aurum

A corollary to this would be that men who are seeking a good relationship are shooting themselves in the foot by trying so hard to obtain status. If you project all this status as a man, then you are likely only to attract women who appreciate status, and therefore who are in their masculine. Or to put it in spiral dynamics terms, Orange attracts Orange. It does seem to me that a healthy balance exists, and that women do appreciate more objective attraction triggers to a certain degree. But at a certain point you have to let that go.

It’s interesting because I feel like RSD (one of the biggest PUA companies) taught something similar. They always railed against guys who believed that their success with women came down to object measures like looks, money or even status. They often would push a narrative that attraction with women was way more subjective and based on how she felt, versus an objective resume type of mindset. It was this fluidity and subjectivity in female sexuality that they taught was the reason you could easily pick up women. In other words, because women don’t care how you look or the money you have, you could go out to a bar and find success right now. All those things you thought you needed, you didn’t. That was the core message I took away from them. The reason RSD would always push this narrative was because there were so many insecure guys who refused to believe it. They just could not grasp that women really were not judging their looks that harshly. And they constantly projected onto women how they would get picked up. I know you are not a fan of cold approach. But I do find it fascinating that you seem to be saying something similar in terms of subjectivity. Where you and RSD seem to diverge is about selectivity. You’re arguing that female selectivity is because of women’s ability to perceive men as unique. While a company like RSD would probably argue female selectivity exists because women are biologically driven to seek out alpha males and then to get them to commit. This was also the origin of female subjectivity, as women were looking for subliminal hints of alpha male behavior, like body language or vocal tonality, rather than object measures. Thanks for clarifying. I love this topic so these ideas have been fun to play with.

@AndylizedAAY A lot of people say it’s a sign of a spiritual awakening. You’re more in tune with the flow and you’re getting winks from the universe and / or your guides. I definitely went through a phase where I felt like I was seeing repeating numbers all the time as well.

The right partner is ultimately the one you decide to commit to. There is no perfect partner waiting in the ether. You create one by deciding to go all in. Of course, there are some people with red flags. I’m not suggesting abandoning all boundaries. But at a certain point, you just have to pick someone and commit.

Can you expand on this? How are you defining subjectivity and objectivity? I’m pretty sure I have an idea of what you’re getting at but I’d like to hear it from you.

Unless they’ve learned tantric techniques of transmuting sexual energy, I seriously doubt those guys were really so fine with that. Especially if they got close to the point of no return. If a guy doesn’t cum during sex, it doesn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy the part where he is having sex. But that finishing part is also super important. Otherwise, it’s going to just create a feeling of anxiety, incompleteness or even blue balls. Like if someone teased you really, really badly, but then never delivered the goods.

I’m very pro-therapy if you can find a good therapist. Unfortunately some therapists are very unconscious themselves. I’m surprised you didn’t mention this problem of him not ejaculating in your previous thread. It seems significant.

@Vzdoh Weren’t you breaking it off with this guy?

Of course it is. There is no way you’ll be happy if all you do is consume, consume, consume. But of course, you do have to consume to some degree. Eating is consumption. Breathing in is consumption. You can’t give a formula for the ideal balance between these two forces. That’s why it’s called balance. It’s done in real time, based on your specific situation, just like walking a tight rope. Maybe you need a big adjustment. Maybe you need a small one. Maybe you need more creator, maybe you need more consuming. I will say though, I would be biased towards being a creator. Most of our society is set up for you to just be a mindless consumer, and so it’s a safe bet that you likely need to be more of a creator in your life.

@Onecirrus Good insights. And you put it in your own words which shows that you likely are not just parroting other gurus. The only problem is that if you make it a rule that you will only go out when you’re already feeling “warm”, that is unlikely to ever happen. Most people need to warm up a bit. That’s why people like to pregame before they go party. There’s also valuable lessons to be learned by deliberately going from cold to warm. And you won’t learn those lessons if you avoid the cold phase.

The reason people are touchy-feely is because we are all witnessing the destruction of hyper-competition. That's what a stage Orange society is all about. So you have to swing the pendulum the other way, which may mean that you are against almost any kind of competition for a while (Green). Obviously the ideal is an integration between cooperation and competition, but that will take a long time for society to integrate. We still have many people who vehemently believe in hyper-competition.

This is going to end badly for you.

The best reason for starting a career with RSD would be that you’re walking into a engaged, groomed audience. They’ve already attracted the eyeballs for you. Then you’d have to deliver to keep them. You’d also get a huge social circle of people who are also interested in mastering social dynamics. That said, you certainly do not have to have a career with RSD if you choose to make this your life purpose. And in fact it may be smarter not to. I would only do that if you feel like that’s what you really want and you are seriously committed to that goal. In which case, get started now, because landing one of those instructor positions is not going to be easy. To your point about studying from masters, that is not equivalent to having a career with RSD. A career with them will involve many other variables than just being mentored. You could learn from the masters but make a completely different career choice. Really it is up to you. That’s the blessing and the curse of the life purpose. You are free to blaze your own path, which also includes the challenge of making hard decisions about what the pursue. Especially in our modern culture that suffers from shiny object syndrome. Whatever you choose, just get really good at it.

Glad to hear!

@KennedyCarter I've done a lot of balancing of my masculine / feminine over the years. When I was a boy, I often didn't resonate with hanging out with the other boys in my school. It just seemed like the whole purpose of guys getting together was to hurt each other, both physically and emotionally, as much as possible. And given I didn't have a lot of positive male role models in my life, I didn't really form a good relationship with masculinity. It wasn't until I went to an all-guys high school and joined a fraternity in college that I started to really appreciate this idea of "being a man". My understanding was immature, but I was beginning to see what masculinity could offer. As I come up on age 30, I feel much more balanced. I'll never fit some of the stereotypes around men, but I feel that I've begun to mix and match the feminine and masculine energies in my own way.

I'd like to get to the bottom of why you seriously just linked to Sean Hannity on this forum.

If he’s open to vipassana meditation, that could definitely help. Doing body scans is basically just feeling all the sensations going on in your body, without judging. Trauma can then be released as old energy surfaces and clears.

Oh I know. Your posts I’ve seen in the other subforums are often insightful. But when it comes to dating, your posts often miss. This is clearly a sore spot for you. And no shade by the way. I recognize it because I recognize it in myself. Happy to work with you if you want. It’s a really common pattern for guys. Traumatic past experiences -> learn to not feel your emotions -> become emotionally repressed adult.

Yup, no trauma at all in these statements. Sounds totally healthy.

She has repressed her sexuality. Nothing more to really say.

Oh god this was pure cringe. Everyone wants to be woke these days. I pity anyone who took this seriously.

You don’t need a CS degree for this man. Websites are just getting easier and easier to create these days. Feel and introspect on this emotion. What are you afraid of? What will happen if you make the wrong choice? Can you make a wrong choice? Get very specific. To your dilemma, it sounds to me like you should stick with engineering. But the reality is this decision is likely not nearly as significant as you feel it may be. You could graduate with an engineering degree at 21 and then decide to spend the next decade of your life becoming a poet. And you’d only still be 30. You simply don’t have to have all the answers at this point. It can be overwhelming having this many choices as far as what you should do with your career. So don’t get sucked into that if you can.

@Waves I also grew up with significant economic privilege. I think you're not in as bad of a place as you think you are. The reality is that the majority of people in society feel the way you feel, regardless of how they grew up financially. Yes, there may be some motivation towards action if you grew up poor in order to experience the opposite. But then what? That won't last forever. At some point, you have to go beyond being motivated purely by money anyway. It also assumes that making money is what motivates us in the first place. Obviously there's some truth to this, in that money is directly linked to our survival in modern society, thus obtaining it can be motivating. But what are we really talking about? Some pieces of paper? Digits in a computer? Money is made up. It can't possibly be your driving motivating force for life because it's not real. There's nothing there. These are all good things in general. I'd really recommend them to anyone. Some other ideas that maybe useful: Travel to 3rd world countries and experience poverty there Decide to limit your expenses to only the minimum wage for a period of time Spend some time in the Peace Corps All in all, realize your financial privilege is not a debilitation. Oh, you mean you're not motivated to participate in wage slavery? Color me shocked. I think your lack of motivation has far more to do with society itself than your specific financial condition. But you will have to explore. You will have to discover what you care about. So I'd use your situation to immerse yourself in as many experiences that seem interesting to you as possible.

That’s actually not that far off. I wouldn’t say God is trolling us, but why else are we here but to learn? And we have to be presented with both good and bad choices in order to learn. Only because both exist can we become wise.

@Shiva99 @Swarnim I think there's a couple of tiers of solutions: Tier 1: Shut up, grit your teeth and just discipline yourself to not do it anymore. The problem with this one of course is that it doesn't solve root cause, requires a lot of willpower and can be neurotic. Tier 2: Embrace it. I'd stay from porn, but you can turn masturbation into a conscious activity. Set a time to do it, slow it down, and treat it almost like a meditation where you're focusing on every sensation. You could also look up solo Tantric activities. Tier 3: Get a partner. This is the best option IMO and is how most people deal with this. But it may not be in the cards for you at the moment.