Roy

I was an INFJ a year ago when I took the test, now INFP. Thanks for the resources

No. THIS is Stage Green porn.

@Leo Gura Since it's likely you won't make videos about the earlier stages, can you make a detailed thread about Beige, Purple, Red? I get most of SD but I don't understand the transitions between the earlier stages as much. They seem a bit more ambiguous to me than Orange to Green for example.

@Chris365 Here is the thing about trust in a relationship, you have to give it blindly, as a gift. If you're completely honest, you'll accept the fact there is literally nothing you can do if your partner decides to cheat. You cannot control them or manipulate them, and if you try it comes off as insecure which pushes them away and not trust you. Then they'll be able to rationalize cheating or leaving you. A self-fulfilling prophecy. If you want the same trust back, you have to display the courage and inspire them by giving them ALL your trust yourself. Everyone is completely and utterly vulnerable in every single relationship, that's the risk that comes with it. Take power in accepting this truth and by showing you're secure with such vulnerability. I know it's hard, and it's counter-intuitive, but it's exactly what needs to happen if you're to deepen your trust for each other. If things go bad anyways, guess what? It's NOT a reflection of you, it's a reflection of them. You'll be able to get over the pain, because at least you have your integrity and know you're an honest person, and you move on.

Nope.

Indentity and personality are separate things, be careful not to confuse the two!

Be a mature adult and try to remedy the situation, if they aren't receptive just let go and ignore/don't engage with them in the future. Also you should never block people out of principle. To "block" someone is to not face a part of reality, including your emotions or perhaps projection of yourself you don't like. Don't limit yourself. Instead consider what you could learn from them and their perspective.

That title is one hell of a fucking quote!

Realize these for what they are, thought stories. If you're honest and take an eagle eye perspective for a moment, nobody is really "better" than anyone else. They just have circumstances that are more favorable or less for getting certain results. Depending on what you want. If your goal is to make a lot of money for example, you'll always look at rich people or those with higher paying jobs than you as "better". However if you were someone who doesn't care about money, you literally wouldn't care and wouldn't be suffering like you are here. See what I'm getting at? It's a self-manifestation of suffering, which means since you're creating it, you can also end it by letting go and ceasing to desire so many things. This isn't to say you shouldn't have goals or wants in life, just approach them without needless comparison. The only thing you need to measure yourself against is, who you were yesterday. As for the goal of getting the dream job collapsing, I'm truly sorry. That's a hard pill to swallow, but it will make you stronger given enough time passing. Take this "relief" as an opportunity to redirect yourself. You have had a burden lifted off your shoulders! Feel the lightness in your body and mind, and use that to fuel you towards something new. Even if you don't quite know what that is yet. It is important to take some time to sit in your emotions and give yourself permission to fully feel what you need to feel, but don't stew in it too long. Give yourself a specific amount of time as you make plans to go forward. I have felt a very similar kind of depression as well years ago. I found the thing that helped me most was not allowing so much of my identity be tied up into my "work" or what I'm doing to earn money. If you're too invested in something and the investment doesn't go as planned, it can be devastating. Take seriously the task of finding enjoyment and pride in your life in all it's other domains; hobbies, relationships, families, community, etc. Wisdom is balance. Good luck - Roy

Here is part of the issue. The mentality and perspective you're approaching relationships with is selfish. Relationships and love aren't about what YOU are getting. It's about what you can GIVE. If you love someone a lot, you take pride about what you can offer and get excited thinking about what you can do for them. Then if they love you in return you end up receiving the same sorts of things back! A relationship is an exchange of gifts. It isn't a mechanical transaction, if you're thinking about it like that your orientation isn't what it needs to be. Of course this doesn't mean you shouldn't set standards, or have preferences. It just means you don't dwell so much and get resentful about expectations which may or not get fulfilled. Also yes, friends and lovers come and go, but nothing lasts forever. People change jobs and move, want to live in other countries, start families and don't have time for friends anymore, and eventually we all die. Life is permanent, perpetual change. Embrace this and find enjoyment in the present moment. Your issue is you're worried too much about the future, and about getting things set up and secured for you. Which of course is an illusion and unrealistic. It's not a place to live to be chasing circumstances endlessly. Reconnect with the present moment @Shir and you will find what you've said in this thread isn't true. Hope this helps - Roy

Your life is NOT over @AlwaysJoggin. You are very young and in college at the moment, you have many years ahead of you and if you finish school you'll be able to acquire a good job which will help make you the money back and become stable again! You made some mistakes, but they don't define you. Take some time to grieve, but realize you've learned a valuable lesson that most people never learn (albeit the hard way); be fucking careful with your money! Take this as the perfect opportunity to learn everything you can about personal finance, and how to be a safe and conservative with it so something like this never happens again. These are two resources that should give you a balanced foundation for how to manage your money. Also maybe look into some mental help or psychology resources as there might be a deeper problem that led to you falling into a gambling habit. It's almost always something deeper than just liking the "thrill", consider that. https://www.youtube.com/user/DaveRamseyShow https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCV6KDgJskWaEckne5aPA0aQ Subscribe to their channels and list to their advice. It will set you on the right track. Good luck

Nobody can predict the future @pluto8 so why hold yourself to such an unfair standard? You deserve better no?

I don't really have a detailed regimen myself. Just wash often with soap/water a couple times a day, and try not to touch your face a lot. Your hands always have a lot of nasty stuff on them and touching your face all the time puts it on and into your skin.

Keep to a minimum or completely cut out processed sugars, processed foods, and dairy. Those are some of the biggest contributors to acne, not to mention they are just not very nutritious or good for you in the first place. Next time to go shopping look at the ingredient list of almost every item you buy. If sugar is in the first 3-4 ingredients listed, don't buy it. Get something else.

Skip to 1:09. Though the whole video is worth watching.

@Alfonsoo I'm sorry but you won't be able to change them, it is what it is unfortunately. However, consider this a great opportunity for you to grow by loving anyways. That is the most conscious thing to do.

I'm a 27 year old man and Lion made me cry like a little girl. It is a beautifully shot film that really transports you to the places and journey of the main character. 10/10 movie, you should really watch it @Nichts if you want to evoke some genuine emotions.

@pluto8 You are aware of the creativity and trickiness of the mind trying to find loopholes, so that's a first massive step in the right direction. So keep practicing that mindfulness, simply noticing those things happening in real-time will allow you to catch yourself and break the train of thought. Then you can return to the present moment. However this is not just a "mind" problem, but mostly an emotional one. You described it as something that makes you "feel bad". This is why I brought up the point about assigning meaning to the promise. I didn't demand you outright stop assigning meaning and give yourself a pass, but see, by setting a promise and assigning too much (or false) meaning to it while you know your mind has the power to rationalize a way to break it, you set yourself up for failure and the suffering that follows. What's the solution? Tapping more into your emotions and letting them guide you to set up a promise or rather what "direction of decisions" to make. You see listening to the mind and establishing a promise exclusively based on what it tells you is going to make it a hard promise to keep. Your mind doesn't care what you really feel, it operates on it's own parameters most of the time (based around homeostasis and "safety", which by definition keeps you contracted and unable to develop towards your higher self ie. where your emotions are trying to take you). The content of what your mind has been filled with is not a process of what your heart is guiding you towards. It's based on external shame, guilt, and "shouldn't" mentalities which while maybe useful to give you the beginning spark of what you need to want to make a promise to yourself, doesn't give you what you need to carry through with the promise and getting the result you want. You need to spend less time inside your head listening to your thoughts. Next time you're going to make a promise or make a change for yourself, simply ground yourself in what feels good and what your genuine emotions are guiding you towards, rather than logical conclusions and what you "shouldn't" be doing.

@electroBeam It sounds like maybe she was just a little rough and hard to please, but there is something to learn and grow from here - you have to reframe your attitude about sex. Think first and foremost about what you can give, then worry about what you want after. Love is about what you can offer, not receive. Even if some stuff makes you a little uncomfortable, you need to dive into it sometimes. Take pride in pleasing her and doing a good job as a man. Eat her pussy like it's your last meal on Earth, every time you do oral. That also means learning all the techniques, watch videos, practice with your partners and ask if you can try new things (consent is king). Even if it doesn't feel super "you" and authentic, remember it's just a temporary state. You aren't always going to be there and if you are too much you probably need to consider you're in the wrong relationship sexually and need to look elsewhere. Once you satisfy them then you're in a position to negotiate and focus on what you want. Of course the bedroom isn't all about transactions, but it does play a role sometimes. Sexuality is a domain and duality of very animistic/spiritual needs, desires, and connections. Don't be afraid to venture to the other side of the spectrum temporarily if it means making your partner happy, they'll do it for you as well if the bond is good. You can get what you want and more, but you're going to have to be willing to work for it, and to be uncomfortable sometimes.

@capriciousduck You are shy because you are scared and care too much about what people think of you. There is a difference between being introverted and not having much of a desire to share yourself with the world, and then simply being unable to share yourself with the world because you are crippled by your shyness. If the thought of "I'm just a quiet, shy person. It's my personality" crosses your mind, realize that's just a bullshit rationalization your mind makes so you don't have to put in the work of facing the problem head on, which is the only way it will get solved. Yes it can hinder personal development. So you need to learn to express yourself authentically, without apologizing for it. Accept yourself unconditionally prior to everyone else's feedback, not after.

It was November 2014, I realized I was flunking out of school. Sitting in my room after a couple days of bad/suicidal thoughts, I looked up "How to cure depression" on YouTube and watched Leo's video. The way he spoke really resonated with me, watched a few more videos. Forgot about Actualized.Org for a couple years though I think I was still subbed, maybe not. It wasn't until October 2017 when I got a huge raise that I started taking personal development seriously and I started watching his videos again.

I know what you mean @pluto8, I've broken promises to myself so many times yet I almost never do it for other people. It's weird. Regardless you have to practice accepting yourself, including the promises broken, and not dwell too hard on the past or the shame that comes with the "sacredness" of a promise. Remember you're literally manifesting the emotions of shame and the "holiness" of the promise yourself. So if you stop treating it as meaningful, it actually loses it's meaning. This isn't to say you should let yourself off the hook all the time, the ego tends to rationalize and twist acceptance as a pass for doing anything without consequence. Simply allow yourself to detach enough so you can focus your energy on going back to the drawing board and setting more attainable and realistic promises. You didn't bring up the specific situation in this thread but I'm sure what I've said will be applicable. Hope this helps - Roy

@IJB063 You're absolutely right man haha. I thought about the same thing a few times the past couple years. Still though, it's fun to indulge the ego and do the "me" tests once in a while

The problem is right here, you're approaching it selfishly right from the start @Aquarius. You want to feel totally loved, but don't want to give all your love yourself because you have the need for safety. There is so "safety" in love. If you want it to be genuine and deep you have to approach it without fear, and have the courage to be completely vulnerable. Stop giving into the illusion that you can protect yourself. There is always a chance you will get hurt. Listening to that voice will only lead you to the negative space you're in right now. Ignore it and rather focus on how you can give as much love as possible, not what you're getting.

Yea @Opo. Do not engage with twats like that, it's literally a waste of time. Even if you go through all the work and find all the statistics you need and construct the perfect argument, it's almost 100% guaranteed he won't reconsider his beliefs, because he has his own "facts". There are an infinite amount of better things you could doing with your time, just let go and forget about it.