Roy

Skip to 1:09. Though the whole video is worth watching.

@Alfonsoo I'm sorry but you won't be able to change them, it is what it is unfortunately. However, consider this a great opportunity for you to grow by loving anyways. That is the most conscious thing to do.

I'm a 27 year old man and Lion made me cry like a little girl. It is a beautifully shot film that really transports you to the places and journey of the main character. 10/10 movie, you should really watch it @Nichts if you want to evoke some genuine emotions.

@pluto8 You are aware of the creativity and trickiness of the mind trying to find loopholes, so that's a first massive step in the right direction. So keep practicing that mindfulness, simply noticing those things happening in real-time will allow you to catch yourself and break the train of thought. Then you can return to the present moment. However this is not just a "mind" problem, but mostly an emotional one. You described it as something that makes you "feel bad". This is why I brought up the point about assigning meaning to the promise. I didn't demand you outright stop assigning meaning and give yourself a pass, but see, by setting a promise and assigning too much (or false) meaning to it while you know your mind has the power to rationalize a way to break it, you set yourself up for failure and the suffering that follows. What's the solution? Tapping more into your emotions and letting them guide you to set up a promise or rather what "direction of decisions" to make. You see listening to the mind and establishing a promise exclusively based on what it tells you is going to make it a hard promise to keep. Your mind doesn't care what you really feel, it operates on it's own parameters most of the time (based around homeostasis and "safety", which by definition keeps you contracted and unable to develop towards your higher self ie. where your emotions are trying to take you). The content of what your mind has been filled with is not a process of what your heart is guiding you towards. It's based on external shame, guilt, and "shouldn't" mentalities which while maybe useful to give you the beginning spark of what you need to want to make a promise to yourself, doesn't give you what you need to carry through with the promise and getting the result you want. You need to spend less time inside your head listening to your thoughts. Next time you're going to make a promise or make a change for yourself, simply ground yourself in what feels good and what your genuine emotions are guiding you towards, rather than logical conclusions and what you "shouldn't" be doing.

@electroBeam It sounds like maybe she was just a little rough and hard to please, but there is something to learn and grow from here - you have to reframe your attitude about sex. Think first and foremost about what you can give, then worry about what you want after. Love is about what you can offer, not receive. Even if some stuff makes you a little uncomfortable, you need to dive into it sometimes. Take pride in pleasing her and doing a good job as a man. Eat her pussy like it's your last meal on Earth, every time you do oral. That also means learning all the techniques, watch videos, practice with your partners and ask if you can try new things (consent is king). Even if it doesn't feel super "you" and authentic, remember it's just a temporary state. You aren't always going to be there and if you are too much you probably need to consider you're in the wrong relationship sexually and need to look elsewhere. Once you satisfy them then you're in a position to negotiate and focus on what you want. Of course the bedroom isn't all about transactions, but it does play a role sometimes. Sexuality is a domain and duality of very animistic/spiritual needs, desires, and connections. Don't be afraid to venture to the other side of the spectrum temporarily if it means making your partner happy, they'll do it for you as well if the bond is good. You can get what you want and more, but you're going to have to be willing to work for it, and to be uncomfortable sometimes.

@capriciousduck You are shy because you are scared and care too much about what people think of you. There is a difference between being introverted and not having much of a desire to share yourself with the world, and then simply being unable to share yourself with the world because you are crippled by your shyness. If the thought of "I'm just a quiet, shy person. It's my personality" crosses your mind, realize that's just a bullshit rationalization your mind makes so you don't have to put in the work of facing the problem head on, which is the only way it will get solved. Yes it can hinder personal development. So you need to learn to express yourself authentically, without apologizing for it. Accept yourself unconditionally prior to everyone else's feedback, not after.

It was November 2014, I realized I was flunking out of school. Sitting in my room after a couple days of bad/suicidal thoughts, I looked up "How to cure depression" on YouTube and watched Leo's video. The way he spoke really resonated with me, watched a few more videos. Forgot about Actualized.Org for a couple years though I think I was still subbed, maybe not. It wasn't until October 2017 when I got a huge raise that I started taking personal development seriously and I started watching his videos again.

I know what you mean @pluto8, I've broken promises to myself so many times yet I almost never do it for other people. It's weird. Regardless you have to practice accepting yourself, including the promises broken, and not dwell too hard on the past or the shame that comes with the "sacredness" of a promise. Remember you're literally manifesting the emotions of shame and the "holiness" of the promise yourself. So if you stop treating it as meaningful, it actually loses it's meaning. This isn't to say you should let yourself off the hook all the time, the ego tends to rationalize and twist acceptance as a pass for doing anything without consequence. Simply allow yourself to detach enough so you can focus your energy on going back to the drawing board and setting more attainable and realistic promises. You didn't bring up the specific situation in this thread but I'm sure what I've said will be applicable. Hope this helps - Roy

@IJB063 You're absolutely right man haha. I thought about the same thing a few times the past couple years. Still though, it's fun to indulge the ego and do the "me" tests once in a while

The problem is right here, you're approaching it selfishly right from the start @Aquarius. You want to feel totally loved, but don't want to give all your love yourself because you have the need for safety. There is so "safety" in love. If you want it to be genuine and deep you have to approach it without fear, and have the courage to be completely vulnerable. Stop giving into the illusion that you can protect yourself. There is always a chance you will get hurt. Listening to that voice will only lead you to the negative space you're in right now. Ignore it and rather focus on how you can give as much love as possible, not what you're getting.

Yea @Opo. Do not engage with twats like that, it's literally a waste of time. Even if you go through all the work and find all the statistics you need and construct the perfect argument, it's almost 100% guaranteed he won't reconsider his beliefs, because he has his own "facts". There are an infinite amount of better things you could doing with your time, just let go and forget about it.

A huge amount of relationships I see (living in rural Canada) are between solid Blue men and Green women. The man will act as the "noble pillar" simply working hard all the time and being that rock, while the women will be more community/relationship based (generally speaking). Of course the women will try to challenge and push the man emotionally and value wise but he'll usually stick his ground in a fair manner, and the women will understand that foundational aspects he offers is what she needs, so she accepts him and doesn't try to change him too much. Remember people go their whole lives stuck on one stage and that's OK! It can still be a great life. Love is about accepting your S/O as they are, and not expecting them to change all the time. Otherwise it's not unconditional and it's not true love, it's selfishness. Also I think people who learn about Spiral Dynamics start to subconsciously (and consciously) demonize those on the lower stages and paint bad pictures of them in their mind, because it's tied with personal development at that one is "better" than another. They are imagining that a "Woke Green or Yellow" couldn't and (shouldn't) love a Blue person because they are too conservative and backwards. As if love cares................. love is just love. Stop trying to think about it and quantify it, as @Onemanwolfpac said love isn't rational. Just be love.

@aklacor727 None. If you love each other, have great communication, and a strong foundation of trust and honesty..........Spiral Dynamics values don't really matter. Of course people who are closer together on the Spiral are more likely to resonate with each other, but that doesn't mean a relationship can't work out between people at different levels. Happens all the time. SD is more for understanding groups anyways, not individuals.

This is all true scientifically but people who use and focus on these natural facts and understandings largely just use it to justify their own selfishness, as the ego does. It's deliberately ignorant of the larger holistic picture. Human beings are animals yes, but we are also simotaneously transcendent of our animal programming. We can behave in ways that are counterproductive to our "survival" and "thriving", because we are looking for other things we deem more valuable. Of course our biology will still be humming along our whole lives to various degrees in different people, but that doesn't mean you have to be a slave to it, you have a choice. Monogamy isn't a "lie" (whatever that means). It's an option. This really all comes down to selfishness vs selflessness. Stray too far in either direction and you're going to feel states of hollow dissatisfaction or new states of happiness. Do you want to be a Devil or do you want to be God?

I know it's not completely happening in this thread but I see a lot of it on this forum. Why so much Sam Harris and Jordan Peterson hate? They help millions people through their discussions and knock so much sense into the endless stupidity in our society. So what if they're rationalists or too happy to talk about science? That's just what they know, and that's what most people need these days, which is precisely why it's resonating so much. You help people where they are at. Proselytizing about Stage Yellow systems thinking or preaching State Turquoise spirituality just flies over the head of Blue and Orange masses. If you aren't being mindful of who you're trying to help it's just ego masturbation about how woke and smart you are and it's no wonder communities like this get laughed at so much for being "crazy". If you think people like Sam and Jordan aren't doing good things and should be ignored you need to go back to the drawing board of your world view, because you've lost the plot.

These are just temporary "states" that have no real grounding @The_Searcher. Of course people have different personalities deep down, but the things that give you an identity are just an illusion. You may have had experiences or emotions that made you feel "shy", but they have passed and gone. The only thing keeping it alive right now are your attachments to the idea of you "being" that way. The thing is you aren't that way, you are (loosely) whatever way you choose to act in the present moment or future. Really consider this possibility. It may feel like just a mental exercise but so much of our life comes from there so don't underestimate it's power.

That's the right track! It can be hard given cultural circumstances, or certain family situations. Just keep learning to accept events and most importantly yourself

Sounds like you have some underlying hang ups on your relationship to your own pleasure @Rolo. You mentioned "compulsory masturbation". Is there some shame and disgust associated with the habit? There is nothing wrong with some self-love but it should be a sort of sporadic thing of enjoyment rather than a planned event or indulgence of sudden bodily feelings. Wisdom is balance. You are probably out of rhythm and your mind knows it. If so maybe consider taking some time off or sparsely having any orgasms for a while and letting your brain reset.

@Ross Humiliation sucks, I am familiar with it as well. Consider to stop taking yourself too seriously and please stop giving so much authority to others! As if what some high-schoolers thought of you in the past matters matters now. Do you think so? Have those incidents been brought up verbally running into people from high school? Probably not. Try something for me, take a moment to go back to those events and pretend you aren't yourself for the time being. Imagine it from someone else's perspective, is there any humor to be found? I mean really be honest about it, then ask yourself if you were that person looking at someone else in that situation would you laugh? Don't dwell on the details too much, this is just an exercise to get you to detach emotionally and to stop caring so much as to what happened. You'll find that it's merely your perspective that needs to be changed, because the past can't be. Ultimately you need to learn to truly accept the past for exactly what it is and that things happened. They don't define anything about your current identity, unless you let them, and keep propagating it every time the memory comes to your mind. Events come and go and are largely out of our control, that's ok! Remember your self-esteem is exactly that, how you regard yourself. Regardless of what shitty situation is thrown at you or the things that are said to you, you can use the power of your mind to cut through all that and accept yourself exactly as you are. Time should heal this wound, but you need to let it.

I used to be able to smoke weed frequently when I was a teenager. Was fun and did it at least once a week from ages 15-18. Only done it three or four times since then, it's no longer enjoyable or useful to me. So I don't do it, just like alcohol. It makes me feel anxious, sometimes physically ill, and just not pleasant. You don't any have obligations to use it, regardless of whether your friends are using it, and there isn't anything wrong with you @Dylan Page. Just don't do it! There is a lot of bullshit and delusional attitudes around weed, as some kind of "spiritual" enhancer and all that. Yea, it may be awesome for some, but not for others like you or me. Your life will continue on and be fine without it. Marijuana isn't necessary for anything, and your lungs and overall health will be better off not doing it.

The overwhelming majority of girls you're going to find on matchmaking services are going to be Orange (with a handful of Green), due to the focus on surface appearance, making impressions through false marketing, and the focus on materialism. You're not likely to find a balance matchmaking platform. People tend to flock to what's the most popular because they don't want to put in the work to search and utilize every niche app out there. That's just the nature of social media technology. The best quality program doesn't always get the attention it deserves. It's a combination of luck, marketing, and timing. If you want to find people generally on a certain part of the Spiral you have to study what kind of people they are and where you'd likely find them, in real life. That's the truth.

I think you need to accept and appreciate where you're at in your journey @Joshaps. This is your life after-all, and with enough luck it should be a long one. It sounds like you're seeking the spiritual path out of some kind of social pressure or neurotic obligation you've created in your mind. You have many years left. Please take the time to deal with the important stuff right in front of you, there is nothing to be ashamed of having to go backwards a bit and rebuild your foundation. Becoming enlightened and going deep into spirituality is a luxury of many other things, not the priority. People get confused because they see others and get envious of their level of awakening or peace, then neglect and drop so much of their life to pursue it blindly. Accept and love yourself exactly as you are right now, and go from there. Hope this helps, cheers - Roy

How sheltered were you growing up, if at all? It sounds like you had a lot of opportunities to really come out of your shell but you weren't careful and totally true to who you really are, so your ego backlashed and created the panic attacks as a way for you to retreat to "safety". Am I right about this @The_Searcher?

Interesting, my type changed from exactly a year ago when I did the myers briggs test. I was INFJ, now I'm INFP. Then again I have hit personal development pretty hard core and done a lot of deep introspection. My partner is like the complete opposite though but we're similar in so many ways too. Opposites attract I guess! Getting her to take the test again now wonder if she's changed too. Edit: Her result last year was ENFP. Now she's a INFP like me haha. I'm rubbing off on her!

Leo doesn't like tool, clearly not woke.