“All grown-ups were once children... but only few of them remember it.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince
Can you see what has happened in your life? You are finally free from the constraints of childhood, but you are still imprisoned. You are like a elephant of a circus who doesn't move because it thinks there is still a rope tying him. When you and the elephant were small, both of you tried to break free countless times. Then, eventually, both of you quit trying for the rest of his life. I am giving you permission to break this shitty program your parents (who did not know any better) gave you.
How to do it? By sending a multitude of I Love Yous to yourself. And, yes, I am telling you to exaggerate. Become an “I Love You” generator to your own heart. Stay with me here. This guide is actually an intervention for my own self. I am talking to myself here. 
Here is the fact: you are nothing more than a program. You created your current state, but you don’t remember doing it. You made choices based on survival and protection. This is fine, but your subconscious can be rewired. There is no evil. The thing is, the subconscious is not that smart. It is your robot side. And the only one who can reprogram your web of beliefs is YOU.
Quit watching so many videos, consuming your time and energy with mental masturbation, always seeking an external solution. As Bob Marley said, “None but ourselves can free our mind.” The question is, “Are you practicing right now?” You might ask, “Practicing what?” The answer: “Saying 'I love you' to your own heart.” And when I say that, I mean relentlessly.
Here is the situation you’re in: your inner child is crying at this very moment. “How can you tell that?” Simple: by the quality of your thoughts and emotions. Underneath any highly unpleasant feeling, there is a deep longing for love. And guess what? Nobody taught you that you are the one in charge of sending love to your inner child.
The solution is: Repeat the phrase, “I love you” to yourself like your Life depended on that, because it does. Your true life, not the joke you call “life”.
And let me tell you: as soon as you start this process, your old patterns will get sneaky. THEY ARE NOT EVIL. But they don’t want to die. It really is like an inner-dictator who is about to get deposed. Expect it to resist in endless ways, where it feels like it is not possible to keep sending I Love You to yourself. Not to others, to yourself. When you catch self-doubt, “I love you”. The thing is, watch yourself getting perfectionist to avoid doing saying I Love You to yourself. Just keep doing. You even can say “I love you” quickly and even unmindfully at first. But DO IT. Be with the discomfort, and out of the mud will bloom a lotus flower.
The solution here is to apply emotional labor. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU. Your mind is not used that, so it will judge, fantasize, self-sabotage. That’s ok. But keep repeating it. YOU ARE NOTHING MORE THAN A MACHINE. You can be rewired; you can hack the system; the system can hack itself. Recognize this fact. So let’s workout.
It is a lifestyle. Think of it like this: you do not exist, because you are always changing. All you have is this very breath. Every time you breathe, you are literally different. You can't step in the same river twice. So, what could be more fruitful than dedicating this very breath to sending blessing to your own heart? I guarantee you: there is nothing of greater value. You can’t even imagine how miraculous and magical your life can get. To get a sense for the big picture of how your life can be a couple of years from now (if you take on this challenge), take some psychedelics and you will see the dump you are currently in--and how the only thing to fix it is by starting now. One I Love You at a time.  
Water dripping day by day wears the hardest rock away. This is a commitment. I don’t mean doing it for only 5 minutes a day. That’s not powerful enough. This is a lifestyle. See yourself as water wearing the rock. Over and over again. It is a bold life-changing decision. This is how to transform your life into an infinite meditation. Every time you remember, “I love you.” This is so powerful you cannot comprehend. You will build momentum. IF you decide to actually do it in all situations--washing the dishes, walking, writing etc.
It is time to become a conscious parent once again, and take care of that beautiful child that is in you. Can you grasp the importance of this? This existence will feel magical once again. Things will start to flow, at last! You will be so grounded in yourself that people might call you crazy, and you will give 0 fucks about that. When embody this energy, you can even be crucified, and you will be fine inside. You are Jesus. That’s how deep strengthening your relationship with your inner child gets, who is really a gateway to experience radiance of the divine.
And that’s the tip of the iceberg. There are infinite possibilities.  
It is possible to feel like a child again, but you’ve got to take the hit and get used to saying “I love you” no matter how you feel about it.
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The Biggest Traps
1) “But, Leeeeo [:p], that feels unnatural and is not working.”
Good. Do it more intensively. Sooner or later, you will feel love. IF you do practice. And IF you are stronger than your endless stream of thoughts and conditioning. The solution? Keep doing it the best that you can.  
Resistance is a fertilizer. If you run away from suffering, your life will become very shallow, colorless. How to deal with suffering? Sending I Love You to it and BEING with it. Rise in love with sending I Love You to uncomfortable feelings and thoughts.
“Oh… I am feeling extremely contracted. Shit!” The EXACT moment you catch these low-frequency energies in you, become an “I love you” machine. That’s the bottom line. Haha, are you willing to fully surrender to this simple practice? Educating yourself with a bunch of theory is great, but the inner work is what most of us need. We get so addicted to knowledge that we forget to ground ourselves. It is as if Leo, the Buddha, or anybody on this forum will give you any answers. They are only mirages. 
Here is the thing: Grounding yourself in love has three phases. The first one is it feels it is not working. The second one will feel painful. And third phase it will feel amazing. 
2) When you have built a decent momentum, you might fall into the trap of not taking care of basic needs 
Why does that happen? Because you will know the unlimited potential -- The Giant Within -- that is in you. However, if you stop eating, showering, going out your front door this will create unnecessary suffering. Remember: focus on the middle path. Asceticism is not necessary. 
And let’s face it: life doesn’t require that much from you.
You can practice saying I Love You internally when you are working, eating, even writing. It is not possible to practice "I Love You" internally when you are speaking (only in the pauses), so listening becomes a joy; it is an opportunity to strengthen your love. And people will begin to love you for being space. 
3) “I have started to say "I Love You" to the people around me, but they did not react well. I am feeling shaky. People are ruining my my-little-pony energy.”
We are all in different journeys. Forget everybody else. Focus on yourself. Love will naturally overflow to others just by your presence. You will say nothing, and people will thank you for your help. This work is internal. Nobody needs to see how good you are feeling. If you are truly feeling well, this will become obvious. So shut up, and do the inner work. 
The external world is really a trap. Instead, focus your attention inwards by being an I Love You machine, and the world around you will transform with yourself.
The thing is, you are desperate for love. And love can be only generated within. A person can trigger Love in yourself, but it was always inside of you. So, you can do it yourself without a third-party. IF you take the first step of sending the first I Love You. Over and over again. It is a never-ending process. It feels tedious at times (that's why we don't do it, but if you are able to do it despite the boredom... breakthroughs are about to happen). Sorry, but there is no retirement in this work we are doing. Here is a bitter pill to swallow: your laziness of not wanting to take care of yourself has to die. Love is real. Love can be painful. But it fucking works.
3) “But, Leeo, the people, the environment I am in, and the situations are annoying as fuck. How am I supposed to be loving if everybody around me acting in such an unconscious way?”
Use unconscious behaviors to remind yourself to bring out the opposite energy internally. It is all an energy game. There is no need to engage in this positive vs negative war in the external world. It is all ego. Haha. Ground yourself through I love you’s, and you will be fine. Sometimes it is hard, and you will backslide. You might want to get even with someone. Fine. Love that relentlessly.  Get as irritated as you want. IN YOUR HEAD. And if actions are needed to stop a dysfunction, fine. Do it. But come from a place of love, not hate. 
You don't have to change anything, just your relation to things. And, of course, if you're in abusive relationships, a shitty job; then, it is a good idea to strategize how to break free from them. 
So, even in you’re in the extreme misery, even if you are extremely irritated at someone, even you are extremely hungry; there is always the choice of summoning a greater courage and strength to actually say, “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.” no matter what how you feel. See? You apply force the other way. 
4) “I am getting lost in perfecting my habits. I started with the I Love You, and now I got 20 new habits I want to install and 20 that I want to break.”
Solely, take care of your heart, and the rest will auto-correct. Next thing you know, you got an incredibly diet, you’re acing in your work, people will love you. (And let me tell you: people can only offer you pennies. You have the most valuable treasure in you. Let people criticize you. Your only priority is yourself. Yes, I am telling you to be selfish. Please, have common sense. I trust you.)
The question is: are you loving yourself? And I just don’t mean daily, or on a regular basis; I mean right now. Remind yourself over and over to have the sole priority of loving yourself. And forget the rest. Get determined to send love to yourself, and things will take care of the themselves. You are just the boss. You only give commands. Let your subconscious crunch all the massive data. 
No matter what you are doing, send your loving blessing to your heart. Never hold yourself back. But keep loving yourself in the process. I love you, I love you, I love you…. And next thing you know it, bam! The bad habit is dissolved. Your only task is to say, “I love you”. It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel it as being authentic; it doesn’t matter if it is out-loud or silently. As long as you do it. 
5) “There needs to be a war inside for me to send love to myself. When I start feeling well, I stop sending I love you.”
That’s the main problem with our society. We only hold a baby when he or she is crying. Break that habit. Don’t wait to get overwhelmed, build your reserve. Love you.
This is a love revolution. Everything is allowed. You don’t have expose your troubled self to the world. You are the one who has tolerate yourself and love it no matter what.
6)  “This cannot be the solution to all the ugly complications of my life.”
Remember: You have tried so many complicated things to feel good. Neurotic meditation habits, brute forcing success, relationships. The question is, have they worked? If not, are you willing to try this alternative?
Expect backsliding. When you notice it happening, send more I love you’s -- and not less. You don’t have to take care of anybody, but yourself. It is that simple.
7)  “Oh… I am getting fat. Let me accept as I am. No need to work on that.”
When I say love, I don’t mean complacency. DO NOT passively accept any dysfunctional habit, or toxic relationships. No, no, no. You are God, remember? Compassion sometimes is raw. Sometimes we have to kill. We have to recover your power. And how to that? One “I love you” at a time.  A natural (but that requires effort) to transform other areas will arise. You have got to turn on the "I am ok with discomfort" button, and actually do it (with the help of I Love You). 
On the other hand, sometimes we have to accept that we are not ready to let that go just yet. You can say to the one who wants the change, "I have been trying to fix this, but it has been hard. I am sorry."
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Commit to this practice this week, starting now as you read this text, and see your life becoming magical once again. Love yourself whether you are accustomed to that or not. With both good and bad emotions. Whether you think it is fruity or not. 
That’s the thing: if you want  the magic of childhood back, you first have to love yourself at all moments. Your inner child is still here (Hooray! There is still hope :D). Defend yourself from the voices of authorities in your head through I Love You. Protect your inner child from the adults -- including yourself. Your parents live in your head. They are your need to use logic all the time. It is time to kill them. Haha. Internally. 
Start NOW. This way, you will have built your love reserve to endure difficult situations -- which, by the way, are a blessings in disguise.
Sorry to break to you, but if you are in suffering, that’s actually a blessing. Ouch! Watch your mind getting resistant. "Are you saying that poverty is a good thing?" No, that's just black-and-white thinking. The heart opens the most when there is suffering. Instead of running away from suffering, run towards it. Ask life to give you suffering so that you can open yourself up to it. And face the pain with unconditional love, and love is HERE no matter what. One way to train yourself to face pain head-on is taking daily cold showers with a smile on your face. 
Let's get to the bottom line: there is a destructive fire inside of you. It is no use looking for who is to blame. We simply put out the fire. START NOW. This really is a rescue. Your inner child is drowning, and you are the one who has to save it. And let me remind you: this work will be tedious; it will feel like there are no results; and you will feel like quitting the moment you finish reading this text. Love that.
Your job is not to feel or do anything in particular, but to send love to whatever is present. Just love yourself and shut down all the voices that are in your head.
What you got to remember: We all have emotional accounts. Anytime you criticize yourself, you are making a withdrawal (negative). Anything you send love to yourself, you are making a deposit (positive). If you're sending love to yourself ,but you still feel shitty; that is because you account is still negative. That’s a sign to send MORE love, and not less. This is just like taking care of a baby. If the baby is still crying -- even though you are holding him or her -- that’s a sign to KEEP trying. You might think, "IT IS NOT WORKING!!!" But let me assure you: It is. You just got to be patient, take it lightly, and train yourself to enjoy the process  
But what do most of us do? Let's say you are feeling shitty, then what do we do? We abandon our inner baby. We open the fridge, go have sex, browse this forum. We sell ourselves short; we compensate our need for real love for illusory external fixes. Remember, no shadow, no light. You start to feel numb. Why? Because you have not taken time to love your shadow. The secret is: become the most reliable source of love. You don't really need people. Not in this neurotic-desperate way.
Being with others becomes pleasant when you stop focusing so much on the projection you have yourself in them. Haha. Do you realize that when you are with people, in most cases you are talking with yourself? You are not really there with the person, but with all your ideas about him or her and how you can make him or her validate your existence. Just be yourself even though other egos might not like it. That takes courage. 
Living mindfully in the 21st. century is the hard mode level of spirituality. So many distractions to go to. But it feels extra rewarding when you start to pull off true spirituality. You are like, "I don't need to eat a gallon of ice-cream, nor use my phone as if it is a pacifier, nor smoke cigarettes or weed." All of these seem tempting, and it is OK if you do them while practicing. But the fact is: they are all very low-quality pleasures. You begin to pursue higher-quality pleasures, such as working for a purpose, connecting with your reflections, and loving yourself. Why do you insist on eating bread crumbs, if you got God at your service?  
Here is the big news: you will have to take care of your inner baby for the rest of your life, or you will live in misery. That’s the bitter pill I want you to swallow. Forget lovers, parents, or friends. Also, don't place so much responsibility on masters, teachers, or gurus, since all they can do is trigger your inner desire to start practicing relentlessly. I love you. Ideas are great, but they won't get you anywhere without continuous practice. Hearing these teachers and affirmations can assist you in reprogramming your mind. But, remember, You are the one who has to do the heavy weightlifting. And that's great because you stop depending on others. 
There is no evil. Your subconscious responds promptly to your commands. But you have got to command. And what is the highest energy you can embody?
I love you. I am You. The only truth that’s here is LOVE. But you are the one who has to declare it. It is no use just hearing me say these things. After consistent practice, your inner child will trust you once again. Now, I want to talk directly to your inner child. "You need not to be afraid of anything. With the protection of your inner conscious parent, you are safe." And that's your job, Adult. You have to be here 24/7. Your inner child doesn’t need much -- just your love, attention, and attempt to work things out. It is OK if you think you are falling. You have to be patience with your inner child. It will cry a lot. But the moment it calms down... man... you are going to feel amazing. Keep loving. I love you.
I want you to experience becoming a child again. It is all an energy game. Make room in all situations to love your heart. You can start right now. Love ya. No need of going to retreats, taking psychedelics. They can help you grasp the significance of this work, but that is a life-long commitment to love. Saying “I love you” is a practice. It is an inner decision to come back to loving yourself over and over again. It is a meditation.
Let your life become an embodiment of love. You desperately want your inner child (but don’t know it), and your inner child desperately wants you. Stop listening to the trillion false personas inside of you, and dedicate your life to deepening your relationship to your innocence.
Use annoying feelings, people, and situations to boost your practice. They are angels helping you wake up When your neighbor's dog is barking, this is your other self telling you, "Hey! Love yourself more." It is a message to send more love to yourself. Haha. It is that simple. Treat your resistance with indifference. Simply apply force the other way.
Do you I think you will succeed? No. It is all up to whether you are doing it right now or not. If you are lost in the content of this text, STOP! And begin practicing I Love You. This one practice can enlighten you, but you are not going to do it. Haha. You will fall into so many traps -- fixing the world, rushing, taking massive action -- all of which are attempts of running away from yourself. You will forget the simplicity of this work.
The only request is to ignore the opinion of others, and start idolizing yourself. Haha. Be selfish. You need that. In this process of saving your soul, you will get hurt. It’s part of the process. Watch yourself thinking of grandiose solutions for taking you out of the quagmire you’re in.
Remember: the answer is very simple. Love you.
This guide is largely based on the teachings of Matt Kahn.  

@Gryner
You’re not alone....this will pass!....
 
 
Thank you for sharing @Viking !
 
It was the toughest experience of my life.
it was an S.N. Goenka vipassana center.
I dont remember most of my time there.
day 0
arriving to the meditation center, i felt slightly nervous but very excited and well.
day 1
The hardest day for me. Practicing anapana, my mind started to clean up a bit and tons of emotional baggage came out. I cried 2 times that day. once during a meditation, second during the tea break, being outside. 
day 2
extremely tough day, almost as the first one. I was scared regarding my meditation posture because I thought I might damage my back or knees. I figured out the right meditation posture only on day 4, using a bench and pillows under my knees.
day 3
Generally speaking, the only part of the day I liked was the dhamma talk in the evening. I was counting days until I could finish already the course.
day 4
that's the day we started learning vipassana. The learning was in the evening, 2 hours. the whole day and previous days ive been waiting to get to start learning vipassana, it was very tough to sit out whole meditations. those 2 hours were absolute torture, I had pains throughout my whole body and my mental state was horrible, I couldnt wait to get out.
day 5
I couldnt understand how to properly do the technique. I was very confused and my mind wandered a lot because of it. nevertheless, I think it was the easiest day so far.
Every possible occasion on which I could ask the assistant teacher questions until this day I did, always, during the interview times in the noon and during question time in the evening. 
day 6
Since approximately day 3 i've been feeling LSD-like thoughts. extremely creative, my imagination was extremely detailed, my analytical skills were very sharp and clear. With that, extremely intense fear came up, worse than a bad trip. when you're tripping at least you know you're on a chemical, here (in my mind at the time) it seemed like I was getting psychotic or depersonalized. it was something like that:
Most of the day up until the strong determination sitting at 3:30pm the meditation was relatively easy, I started to get in touch with equanimity and could sit without struggle. I was surprised people were saying this day was one of the toughest. Before the strong determination sitting, I asked the assistant teacher during the interview how should I go about asking him questions, up until now my mind was a question generating machine, so I stopped trying to ask questions and just went on with the technique. During the strong determination sitting, I started feeling my body melting, for a moment I stopped existing and I freaked out a ton. on the intellectual level, I understood that my fears were irrational, but since my LSD trip I had a slight fear that there might be something wrong with me and during that time it came up. I started to fear I'd get depersonalized, i'd get back home to my parents and they would see a zombie (they didnt approve of this retreat). after that, I tried to surrender to the fear constantly and told myself i will pass, but much more different fears came up. at the end of the day, when falling asleep, again fear came up and I surrendered to it. What happened next I guess was a kundalini rising experience. I felt extremely intense energy in the abdomen and in the chest and it was going up to my throat. I felt like a huge snake was coming up from the belly to the throat, I actually felt it in the throat very clearly. I fell asleep shortly after, surrendering and knowing it will pass.
day 7
Because of last night, I felt a very heavy feeling in the chest, burning sensation with pressure, which lasted until the last day. I started to be extremely emotional. every slight little emotion I felt as something jumping in my chest. cried a few times.
day 8
When you do vipassana, you're supposed to sense scan the body, sense sensations and be equanimous with them. most of my practice because of the fear that arised I was busy being equanimous with the sensation of fear, and not with different parts of the body.
Nearing the end of the day, I fell into a state of perfect equanimity. intense fear was there, but I didnt care about it. the realization of the fact that i didnt care created more fear, but I didnt care about that fear also. I didnt care about any sensation in my body. this state passed.
day 9
couldnt meditate very well because I was waiting for the 10th day to finish the course, a lot of thoughts of possible things i will say to people came up.
During the evening I contemplated the reason for all my fears. earlier I prevented myself to think about them and just surrendered to them, I think it was a mistake. I have done shadow work previously but didnt get anywhere. Here, I realize all of my fears point to "Im not good enough".
for example, I contemplated why do i fear being depersonalized -> because my parents would suffer -> I would be a bad person.
another example, I fear saying the wrong thing to people -> because I would be stupid or they wont want to hang out with me -> im a loser
another one, I fear going crazy -> because others will see me as crazy -> im a loser
during the retreat I think i overcame these fears to a certain extent and they dont affect me as much anymore
day 10
amazing day, talking to people was so refreshing, my fear went away, cried a few times during the loving kindness meditations. only at the end of that day I truly understood how im supposed to be working with the technique properly, ironically, after finishing the course.
day 11
came back home, during the whole day I felt very equanimous, my family is very negative and i was very sensitive so i felt some sad emotions sometimes, but i was ok with it.
What I got out of it:
A way to deal with my laziness. My laziness is extremely severe and it damages a lot of areas of my life. now I know a way in which to overcome it: to feel the sensation of not wanting to do something and to know it will pass, and to do the thing I want. the sensation usually passes very quickly.
i will be practicing vipassana daily for some time now. I see it as a technique which will bring balance into my life, which is one of the most important things in life, if not the most important.
I understood better the theory I learned in Leo's videos and understood experientially better what spirituality is about.
A lot of old unpleasant memories that I didnt think about for a long time came up and I managed them.
I feel like I know better what to do with my life now.
I feel very equanimous and I have much more willpower. I still have very strong cravings, but I know how to deal with them.
I understood better the value of communication with people, barely talking to anyone in 10 days.
I realized how much I love my family and how attached I am to them.
I understood what people talk about when they say that during practices like self inquiry they have a fear which prevents them from going further. I definitely felt like if I'd surrender something unexplainably bad is going to happen.
I understood better how to deal with fear, more experience with it.
I actually feel like on the spiritual path now, as when before I felt like an amateur.
I opened my heart much more.
I realized all my fears originate in "im not good enough"
overcame fears
overcame the extreme difficulty of meditating the whole day
proved to myself i can be really hardworking. I never slept or anything like that when I had meditation time, while i've noticed others do sleep.
this experience made me a more strong and mature person.
I was the youngest person there, 20 years old. I feel greatful that I started to know what life is about at such an early age. It gives me confidence that ill be able to achieve great results at a young age and serve others more.
I stopped craving for spiritual experiences, they pass. I care more about liberating myself now.
I understood how to actually work mindfully, a lot of concepts I learned in the past make sense now.
I know how to deal with my lack of satisfaction in the present moment. I crave for something that doesnt exist.
I understood how much I care about my ego.
for a few moments here and there i reconnected with my inner child and have seen the world with wonder as i have seen it then.
I decided to quit porn for good
I understood how to eat healthier

SOME MUSINGS INSPIRED BY ROLAND BARTHES’ BOOK “THE PLEASURE OF THE TEXT”
This is something that blew my mind a couple of years ago when I started reading a lot more philosophy books.  I stumbled upon this book by Roland Barthes titled “The Pleasure of the Text”. One of the things that resonated with me about this book is the idea that pleasure factors in to what we read.  When we read Math, Science, and Philosophy — this is hard-nosed stuff, right?  We tend to draw a hard line between fiction and non-fiction, art and science.  But this Barthes’ book seems to advance the thesis that all texts have a kind of pleasure-serving function to readers.  We might explore this as follows: I do Mathematics as much because I enjoy it and think it’s beautiful than I do for finding the truth.  Ditto for Science and Philosophy.  When I study Physics, I’m commiserating with the pleasure of the text, the pleasure of the ordered concepts and even the beauty of the formatting on the page.  This is a different way to look at non-fiction texts huh?  Yeah, it’s pretty interesting and one of the reasons, among many, that Barthes is an interesting philosopher — he has different ways of looking at things.
Think about this, after Enlightenment, what do you really need to do?  You can’t control what happens in the Dream anyway, but what do you as unchanging Awareness do post- Enlightenment?  Nothing, right?  Unchanging Awareness does nothing.  So, what does Philosophy, Science, Math, Art, Culture, Travel mean to Awareness?  Nothing!  Awareness only cares about awareness — the content of the Dream doesn’t much matter to Awareness.  To Awareness everything is on equal footing.  Your graduation from college and your death are on equal footing to Awareness.  So, what’s the importance of conceptual-truth then?  To Awareness it’s not important!  So why study then post-enlightenment — why not just go hide away from knowledge for the rest of your days?  Well, you don’t have control over this anyway —  but one thing that inspired me about Barthes’ book is — even if conceptual-truth is useless, it’s still beautiful.  And beauty is worth something on its own.  Philosophy, Science, and Math are beautiful!  Thus, the pleasure that reading these texts give us is worth something on its own.  The ‘comfort of the text’ could have been another title.  Conceptual-truth comforts the ‘little me’ in the Dream.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pleasure_of_the_Text
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roland_Barthes