Roy

No you were not. Just a simple communication and experience issue. Perhaps you could have said jokingly in the moment to communicate to her that you weren't just using her for the experience, "Hey babe I'm having an amazing time, but I'm exhausted and need to listen to my body and have a nap. Then I'll get back to being present with you, make yourself at home." Or you could have asked her to nap/sleep with you if she wasn't busy, to show that you appreciate her presence. It could also just be the luck of that never having happened to her. Maybe she was never with a guy who was quite as introverted as you who authentically wanted to rest while together, and instead has only been with guys who bullshit and push to be interactive all the time because they don't want to seem disengaging or boring. It's all just communication, subtle and explicit. All issues in relationships come from some kind of misstep in that department, it's a minefield so don't beat yourself up when you step on one now and then, just do your best and communicate to them that you are trying and that sometimes you do fuck up and misstep. I had a girlfriend earlier in the year that travelled to visit for a long weekend and I brought up that I was exhausted from the work week and needed to rest somewhat early in the day (2pmish) on the Saturday. Most girls would be kinda pissed about that because they expect that's when you're spending the most time being busy together, but I was straightforward and open about it and she appreciated it. Also threw a wildcard in being playful and told her, "If you let me nap for 2 hours now, I promise I'll fuck your brains out when I wake up." If I just went to sleep and didn't put effort into expressing my intentions it's likely things wouldn't have gone so nicely.

Pretty bad advice in this thread that's not going to serve you well or turn out like you think. Look dude the ship has sailed and you need to move on. It just didn't work out, whatever. Her loss not yours, and you said you had plenty of options right? Don't waste your time once that magic has passed and the spark is gone. Respect it and don't keep pushing after her like a dog with a bruised ego. You didn't get what you want, so your gonna listen to these guys and act like a spoiled child that's entitled to something simply because you are working for it? What do you think is going to happen. You've now said you want to be friends and maybe you hang out again. She is already either confused or her mind is actually made up and she's hoping for a genuine friend. But NOW you've got this malicious subconscious attitude that you're just going hang out with her and use the opportunity to strike like a snake in the grass to "force" her to make up her mind, or in the hopes that her feelings have changed and that you've got lucky. Let's assume on the off chance it works > you've now communicated you are a manipulator. What is more likely to happen though is you'll be turned down and she'll be pissed or feel really uncomfortable and you'll probably hurt her. Which is just a shitty thing to do. Consider would an actual friend do that? I hate to be that guy but this kind of maneuvers are exactly the kind of thing that are teetering close to rape culture. Don't play fucking games with people like this and rationalize it because women can be "flaky" and "elusive". You might think a "real" man should try to take what he wants and conquers. If you want to be a real man, you suck up the reality that was presented to you and move onwards.

Even for the people that do access it, won't it be so radical and overwhelming that most wouldn't even be able to handle it or interpret it healthily? As in it wouldn't even help but actually be counter-productive? It's like suddenly giving the average person 1 billion dollars. Most will just squander it, use it for their own selfish addictions, or become unrecognizable because of it.

Why is there not an option for red? I'm pissed.

You would best serve yourself by dropping any preconceived notions of men and women do or don't do. Things may have been more simple 70 years ago, but now our culture is so open sexually and people have access to so many things through the internet that almost nothing should surprise you. One of my ex girlfriends said she had entire month stretches when she was single where she would flick her bean to porn every single day. She was one of those very feminine/family oriented girls by the way. You wouldn't expect it, I certainly didn't. Made me reconsider my view of women completely and it was a great thing.

It's become quite clear that this section has become of overall lower quality than the rest of the forum. I've had numerous people reach out to me privately over the past while complaining of this issue - Either that they have been harassed to some degree, called names or stereotyped, or just felt generally uncomfortable enough to want to leave the forum. This is NOT the kind of community we want to foster. That kind of toxicity doesn't belong anywhere, let alone on a self help forum where we are striving (hopefully) to be productive and improve our lives. Remember! - While YOU may be fine, a lot of people are coming here seeking advice from a vulnerable state, with sensitive personal information. What you say may have a larger impact than surface value, so take time to consider what you're posting and how you want to come off. This might be one of the only places someone feels they can come to for help, do you want to be responsible for scaring them off? I know it can be hard because this topic can cut deep for a lot of people, I know it certainly does for me. But we've just gotta take a step back, chill out, and help each other. Not everyone is at the same level of understanding, life experience, or they may have a dysfunction of some sort. Try to imagine where they are at even if you haven't been there yourself. Don't quickly react to a post that seems radical or confusing, that might make more sense once you take a moment to do that imagining. That said, let's all collectively do better. This isn't about this group or that group, or to start a dramatic game of "whataboutisms". I know that everyone here is above that. Just don't call each other names. Don't perpetuate childish stereotypes. Don't attempt to bait people by making gross generalizations. Don't try to trigger reactions with inflammatory statements. And importantly, try to exercise nuance so others don't get caught up wasting time arguing binary talking points, instead of learning or getting help. This is mostly straightforward stuff, but just know if you are going to be continually stubborn, offensive, or dogmatically post Red Pill talking points or other toxic ideology your posts will be delete and bans of some level will be handed out. Is clashing ok sometimes? Absolutely! But swallow your pride and take responsibility for when you misstep and apologize, it goes a long way. I know the Men v Women thing can be a tempting fight to get involved in, but after all we kind of need each other to continue the species, so let's do that please That's all I have to say on the matter, and I hope it makes a difference. Thanks - Roy

It seems you have quite a bit of emotional awareness for a mosquito to know if you were being genuinely offensive or off putting. When you know you've done nothing wrong, it's not rational to pick at yourself. Someone probably saw that you were being confident and socializing outside the normal matrix of things, and it made them insecure and took away from the fun "they" should have been having. So they went and cried about it. Or maybe the bartender was just on a power trip.

Sorry, that's just bad luck. Unless you are painting the picture extra pretty here about yourself (which I don't think you are), I don't think anything is really your fault. You were having a great time with people and someone got bitter. Sometimes shit just happens. Don't overthink and blame yourself for it. Just go find another bar or place to socialize. I'm sure there are plenty.

Please don't harm yourself. It doesn't solve anything.

I've been in the exact same scenario that went both ways. Love her and do your best to be supportive, but ultimately it will be up to her to help herself. Nobody, not even a therapist or psychologist will get her out of that, but her.

Avoid falling into this common trap @Striving for more. Spend your time focusing exclusively on yourself and your own aspects. Don't worry about others or if they are being hypocrites or not, all irrelevant. What matters is the information and if it's useful or not to you, the messenger is a distraction.

Perfect example of relativity, nice post @Fleetinglife! There are hundreds of millions of Indian Hindus who see what most of the world does to cows and would have the same sorts of emotional reactions. It's all just programming, beliefs, perspective.

I believe Leo put it best in one of his videos, "How to ace life". Do the thing that is most emotionally difficult. Let that statement be your guide when you feel lost or "not sure what your next move should be". A few months ago I had a girlfriend where after a few dates together, having had sex and her opening up about some deep trauma - I knew it wasn't the right relationship for me and she needed time to process things as a single person before being with someone. So it was best to cut things off. However I didn't want to do it over the phone as it would seem too cold, so I suggested we meet in person. I didn't plan for us to do anything or go anywhere so we could just be at her place to talk. We ended up talking for a while, but for some reason I just couldn't muster up the strength to break up with her at the time. I ended up staying the night and we had sex again and we connected some more, but in the back of my mind I knew it didn't change anything. A short while later I cut things off as softly as I could, but it would have been easier for everyone if I just did the thing that was most emotionally difficult. Realize that ALL your emotions (even the unpleasant ones) are communications for you, and that you shouldn't ignore them. It's not up to anyone else to tell you what they mean or which ones are "right", you'll have to figure that out on your own with experience. Like @Nahm said. Remember to breathe, relax, and observe. Take time to consider emotions and actions, without action.

Have an extremely blunt conversation with him, preferably on the phone. That he is moving way too fast and too attached, and needs to slow down. If his immediate reaction is too volatile, or his behavior doesn't change after a few weeks, then end it.

Well consider human history has been tens of thousands of years of bloodshed and tribalism in an overwhelmingly dominated patriarchal system, up until recent history where things have toned down and life has gotten much better with women getting overall more say and power..... I'll let you put the pieces together

It means to sit down and strategically change as many things as possible in your life, to what you want to do most, or at least more than others. So life is easier, and like going "downhill".

What does depression mean, spiritually, metaphysically? Is it a signal of something? A symptom? Just trying to gather a deeper understanding. Thanks in advance! To be clear I'm not talking about clinical depression with chemical imbalances in the brain. Disregard that kind of depression.

Capitol G by Trent Reznor "Don't try to tell me that some power can corrupt a person. You haven't had enough to know what it's like. You're only angry 'cause you wish you were in my position. Now nod your head because you know that I'm right, all right!"

How do I get my hope back?

Yawn. Prove it beyond a reasonable doubt, then we can talk. There are literally hundreds of millions, billions of recording devices in the world now, most of which are high quality. Yet despite all the "evidence" we haven't had a single legit video or image capture of what is clearly, and inarguably verified as an alien or alien vessel. Even the quality of the releases from the US military is total dogshit. This is just a mass hallucinatory conspiracy theory right now. When we actually do have proof there will be global public hysteria. Which right now there is not because it's clear we don't.

Nah it won't happen for quite a while. My country is still filled to the brim with rural Conservative simpletons. Who have the audacious lack of self awareness to call their party "Progressive Conservatives". lol I should start my own party called "The Up Downs". I volunteer at a local fire department, and most of the people there are generally conservative. They are fantastic people who won't hesitate or have a problem delivering Narcan and first aid to overdose patients, but if you bring up the idea of safe injection sites so that we WON'T have to go to such lengths to save people they get pissed off because socialism and it's their tax money being used to "feed their addiction". It's a good example of the cognitive dissonance of those on lower Spiral Dynamics stages.

Volunteer somewhere, anywhere. It will be one of the best decisions you can ever make. I started when I was 18 after being forced to to get my 40 community hours to graduate high school, but it was so awesome I never stopped doing it. You'll meet some amazing people to socialize with because the environment of volunteering naturally draws kind, interesting, high quality folks who will look out for you. Toastmasters is also great (and free). It's the perfect environment to practice socializing and build confidence in that area, because you are in a completely friendly risk free place for it. The people there understand exactly what it's like and are all in the same boat. Volunteering basically cured my crippling social/anxiety, and it was fucking baaaaaad.

@Emotionalmosquito You are correct. However I'm not looking to get into a gender war here about who has it worse in each area. I was offering the OP an opportunity to learn and address the bias embedded in his title.

Don't read too much into it. People in the world have all sorts of weird reactions, attitudes, and chips on their shoulders. If you legitimately didn't do anything wrong then you don't need to get in your own head about things, it's just a waste of your energy. On the topic of your title though, I urge you to step into the perspective of a woman. A lot of women DO have to worry about sexual violence, and it's not some "paranoid" joke. It's hard to appreciate as men because we typically experience our reality and go about our life in the world feeling (generally) confident in the event of a physical encounter. You are only scared of the handful of men who are clearly stronger than you, and scoff at the notion of being threatened by 99% of females. Women on the other hand are at the mercy of the overwhelming majority of men they encounter. They have to be on their guard and have a certain baseline level of fear to keep them safe and from being in situations they can be taken advantage of, because they will be mostly helpless in the event of things going horribly wrong and some fucked up guy deciding to rape them. So yes "Women are paranoid for possible rapists 24/7m", and not for no reason. Sit and contemplate the experience of a female. Go watch some videos of victims of sexual abuse/violence describing their experiences. It will be good for you to expand your worldview.

Free time, so I can appreciate this unique and wonderfully interesting existence. Why become a slave to money, when I am just going to use it to get more free time anyways? I'll just go directly to the time thanks.