Roy

Simply because these kind of topics draw out peoples insecurities and light them up like a neon sign. Then they distract themselves from those insecurities by turning things into a dick measuring contest - both figurately and sometimes literally

To hook-up is to sleep with someone without seriously intending to get to know them, or stay with them for a relationship. Or alternatively it means you are planning on leaving after after sex. Dating could mean a lot of things, it doesn't say anything about intentions. Dating just means you are looking to meet people as "more than friends". I've had hooked-up and had sex with a bunch of people since I got here. About a new person every month, of course a lot of the times it was "fun" but largely been unsatisfying for me. I can't really do it anymore. I even fucked a 9 who had the best rack I've ever encountered, omg they were nice , but even THAT didn't do it for me because I didn't end up liking her that much. There was a more serious partner in January for a month who was a great woman, and the sex was very very good. Our physicality and drives matched well, I think we did it like 6 times one day? But it just wasn't a super practical relationship for long term so I ended it to save future deeper pain. I realize that phase just isn't for me anymore. I have to like or love someone emotionally if I am going to be physically intimate. Otherwise honestly I can give myself a better orgasm than 9/10 women can, but obviously that gets boring after a while. This doesn't mean I will never have a fling again. If there is some amazing encounter where it resonates in the moment deeply I will go for it. Otherwise no.

This is my tinder. Two notes - Not my main profile pic I screenshotted here. I haven't really adjusted text thing since I got here 9 months ago lol. I'm too lazy to try hard and learn all the tricks and gimmicks. I just went with the first thing that came to mind and it works well enough for me. It seems to filter out all the girls I wouldn't want to match with. I could probably spend a few hours learning the ins and outs and getting some better pictures.... buuuuuuut I don't care lol. Maybe it would be an ego boost to get more matches, but I have enough now where I get somewhat exhausted thinking about who to invest in and who not to.

Doesn't it feel like a huge relief when you realize a lot of the shit in our heads is just thin air that can leave in an instant ? The truth is if we are honest - we can't really predict the future, so why stress about it? Just a tip if you find it useful: Don't worry too much about she wants to do, she said she'd like to do something (with you) on friday. Lead and come up with something that you really want to do so it's fun and you'll be at ease during the time and can therefore share that energy with her. Have fun!

People need to drop the whole "Alpha/Beta" lingo and frame/understand things in a healthier way. Those terms might be useful to a complete newbie but should be discarded pretty quickly. People are more dynamic and layered than, "He is just a beta-male. While this guy is clearly an Alpha!" It can slow down so much progress if you're neurotically tethered to fulfilling simple childish archetypes. Center your focus on working to fix specific issues you might have. Don't get distracted by labels and narratives. If you really want to believe that, then yes it can be "true". Luckily for you, you don't have to.

I get that same problem occasionally. I don't just want to make any joke, but the "best" one. Causing me to overthink and the moment to pass by. Meditation and mindfulness certainly helps like you mentioned. Knowing it's a feedback loop makes you aware of it, so now you can interject and break it! Don't think about it in the frame of "recovering" because that feeds the idea you've lost (which is ok if it does happen sometimes = experience). Frame it that you are gaining control. Something as simple as taking a deep breathe (silently through the mouth works for me), can eliminate that shakiness pretty fast. You are using a physical solution to solve a physical problem. Instead of trying to "think" your way out of shakiness. If you don't seize an opportunity here or there, remember the logical reality that there are going to be literally THOUSANDS more encounters in your life. All good

Sometimes those negative emotions/thoughts are just there, don't worry so much about "getting rid of them" all the time. As if you aren't aloud to try being funny, charismatic, or interesting just because you don't feel 100%? Why would you think that ?

I posted a couple things here over the weekend but it looks like there was a forum issue or something. Idk if I have the energy to rehash what I wrote. I might later. Anyways in short had a nice 5 hour date (3rd date) on the beach last night with Natalie. Connected pretty well with her, I'm not clear about commitment levels though after we had our departing conversation. It will remain tentative for now which is ok with me.

I'd say 20+, for either gender. I don't buy into the red pill laced talking point and attitude that women "should" have a lower lay count than men. It just comes from insecurity from thousands of years of subconscious patriarchy eroding Also have to keep in mind this is a self improvement forum, with some dysfunctional people, and PUA's who will distort perceptions of what is normal or "healthy". Of all the "normies" I've met in my life (99.9999% of people not doing self-help), I would discern most of them have never had more than 5-15ish sexual partners. Which seems like a pretty reasonable and healthy number of people to engage with in that way.

Well I only have so much energy right. I can only talk so much, so naturally it balances out any neediness I have because even if I end up liking 4-6 of them as potential partners I won't be able to text daily to all of them, or spam anybody I REALLY like. I'm sending sparse, but meaningful messages and just trying to arrange simple dates that are 1-2 hours max so it doesn't drain TOO much time. Not to mention my commitments are really simple right now. Day job for 8 hours, volunteer firefighting for 4-8 hours a week, and just dating/hobbies otherwise. Once I find someone I want dating will take even less time. It's counter-intuitive. For me if I'm dating just one person or 2-3 I tend to exhaust myself more by overthinking and trying too hard to impress them or make it work. But I'm kind of spreading it out a bit now which feels easier actually. I am really getting a keen sense of what I like most, and because I have so many options I can also see who likes ME the most too. I'm sure it will get exhausting if I add too many people in the loop. At which point I will be more aggressive at cutting the least compatible people out. A simple, "Hey you're a great person and I had some fun dates with you, but I don't want to waste either of our time too much I don't sense we are a long term match." Or something similar to that.

I don't think there is anything inherently "wrong" with having a high lay count. If you are responsible with consent and protection then that's good. But once the number starts to get to a certain point, eyebrows should be raised. It starts to say something about someone, especially with how they talk about it. Not to mention the obvious if you get to higher numbers it becomes reckless with their health and the people they meet. Even with protection. Someone with a high body count, especially at a younger age should be viewed with "reservation" when being considered for a long term intimate relationship. That kind of behavior isn't indicative of someone who will be able to stick around. Not that they can't. I think people get what I mean. It all depends. Sometimes people have phases in life and change their relationship styles. A person can be an animal early in life and then have a 10 year purposeful dry spell and be perfect partner material. In personal life for this topic you have to be willing to learn about people and give them a chance. My last serious GF was pretty promiscuous before she met me, but I "locked" her down and never had any doubts after her faith to us, because I could read her well and ask certain questions about her past and current attitudes.

Relax. What you're doing right now isn't helping. Get some sleep. Important to take care of your body so your mind can be in a better headspace. When you have time in the next day or two, tell her she is a lot of fun and suggest another date. Suggest stuff where you can naturally get physical together, like playing a sport casually, or something you might be familiar with that you have to "show" her by actually touching her and guiding her. You have gotten physical with her in some way on this last date right? If she is comfortable with that then she will definitely give you another opportunity for a kiss next time you see her. Just focus on having fun and building a bit more of a connection. Then next time you're sitting down together and there is a moment of peace and silence, you look at her and go for it. If you haven't done it yet after 2 dates, what's going to happen is on your next date she will at some point deliberately open her body language at on the date when you are close together. She doesn't want to have to say what she wants out loud, but if you sense that moment and go for it it's exactly what she wants. It will feel like a relief for her, and she'll probably kiss the hell out of you back lol. Just make sure you don't pester her with texts for now, but do stay in contact to arrange a 3rd meeting. You got this shit.

Alright, updated the entire list of my recent dating journey. I'm kind of pooched I've literally had a date every single day of the week thus far lol. The masculine energy and confidence is flowing for sure. I feel my attraction and value rubbing off with each new woman I meet. Not to mention learning a lot from every encounter and keying into what exactly I'm attracted to vs what I'm not. Dating this much also does wonders for practicing to manage emotions. I am gaining a lot more control. Not getting caught up or needy about outcomes, the half-life for such thoughts is so small now. I am feeling a lot of power being honest and vulnerable even on first encounters. Showing that you don't give a fuck feels so difficult to do, but once you get the rewards it makes it worth it. I am kind of buzzing with energy because of all these first dates and wanting to go deeper, but it's important to stay grounded and strategic. Definitely excited though. Just going to keep managing my time and energy properly and not worrying about what happens with who.

June 9th Leanne - 28, Stage Green/Yellow (Date 1) Just finished my date with her. She lives on a smaller island close to me in a community. She was camping on the mainland and visited me coming back to the ferry. I was actually stuck on her island last week for work after missing the ferry by 1 vehicle, would have been a spontaneous way to meet lol, she messaged me while I was there asking to hang out but I didn't anticipate getting stuck and not a good idea while working. I do like how easy going she is and how she doesn't care about being sporadic or sticking to a plan. On our date she just started walking off onto a random path off to the side of park we were at to explore, love that kinda shit! She is very attractive and in fantastic shape. Will be exciting to have a match physically (or a challenge) if we do anything in the future. She's into a lot of the same sports and things I am which is great. Also into awareness training, self-help, and developing which is great. Funny enough her first introduction into the sphere was also Sam Harris Super calm energy and non-judgmental. Felt very easy to share things with each other right away, there was no hesitation from either side. From what I cessed out in the hour and a half, a lot of basic values match which is fundamental. Only negative notes so far is impression of strong tomboy/masculinity. Will be looking to understand that as time goes on. Also seems to be involved/living in heavy Stage Green community, which I'm not sure how to feel about. I will reserve judgement until I experience it. STATUS - Very high interest in pursuing. Was open to suggestion of 2nd date. Perhaps something like mountain biking. Will put energy into keeping in touch and arranging plans for near future.

May 19th - June 8th Stephanie - 31, Stage Green (Date 1) Went to an art gallery together because she was an aspiring artist, and I am getting interested in it casually for myself. It wasn't that big a gallery, but it should have taken around 15-20 minutes to do ideally. Despite loving art she rushed through it at too fast a pace for me. Which pissed me off a little bit to be honest. Didn't get to really enjoy the pieces or talk about them or to each other that much. After leaving we walked around downtown Victoria searching for an ice cream place, the one we wanted was closed for some reason. So it left ample time to talk. She seemed a little shy and nervous for a bit, but I think I put her at ease. She started sharing more in depth as the evening went on. We got ice cream, sat on a bench for a bit. Then instead of going home, deviated from the date which I liked, she suggested seeing a cool town square. We walked along to water to it, stopped in an arts and crafts store for the hell of it too. After about 2ish hours we decided that was it. She was going to walk home, with no intentions for anything I offered to drive her home to save her 15 minutes. We ended up talking in my car for a while before I even started the ignition. It got into some deep territory about our passions and thoughts on life/spirituality. Here is where I fucked up haha. It got intimate and quiet for a moment and I knew deep down intuitively it was the wrong moment to go for a kiss, but I went for it because in my mind and general experience it was the right moment. Her body language was extremely receptive, but at the last half second pulled back and says she wasn't ready because of her past. Once again another example why not to think logically, and listen to that little voice. It is always right. Actually glad she rejected me there. I got over it very quickly. There were some huge red flags from our conversation in the car that I didn't realize until AFTER I drove home. She had some insane beliefs about demons and spirits, and obvious neuroticism. I think I dodged the crazy bullet. STATUS - Cut contact for obvious reasons. Jennifer - 26, Stage Blue/Orange (Date 1) Went on a hike with her. She said she does that stuff a lot but seemed kind of gassed quickly, and also was resistant to going up a hill because of fear heights. That turned me off slightly but I didn't give it any notice really. I didn't insist and said we can turn back whenever, didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. She seemed quite simple, country-like, and family oriented. Generally healthy and put together. Wants to be a police officer and has a degree in criminology. I got the impression she was open-minded but didn't express much interest in more esoteric topics when I brought them up. She also is a volunteer firefighter which I thought was kind of cool, we resonated there. Otherwise I didn't get to know her too much in that time. I didn't feel much of a connection to be honest, but think it just needs some more time to foster something. I could see it working and being a solid relationship, but not as deep as what I want. Whether it happens or not I don't care much. Contact and interest has been too sparse for me. I have other options of much more interest. STATUS - She was open to a 2nd dinner date. We almost set it up but schedules didn't align. Willing to give it one more shot, but leaning towards cutting it off. Dani - 31, Stage Orange (Date 1) Knew it was going to be a waste from the start to go on a date with her and it was confirmed when it happened. We had the same date set from the week before, but she cancelled because she met someone. It didn't work out for her, we matched on another app a few days later. I didn't want to be hold it against her that she cancelled. Maybe she only dates 1 person at a time? I just thought I'd give it a shot anyways and ignored my gut. We went for a bike ride that she suggested. I was tired of always being the one setting up dates so I agreed. Turns out it's really hard to talk to someone while riding and worrying about traffic, it was fun riding but not what I expected. Was hoping for more casual ride instead of the path she wanted. So I was happy when we stopped at a park to rest and chat on the bench, I thought it would be a better place to get to know her. It was a fucking exhausting experience. I had to initiate every single topic, ask all the questions, and carry the conversation. She wasn't visibly uncomfortable at all, but put absolutely zero effort into things which just made it so unpleasant. I was heavily turned off by that and wanted to just get home. I should have listened to my gut to cancel the date in the days before. It's kind of surprising that was how she acted in person, because her texting was extremely neurotic and needy. She would answer things literally with 5 seconds of messages being sent, even in the middle of the day lol? She probably said more words through texting than in person. Guess she feels way more comfortable at that distance, but lacks confidence in person. STATUS - Cut contact immediately after date. Natalie - 24, Stage Orange/Green (Date 1) Extremely cute girl! Reminds me of my last serious girlfriend. We had solid chemistry off the bat. My masculinity is at the right levels for her where it seems she's not overwhelmed. She was quite shy at first but once I got her smiling and played with her dog she started talking more and had more enthusiasm. She seems extremely pure, family oriented, and has a good heart. Just about to start a nursing job. I am a bit torn because she is about 1 hour away, and lives through a busy part of Victoria. She also seems a bit too innocent I'm intuiting, at least for me. I'm sure long term she would be extremely healthy for me, but don't know if it would be the "style" of relationship I'd want. High quality wife material for sure, but I got clear signals she struggles with confidence and some neurotic patterns, from her own admittance. I can't be so quick to think I have her figured out. I do like what I see so far and will keep exploring, if given the chance I'll see how she responds to physicality. STATUS - Moderate/high interest in pursuing. Have currently confirmed 2nd date which will be dinner. Just choosing a place and time of day. Samantha - 30, Stage Green (Date 1) This one is stressing me out a bit. We match extremely well on values, interests, and goals. Probably the best of anyone I've met yet. Had a great easy going date walking through a beautiful forest and then lunch together after. There was no awkwardness, and the whole experience was pleasant. Something just felt a little off though. Her energy was very reserved and static. Was she testing me to see how much I'd try to open her up? I sensed it very early and held myself back from trying too hard. I just hovered my energy and aura slightly higher than hers to show that I'm interested, but not overly invested. I did manage to make her demeanor crack and cause a smile here and there. Holy fuck is she gorgeous. There were a few moments where I expressed dominant energy and drew her eyes to mine so I could look into her deeper. Idk though. She is a challenge and frustrated me a bit trying to understand her, when I'm usually very good at getting people right away. I think it's because she's also an introvert. There might just be some incompatibility there. I don't think I could force a connection even if I wanted to. It's just a shame because there is something there I think. I am not worrying about it too much though. STATUS - Pending. Has not responded in a few days. Would love to keep pursing but will accept whatever outcome. Erin - 33, Stage Orange/Green (Date 1&2) She is quite cool and has a lot of what I'm looking for and the same lifestyle, but I have some reservations about the attraction. I actually met her on my way to meet Samantha lol. She works on the ferries and was headed to the other side for work. We matched in line and decided to meet on the trip over. She invited me to her car so we got to introduce each other for 20 minutes. I like the suddenness of it. Felt really authentic and pushed me out of my shell a bit. After that meeting we texted a lot that day and set up a date for the following day. Just a simple hike exploring somewhere we've both been. I was flirting with her and found out she's kind of a bad girl which is attractive. We went and visited something that was closed down and then strayed off the trail to explore. We ended up sitting down on sunny spot in the middle of the forest. After a few minutes our comfort levels were obvious. We started making out. Both having fun and things got heated fast. I didn't physically initiate things further than kissing, but she felt where it was going and brought it up verbally, because she could feel I was hard while pressing against her and I could feel she was wet when she wrapped her legs around me. She said she was horny and would like to, but wanted to control herself and get to know me better first. I said I wasn't expecting any outcome and agreed it was a good idea. I felt I could have easily changed her mind and fucked her right there in the forest and it would have been great, I was certainly tempted, but it was wise not to. I like her energy generally but it's a lot for me. It's early to say but I don't want to quite work that hard all the time. She seems like a busy high achiever. Works on the ferries for extra money, and is a medical assistant as well and thinking about becoming a doctor. Also used to be on the Olympic National Rowing team which impressed me. There is a lot in common and I think it could work well. We had some fascinating conversations about spirituality, and she is definitely intellectual which turns me on. The thing is I sensed some subtle communication issues and incompatibilities which is a problem. There are some rigid and stubborn energies she is giving off. Which I don't know will mesh with my sensitivity and calmness long term. I don't want to be too harsh though. STATUS - Still in contact. Will arrange a date for the future. Kassandra - 39, Stage Green/Yellow (Date 1) WOW. What a peaceful soul. I've never had a date and meeting someone that flowed so effortlessly. There were some low confidence vibes I picked up on through texting and during the date but I figured out that it was just her being careful and having a sensitive nature. The thing is from everything I learned about her I don't think she's fully my type. but the resonance we had was just unreal. I am definitely picking up that I would be a great man and partner for her. It just clicked so well and the encounter with her went pretty much close to perfect. I am not going to get ahead of myself but will follow the path of these emotions and try to learn more about her. STATUS - Extreme interest in pursing. Will stay in close contact and try to meet again ASAP.

Of course. It's the very first piece of information I get, before either of us opens our mouths. Not only that but it is THE determining factor for whether or not I'd consider pursuing a relationship with them. Would I have sex with this person? YES or NO. If YES, then they are now considered an option. If NO, then they will not be pursued or interacted with in that social framing/context. If I wouldn't consider being intimate with them physically then that completely rules them out as a potential partner. No if ands or buts about it. Out of the thousands of women I've met in my life thus far, I've rarely (if ever) changed my mind about if I'd be intimate with them or not after my first conclusion, no matter how deeply attracted or connected I've gotten in other ways. It's just the way it is for me. It takes me about 2-5 minutes to observe them and their mannerisms and I'll know the answer. It's very linear and simple. One of the perks of having a male brain, I guess!

Simply egos fighting other egos. If you don't have much of one or it's smaller than most then that is why it doesn't make sense to you.

I mean the only way to know is to commit and try. There really isn't any consequences to it either, you will remain completely anonymous if you choose to and don't show your face/share your real name or info. Very low investment and who knows what return you'll get, go for it!

Queue Samuel L. Jackson, "I'm tired of these mother fu-!!"

Can you link some of these studies, I'm genuinely interested.

Great work @StarStruck, keep it up !

Great to hear! Just enjoy it day to day, and don't get too ahead of yourself by worrying long term and planning too hard. Focus on the process of getting to know her and treating her well.

Read what I said again and you'll get the answer But yea there are barely any incel women because it's so much easier to get sex as a woman, there is always going to be some guy who is willing to bone. Men will fuck anything with a pulse, women are generally more sensible and have higher standards.

That's because most women who are struggling with this have friend groups and family that will help bail them out, they don't need to resort to getting as much help in other ways. While males who are struggling with this are more likely to go it alone out of sheer embarrassment, of course males use the internet WAY more, hence why you see more of them on the forum.

It's really simple - respect how you feel after doing things and the signals you get from your mind and body. It is communicating stuff to you constantly and doing it for a reason. If you reliably feel physically "devastated" after masturbating then perhaps it's not a good idea for you to do it..... but if you really need that release, find a workaround! Perhaps only do the act right before you go to bed, so you fall asleep easier. There you go, two birds for one stone. Or in this case I guess it's "two stones and one bird".