Roy

Random off topic question @Leo Gura. What countries have you been to? Cheers.

I've only ever flipped between these two on the Myers tests over the years. What can I say I'm a natural ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It's not that JP chose all this, like many others he fell into a role because some video blew up years ago and now he's playing a part. It's all very convenient to his survival too since he's carved out a nice career from it being as public speaker. It's not like anybody who gets famous or falls into a category of left wing justice warrior or a fact spewing scientist takes the time to realize meta-analyze their own position, they do what feels socially acceptable (from their point of view) and sacrifice layers and layers of their own authenticity. This is the whole process that brings us to the "us vs them" thing. It takes a highly conscious person to truly not care what other people think and be willing to walk their own path, even if it means doing so in silence.

You're attracted to them sure, but have you ever actually been with a crazy girl? The attraction drops pretty quick a few days after you've had sex. I've had one experience and that's all I needed to learn from and protect myself for the future. Luckily it happened when I was a teenager so I had no finances or possessions at risk like a car, house, or savings. I recommend you get it out of your system now if you're relatively young and poor. It will also help you identify them in the future, some crazy girls don't rock the look and disguise themselves as other types. Once you sniff out enough crazy you need to cut it off early on before you're in too deep. Think with the head up top and not the one in your pants. Remember no matter how hot she is, even if she's your fantasy girl. It is NOTHING compared to the crazy nightmare you will face if you commit long term.

Simply experience, experience, experience. Trust the anxiety will cure itself as you get more experience. The nervousness you feel is an emotion based in anticipation, so once you're in the situations actually socializing and making it happen it fades. Once you figure out your socializing "style" or "niche" you'll know what to go to and that anticipation feeling that summons a bunch of negative and uncomfortable thoughts will go away, or at least be much weaker. You'll find that people are actually a lot less judgmental and don't care as much as your anxiety is telling you.

I'll be honest, in a petty and egoic (and almost slightly glad) way it made me feel better about not doing a lot this past year and avoiding my goals, because a lot of people are in the same boat. Though it's probably more of a curse now because it's just more ammo to beat myself up with.

If women wanted sex just as much as men do (or more) then; - Rape and sexual assault wouldn't be the social epidemic it's been through history. - There wouldn't be nearly as much Redpill, Incel, or MGTOW garbage spread around. - Human population would be even larger and more unsustainable. It fact it's SOOO obvious that men want sex more frequently than women do that I don't know how someone could be convinced otherwise unless they live in some obscure bubble somewhere in the world where the opposite is the case.

Just masturbate but don't use any pornography. Imagine the kind of girl you want to be with to motivate you for the long run while you're single. There is nothing wrong with getting that release once in a while, it's actually healthy for you. What's unhealthy is neurotically suppressing a perfectly natural desire. Practice some discipline if you need to, limit yourself to only once per week so you get the satisfaction you need and can focus on other things. The problem is porn and how easy it is to access, and the warping effects it has on your mind.

Alright so there is obviously some nervousness there, you are fearing her reaction. I would try to help build some confidence and get some reassurance by talking to her about it, so the next time you try for it she might be encouraged to help you get out of your head more. Obviously don't bring up anything about her, even if you say "it's not you, you're pretty" that will spoil things and make her question herself regardless. Put the spotlight of the conversation on yourself, not in a degrading way to make yourself look weak, but rather proactive that you're trying to solve the problem and you're looking for support. If she's a cool girl she'll understand. "Hey babe. I'm having a little trouble getting out of my head. It might take me longer to get hard and I think I'll need your help." (Full body massages are the BEST thing to suggest because everyone loves them, and they really put your body and mind in a state of relaxation, clear of thought.) Sorry for the intrusiveness but it's kind of practically relevant. Was there much foreplay or oral before you tried for sex? It's really important to help build excitement and get you warmed up. It also gives you a lot of time to settle in and relax (and let go of thought). Added note: If you end up not having sex, DO NOT get all depressed and let it ruin the vibe (easier said than done). You can still end up having fun, you could eat her out so she gets to cum and she'll forget you even tried to have sex! Or be super casual about it and say, "Hey my Johnson seems like it's broken, want to have cuddle for a movie and have some ice cream?" You need to have a sense of humor about it and be able to pivot to show you aren't taking yourself seriously. Hang in there dude I've been through the same thing.

What were yours? (While trying). You were likely in your head too much. Sex is supposed to be a primal, natural act. You shouldn't be thinking at all.

For anyone doing any kind of coaching or consulting, did you have any post-secondary education or professional experience relevant to teaching, guiding, or coaching people prior to becoming a coach? What was your general path? Is it simply the aptitude and understanding of the content you're coaching that gave you the foundation for what you have now? Thanks in advance.

Yea it's absolutely not fair @ColeMC01, but you have to ask yourself if you really want it, what other choice do you have?

no life coaches around these parts?

Why worry about something that is inevitable? Worry is reserved for things which have not yet happened but we fear might happen. You will get old, so what is there to worry about ? You are only as young as you feel. How many laps you've done around the sun is irrelevant unless you need to be a certain age to buy alcohol. I've met people who are 70 and look 50, and 40 who look 60. I've found it's best to ignore all that stuff about cognitive decline and what your "peak" is. Yea there may be science behind it, but isn't it more positive and exciting to just pretend you're going to beat the odds? Fuck science, be exceptional.

Then don't indulge her. Being the other participant with someone who might be looking to cheat on their partner is pretty much just as bad as what they're doing. Be better. Delete her number and forget about her.

God damnit it's like dealing with children in a daycare except it's fully grown adults who can vote.......... just take the vaccine. No they don't cause autism, you can't catch something you already have. You are gonna be fine.

It's obviously an egoic approach and is easily corrupted by selfishness. "Pleasure" being "Good" can make one easily blind to the fact that many pleasures come at the expense of other creatures and the environment. But since it's "Good" from the ego's POV the ends justify the means. Not to mention no matter how much you indulge in hedonism those experiences and states of pleasure are always fleeting, they are ultimately hollow and will never satisfy you. Anytime someone says they are a hedonist to me I basically laugh, they may as well have "Devil" on their forehead written in bright red letters

In a way yes, but what the OP is saying is just pragmatism, there is nothing offensive in any part of his post imo. MGTOW is saying what he's saying BUT doing it in a really selfish and blatantly sexist way, which is of course stupidity and devilry. I'm also in the same boat as the OP, it's funny I came across this now. I broke up with a recent partner yesterday because I've got other things I want to succeed more at in life right now and ultimately if I'm honest I'm just using a relationship as a distraction. I'm starting to realize I only have so much energy and resources in my life right now, I can't have it all so I need to make sacrifices. When I think long term anyways, I'm leaning quite heavily towards NOT getting married or having biological children anyways, so why do I need to foster and invest a ridiculous amount of time, money, and emotional energy into getting a woman for those things if I don't want them? I only want to adopt 1 child one day and I don't need a partner for that. Of course I'll want a partner again eventually as great relationships can be amazing things, but it won't be a major priority for me until I figure some other things out and accomplish what I want to. He does have a point here that people could learn from. We need to break the cultural conditioning of things we "should" be doing because for a lot of people it just leads to a mediocre or even shitty life. We're encouraged to do EVERYTHING at once, but that's absurd because only a rare few people are superhuman and can pull it off. If you're really serious about getting exactly what you want you need to make sacrifices and go hard at it and not care what people think because you won't be able to do it all by just following the "normal" path. You cannot have it all, but you can have what you want if you're focused and strategic enough. Just masturbate. There is nothing wrong with some self-love to fulfill your sexual desires in the meantime. Just have the discipline and self-awareness not to become a porn addict. There are plenty of successful and developed people that sacrificed relationships and sex on the way to reaching their goals. Do you think they all had a chastity belt on and were /r/NoFap moderators on the way to their accomplishments? No of course not.

Ultimately from every aspect you've described and hinted at in your post this relationship sounds like it's going to destroy you if it hasn't already, so logically it would be best to leave and I think you already know that @MoonJade39. Take some time to contemplate on this but do NOT put this off or fail to make a decision. Yes it will also destroy her, but this will be temporary. It will provide her with the radical shock she needs to get her life in order and to actually live. Some of the things you've described about your credit card debt, her not getting up and trying to keep you in bed, the guilt tripping....... these are signs of someone who is desperately co-dependent. Maybe you have been able to heal and protect her to some extent in the relationship up until this point, but you can only do so much for a person before they MUST start helping themselves. You do not need to feel obligated to stick around if it is literally causing both of you to suffer, in fact it's a weakness on your part that you are perhaps so fearful of being alone you're willing to carry on something that you know if your heart needs to end. Do not ignore those signals from your higher self. If you really love her consider the best thing you can do for her is to cut off that umbilical cord so she is forced to go it alone. You are worried that she will kill herself and that is a scary thought to have I know, because I have been through it myself, but through the haze of the emotion it's actually highly unlikely and a very convenient thing to say on her part to make you imagine the scenario and retreat into fear again. What you can do about this is provide her with some guidance, a few resources, and some basic ideas about what she can do as you separate (make sure you are gone for some time as you both process the future, being together after breaking the news can be highly toxic and open the decision to a reversal). Where can she go to stay after, friends, family? Where can she get a job? Are there any unemployment or welfare benefits she can get to survive? Where will you live? These logistics are the kinds of things you need to think about but only worry about them immediately AFTER you've broken up with her to help ease the pain and make it more real as you both move on. You mentioned that it's not a win/win but actually I believe that's just because you're stuck in the thick of it right now and can't see. It's a win for her because she will finally start creating a life from the ashes of this, and a win for you because you will be free again from a toxic relationship that is hurting and weighing down your health, your wealth, and your happiness. Are all those massive sacrifices really worth it so you don't feel "lonely" and "empty", even though you were happy and fulfilled before you met her? I'll also add with blunt candor that this person you've described is your fiancee? That makes this somewhat of an emergency as the potential of your life is at stake here. I know you can't see it know but if you don't end this before the knot is tied and then decide while you're legally binded that you want to leave, she can absolutely FUCK you and essentially ruin your life making the misery you could experience magnitudes higher than what you're feeling now. I wish you both all the best and I hope you have the strength for whatever path you choose.

What did you expect @Leo Gura? The guys that are looking to get into it are typically young and with not a lot of life experience, not to mention they're sexually frustrated. Shouldn't some tamer alternative be taught to such ripe vulnerable egos? Yea pick-up can be done "properly" but it's like asking for them to find a needle in a haystack lol.

You need to come to understand that loneliness isn't something that needs to be "handled", like it's a problem. We are conditioned to think that loneliness is bad and we should avoid it, so all sorts of labels are put on it. Those shitty feelings or thoughts you might be having are the result of that conditioning. You can train yourself to let go of them, and be ok and even feel good in the state of being alone. This is done by being aware and an observer of your own thoughts and emotions, silent mindfulness meditation is a simple way to get better at this. This isn't to say you should avoid people and try to be lonely, of course still go about your life, try to enjoy relationships and human contact in whatever capacity it comes in, but realize you can also be completely happy and content regardless if anyone is around or not. How do you do this? - Break that social conditioning by realizing those negative thoughts and shame you feel from being alone are coming from a false place, from people who are usually scared. Make yourself a strong person so you don't feel that fear. - Become such a complete person and love yourself so much that being alone actually becomes a great thing when those times do arrive in your life, because it is inevitable. Think about it, if you are going to go through stretches of loneliness in your life, doesn't it make sense to be content and be able to enjoy those times? - Extra tip: find hobbies and things to do that don't depend on anyone. You need things to get excited for when nobody else is around. An activity that puts you in a state of zen or joy.

Let's go slightly meta on this, even asking "was this girl right to block me?" is a partial failure on your part because you are asking the question with bias. Within your own questioning you're implying as if the girl already knows you're a great guy who isn't a pervert, which you very likely aren't you just meant to joke around. Look at it from her perspective though, would you consider blocking that person? That might give you your answer. Adjust your behavior accordingly.

It's as simple as this: If their survival strategy is working well enough in their environment, what incentive do they have to change? A conservative stage blue farmer is never going to give a fuck about rampant stage orange capitalism or stage green social issues and feel the need to develop themselves in the face of those things if their life has more or less worked out for them with little resistance. They got married, raised some kids, had a steady honest job for 40+ years and now own a decent home and can retire. If that's all they value and it's been accomplished it literally feels to them that they have reality figured out and they don't need to do any better. This is why most people die at the stage they are raised in. It just has to work out to a certain minimum level and that's it. Appreciate the fact that any of us being interested in developing ourselves is a major stroke of luck. Just the fact that you're aware of spiral dynamics or any sort of personal development puts you in a crazy high percentile of privilege, let alone having the luxury and resources to pursue such things.

The reason you're not lasting long is because you are probably stuck in thought and so preoccupied with the "result" and anticipating the future so much (oh my god I'm gonna cum, she is so hot I can't cum this fast or I'll look weak!) that it is actually making your body tense up and spasm out of reaction to those worries. The antidote to this? You might think it's more thought of something negative or gross to distract you. It's actually no thought at all. You want to feel into your bodily sensations even more! Counter-intuitively this will actually make you last longer because you are now relaxing your body and slowly enjoying the process of it, instead of obsessing about the grand finale. Don't just focus your gaze on the penetration all the time, look into her eyes, notice other parts of her body, and yours too, notice little details while they arise, explore while doing the act, feel your breathing and make sure it's natural and flowing, communicate and check in now and then to make sure they are comfortable and nothing hurts. Remember sex is shared, sacred event. Do not ever go into it with a selfish mentality of wanting to get off, your role is to be entirely focused about what YOU can give to the other person as a gift, and they will reciprocate (hopefully). Learning this has helped me become quite good in bed and made me last way longer than I used to, even the woman I'm with now who is incredibly attractive to me I can basically last an infinite amount of time unless I want to focus on finishing. It's actually kind of hard to cum when you're so preoccupied with doing what you can to satisfy the other person. Next time you have sex @Solvinden, genuinely focus all your energy and passion into pleasing your partner and let me know if your stamina improves.

I wonder how many people have gone to the doctor panicking after shitting out beets thinking their insides are broken or that they have cancer Yea jokes aside beets are awesome. They taste delicious in almost every form.