Roy

Tread carefully. She broke up with you for a reason. Contemplate how you could be setting up for failure if you go back to her again.

Don't say such a thing. Get it out of your head that this all comes down to some sort of mechanical list that needs to be checked off for them to be interested. Social interaction is way more dynamic than that. If they don't even go out and find out who you are they don't know you. So why are you putting stock in their judgments not to go out? As if anyone has a "value" anyways. What a Spock way of looking at the world. Not reality at all.

This is the benefits of online apps vs real life. Yes the cold approaching and game is great for developing a lot of general social skill, but you don't even know if the people you are approaching are looking to date. They are total strangers on the street going about their lives. You are rolling the dice. As said women are indecisive creatures. You get can 20 phone numbers, maybe 3-6 of them actually will go on a date. Then maybe 1-2 will want a 2nd date. That's a pretty low conversion rate. Not as in it has anything to do with you but just general statistics of finding a decent match for a relationship. Most of the them are just matches on Bumble, probably more than 60% of the matches that I end up talking to I go on a date with, because they are actually looking to date and not fuck around (most of them lol). I only approach in real life if I hit off a conversation well with someone who I think will be a good match, I can usually tell just by looking at them. Most of the girls I see are between 18-24 working as cashiers and while a lot of them are pretty are usually too immature for me and they probably live with their parents or are going to school if they are working that job. Not that there is anything wrong with that it's just not what I'm looking for.

Life is too short to wait around for perfect conditions.

Don't sit and analyze too much, or even take what she said to heart or too seriously. You will be able to understand more clearly as you get some distance and time passes. Right now it's important to sit through your emotions (fully) to process them, not worrying about your logical mind going crazy about what you could have done differently. Trust that in a few months time the answers will click in your mind, and you will go "aaaahhhhh ok." The most important thing is to swallow and accept the outcome. Realize yeah it might suck, but your life is obviously not over because of this. A break up sucks but it should not be devastating. It's just one of many people that probably won't be in your life anymore. That's alright. Many people come and go. It's normal ! It's counterintuitive because we want to move away from the negative stuff, but feel what you have to feel right now. If you gotta cry, cry your fuckin heart out until your eyes hurt. Sitting there and taking it like a punching bag right now is exactly what will help you move through it and come out the other end stronger. Don't forget to focus on other things though. Hang out with friends, pick up some more responsibilities at work, and go to an event. You want to remind yourself that you still gotta life to live and while you enjoyed their company you weren't dependent on them for anything. Hope this helps.

Those are all degrees of sharpness of the same blade.

I used to get anxious and had a neurotic feeling I had to come up and plan all these crazy ideas to be impressive, but then I realized it's simply not worth the investment to a stranger and to make such a big deal out of it. 9/10 times I just suggest for a walk in a park or to hike a nature trail, and either have a snack at a coffee shop before or after depending what time of day it is. It's a two part date that costs $5-10 max for a coffee + gas, and there is less pressure to be talking constantly when you're walking. If you're meeting them for more than a first date that's when you arrange dinner reservations or to go to some event.

Women can be skittish, elusive, flakey, and highly indecisive creatures. This is just the nature of things. You don't take it personally when you step in dogshit right? You just accept it might happen when you step out and decide to walk in a world where there is dog shit on the ground. Don't blame yourself when women behave like women. Simply keep going and you will get your results man. It could just be bad luck - people are busy in the summertime - etc. Exactly how many phone numbers VS numbers of dates have you had since you started in May? Have you been keeping track? I've gone on about 20 1st dates since May 19th, only 3 of them have resulted in a 2nd date so far. This shit is hard man. Keep your head up! I bet what's going to happen is sooner than later you'll meet that girl that clicks with you and you'll be in a relationship and ecstatic . Patience + effort, and good things will come my friend.

@Vzdoh Not everyone starts the "race" of life at the same gunshot. The reason many people are on here spending "countless hours theorizing" is because they trying to fill a deep hole in their understanding from not having the luck of having a proper upbringing, or trying to untie an extremely corrupt knot of confusion in their minds. These limiting beliefs and deficiencies can go down very core of the their being. As in the suffering has made up most of their experience in their existence. They don't know what things could be like if they were better. It's difficult to navigate out of dangerous waters to the shore if you don't have a lighthouse. They are here to find out that lighthouse even exists. It's not as easy as just going and "doing it". That's honestly just a simpleton thing to say and a complete nothing sandwich. Of course the reason you might not understand fully is if you started from a position of privelege, which you did by your own admission. Everyone has to work hard to reach a certain set of results yes, but you have to appreciate some simply need to work harder than others based on the foundation (or lack thereof) they were given in life. When you tell someone to "just do X bro quit being a victim!" In such a sterile and binary way its going to be really hard for them to take it on seriously. Especially when and I'm sorry to say this, it's coming from that good looking babe who is going on an egoic speil about herself. It just comes off as patronizing and cringy. Humans, and particularly vulnerable ones need more nuanced connection, not a set of math formulas preached at them. Not to mention it will never be as easy as just doing it when you have a problem like being too short. Which while isn't a big deal in the context of our spiritual existence, poses a large problem within the judgement of our low consciousness culture. People grappling with what are essentially handicaps need a higher quality specialized form of advice and need to resonated with first. Or it'll just fall on deaf ears or even make the problem worse.

I've always been a fan of art and creative endeavors for as long as I can remember - Whether by collecting things, browsing shops endlessly, making my own things, or listening to music like an Audioslave almost every day. It's always been apart of my life, but recently I've noticed something has been clicking and I've reached new depths of appreciation and enjoyment of it... I've been revisiting music that I used to listen to as a teenager and even quite recently, and while I was certainly a fan then and couldn't shut up about it - now it's like a completely different thing. The lyrics and meaning of some pieces have been utterly re-contextualized. In some cases I find myself simply crying at how beautiful it is, like I've heard all these words before but now I understand them in their essence and it's totally penetrating me. Sometimes left thinking how the hell could I have missed this all these years??? I have no other way to describe it, in some cases it simply feels like a mental orgasm. I've been at this work for about 4 years now in some capacity. I'm guessing gaining deeper insights and expanding my consciousness has indirectly revealed some things to me that I couldn't see before? I'm wondering has anyone else noticed this phenomena in their life? I'd like to hear your experiences on this.

It's entirely in your capacity, do not believe you can't even if it feels like it. What you are actually capable of vs what your mind is telling you are completely different things. Focus all your efforts on finances, resources, and career/job experience so you have more opportunities out in the world. That means no more games thinking about relationships or other crap. It's all distractions you can worry about later once you're out of there. It really sucks but sometimes your path in life means leaving some people behind, or at least distancing yourself. This is YOUR life, you need to prioritize your own happiness and well being before anyone else. Also don't get this idea that you NEED to move to a big city like London or New York. There are plenty of affordable smaller-mid size cities across North America and Europe that have plenty of jobs and don't charge criminal amounts for living space. You cannot change or control your family, but you can change and control Preety.

Guys lets keep conversation on the topic instead of getting into it about each others person lives. Remember we are here to develop, not bicker.

I will go to the grave not truly grasping why anyone would want to drink decaf coffee. I can understand decaf soda... but decaf coffee? Really lol?

Something like this, the magnitude of it just makes me tear up. Especially in the context of why it was made. From the 2016 climate change documentary, "Before The Flood".

How would you even know? I feel like even when people try to do studies, participants would just lie and scew the data, or in friendships and in private relationships people will lie because they don't want to be judged. I don't really trust any statistics I read, it's kinda left to our best guesses based on the individual. And even the studies that do get published usually don't take into account the generational differences. The invention of smartphones/dating apps and overall increasing materialism/shallowing of western culture probably increased the average number of partners for everyone now compared to idk 40-50 years ago?

Sounds like she's got a lot of healing to do and should probably talk to a sex therapist or psychologist. Should also get off the LSD too.

This place is for self-improvement. Not a place you get to dump garbage doomer thinking, and stir in resentment. I had to lock this thread because it's clear it's utterly useless and unproductive. In fact let this locking serve as a PSA to everyone on this sub-forum, men and women alike. Y'all need to step up your game. I see way too many arguments and clashing here between the genders, and general unwillingness to understand each other, and it's really affecting the quality of this place. We are all human and two sides of the same coin, so use this place to open your mind and take the opportunity to learn, instead of behaving like elementary school kids. And for OP and anyone who think like that;

All of this stuff is not gospel, it's just ideas. Find out what is real through your OWN direct experience, and trust that. If something feels wrong or off, then go learn about what you're missing and only use those ideas to inform your experiences, not taking them as a set of instructions. Your personal experience > anything you read here.

What do you mean by this?

Don't beat yourself up too much @Javfly33. The ego is a hard thing to tangle with. It's always a work in progress and you're going to have downturns, relapses, and rough patches. It's all apart of the development process. What is important is maintaining that constant fire to keep GOING! Progress, not perfection, as they say. I'm in a pretty good spot now, but if I told you or this forum what I did in the months of April/May you'd probably all completely revise any opinions and perceptions you had of me You are not alone.

Had the exact same problem with my last long term partner. But I burned that insecurity out very quickly > It's culturally conditioned patriarchal selfishness is what it is. Recognize that within yourself so you can let go and move on. It will take a bit of time but eventually you won't care anymore, because she will be yours (at least for the duration of the relationship). Realize you cannot change their past or who they are, so all that's left is to love and accept them as they are now (or not). Also stop talking about it and asking questions if you aren't getting anything out of it. Some things are better left unsaid and just because you're in a partnership with someone doesn't mean you need to know every single little detail or secret in their life.

@StarStruck Most girls won't want to go on dates if they know literally next to nothing about you. Subconsciously safety is always in the back of their mind, as it should be. Give them some time to vet you. You want to ask for a date somewhat quickly yes, but don't just crack a joke or two and then say hey let's meet! Treat them like human beings and show some interest. Ask what they do for a living, hobbies, where they came from etc. and share a bit about yourself so they know you aren't a psychopath lol. It's a fine balance. You are talking to a LOT of women though and getting a shitload of practice, so you'll figure it out

I've only ever taken Salvia once. 18 years old wet behind the ears. Was a fun experience becoming a literal couch and a TV for 5 minutes lol. Basically confirmed my suspicions at that age that there is radically different potential states of being compared to just regular sober consciousness. There was no profound insights or spiritual epiphanies on Salvia for me. It was basically just a complete raping of my visual field and motor function/sense of physicality (disappearing) .