aurum

To massively overgeneralize, there's three outcomes to this question. The first two are Game A: Unconscious person who takes manipulates and uses people (Win / Lose). Unconscious person who gets manipulated and used (Lose / Win). Essentially, a narcissist needs a co-dependent. They go together. When you're the narcissist, you may on the surface achieve a lot of material success, but it will usually come at great costs to yourself and others. And it will usually not be all that satisfying. So on the surface you're winning, but really you're losing. Trump IMO is a good example of this. When you're the co-dependent, you get to seem like a better person but you still get taken advantage of. You get neither material success or happiness. The third option is the Game B option. This when two conscious people get together and create Win / Win situations. Here, some level of material success is indeed possible for both parties. But it will not be an extremely unequal / exploitative dynamic. Some people find Game B unrealistic, but the reality is those are your only two options. You either play Game B, or you're playing Game A by default. There is no Game C where needs and desires do not exist. There is only meeting those needs and desires in a healthier way. The issue of course is how to define what is truly Game B or not. This case-by-case basis question, and it's not always obvious. People can think they are playing Game B when they're really not.

I would delete that mental program. Bring more awareness to your voice and how it responds when you’re “in state” vs “out of state”. What I think you’ll see is that your voice naturally unlocks a lot more when you’re in state. This is because your voice is controlled by your nervous system. Your mind is unconsciously always sending messages to your voice about how much you are “allowed” to project. The safer you feel, the more it opens up.

@NoSelfSelf I’ve doomed him to the friendzone forever

@whoshearts If she genuinely has a boyfriend and that’s a boundary you don’t want to cross, I would just become friends with her. Add her to your social circle. Do things that friends would do. At the same time, keep showing your attractive self. And keep your options open as far as dating. Don’t fixate on her and think you need to get her. If you do become friends and she legit has a boyfriend, that should become obvious soon enough.

It’s infinite intelligence. YOUR infinite intelligence, ultimately. All things are known. To enjoy this human experience, we limit ourselves. Yet we are never truly cut off from that which guides all things because we are it. To get cut off is impossible. Even an experience of being “cut off” is more proof that you’re connected. It’s certainly seems crazy from our finite perspective, especially if you haven’t considered such things before. I personally however no longer like to refer to it as “crazy”. This is how life works. Expect it. Know it.

It’s not so much about combining them. It’s more about having range. Just like how you increased your vocal tonality delta, you can do the same here to a degree. Obviously you will still have certain inclinations that are stronger than others. But the key is you have access to all parts of yourself if needed, almost like a utility belt. Different situations call for different energy. If you’re girlfriend is having a rough day and just needs some support, that’s not the time to pull out the Dominant part of yourself and show her how aggressive you can be. But at a different time, maybe it is appropriate. So the key is no bad parts. Everything integrated. And you can’t just integrate your masculine side, although that may seem like that is what is missing. But ultimately your feminine / masculine aspects are a duality / distinction that work together holistically because they’re the Same. So both really need to integrated at the same time. If you believe you’re just lacking masculine integration, I would suggest that is not the case and that it is not even possible.

I would focus on getting extremely clear on exactly what you want out of this, even if it’s just with yourself. Do you want something casual or a something more serious? What will you do and will you not do? What are your boundaries? I’m sure there’s a good chance you could meet up with the guy. But there’s also an extremely high chance he is not interested in something serious. He is most likely looking for a fling. So I’d just be aware of that. My qualm with this advice is that if said guy is not interested in something serious and she is, hot sex is not going to change his mind.

@LSD-Rumi A lot of the response from the public was foolish, but also what Will did was foolish. So it’s not totally surprising. Foolish behavior provokes more foolish behavior.

@Vlad_ The porn is a symptom. Any so-called “self-destructive” habit we may have is always, always, always meeting a need of ours. In your case, it sounds like porn helps you stay safe from having to experience rejection and all those “annoying feelings” you described. Plus obviously any sexual drive you have, and possibly also a feeling of excitement and adrenaline. So I’d recommend two things: 1) Start seeing and labeling your emotions are valid, important and worth feeling 2) REPLACE the porn with something else. Your needs are your needs, but you can meet them in a healthier way. Consider lifestyle changes. Go to the gym, meditate, socialize, get outside, get a girlfriend, challenge yourself, etc. Find what speaks to you.

I understand putting aside the analytical mind temporarily and “getting out the way” so to speak. That’s what I do when I channel. But even when I channel, I still have thoughts. Can your thoughts also not be God’s thoughts? You are God. God’s will is your will. When I’m tuned in, I find there is no difference. Perhaps what is needed here is a clearer definition of “thought”. For me, if creative and planning thoughts aren’t stopped, that still qualifies as mind and not no-mind. No-mind would be no images, no words, no nothing. I can understand having temporary experiences or moments of that. I have them everyday. But always thinking returns, and I’m not convinced it can or should be otherwise.

Yes that’s right, but only once you get to a certain rep range. 10-20 reps until close to failure is not enough to purely focus on endurance. Pilates definitely crosses into that range though, since you might be doing a single movement for a long time. I can feel how much you appreciated that from here

My only question is how do these people then do what they do? For instance, Christopher Cornelius has a whole bio about himself on his website. He clearly wrote it. He clearly has written a whole book. How has he accomplished this without thinking a single thought? How would you even have an idea to write a book in the first place without some form of impulse? What creates emotion for them if not thought? I don’t intend to call these people liars. Perhaps it is possible. I simply would like to understand it better.

@Epikur Haven’t watched any of Owen’s content in a while. I was worried he might have gone some sort of 2020 conspiracy or alt-right rabbit hole. It seems like his message is more or less the same it has been for a long time, with just some details changed. It’s good to see.

Yeah I can’t say I find any appeal to completely turning off all thought forever. My sense is that is not the best life, or at least not what I came here to do. And perhaps it’s not even possible. I’ve never met anyone who no longer has thought. But at the same time, there definitely has been tremendous benefit for me in learning to silence the mind at times. Otherwise you just drive yourself crazy with anxiety. There’s no space. Form needs balance with formlessness. In terms of creativity, I find they go hand in hand. Yes, you need thought for creativity. But no, excessive thinking also does not help. Excessive thinking usually blocks creativity cause you’re too anxious.

It’s powerful regardless of what you want to call it. Taking mdma made me feel love, whole and complete for one of the first times in my life. In a sense I suppose that makes it dangerous. You might think that state was only achievable with mdma, and of course it’s not. But I personally never abused it. It really just made me realize how much better I could feel about life.

For me, you finding things funny > than you being funny. I like girls who laugh a lot. It doesn’t need to be over the top, but you should be able to generally find humor in things.

@Focus Shift It’s great that you want people to collaborate. I agree with you, I want to see more collaboration as well. One of the barriers I’ve seen to that happening is that Us vs Them thinking motivates the general population. Thus, political leaders often learn either consciously or unconsciously that they need to divide people if they are to effective. Us vs Them thinking also begets more Us vs Them thinking. The more I think libertarians are the enemy, the more I’m motivated to engage in divisive behavior. And the more the libertarians then feel justified in doing the same. So you get caught in a negative loop that requires a jump in consciousness / Love to break. Such a jump is usually culturally self-emergent. But we can help it along by doing conscious work and setting an example.

If she’s really mentally unstable I would not have her do any psychedelics. She probably needs something more basic to ground her first, like a yoga class.

@Illusory Self Did you ever try improv comedy? I took a class in it. It’s super challenging for those of us who have anxiety (everyone) but extremely rewarding as well. It’s not my zone of genius, but it definitely can be a path of not only social confidence, but even spiritual development. You really have to learn how to let go and trust.

No that’s not the point. If you’ve been graduated for a long time, than you probably should not do that. But that’s besides the point. I am not saying whether your reasons are true or not. Only that your mind retroactively generates them based on how you’re feeling. And then the more you think that way, the worse you feel, which pulls you into a negative spiral. Thus, the “what-ifs” are interchangeable. And if you felt a different way, your mind would spin a different story to match that feeling. Which then can pull you into a positive spiral. Ignore what you should or shouldn’t do for now. Ignore all mental stories and go into the feeling itself. Get curious about. Where is it? What does it feel like? What does it remind you of? Can you remember feeling like that in the past? The more mindfulness you bring to how you’re feeling, the more over time you can create a new pattern. The mindfulness creates the space necessary to think a different thought and make new choices.

Sure I get it. There is a lot of that in frats. My deeper point is that you want to separate the reason your mind is spinning for being anxious from the actual feeling. The “reasons” are interchangeable. The feeling is the constant. Someone who is anxious or afraid can always find a million reasons why that is the case. Endless reasons really. Oh I can feel it. I think that’s why I have a tendency to be hard on you in my posts.

@Hardkill Speaking as one of those ex-frat guys, yes it definitely helps with meeting girls. But it’s still not a guarantee of anything. For one thing, frats usually have a subjective hierarchy in terms of how “cool” they are perceived on campus. Many of them are middle / bottom tier frats that barely throw parties. It’s just like a group of 20-30 guys that hang out. But even if you join one of the “top” frats that throw the biggest, coolest parties, it still doesn’t mean you automatically will meet a girl. There were guys in my fraternity who did really well for themselves, and guys who did not. You still have to have the skills. You still have to lead. You still have to know how to be fun. You still have to be social. You still have confidence. A fraternity can help you develop those things, but it in itself is not magic. If you really don’t want to join a fraternity, then don’t. There are endless ways to meet a girl you like. But you should have at least some way in which you are getting a lot of socializing in. Some of those stupid things can be a lot of fun. Maybe try it. As far as time, you are always sacrificing time in some way in order to date. There is not getting around that. It only matters if it’s worth it to you. What I’ve noticed from your posts is that you tend to “what-if?” a lot. It feels like an endless game of whack-a-mole. Knock down one fear / objection, and another one comes up. Consider: the answer to your post is irrelevant because there will always be another question. Ask yourself “Am I afraid? If so, what am I afraid of? And where does it come from? How is it affecting my behavior?” Get curious about your fear.

You definitely might have some good genetics. But you’re also getting your “beginner gains” right now. Eventually you’ll start hitting diminishing returns and it will get harder and harder to progress. You’ll get there if you keep working on it. Try a push up progression, like doing push ups on your knees at first. Then eventually go to full. If you just want to be normal healthy then you don’t need hours and hours of cardio. In fact I wouldn’t recommend it anyway. You definitely want to be doing some cardio though. Look into HIIT (high intensity interval training). It’s basically cardio but much shorter and less boring. You can also mix up your steady-state cardio, e.g 10 min jog, 10min bike, 10min row. Getting outside can help too. I would not do that if your goal is to stay small. Whoever gave you that advice I’d say gave you poor direction. 1-5 reps is where you build strength, but not so much endurance or muscle. Building muscle is where the size comes in and you start to look bigger. Powerlifters tend to stay in this rep range because they want to maximize strength. 10-20 reps you’re really getting into hypertrophy, which is where you’ll build more muscle and endurance, but less strength. Bodybuilders tend to stick somewhere in this range since their goal is to look big. Could be more mental than anything else. Weightlifting is not purely physical. How you feel that day matters to a degree. That sounds frustrating to me. I’d have a lot of anger / resentment towards my mom for something like that.

@Tudo step one would be to stop leading girls on who you’re not interested in. Become aware if there’s a sense a validation that you may get from doing so, i.e “wow she wanted me so badly, I’m cool”.

I would suggest that there is little ultimate difference between the end goal of what Eckhart Tolle teaches and what IFS teaches. It’s just a different conceptual framework and somewhat of a different path to get there.