oldman

Thanks for the detailed reply @Leo Gura . Indeed, you are correct that I have over 40 ego-years to shake off (that's like 86 dog years). Despite a deep and rapid change, only two years ago I was a very hard-nosed materialist and atheist. My body may have not caught up as you suggest - I think it's a good diagnosis. Let me take this opportunity to thank you Leo, many of your videos made a great impact along my path (e.g. I loved your strange-loop, quantum and Gödel series).

I'm seeking some guidance regarding my experience with 5-meo. After a couple of low dose tests I've done a 25 and a couple of days later 35mg plugging sessions of freebase with some vinegar. Not everything was completely dissolved, but I have read Leo saying that's not a problem. I may have used too much water (~0.5ml) with 35mg. I did not break through in either case. First I was indeed quite scared doing higher dosages because of the rapid heart rate I experienced on test doses, but I didn't let it stop me. It starts with a sensation of a something thick and heavy coming my way, body load, stiff neck, discomfort and then rapid heart rate, and yet low shallow breathing. I remain totally calm and even surprised to feel my body going into crazy stress with what I can only interpret as fear of death. Yet I - the mind or the awareness don't share that fear, as if I disconnected from my body. It's hard to describe, but while I try to surrender and let go of the body that feels like a frail bag of bones lying there, it keeps calling me back worried that I am literally dying - I'm an older man and I really don't know how much I can take So then I realize a struggle of ego pulling from one side, and the whatever it is pulling me to the unknown - I notice and let go, focus on "I am" focus on body sensations (breath, heart pumping) but I can't ignore the body/ego for more than a few seconds. The experience was not fun at all, but not horrible either, I've had a few similar states during meditation where my body sensed danger and reacted with adrenaline and rapid heart rate, which caused me to drop out of the awareness, ego wins again. I would definitely continue with increasing the dose a bit, but last time I noticed my heart rate stayed at above 90 (from normal 60) for maybe 6 hours. That worries me because I'm ok with ego death, but not yet seeking the real thing. My questions are: Is my physical reaction "normal" or should I avoid 5-meo? I know your'e not a doctor. For those with 5-meo, dpt and N,N-dmt experience - is the heart rate/body fear part similar or different for you? Do others have similar mind-body dissociation where the mind is chill and the body is going apeshit? Does the body fear go away after more practice? Any recommendation on how to break through other than just add more material? Does the body calm down if you do break through? Thank you!