Roy

I used to be able to smoke weed frequently when I was a teenager. Was fun and did it at least once a week from ages 15-18. Only done it three or four times since then, it's no longer enjoyable or useful to me. So I don't do it, just like alcohol. It makes me feel anxious, sometimes physically ill, and just not pleasant. You don't any have obligations to use it, regardless of whether your friends are using it, and there isn't anything wrong with you @Dylan Page. Just don't do it! There is a lot of bullshit and delusional attitudes around weed, as some kind of "spiritual" enhancer and all that. Yea, it may be awesome for some, but not for others like you or me. Your life will continue on and be fine without it. Marijuana isn't necessary for anything, and your lungs and overall health will be better off not doing it.

The overwhelming majority of girls you're going to find on matchmaking services are going to be Orange (with a handful of Green), due to the focus on surface appearance, making impressions through false marketing, and the focus on materialism. You're not likely to find a balance matchmaking platform. People tend to flock to what's the most popular because they don't want to put in the work to search and utilize every niche app out there. That's just the nature of social media technology. The best quality program doesn't always get the attention it deserves. It's a combination of luck, marketing, and timing. If you want to find people generally on a certain part of the Spiral you have to study what kind of people they are and where you'd likely find them, in real life. That's the truth.

I think you need to accept and appreciate where you're at in your journey @Joshaps. This is your life after-all, and with enough luck it should be a long one. It sounds like you're seeking the spiritual path out of some kind of social pressure or neurotic obligation you've created in your mind. You have many years left. Please take the time to deal with the important stuff right in front of you, there is nothing to be ashamed of having to go backwards a bit and rebuild your foundation. Becoming enlightened and going deep into spirituality is a luxury of many other things, not the priority. People get confused because they see others and get envious of their level of awakening or peace, then neglect and drop so much of their life to pursue it blindly. Accept and love yourself exactly as you are right now, and go from there. Hope this helps, cheers - Roy

How sheltered were you growing up, if at all? It sounds like you had a lot of opportunities to really come out of your shell but you weren't careful and totally true to who you really are, so your ego backlashed and created the panic attacks as a way for you to retreat to "safety". Am I right about this @The_Searcher?

Interesting, my type changed from exactly a year ago when I did the myers briggs test. I was INFJ, now I'm INFP. Then again I have hit personal development pretty hard core and done a lot of deep introspection. My partner is like the complete opposite though but we're similar in so many ways too. Opposites attract I guess! Getting her to take the test again now wonder if she's changed too. Edit: Her result last year was ENFP. Now she's a INFP like me haha. I'm rubbing off on her!

Not targeting you specifically Preety but rather this statement. This kind of resistance is specifically why this necessary progress is so hard to get in motion. Of course the details would have to be worked out and we'd have to be careful, but it takes courage to leap over your current intuitions and strongly held personal opinions and feelings.

@Girzo When I hitting dating hard I exclusively set up 2 part nights. The first part being food related, having a nice meal or ice cream, something where you can sit down and get to know each other for an hour or two. Then into something fun and deliberately physical like bowling or light hiking, where you have frequent opportunities to break the touch barrier (showing her how to do stuff, guiding her arms and body etc.). The first part of the date gives her some time to get comfortable with your presence, it should be easy to tell the vibes in the second part of the date if you can touch her or not. Just go with the flow and don't force anything, but as @universe said you should be leading. If you act more confident than her (even if you don't feel confident) she'll likely be more at ease and allow that physical contact. They want you to make the move. It can be frustrating that it's always men that have to initiate everything but that's just the nature of the game, embrace it and master it.

@Girzo When you're pursuing pick-up, a relationship, or dating in general you need to be very intentional about it, don't half-ass this or you get half-ass results. Clearly define what you're standards are and stick to them, here are a few of mine for reference; I will NOT date a smoker. I will NOT further a relationship with someone who is unemployed, with no prospects. I will NOT have sex with someone who is below a 7 for me. These kind of questions and a lot more are what you need to set in place, so you know what to look for and where to look for it. Building a good relationship with someone else begins with having a good relationship with yourself, and respecting who you are. Of course nobody you meet will be perfect, but don't compromise so heavily with your standards! You won't have to ditch anyone if you don't waste time with people you know you don't want to be with. The problem with all of this is ego and selfishness, it's so tricky and pervasive. People always want their cake and to eat it too. They will always look for someone much better than them (or worse if they're manipulative), then wonder why they are alone and get resentful. Be humble and fair with setting your boundaries, but at least set some. Otherwise you're in for a lot of wasted time and damaged feelings.

I'm not saying it's impossible, or should be demonized. It's just that relationships built on sex don't last. Being too eager or impatient to get in someones pants (from either side) sub-communicates selfishness, and a lack of intent to build a long term relationship. Of course there could just be very strong connection and both parties want to do it. However taking a bit of time and exercising restraint (and talking about that) shows respect and strength. "I'm not just here to bang you because you're hot and I'm a fuck boy." (That's what women will read from you.) This obviously depends all on what you're after. If you just want to have a good time and have sex with a lot of people, by all means go ahead. Just realize that you won't get anything truly valuable from that. Get it out of your system while you're young and make sure to communicate what you're doing to everyone you're with, otherwise you can hurt a lot of emotions.

@Space If everything is going great, why not ask them for a second date? What do you have to lose? How are you going to find out how deep the attraction goes unless you try? Not trying to assume here but is there perhaps a deeper problem of fear with connection and intimacy? Is that why you got your skin in the game so late? Nothing wrong with that, people can be busy of course and not pursue dating til later. The important thing with first dates is to ask questions about them and their past, some stuff about their family, ask tough questions, you want to really gauge if your values match. That's the most important factor for seeing if the relationship is going to go anywhere. Of course initial sexual attraction is important, but you won't find out how compatible in that regard until you have sex. Which probably won't (and shouldn't happen) until 3-5 dates (or 1-2 months) in.

Never, or not for a very very, very long time. Most people are actually incapable of looking inwards. Hence why human history has played out the way it has, all the way up to our current situation. The sea of the masses need to follow their own mechanisms for change and improvement, otherwise they wouldn't be the "masses".

@Keyhole Hah! She's rude? She actually seems very polite and only threw in a little passive aggressiveness in after you wouldn't let up for multiple posts. You're acting like a spoiled little girl who isn't getting what she wants from daddy How about trying to genuinely help her instead of just using her post as a place to grind your axe and preach about men vs women dynamics? Anyways @Laloosh this is indeed something he probably genuinely feels he "missed out on", but it's something he'll have to get over and mature past. That boat sailed for him. The reason it's coming up is because it's a selfish egoic part of himself that used to exist when he was younger, reemerging it's ugly head now that he has the opportunity for sexual promiscuity (based on his looks). You shouldn't indulge him based on some naive idea it's counter-intuitive and that it might be "progressive" and make your love go deeper. It could easily go south and the relationship will drift apart and collapse. You are enough right now and you need to encourage him to truly commit to your love together. Your emotions of jealousy, resentment, and "selfishness" are actually valid emotions. Don't let your own possible self-esteem issues paint them as negative, that's just harsh self-critical analysis that seems to creep itself into the psyche after doing a lot of this work. It's not you that needs to do the work, it's him. Accept where he is at but make it clear you won't be ok with it and make sure he knows you're there to support him and get over this juvenile urge. Good luck - Roy

Fortunately I don't work in a coal mine

I love the point about creatures suffering. It's at the center of almost every problem in the world. We all need to expand our compassion and love as far as we can, not just to ourselves and family and say "k cut it that's it". Like so many people do. Reminds me of argument against progressive climate change policies, "Oh think of all people that will lose their jobs they have children and families. It would be immoral to close the coal mines!" You see that's a perfectly rational POV from the miners perspectives, but that's because they lack greater love. It's selfish and doesn't extend past their family. They haven't been exposed to the potential that they could love the greater world and the environment. Which total suffering could outweigh their own if the problem is left unchecked. Sadly they are too shortsighted to see.....

Alex Grey and Tool are fucking awesome. I do like his artwork and have quiet a bit of it saved in my computer, however my only critique is a lot of it is pretty repetitive. It's his thing though so can't blame him.

@kagaria Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but the pain and exhaustion ain't going anywhere! There is no silencing it. There is solace though. By doing it over and over and training, you will reduce the levels of those things. The hardest part is always the beginning, but it's comparatively smooth sailing after you get into it. And with enough time eventually you'll change your relationship and perspective on the negative feelings of exercise. They'll start to become actually somewhat enjoyable for you. Because you'll realize the pain and exhaustion is an indicator that your body is feeling resistance and therefore getting stronger and healthier!

I don't know what you need surgery for but if possible try and work to get as much money as possible. Work every day and take every shift available. You'll be able to move out much faster and it'll be more and more hours you're away from that toxic environment. I've been in the same sort of situation with my dad, who was quite disruptive and argumentative. Always putting me down. You just don't feed back into it. A lot of the times they're looking for an argument and love the yelling, it keeps them from addressing their own problems by projecting. Don't give it to them, just say what you have to say to manipulate them into calming down and not caring as much. Spend as much free time as you can outside away from the house. It'll unlikely you'll change them at their age especially with the power dynamic of you depending on them for now. That's ok, you're worried about developing yourself, not them. What you need is to minimize your time with them if it's that draining. You'll be able to cope better and absorb the negativity if it's in small doses. Hang in there @TheUniverseIsLove. Make a plan and be strategic about what I said and things will be more manageable now and better in the future! Good luck with your recovery

Waaaahhh. Life isn't fair, awful things happen and justice isn't served equally in all cases. Too bad, get over it. Stop trying to selfishly make this a comparison about which race suffers more. Black people have every right to be upset currently and historically. Either support them or stay out of the way. Making it a comparative game just slows down progress and makes you look like a twat.

@LfcCharlie4 Not to take away from his swagger & obvious skill, but I think if end up being the stereotype of the slightly-foreigner-pseudo-spiritual kind of guy it's relatively easy to get with a lot of women. They swoon over that shit because it seems so new and exotic compared to the typical bragging strong male westerner type that they're exhausted of.

There are an endless combination of contraceptives you can use to keep the chances of getting pregnant extremely low, and then if by some divine stroke of God you somehow get pregnant and really don't want a child, you can get an abortion. Which of course may or may not be an option depending on your willingness to do it, or if it's even legal where you live. I wouldn't abandon sex for so many years because of some ridiculously small statistical chance. Live a little.

@lostmedstudent If your body physically doesn't have the ability, it just might not have it. Every body is different. However you still must do the work deeply exploring yourself sexually (alone with solo masturbation as well) if you haven't. Western society for the most part keeps women repressed sexually and conditions/shames them into being timid and passive, and that enjoying sex as a women is "dirty". You need to identify if that conditioning has been holding you back and affecting your attitudes about sex subconsciously. Have you really explored and seen ALL the different kinks out there? What gets you going, specifically? These are the questions you need to ask yourself. You need to genuinely be willing to explore all the possible triggers to find and unlock the thing that could help you have multiple orgasms. Having regular vanilla sex over and over just isn't going to cut it. Remember this is your private domain, don't let the shame and projections of others people and society dictate this part of your life to you, it's none of their business and they'll never know what's going on in your bedroom anyways. Don't hold yourself back by being scared to express yourself in this domain, and don't be afraid to get dirty as hell Edit: Don't forget toys! Buy lots of toys, my partner and I have a nightstand filled with about 20 separate toys totaling a few hundred dollars. You have to invest if you really care about this part of your life!

Violence in the name of Green values doesn't make it Red or Blue, it's still green. A Red or Blue wouldn't be using violence for environmentalism or social justice lol. Violence is a deeper primordial force that can be co-opted and used from any stage and their justifications. WW2 > The allies fighting back against against Blue for the ideals of liberty, individualism, and freedom of Orange.

@lostmedstudent Yes, for my girlfriend and I it happens on average about once or twice out of every ten times having sex. I can make her cum anywhere between 3-15 times during a session so it's pretty much inevitable that we'll cross orgasms at the same time haha. I guess the trick is I make an effort to really pay attention and learn her body language so I can gauge when she's close and adjust myself accordingly. I know every inch of her body. Taking my mind off myself and focusing on her helps me last and control my own orgasm a bit longer, which is important to save for the big finale because I only get one then I'll start to hurt after, except on rare occasions. Also make sure to have very clear communication while in the act, literally let your partner verbally know where you're at and ask them where they are at so you can sinc up together. Don't make it unnatural and obsess about having a simultaneous orgasm though. It's important for good sex to surrender and go with the flow of it instead of trying to control everything. Remember you're doing it to relax and relieve stress it's not a box to check! Enjoy - Roy

Some people have natural internal clocks like my mom who can magically wake up whenever she wants/has to with no alarm. Meanwhile someone like me would literally miss work or appointments every day without alarm technology. My natural body cycle (if left unregulated) is to be awake 18-20 hours and sleep 8-10 hours. Which of course pushes my waking time ahead a few hours each day, so can't wake up "naturally" at a certain time. So the point is...... do some rigorous experimenting! Find out what your body does on it's own and make a plan around that.

Let her project and demand all day long, doesn't mean you have to do what she says . Just ignore it and let it bounce off! "Yes mom." "You're right mom." "Ok mom." Meanwhile you're doing your own thing haha.