PenguinPablo

no. i pretty much hated my dad. on some level felt bad for him but mostly hated him. even now i still resent him. this is all "conscious aspect". I still became neurotic myself, feel deeply ashamed of myself, worthless, etc... I know "consciously" this doesn't make sense. There's not even thoughts in my head telling me this anymore. But the underlying emotion in social situations is this. This is what you internalize, unconsciously. Your scars if you will, even if you are consciously aware that your parents were insufficient. Besides a lot of this attachment trauma occurs when your're very young, like 1-3 or something.

@Mason Riggle hey man. I dont think it quite works like that. Sounds like youre engaging in some massive spiritual bypass and not being honest with yourself.

incest porn so you can go back to SOURCE

i had the same realization. i was using it to avert negative mental states in a way. to cope.

@Preetom it's porn, not meth youngster. @SOUL yeah. not sure if it makes a difference but im intent on jumping in the opposite direction behavior for the sake of proving to that inner tyrant that shit aint so srs.

Interesting idea. Can you elaborate @Truth Addict? I went hard af with meditation for like 1 month after a retreat. Eventually meditating on the breath 24/7. However I burnt out and started playing video games hours every day and binging pronography for several days. Still putting this all back together. Not sure what is right or what is wrong.

99% of that pain is your mind's aversion. All this stretching, and aversive subconscioud thought patterns literally create the knots in your body while you sit, which shift from small discomforts to excruciating pain. Eventually once the mind understands this, it stops this aversive attitude and tensions stop being msde in the body.