Roy

That's life ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ hehe. The key is not to stress over the details too much, but enjoy the ride. It ain't over til it's over. Just live your life in the meantime, who knows maybe you're in a for a pleasant surprise when she gets back? I've found one the important parts of being a man (or anyone for that matter), is to not have too many expectations. You should have standards and principles which you are firm on, but you don't "expect" people to behave a certain way. You don't have any power or attraction there. You can only control yourself, and become a "rock" so to say that will attract others. Relying on other people to "fulfill" things for you, you'll just be a victim to surprise, disappointment, confusion, sadness, anger etc.. Fulfill yourself, then share that with those who come.

Might be the case of reading too much into it. Girls usually are close with their parents and family oriented. Is it not reasonable they'd be a priority for her over someone she's been on a couple dates with? Let's flip it your way too, would your parents not take a priority too if you rarely see them? You'll always be living in the same city as this girl. Anyways... Here is what will probably happen > She'll go see her parents. Maybe have a great time (or get annoyed haha), and come back home wanting to get back into HER life again. She'll remember how she cancelled 2 dates and feel a little guilty, and be eager to make something happen again. You need to leave that opportunity for her to suggest a date and give her space to think about her feelings about you. ALL you need to do is maybe message once randomly over the course of time she is gone like, "hey, hope you're having a good trip :)!", or playful, "enjoying your rents place or is it a prison like mine haha?". Just reminding her you exist and are interested in a very subtle casual way, but not begging for an answer. A message or two back and forth, that's it. Judging by the wording of your posts it seems you subconsciously know this to be the case, but your mind is trying to sabotage you and put you down emotionally. I've been there , it's so easy to want to listen to those stories because you just sit there and they write themselves, but you've got to keep letting go and focusing on other things to keep you occupied and happier. Like talking to more girls and getting dates! Which you are doing, so that definitely is easing things right? Regardless if she changes her mind and doesn't want to have another date, or makes another date and cancels again well... her loss! Sometimes connections just flame out even though they seemed promising. It's not anybody's fault. Lives can't always intertwine in every interaction that happens, there could be one of a hundred reasons people shouldn't be together, even if they like each other. It's amazing that there are as many relationships as there are to be honest, also goes to show you how most people don't really work on making something great. They just get desperate and compromise it all so they don't have to be alone.

How you feel about how relationships ought to work between men and women isn't the paragon of truth. If @ivankiss and his friend don't want to enter a serious relationship and have boundaries about it, then that is their choice. It doesn't make it "wrong" if one of them starts to feel different about things, it just isn't what they previously decided on.

Be careful not to mistake power for genuine leadership and vision, a common trap.

That's the first step, great. Acknowledging it's existence, rather than denying and suppressing. Subconsciously it may feel like you're in the "drivers seat" when it's being suppressed, but really it's just avoidance, and you lose control of that "drivers seat" when it comes up in other ways you might not notice or can control. No, that is not a healthy way to deal with it. Destruction is a sneaky way of feeding it's power and thinking it's valid. Although something like a punching bag or exercise generally is a good way to healthily expel the energy. Try it if you haven't. As you aren't in a position to exercise all the time, it's a good idea to work on it mentally and spiritually. You're right about letting it flow! Use meditation and breathing exercises to put yourself in an "observer" state. You want to let the anger exist, let it flow (not in the way The Emperor wants ), and simply notice it go by. Ask questions like: - Why am I angry? - What is the source? Is that source valid? Am I overreacting? - Is this anger true? - Is it helpful? - What would happen if I let go? As you practice this and get better at being in "observer" mode you'll notice the feeling of anger will dissolve faster and faster. The anger exists and it can be real, but it's usually hollow, and it's US that is making it seem "full" and giving it power. Hope this helps.

This will be a place to gather, organize, and reflect on my thoughts about the women I meet in my search for a partner. I'm not just looking for ANY partner though. I don't care for mediocre, or for good, or for just sex. That's way too easy for me. I'm not just going to dive into an average relationship like most people because of the fear of being alone. I am totally content and happy alone. What I'm looking for is very particular, and I won't settle for anything less than high quality. If it's not great and not healthy, then I won't do it. I deserve what I want. You'll get a personal look into some of the inner thought process and feelings I have when navigating this stuff. It won't be too mechanical, it will be more of an organic jotting down of notes and things I'm contemplating about for my journey in this aspect of my life. This process will (hopefully) help me get closer to what I truly want and cause me to transcend some old patterns and failures I've had so far - Attachment, "oneitis", neediness, "seeing where it goes" etc. I'll be altering the names of the people I meet in order to protect their identity. I will only share what I want to or deem relevant. Sometimes some of the things I say might seem judgmental or brash, or straight up inappropriate. If you don't like it, I mean, too bad? Just don't come here then The structure will mostly just be about the dates and encounters I have + random notes about sexuality/relationships. I will be dating LOTS of people in order to find the best match for what I'm after. It may seem like I'm juggling or being a "player" but that's not what it is. I will end up building relationships with multiple people for sometime, but I am extremely careful with how I am going to invest emotionally, and when to cross certain lines. I am brutally honest about my intentions with the people I meet. As soon as I don't think someone is a great fit or it is clear a relationship with them would be a "dead end", I will cut them out - honestly and directly. That way they have closure and hopefully aren't hurt, and we can both move on. When I find that person I want to seriously commit to they will be exclusive and I will immediately cut contact with all others. DISCLAIMER: I will be restraining having sex with any of them until the time I decide to commit. It tends to taint the relationship and sets a weird tone if I do it too early from my experience. HOWEVER (LOL) If it feels extremely passionate and resonates with the moment enough in the right way, I am going to have sex. I'm not looking to pump and dump anyone. I don't want to seduce them into getting attached and creating expectations and then cut them off after having sex, that's not fair. If I want to fuck someone I can go to any party, club, or bar any night of the week. It's a joke to me and not what I want. If you have any questions or input, feel free to post. Just know if you don't behave I will erase your comments and/or ban you. MY IDEAL PARTNER TRAITS (No Particular Order): (Likely to revise list. Not looking to have every single trait fulfilled. Just most of them or the right combination.) PREFERENCES Straight/Bi/Queer. They have to know their orientation here. No suppressed desires. 22ish to 42ish years old. I don't care that much about age, but this is the range of comfort for me. Emotionally mature. Understands (generally) what their emotions mean, and makes an effort to manage them. Quirky. Not completely necessary, but I find it attractive most times. Open-minded. Can talk about nearly anything without getting triggered or defensive. Sexually competent & confident. Isn't shy about what they like in the bedroom/is experienced. Willing to try new things once in a while. Doesn't get judgmental or weird. Understands respect and consent. Financially independent. Not overly concerned with what they do for money or if they like it or not. Simply employed and make enough to sustain themselves + enough left over to feed their hobbies and contribute to the relationship. Acceptable physical health and aware of respecting, maintaining, and improving it. They don't have to be in model shape, but can at least keep up in a hike or other activities without getting ill. A sense of adventure. They have to be ok with my occasional childlike nature. Also prefer a bit of a "bad girl". Willing to break minor laws once in a while for the sake of spontaneity and fun, like trespassing. Sassy. I prefer a woman who knows how to be a bitch at the right time, like when it's funny. Willing to challenge and call me out sometimes when I need it. DEALBREAKERS Wants biological children 100%

Glad you're feeling more optimistic @LambChop, you got this

Of course. Everyone is operating there going between the framework of unconsciously appealing to a larger collective and then talking about the power of individuals. The overlap that happens between those two sometimes flips within a single sentence lol. So it's no wonder the situation is like it is. You can even notice when someone strays too far outside the lines of the established narrative and hints at giving away a bit of power, how they get reeled back in by the collective ego. This is why nuance is so important. It's the only thing that can temper outrage and high energy and direct it into something productive. Otherwise it's just a mess.

America is dying and is going to die (as a superpower/beacon of development) regardless of Trump being in power or not, or Bernie Sanders, or anyone. The entire foundational cognitive zeitgeist of the country is corrupt and morally bankrupt. The ideals and ambitions of the "American experiment" have played out in the human story, and now we must look elsewhere now for a new vision for the world. They were incredibly successful while they lasted, in that they broke us from the binding shackles of Stage Blue collectively, but the limits are obvious now and to deny them is insanity. People will try their damndest to try and fix things (AOC and progressives), and there is nothing wrong with striving to make things better. There are also those who try to grip on to the sinking ship desperately, but what got you to one place won't get you to the next. It's clear what's happening, and what will happen in the future with the decay. Those who are in the midst of it will be the least likely to see it and the strongest to deny it, as the sadness will be too hard to bear. Can't blame them.

6 dates no sex? Is this over the course of 2 weeks or more than a month? There is no "rule" written per say, but that is quite a few encounters without sex especially if you're both adults. Either she is really pure/innocent and want to hold off until that "magical moment", or you are doing something wrong and pushing with the wrong frame like Leo said. My advice is loosen up and be light hearted in the next date. At the start of the date tell her you really like her and want to connect in that way (physically), but you'll be cool and wait until she's ready. Then back off with a little bit, touch her less. Don't be needy. Give her the space and the chance to chase YOU and she'll probably fuck you that night or the next one. Works pretty well in my experience. If it doesn't happen in the next 1-3 encounters it's probably compatibility problems and you should cut things off.

Sorry about the radio silence. I've slowed down on dating quite a bit. Going through an emotionally confusing time. Idk how to feel. I also had an experience I'm not sure what to think about, but I don't feel comfortable sharing it. For anyone following the thread just forget about it for a while. It will remain inactive until I'm feeling better about things. Apologies.

Interesting journal, kinda hot tbh aha! Yea there is something remarkable about the experience of great sex. It gives us such a healthy relief we can't get anywhere else, and an opportunity to express ourselves in a way that words and regular language simply can't. Some of the most amazing sex I've had was earlier in the year with this woman. She was on the mainland Vancouver and I'm on the island, and usually I'm pretty consistent with my standards but it was a new year so I decided to loosen up a bit and give it a chance, glad I did! We talked on the phone for many hours over the course of 2 weeks before meeting. It made sense if a date was going to happen it would be an overnight trip because of the distance. I suggested I'd sleep on the couch and we both said we had no expectations because it's not common to sleep over on the first date. Low and behold there was a lot of tension when we got back to her place, sat down to watch a movie and within a minute got at each other like animals. I never realized just how many times I could cum in a night if I really wanted to bahaha. There was a pretty insane level of lust going on because we built a decent emotional connection before meeting. There is something really exciting when you meet someone who almost exactly matches your sexual experience and drive. Usually preferences don't overlap that well. Anyways don't want to hijack your thread @ivankiss sorry I would be strategic about this new girl here. Probably back off so you only see each other once every week or two weeks. I've had those situations before and seen it enough times, someone ALWAYS catches feelings. You've gotta be really reserved, set hard boundaries, and have constant communication about the situation. If you leave any ambiguity, either your mind or hers is going to wander to make something more of out things than either of you want. Just have fun and enjoy your time with her, but keep it sparse so you don't get in over your head!

Kamloops could hit near 50C on Tuesday. I invite people to look on a map of where that is lol.

I'm in the Cowichan Valley where it's getting pretty bad. I've gotta work in it this weekend....... AND probably gonna have to fight some wildfires too AND my ankle is bummed............. On top of that I have to listen to fucking boomers during the day, "Oh global warming isn't real this is just the way the Earth is, it's actually getting COLDER! Justin Trudeau something something....." we live in a clown world!

There is value in what he's saying. But it doesn't apply to be useful or the right advice for everyone. He's not a paragon of relationship mastery either btw. There are many others to learn from. I think it's an extremely rare thing that only certain couples can pull off, so chances are you are both that kind of person are low. Also it's usually much older people who have accumulated huge amounts of experience and understanding of themselves that they can do it healthily. Like someone said it's playing with fire. If it did go the distance, what's wrong with that? Stop trying to analyze and pick apart happiness, it's in your hands!!!!

Stop overthinking and possibly self-sabotaging the relationship by worrying about juvenile selfish stuff like "sampling a buffet" (lol how material does that sound?). Why throw away a good thing? Definitely don't seriously entertain the idea of an open relationship either. ENJOY your current relationship! Love the hell out of each other, spend time together, grow together. Look @Actualizer777. It's both your first serious relationship right? Let's be honest, chances are this thing isn't going the distance. Enjoy it for what it is. Maybe within the next few years you split up. You'll still be in your mid/late 20's and then you'll be able to "test the field" all you want. Hell even if it happened later in your 30's or 40's who cares? Is there an age limit on enjoying yourself and having sex with people? People need to seriously stop with this archetype of how relationship cycles are supposed to function in life. Don't behave like fuckin sheep! Grow a pair and take your own journey, and don't apologize for it. You don't have to bang 10-20 girls as a prerequisite to become a "man" or find "the one" girl you want to settle down in your life with. Especially don't do it just because "Leo said so".

I had some epiphanies and spiritual insights growing up, even while I was in my atheistic phase. During that time I always intuited that there something "more" to life, I just knew it wasn't being advertised properly by others. My atheism and skepticism was just purely serving as a necessary filter for a lot of the bullshit I saw until I was ready to move on and felt I knew what was "legit". Now I'm at a point where I'm starting to deeply understand those insights and experiences better, and I recognize it's a highly individual effort. I've gotten pretty far with thinking, contemplating, reflection so far, but I'll be looking to add in some actual spiritual practices now. This might shock some but I don't even have more than 5 hours meditation experience for my entire life lol, and I haven't done any psychedelic's in my life besides a hit of salvia. Also just a personal note; I feel we should all be weary of trying to centralize spirituality, sabotages the core of it too much. Anytime you try to organize something and create power dynamics around it, it's corrupting.

Maybe there were some truth inside what you felt, but still you want to temper them and stay rational until you meet him and spend a lot of time together.

What was the context of the conversation that made you say something like this? That's one of the most incredibly direct and intense things you could say to anyone, let alone a potential date.

Don't try to escalate to pull her to your house on the same night as date 3 if you haven't even kissed her yet. That's reckless advice here for this girl. That's how you blow it by ramping up from 0-60, makes you look confused and inexperienced when what she wants is someone confident and at ease. There is no set dates you need to have sex by, don't get caught about about statistical details. You won't learn anything that way. You guage the pacing of physical connection by each individual girl. You just respond as a decent caring person but ALSO who has their own life going on and is cool enough that he doesn't care about the outcome. Texting is just for staying in touch so you can set up another meet, that's where you will build the connection. If a day or two passes without any messages don't get in your head, it's not like they have forgotten you exist lol. With a brand new girl you maybe ask her a 1-2 questions to get the ball rolling on a connection/points of interest and then within hopefully the context of the short conversation ask for a date. I aim to ask within 4-7 messages. Seems to be the sweet spot. My record for securing a date so far is 2 messages, still aiming for the gold medal first message. It's tough though very few women are receptive to that. It doesn't give them a chance to do their cessing out of you.

This forum is owed better threads than this c'mon guys lol.

She could genuinely be very tired from work and scorching weather. Which is not something you plan, you feel awful the day it happens. If you've ever felt exhausted and burnt out from heat then you know how awful it is. You're only going to feel shitty thinking she's maliciously trying to test you. It's paranoid to worry about such stuff anyways, it's only a small % of psychopathic younger girls who do that sort of scheming and games. Most people are actually pretty decent people. They might make mistakes but they don't do shitty things like that. And guess what? If she WAS that kind of girl you don't want her anyways. You dodged a bullet and can do better. Either way the correct response is to be chill about it. Say something casual, "No worries, get hydrated and rest !" Sit back for a day or two, give her time to think about you > Then ask her if she's feeling better and suggest meeting (within 1-2 days ideally).

Idk dude it's complicated haha. I'm still figuring out my strengths and weaknesses. To be honest I've struggled a lot in life so far and have been a late bloomer for most things. I'm sure I got way ahead in some areas compared to other people, but it was at the sacrifice of other areas. I guess off the top of my head with no detail my strengths and weaknesses +++ Intuition. Level-headedness. Altruism. --- Feeling of being lost/behind. Lack of confidence. Indecision. I feel things starting to gel together though after years of depression and hard times, like I'm finally becoming a man and shaping up to the person I want to be. Not exactly in the way I naively envisioned when I was younger but something different and probably better.

There is nothing bad about it. In fact if you're honest and pay close attention you'll realize everyone is actually "single" all the time for their entire lives. No matter who is in your life or how connected you are, you are always in the solitude of your own mind. The reason it gets stigmatized is because it's bad for normies who don't have the inner strength and can't stand to be alone with themselves lol. Just make sure you're working on yourself, content, and can actually enjoy being alone. If you choose to no longer be single, make sure you're seeking a relationship for the right reasons and from a place of health.

You're aware of it, that's half the battle. Just be mindful of it right now and don't let the urges cause you to do anything reckless or regretful. It will pass.