Roy

I would have to be more familiar with particular experiences you've had, but I would guess is there is some mistake you are making or some miscommunication you are sending during that fragile phase that is making girls question themselves with you.

Maybe you haven't raised your value as much as you thought? I'm not accusing you of anything by the way, it's not like I don't believe that you as I don't think you have a reason to lie to me. I do think we have reasons to lie to ourselves though. Lower your standards. Stop willfully eating the bullshit that most other men are feeding you, including Leo. LOL yup, welcome to the game. When that 1/1000 finally goes well you will forget everything else. And it really isn't 1/1000. It's more like 1/50 once you start to get the hang of things.

This post will probably trigger the women who read this, but I am going to say it anyways and be honest for your benefit since I've seen you post about these issues a lot before in this sub forum. Look, you need to be brutally honest about what league you are currently in and your own standards for who you will/won't pursue. If you want to have the highest realistic chances of getting a girlfriend you need to go after girls who are a whole step "lower" than you. Hypergamy is a real and active thing in our society unfortunately, anyone who denies it is coping/ignorant/delusional. Most girls want someone who is much better and higher value than them - Whether it's because they want to feel super secure and protected physically or emotionally, or to be with someone who secures a lot of resources, or simply because they subconsciously want to feel like a little girl again with an authoritative father like figure around. If a woman feels you are her equal or she is "better" than you, the odds (probably) aren't in your favor for a long term relationship and it will be difficult to lock her down. Even if you manage to become a charming pick-up player and master attraction, it's only a matter of time before they might leave or refuse to even invest in something long term. Sadly it's just the point we are at in our material culture we're in. It goes the way of being MUCH more brutal and unforgiving to guys because we obviously can't help ourselves but to drive up the demand, while they hold all the supply, which puts them in a much better bargaining position of picking and choosing, and since most people are unconscious and selfish they will exploit that position to date up. Of course this DOES NOT mean that you can't find exceptions to the rule of the reverse roles being the case, where the woman is higher value. Or the many couples where they are about equal. It's just not the norm though. You are going to have your own unique personal experiences that will break the cultural tide you're in and make you realize sometimes it's not as stark as it seems. However does it make sense to base your strategy around exceptions and to be fighting the wave that most people are being carried by? The answer is no. The circumstances are harsh, and it sucks that we have to play these shallow games. But if you don't try to understand, accept the rules, and play the game - You will not get laid, and you definitely will not get a girlfriend. I personally think if you're a moderately successful, normal guy, you are wasting your fucking time chasing "9's and 10's". You are falling for a trap, and chasing an illusion sold to you by your peers. It's called diminishing returns, like an idiot you are putting in egregious amounts of work for what amounts to little benefit. You might get to sleep with them now and then, but it won't make you happy and you'll never be satisfied since you'll just be chasing and chasing, for the next hit. So yeah, just keep working on yourself and go for the normal girl, whatever that means for you.

This is where fostering and integrating some stoic attitudes can be really beneficial. It may be the case and actually true that systems in our world might be flawed or doomed, and there may be some good reasons to be pessimistic. But so what? Reality is built to be stark. We are all going to die anyways, so why care so fucking much about things going well ALL the time? It's wasteful childishness to assume we ought to be positive about everything. We are all helplessly thrust into this human condition when we are born and have to make due with this imperfect world. Spoiler alert; Everything is already exactly perfect the way it is, and anything less than that is because we are making selfish/biased distinctions. All you can do, is simply do your best to shape the world while you're still here. Ground yourself IN yourself. The power and solution you seek will be found in realizing you can choose to be a beacon of light in SPITE of whatever darkness may surround you in the external world. Here is a realization for you - It's the people that don't ground themselves that will be the ones most likely to commit atrocities and great acts of selfishness in the name of correcting what they perceive to be unjust about the world. It's only from a place of ever growing acceptance can you start to do the real work to change things for the "better", whatever that may mean.

If you could replace smoking with something, what would it be?

It's not how much you drink (hopefully not dehydrated), it's what you drink.

This will sound insultingly simple, but what is your liquid intake like? What do you drink over the course of a week, list your averages for everything.

Do not poach or sabotage other peoples relationships, it's unethical and selfish. We don't condone such behavior around here. Either keep yourself occupied until she is single or better yet, find your own girlfriend.

What you really want is to escape suffering, and there are ways to do that without hurting or killing yourself. You might not be able to see those ways from where you are right now, but if you give yourself time you will able to. Right now you should talk to some friends or family, or to the people right here.

That's not an insult at all lol. It's a statement that accurately reflects how absurd the position is. "Just have completely different behavior and ignore geopolitics and historical dynamics Russia. Then everything will be fine." It says nothing and is naïve.

You dodged a mismatch. It's one thing to have the standard of saying you won't date someone who DOES drink or smoke, but it's not fair to have the opposite standard of EXPECTING someone to drink or smoke. That's a little fucked up.

It's mostly just silly internet lingo, don't invest too much stock into it. It doesn't really have to do that much with reality. If you go out and talk to people you'll find they are way more complicated than any label, identity, or map you could ascribe to them. There is a disconnection that happens online vs real life where you notice things are far more subtle and dynamic. Be an individual and experience life and people in the raw. Connection to reality is found that way, not by maps.

A good answer I like to use for this that defuses this kind of conversation, is give a smirk and say, "Ohhh. You don't wanna know ." That leaves things ambiguous and playfully confuses them. If they keep asking just keep playing coy and say, "You're smart, I'll let you figure it out." These kind of questions are ONLY things you want to know the real answers to once you've been in a deep relationship for a few years when it's no longer consequential. It's going to seriously fuck with you hearing your girlfriend of 2 months has slept with 40 guys, versus her telling you that after you've already lived together for 4 years. Don't let curiosity kill the cat. Relationships can be tricky vulnerable things and get spoiled early on for unpredictable reasons. So you want to play a careful dance of what information you reveal to each other over time, while consciously building solid steps of trust in each stage. Lying and withholding information might have the same desired result, but they are different mechanisms with different ethical impacts. Sometimes you can't withhold information and lying is the most ethical option in order to spare needless suffering. Be careful not to get into these situations too often, but also don't hate yourself when you have to make that choice, or you find out someone had to do it to you.

I would say what's the harm in trying? If it ends up giving you some benefits and it's really just a placebo, then that is still a net positive. With some things when the risk is low, don't hold yourself back from trying because you're waiting to be validated or convinced, especially by science. Personally I'd put it back in the fridge after. Room temperature/heated water may hydrate you, but not cool you down much.

Leaving only the unorganized, unintelligent, resource starved poor to manage and control over. That sounds like an awfully effective way to maintain power indefinitely, which is the ultimate goal of any large, corrupt ego. It's interesting seeing the contrast between collective egos taking place here. From most peoples (particularly Western) POV this whole maneuver seems absolutely insane. That there is nothing to gain from this war, and it's strategically bankrupt on every level. That may be true, but that's only because it's being viewed through the lens of a different value system. From Putin's POV and from his desires, he will take whatever course of action he deems necessary to maintain or increase the level and duration of his power, regardless of the costs he has to pay (and unfortunately make others pay). No cost is too high to pay because everything else is of comparatively lower value. He will sacrifice personal reputation, Russian lives, Ukrainian lives, the future of the economy, Russian geopolitical standing, etc. if the means help him reach his ends. This is what ego does, it exploits. Go wherever you see inequality and suffering, and corruption, and not too far from it you'll be guaranteed to find some fat monkey holding more bananas than they could possibly eat. To truly understand this you just have to play the mental game of imagining what it's like to be him or someone like him, and suddenly it's not so hard to rationalize all the terrible shit you see happening. Of course it's difficult to detach and do that temporary cognitive transplant because we have all our own biases, hate, and own personal and collective value systems we like to hold onto at every moment. So from where most of us stand we righteously brand it as insanity. To discover ones true values and motives, is to begin to understand their actions. If this war doesn't literally end Putin and his most loyal likeminded peers, and they maintain a grasp on their personal positions and wealth for the next 10-20 years until they're dead, then the risk will have paid off and they will have won the selfish game they chose to play. If one doesn't understand that risk it's because they simply don't value the same things. The problem is these games aren't played in a vacuum. Everyone has to suffer the consequences of the selfishness of the few.

What section did you want it in? This already seems like the right one.

Absolutely is! The best cult there is, we love everybody, everyone is welcome, and we have cookies! P.s. The actual answer is no. It doesn't really qualify for a "cult". It's just a youtube channel and website, there is no deeper malicious form or organization going on. You can turn off your computer whenever you want, nobody stopping you. It's not like you are trapped on some farm in rural Pennsylvania somewhere being physically coerced from leaving lol. I will say though if you're worried you're getting attached to it in an unhealthy way to take a break and leave. That's a good way to treat anything.

I'm actually going to be a contrarian and say if it's the 1st date it's a BAD idea to put so much in to try and make it amazing. Chances are you won't be that compatible with most people anyways, so it's not a wise use of resources or emotional energy to invest that much into it. By all means you can make a 1st date a great time, but don't pin so much on it. It does need to have a level of casualness so there isn't that much pressure. Unless you are some sort of gigachad, only a low % of your dates will go to a 2nd one. So does it make sense to put all your eggs in one basket, so to speak? I usually do a 2 part date - cafe/snack first > then something physical like hiking or mini-golf. I find it's useful to sit down for 30-60 minutes to find out if you can even compatible talking to each other first. I've had times where either me or the other person politely cancelled the 2nd part of the date because we didn't have the same values, or that much chemistry socially. This strategic kind of set-up is important if you don't want to waste time or money, which you will end up using a lot of with women

I would say it's really important you stay together and work on maintaining the relationship for the kids, as having a childhood with separated parents is demonstrably terrible for development. People who are raised in single parent households suffer in many ways. It's good to go to therapy immediately, to work out what issues are instead of letting them fester. I think you need to set hard boundaries about what you will tolerate though. She needs to know she can't just use the excuse of the hard conversations making her "depressed" and "uncomfortable" to avoid confronting her own faults, and then childishly go behind your back breaking your trust. There needs to be some sort of consequence or punishment, whatever form that takes. A marriage is a two way street of commitment. You can't have one person working harder than the other all the time, or it just won't work. She needs to understand she doesn't get the choice of not working on her own stuff that negatively influences her behavior, it's not your job to solve that, just support her.

All you can do is keep being a loving and supportive boyfriend. Ultimately it's not your responsibility to "fix" her or make her improve herself, only she can do that.

Redpill is not supported here. If someone starts advertising redpill and preaching enough they will be banned.

Redpill is 5% truth 95% toxic trash. Extract the few lessons you can from it and dispose of the rest like the waste it is. Pay attention to how every redpill teacher and ideologue isn't happy. That should tell you something pretty crucial.

A reminder to everyone to be really careful about who you're giving authority to inform you on geopolitics and delicate societal matters. Yes gurus and spiritual teachers may be able to point to subtle dynamics and larger pictures that many people may not be able to see, but remember we live in a relative world and espousing such things (especially blindly) without a proper level of tact can be highly offensive to some people, and sometimes paradoxically even serve as a way to stunt collective understanding. It's all good and well to hear about platitudes of loving nature of reality and how we should all hug each other and smoke DMT, but let's just say you won't give much of a fuck for those things when T-72's are rolling down your street killing your neighbors and family.

It's absolutely true and anything otherwise is self-hating delusion.