfortunately. There are many weird and pathetic things in Japan aside from sexual dysfunctions, hikikomori, and suicides as a direct result of extreme collectivism. Another one is "salaryman" (a man who works at an office for a salary) go to hostess clubs after overtime work. Guess what their purpose is; it's not sex. They spend a fortune to talk to girls to boost their self-esteem. They eat too much shit at work that they need to recharge by being willfully deceived by the hostesses. They need to do it, otherwise they will have the alternative, which are "karoshi" (death by overwork) and major depression. I'm not joking.

A strict social designer is highly conscious. An internally diverse Stage Yellow social designer and leader functions well, especially in times of crisis (the current coronavirus pandemic, and during and the aftermath of WW3).