aurum

@Federico del pueblo It’s all about reading her and what she seems to be receptive too. If you’re attuned to her body, a lot of the time she won’t need to say anything. Although words can certainly help and play a role as well. And the corollary to that is being attuned to your own body’s impulses. Attunement to her cues manifest as cues in your own. So you’re impulsive, but also hyper aware. From there anything is fair game. Faster, slower, deeper, shallower, circles, straight, harder, softer, whatever. It’s all on the table. You could potentially even just penetrate and sit there. Pick your tool and have at it.

Thanks!

I’m not really a fan of the first text you sent. But too late now I suppose. Controversial opinion: I would have no problem keeping her as friend. Having female friends is great. Guys who have been traumatized by “friend-zone” are so paranoid about this. But here’s the key. If you’re going to be her friend, ACTUALLY be her friend. By that I mean, don’t secretly be trying to hook up with her. Consciously and proactively make the decision for things to be platonic. The problem is, that’s probably not what you want. You’re going to say “sure, let’s be friends!” but secretly be resentful. Especially since it’s clear you obviously want something sexual with her and she is the one turning it down. So you’ve got to do one or the other. Either really lean into the friends thing and own it. OR go the other way, and tell her you’re not interested in being friends, you have plenty of those already. And then move on if that’s what she really wants.

And that’s fair enough. A lot of guys struggle with putting forward their intentions in a healthy way. I know I definitely have. So it’s good that we got some serious answers in this thread. But keep in mind that this does not necessarily mean you aren’t approaching girls like a starving dog. Being a starving dog that is very good at pretending it’s not starving is very different than being full. Most “nice guys” guys who struggle with putting their intentions forward are the former. Just something to consider.

Yes that’s all basically correct. It’s because of this system that we will never pay down the US debt. That’s my point. The monetary system needs to reformed to eliminate money created as interest-bearing debt.

Walking is best if it’s close. It’s the simplest. Otherwise uber or driving works fine. In fact, if you’re sober, driving girls home can be a good excuse to leave with them. But that’s only IF you know she already wants you to come with them. Otherwise they would much rather just get an Uber and avoid you. You don’t have to. But obviously that can help. The simpler the logistics, the best chance you guys will actually leave together. You can get a girl to ditch her friends and come with you. It’s possible. BUT in my experience, that’s a minority of cases. Girls who go out together like to stay together. They feel safer and it’s usually more fun for them. So you are better off just keeping the group together. Don’t be that guy trying to break up the party, keep the party alive. Then at the end, you and the girl you like can find some privacy if that’s what you want.

And you certainly don’t have to. I was just using my own experience as an example. Which was admittedly extreme. If you want that kind of volume, you may have to move. I would say being at a bar or club for at least an hour. More often than not I’d say it was longer than that. Maybe closer to 2-3 hours. How often are you going out solo vs with friends? No, you’d be surprised how common it is. How relaxed and social we are is extremely, extremely contextual. Your entire personality can flip on a dime. I still find myself in situations like that. Key is to find the circumstances that currently make you uncomfortable and see if you can still “find yourself” in them. 100% success in this is not needed.

@PurpleTree Occasionally that is necessary. But if that’s your only motivation, that’s not going to get you so far. You want to get to a point where socializing and going out a lot feels effortless. For instance, in the prime of my pickup days, I was out 7 nights a week. And while it did require pushing my comfort zone at times, it mostly just became automatic. I didn’t think “am I going to go out tonight?” I thought “where am I going out tonight?” One thought assumes the outcome. It was just obvious I would be going out. See if you can get to that point.

No we will never pay down the US national debt. Not under the current monetary system. The reason being is that banks actually lend money into existence. It doesn’t come from anywhere. Where would it come from? And so there is always more debt than money in the system. That’s the short version at least. I would do research on how money is created if you want to understand this.

This is you, still defending your fuck headedness. I’m not going to validate your victim narrative.

Sorry, I’m sticking my with opinion on this one. Going to have to disagree with @Roy. Look at the way you even worded your post. “Got thrown out of a bar for BEING MYSELF”. No one has ever been thrown out of a bar for being themselves. The world is not that harsh of a place. I’ve been out to a bar more times than I could ever count. I’ve done egregious things at many of them. I’ve been “myself” to the max. And yet I’ve only been kicked out of one bar in my entire life. Which I deserved, because I was in fact being a fuck head. And when I say fuck head, I’m being tongue in cheek. I really just mean someone acting without social grace. I know you’re just trying to push your comfort zone and grow. That’s commendable. I don’t think you’re bad for what happened. But good intentions doesn’t mean people are going to love what you’re doing. Here’s what I think: you are hurt that the people at this bar didn’t like and accept you. And to justify why you’re still lovable, you constructed this narrative about how you were victimized. Which is not to say the other actors in this story were saints either. Maybe they were being assholes or just drunk. Who knows. But no where in your story do you admit that you might be at fault or share some of the responsibility. And that’s just not the reality if you got kicked out of two bars in a short time period.

Then why are you asking for help on an online forum? Based on you asking that question, it sounds like you’re approaching girls like a starving dog. You could have asked anything. You could have asked “hey Leo, how do I build a deep connection with this girl?” Or “hey Leo, how do I make friends with her friends?”. Or “hey Leo, how do I work on viewing women I’m picking up as human beings and not just sexual objects?” But you didn’t ask any of those questions. You asked “can I fuck her in 5 minutes??”. I’m just saying, that probably says something about where your head is at. But my read could admittedly be off. Do you think you’re being a starving dog? I’m glad, you’re welcome.

Leo already said it pretty well. There is no one “appropriate way”, it’s always an in-the-moment judgment call. You can’t just blindly follow some rule. The hour or couple hours after the peak of the night, when people are starting to go home, is usually best. You can theoretically bring a girl home early in the night. But I generally wouldn’t count on it. Remember that just because you are ready to go home in 5 minutes of meeting her, does not mean she is. Most girls are going out to have fun. They want to dance. They want to talk with their friends. They want to get drunk. Or she could even be getting paid to stay later into the night (atmosphere model), which is more common in the VIP sections of big night clubs. Regardless, her agenda most likely does not involve leaving at 10pm with you. Unless you’ve structured it that way earlier. This is the problem. Why do you need to go for a pull right away? Slow your roll a bit.

Brother you need to learn social calibration and how to read cues better. Bars do not just kick people out. Notice how you’ve framed this whole situation as if you’ve done nothing wrong and the staff is just being unreasonable. That’s not what happened. Bars actually want people there. You pay them pay money. To get kicked out, you basically have to be a complete fuck head. Situations where people are unfairly kicked out are very rare. Consider that you actually are being a fuck head. Despite how you interpreted the situation.

Healing together ❤️

@halfknots Love this! Beautifully written. And now we know ???.

Of course, no one said otherwise. Love is a universal need. But saying “well white people need X too!” allows you to disregard historical / current injustices and frame the situation as if things are now totally equal and healed. This is a false frame. And it comes off as childish or even mildly narcissistic.

Well I don’t know him. But he’s certainly been more financially successful in business than I have. So I’m sure I could learn a lot from him in that area. For context, Owen has been around the self-help scene for a long time. Like since his mid 20’s. And he was a lot skinnier at one point, which is why guys are making comments.

@Striving for more Everyone has their weak spots. I’ve never struggled with weight so it is a bit bizarre when I see people who can’t stay lean. Seems so easy. But that’s my bias. Other things I find hard Owen would likely find laughably easy. If you’re expecting self-help gurus to be perfect, you’re going to be disappointed.

Being an ally is about far more than supporting POC financially. In fact I would say that’s only a small piece of it. We are talking about healing cultural and collective wounding. Us (white people) basically built our entire nation on oppressing POC. Doesn’t mean white people are inherently evil. But there’s still major wounding here that has not been addressed. It’s palpable.

@Raze I like Yang but I’m not convinced starting another party is really a great solution. We already have progressive, unknown parties. Unless there are serious irreconcilable differences, progressives should be uniting, not continuing to split themselves. And considering he didn’t win mayor of New York, it’s dubious how much political clout he has to pull this off.

@RoerAmit I’ve never done Aya. But from what I’ve heard, you want to make sure you respect all the rules and guidelines they give you. Even if it seems pedantic and unnecessary, follow them anyway. It’s a bit like meeting someone for the first time. You’ve got to build a relationship before you can just kick your shoes off and do whatever you want. And even then, you still want to respect the medicine as a being in its own right and honor that relationship. As far as the actual ceremony, no one really knows what kind of experience you will get. You might be confronted with patterns or stories you didn’t want to look at. Or you may just be basking in infinite love. Just surrender to wherever she wants to take you.

It’s certainly not the only thing. There are many factors that are blocking mass awakening. But the good news is that all these blocks will eventually eat themselves. Mass awakening in that sense is inevitable, and even the blocks themselves are helping leading us there. That’s not how this works. Science is not some evil that needs to be destroyed by us God realized beings. Think integration, not “overthrowing”. We don’t need to get rid of science. We just need people to understand its limits and proper domain. Right now, it has overstepped where it belongs and what it is capable of. Again, we are not waging war on science. If you are waging war on anything, you’ve been deluded. So put down the pitchforks. Will psychedelics, meditation, yoga etc unravel the materialist paradigm? Of course. Will it help people realize the limits of science? Of course. But not as a war. It will just be the natural outcome of people experimenting with these tools.

You certainly can do it. I’ve done it. I’m not claiming it’s impossible to get some level of results that way. You can do whatever you want. But you are making it way, way harder than it needs to be. And most guys will never find success that way. I know I wouldn’t have. Saying this is not a limiting belief. It’s not a limiting belief to say that cooperation, help and support is more powerful than trying to do everything yourself. That’s what all of society is built on. Interdependence. But of course most people, including just about all pickup guys, have trauma relative to relationships. Which is the whole reason they have to do pua in the first place. So when I suggest that getting good at pua actually involves forming relationships, that’s a no-go. Guys would rather try to fulfill some sort of individualist, lone wolf fantasy. They don’t trust people. They’re afraid of being vulnerable. And it manifests as them not liking people and not liking socializing. All of this is coming from past pain. And it could be that this isn’t the case for you. Maybe your relationship to relationships and socializing is healthy. I don’t know. I don’t know you. But this is the trend I’ve seen over and over again having been the pua community for years. Traumatized guys, trying to avoid real socializing and real relationships. Trying to be a pua troll that come out of their basement whenever they want, fuck a girl, and then go back to their basement. It never works. And if it did, that’s even sadder. So yes I push hard on this point. Especially since people are so socially isolated from covid. I’m going to continually hammer that guys need to actually have wings and friends if they want to learn this.

They get friendzoned because they’re hiding. Not because everything is their “job”. Which, again, comes off extremely bitter and resentful as a worldview. Hiding is not dancing.