Roy

I know you're painting a raw and brutal picture to encourage him to do a ton of work, but things aren't that pessimistic. A lot of girls have neediness in them too and aren't all actualized, not even close actually. They want boyfriends just as much as guys want girlfriends. In fact I'd argue on average girls are more needy than guys because they seem to avoid long periods of downtime between relationships like it's the plague. Girls need a constant social life in place. I just think the threshold of work you have to do to get good results isn't that crazily high, and it can be off-putting to make it seem that way to someone who might be just starting their journey. I would agree there is a mountain to climb if you want the "9s and 10s" though.

I had a long term relationship with a girl once, it was monogamous and there was healthy open communication and understanding about our relationships sex component. We both had really high sex drives but understood we wouldn't always be "on it" at the same times, either because one of us would be busy and didn't want to be distracted, or away from each other for whatever reason. The first half of the relationship was long distance before we moved in together. We agreed with each other that it was totally ok to have solo sex, and we wouldn't get angry or shame the other person for doing it like a lot of couples do. We basically understood that neither of us was doing it because of lack of attraction or satisfaction with each other, because the sex was amazing and frequent. We just knew we had urges to fill and wouldn't beg the other person to participate if they weren't 100% into it. She especially hated morning sex, while I loved it. So needless to say that led to a lot of lonely mornings for me hahaha. However an issue arose one day when the topic came up again, I basically told her that I don't just use my imagination when I'm masturbating, I use porn sometimes (AKA images of other women). This upset her quite a bit and she got angry at me for it. Basically accusing me of some minor form of cheating. I found this kind of perplexing, because we were very straight forward about our loyalty to each other. Being ok with each other masturbating while in the relationship, it seemed implied to me that it's OK to fantasize about other people and not be crossing any boundaries of loyalty, because we'd obviously never act on those fantasies. They are just pixels, with zero emotional involvement. It just seemed very odd to me, like did she expect me to have a jerk off shrine dedicated to her or something when she wasn't in the mood? I never understood it and I don't think the issue was resolved, because to me it seems unhealthy and controlling to expect to police our own or each others minds about the matter, especially after we gave each other that freedom and had clear, healthy boundaries about loyalty. Anyways has anyone else dealt with this kind of thing in a relationship? How did you deal with it in a good way? I'm looking for other perspectives to help me in future relationships. I want to have brutally open communication, but experiences like this make it seem like it's not possible, because most times you can't dig into things explicitly, being extremely explicit spoils connection with women from my experiences. They say they want it, then when you give it to them they don't like it (usually). On the other hand I don't like hiding or reserving things too much either, it feels incongruent and inauthentic.

Also I don't need porn either or see it as necessary, as some people are bringing up the topic in the thread. I view porn kind of like icing, and getting off like a cupcake. Cupcakes are good on their own, you can have one by itself with nothing on it and it's satisfying. However once in a while having a cupcake with some icing can be pretty great too. Icing is tasty. You could eat it by itself if you wanted, but it's very rich and that isn't really what it's for. Icing is supposed to add to the cupcake, not replace it. If you ate only icing you'd get sick pretty quickly. I hope you understand this analogy. Hmmmmmm............. now I kinda want a cupcake (a real one )!

Hah, I'd rather die. In a relationship I need sex at least every other day. When single, a little less often.

I had a lot of reasons to believe she was secure about it, since we negotiated so many freedoms with each other without fighting about any of it. When it came down to the details though I guess it brought out her insecurity.

It's not that I was insecure, it's just of zero interest to me. I genuinely don't care what she fantasized about, what goes on in her mind is her freedom. Which is what I'm confused about. We were open and honest enough to give each other permission to masturbate and not judge each other, so why was she judgmental about the consequences of that freedom? I guess the answer is she wasn't as secure as she thought she was.

I don't ask questions I don't want to know the answers to. I also wouldn't do that as a retort to her asking me because I don't play "gotcha" games with my partners. If they act childish I hold the frame as the bigger person so they won't do the same shit twice.

Well that's the thing. The conversation basically came down to me being compelled (forced?) to be explicit. So our vibrator was typically placed beside our bed on the nightstand. One morning I brought it to another room to use it while she was sleeping in. When she got up she noticed it wasn't where it usually was and teased me about it, knowing I was doing stuff alone. "I see you used our little friend. Did you have fun?" "Sure did babe!" "We're you thinking about me?" "Well most of the time yes." "What do you mean most of the time ???!!!" I don't know what I was supposed to say? Felt like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Either I'm honest and she appreciates it/hates it, or I lie to make her feel good. I thought about her maybe 50% of the time. I could have said, I ONLY think about you. But that would be lying to her face, even if it's kind of a coy white lie. With someone I love and trust I wouldn't be able to hold that back for very long before fessing up. That shit eats at me inside.

Probably after my dude. It would be a little weird to bring up, "Hey baby just so you know I beat my dog to your pictures and sometimes pornstars that look like you." Seems like a sure fire way she'll never have sex with you lol. After you have sex for the first time in a relationship there is a huge weight and pressure lifted off the mans shoulders, where you can open up a lot more and chill out. You don't need to put on as much of a show for her anymore and try so hard. I've noticed this shift in every. single. girl. I've ever been with. They test and test and test and test you, and then when you finally get to write and finish the exam, you notice you don't have to study so hard anymore.

How dramatic was it when you got kicked out? Did the clerk just tell you your membership was cancelled and not to come back when you finished your workout? Or did 2 shredded guys pick you up and throw you down some steps ? My gym is at my fire department and restricted from the public, so I don't have that as an option for picking up chicks. I mean there is one woman on the team that is pretty attractive but she is a bit out of my age range and I don't shit where I eat soo..

Fair enough.

Did you find out she had a boyfriend before or after you did all that? That seems like unethical behavior to be advertising to people on here.

Stop with feeding the fear mongering. There are checks and balances in place, even with a person with as much power as Putin there isn't just a magical button on his desk he can casually press at his whim. There are steps that need to be taken and other high ranking people that would need to consent. If Putin has actually gone mentally ill there are other extremely competent people in the Russian government to prevent such madness. They aren't going to utterly doom themselves, their families, and their country out of loyalty to Putin. They are ruthless opportunists and the second he stops becoming beneficial as a leader to them they will turn on him and rip him apart like a pack of rapid dogs.

I'm getting back into dating soon, but I'm not sure if I'll use apps anymore, if at all. They are just too stressful and too many people are on there to just play fucking games, or are low in emotional maturity. I've met people in their 30's that have the social intelligence of teenagers lol. Getting a quality relationship from apps is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I've met some awesome people, but it's been a bunch of work as well. At least if you're a man from what I've learned, but that's a conversation not for this thread. I would say pick up some more consistent hobbies and test activities and events out. You will meet different kinds of people doing different things. For example I'm gonna get a subscription for a local climbing gym and just pick some day of the week to commit to.

I don't mean trying to see them once a week each, that would be too much. It's whenever it's convenient, keep things casual. If I'm in dating mode it will be between 1-3 dates in a week. Which is like 2-8 hours a week total depending on what we do? Anymore time than that and I simply won't ask people out, or I'll cancel a meet ahead of time so I don't exhaust myself socially. I only have so much in the tank. Those 1-5 people is changing constantly by the way, since most dates won't go to a second meet. It's tough out there I would keep your initial dates with people low investment by the way. As in don't spend a lot of money or make grand plans booking places. It won't feel like a waste and will sting less if things don't work out, which they usually don't if you are looking for a quality match and not just trying to force things with anyone. My go to suggestions are either a walk/hike, or mini-golf. You're a woman though so you have to be a lot more keen about where you go hiking or walking, keep that in mind.

Great video. I've been trying to cross from helpless to intelligent, it's tough.

There is a stupid corrupt war going on right now at this very moment and innocent people are dying, doesn't really serve anybody to bring up inflammatory whataboutisms in the middle of it. I would suggest everybody take a break from the constant news cycle, the whole situation is already stressful enough.

When I'm in dating mode I'm actively talking to anywhere between 1-5 women at a time. Once I make a connection with the one I think is the best match with me either emotionally or physically, I quickly but gracefully cut off contact with everyone else. I never have sex with a girl and still date other people at the same time, once that line is crossed I cut everyone else out out of integrity. Since I would be pissed if I slept with a girl and she was still dating other guys. We have to both be 100% on the same page if it's just a hookup or not. I find dating multiple people doesn't keep you that busy. I keep it low investment with each person for the beginning stages, usually only going on a date once a week, and talking every handful of days. If I hit it off with someone though it usually becomes a daily thing for communicating.

Yep we are pretty adaptable. An amazing fact I found out recently is more than 2 billion people on Earth actually live in deserts! That goes against a lot of intuition but it's true nonetheless. Our adaptability is our greatest strength and something we'll have to come to grips with more often too, since climate change is essentially unstoppable.

Occupying nations hasn't been possible nor desirable for anyone since WW2, it's not really worth the investment. It can only happen in a total war scenario. The US has had the most powerful military by orders of magnitude for 75 years, and even with a fraction of their power haven't been able to successfully occupy 3rd world goat herders with AK-47s lol. Total war is no longer a possibility for humans, the only outcome is the apocalypse. There would never be a gentleman's agreement not to use nukes either, because there are no rules in war. The only "rules" that exist are from those with enough violence and power to make them up and enforce them.

Don't expect people to be logically consistent, you'll be disappointed. The majority of people are fundamentally irrational and hypocritical. They are just behaving and thinking in whatever way is convenient to the ego. Their priority is their own biases first and foremost. Around orange and the materialist level you'll find those most guilty of this "Gotchya!" mentality, and while it may be a useful tool to expose outright blatant stupidity, it's returns start to diminish when you use it for every little minor offense you find. Feminists may be inconsistent and do or say some stupid things, but it's mostly just collateral. They are actively trying to improve the world and fight injustice/corruption, way more than you can say for most people.

The more comfortable and confident you are in your own body, the more other people will be as well (with themselves and towards you), even if you have to fake it till you make it with that confidence for a while. It's tricky but that's seems to be how it works, in my experience at least. Surgery I'm against. I don't think people modifying their bodies is that wise. It can be expensive and is in my opinion an avoidance for doing deeper interpersonal work. If you want to modify your body do it naturally through exercise. Of course you are entitled to act confident. You don't need to ask anyone permission for how you choose to feel about yourself, why would you ? However when you come across a guy you really like, and you aren't feeling at your very best confidence wise. I think it's ok to tell him how you feel about it, and that it's a soft spot you struggle with. Showing vulnerability can be a beautiful thing, and expressing it with someone can help build a lot of trust.

I assure you I came to my own perspective without redpill lol. Besides I'm not even 100% against it, I'm just more leaning towards not for my own personal life. I don't care what other people want to do.

There will always be exceptions to the general rule. I pulled a girl in college just by looking at each other from across the room. She walked by and I asked her to come to my room. I didn't even know her name until the next day lmao. Outlier experiences are possible if you look hard enough.

Remember what I said about the questions lol, but no you don't need it all the time. Women are animals too, sometimes they just want to fuck.