aurum

Consciously, no one like suffering. Subconsciously, many people live for it. Which is why they get more and more of it. This is why bringing awareness to your actions and being honest with yourself is so powerful. When you truly see through the programming, it has to fall away.

Be careful with this. Positive focus is a great place often to start on the personal development journey. And so I'm not here to talk you out of it. But, there are better paradigms you're going to have to move onto at some point. Yes, you have subconscious programming that is running you. But the reason this negative programming is running you is because you're ultimately resisting it. I'd highly recommend checking out the book The Sedona Method. You may save yourself a lot of time and frustration.

And how can you prove your experience here and now is real? What if you're a brain in a vat somewhere like the matrix? And if you're a brain in a vat, how can you prove that brain in a vat isn't actually being mirage generated by aliens? Also, how can you prove that experience outside the here and now isn't real? And what's your proof of that proof?

Everybody comes to this stuff in their own way, let Spirit guide them. I follow the golden rule: if you don't ask, I don't push. Of course, he may not know what to ask for. In which case I'd just offer some suggestions. Meditation or yoga is an easy place to start getting into this kind of stuff.

Be aware of what you're eating. If you go in on an empty stomach, it's going to hit you harder. Do it early in the day, but do meditation first. You're going to be awake for a very long time. If you do a high dose, surrender and courage are going to be important. Since this is your first time I'm assuming with any psychedelic, I'd be cautious. Make sure you have nothing to do the next day, and maybe even the day after that. I spent almost an entire day just crying after my trip. If that happens to you, you've got to be able to feel your emotions. Becoming conscious of where you're holding back and release the resistance. Let it come up and out. Good luck. Report back with your results!

There are practices you can start that will help. But ultimately, I've found that unconditional love is a byproduct of increasing the accuracy of your perception of the world. For instance, when you're a low consciousness person, you see everyone as separate from you with no connection. In fact, since they're "not you", everything they do is either an attack or something that benefits you. If it's an attack, you're angry / afraid. If it's to your benefit, your love is conditional. From this perspective, it's easy to see how unconditional love is not possible. But then your consciousness moves up and your realize the only thing that divides us is concepts in the mind. We are separate, but also the same. Now it's much easier to show unconditional love. So I won't worry too much about "trying" to show unconditional love. "Trying" to show unconditional love is ego. Heal your own wounds, increase your connectedness to Truth and love can't help but follow.

Life purpose isn't just something you figure out and then poof, it's over. No. You will be continually refining your life purpose your entire life. Most people want to just "figure it out" and get it over with. They're confused, probably in pain and just want to have a purpose so they feel like they know what they're doing. You've got to fight that. I'm not saying don't trying to figure out what your purpose is...but you've got to be okay with the ambiguity and confusion. Go inside yourself. Don't run from the emotions, feel them fully and accept them completely. When was the first time you felt like this? Once you've done that, can you let it go? Can you let go of NEEDING to know what you're doing here? There is no "reason" to do anything. There is no "reason" for someone to sing. There is no "reason" to laugh or make a joke. But it turns out that reason isn't all its cracked up to be anyway. Do what you love because you love doing it. That's the only reason you need.

Very well said. This is tricky to explain because the mind loves to distort. "No-self" is technically a concept. "Non-existence" is a concept. Reality is transcends all of it. Really the only thing you can say is silence...but that doesn't get us very far in terms of practicality.

I understand where Leo is coming from when he advocates not partying. I look at how much time I spent partying, i.e destroying my body and drowning my pain, and I just shake my head. That being said, every parent tries to keep their kid from partying and it does no good. Why? Because if the desire is there, it's there. Repressing it only usually makes it worse. I've seen kid after kid who held back partying in high school because of their parents...and then as soon as they hit college explode. How else can you really learn? Sometimes you have to make the mistake yourself. So there's something to be said for looking at personal development as a process. Yeah, maybe you'll look back in 5-10 years and realize you wasted a bunch of your time. But now that insight is personal and genuine. Not something someone just told you to do. So I'm not going to tell you to party or don't party. I'll just say follow that intuition. You'll figure it out. There definitely are. And the fact that you're in college means every time you step outside there's a chance. See that girl in class? How about that one sitting on the bus? In line at the store? You can talk to all of them. There is literally nothing stopping you except maybe some beliefs you have. Also, how about building a social circle? Join some clubs, join greek life, join it all. College is filled with this kind of stuff. There are no shortage of opportunities. Only your willingness to receive them.

Fascinating stuff. Never tried it but could be an interesting experience to look into. I'll say that I definitely feel like we eat way more food than we need. He's right that most people eat out of comfort / emotional needs, not actual nourishment.

Sounds like you're really evolving man, congrats. To deny the material is just another form of separation. Finding that balance has really become the challenge for me as I let go of more and more, and it sounds like you're there as well. Interesting that you say you were hypercreative on LSD. I actually found when I took it that my practical creativity very little. I either wanted to just sit and look at a sunset or I was being pummeled with life / existential insights. Totally in my head.

I hesitate to say any man must be a certain way or he's not a man...that's just ego games I played when I was younger, At the same time, I do think think the question of what does it mean to be masculine has a lot of value. The first and foremost trait I admire in other men is clarity of life purpose. I don't care if you're Gary Vaynerchuck, Tony Robbins, Kobe Bryant or the Buddha. Find that thing you love and just own it. I know this is at the top of my list because this is an area I struggled with for so long. I had no idea who I really was or what I wanted. Next is trait I admire is courage. A lot of the time we know what to do, we just don't have the courage to do it or look truth in the face. Next is love and a desire to serve. This ties into life purpose but basically I admire men who are willing to give a lot to others because that's just how much they care. Next is curiosity and open mindedness. Life is an adventure and to blaze new paths that means not shutting down and assuming you've got it all figured out. Next is humor. I don't think anyone can claim they are wise without a genuine sense of humor and lightness about themselves. Finally, I'd say perspective. Do they have the wisdom to see that ultimately everything we do is just like building a sandcastle next to the ocean water coming in? These are all the traits I do my best to embody. Many men possess at least a few traits from this list. To meet someone who hits everyone mark though is extremely rare. Men are free to do whatever they want. I don't expect anything from them because I know everyone is just going through their own journey. When they're ready, they're ready. Because the men who raised today's men didn't know any better. And the men who raised those men didn't know any better. And the men who raised those men didn't know any better. It's just ignorance really. Every generation just tries their best to do better than the previous. Also, I think there's something to be said for duality here. I don't buy the idea that everyone in society is going to become enlightened and we're going to live in some spiritual utopia. That's not duality. Ignorance, destruction, pain, fear and all these things have their role to play. So we'll never have a society where ALL THE MEN have the traits I'm describing. The context must exist.

Today is integration day after having tripped almost all day on LSD yesterday. This post is half purging, half me talking for the sake of talking. Hopefully someone will find it useful, but please don't take it that seriously. Set: Excitement. I had been looking forward to this day for awhile and had been actively setting my intention for Truth and guidance for some prior weeks. I've had enlightenment experiences sober. Setting: Cottage in the woods with 5 friend who are into personal development. 3 of us would trip, the other 3 would be sober as sitters. All have experience with psychedelics. The Trip: Around 45 minutes after dropping, the effects start to take place. I can immediately tell that this is going to be a powerful trip as I'm forced to start tightening my grip on reality. First signs are that I become extremely present to the moment and get that nice sense of "being". Time slows to a crawl and memory becomes less and less important. I start having a mild panic and can't contribute to interacting with anyone else I'm tripping with. I can tell I'm losing it but refuse to let go. My concepts of what's true start getting obliterated. Just wiped away, like an eraser on a whiteboard. Eventually, a break. Control releases and I surrender to the trip, even if it means death or eternity in this state. There are no words to describe the reality I'm experiencing, I'm simply speechless. In fact, words are exactly what's in the way from understanding it. Insights start pouring in. I look at how I had been acting in my life and just want to bang my head against a wall. Trying to accomplish anything? Getting others to view me in a certain way? Taking everything so serious and neurotically conceptualizing the world? Why? Utterly meaningless. Nothing could be more pointless in this state. I look back at my life and see it only as a dream. A delusional fantasy that never happened. The psychedelics and all this madness wasn't madness at all. It was sobriety. Fortunately, I've released resistance so none of this bothers me. It's just pure shock at how ignorant I was. After just enjoying for awhile, eventually I start come down. This is when it starts to get ugly. Everything was fine as long as the ego was gone. But now that the ego is coming back, I'm not happy with what was revealed. I realize just how stupid I've been. All this time, thinking I was a person experiencing life. All this time, pretending like I understood anything or was doing anything important. But finally I see it. I'd never been so sure in my life. A joke! Life is just a big joke. That's what spirituality is. A giant "Tah-Dah! Nothing is real". I have no more existential questions. Everything has been answered beyond what I could have thought. I call over my friend who got the drugs for us and call him over for a private chat. There are no words. He already knows what I'm going to say. "Sorry man, I had to show you the truth". I start crying my eyes out. I can't handle this. I can't handle all the lies and my own ignorance. "Don't be sad man. There's still lots of fun things to do." "How do you go back?" "Back?" He laughs. "You don't go back". "But what now? How can I possibly live my life knowing this?" "Now, you do what you want and enjoy. Who does this person want to be? Even if you have to pretend". I continue to come down from the trip. I have nothing really to say to anyone past this point and have little to no desire to communicate with anyone. Post-Trip I had trouble sleeping last night. But I've been spending a lot of today just releasing the pain from last night's insights. I know there's a danger in taking these insights too far. Integration is what's necessary now, and I guess that's why I'm writing this post. Trying to come back to the dream. Again, I hope someone finds value in this post. If nothing else you'll have an idea of where this work is leading. Have a great trip

I agree, there's huge potential for delusion with psychedelics. But the whole path is filled with traps, so at a certain point you might as well just pick your weapon and go for it. Sober enlightenment experiences help for sure. Lets you know it's not just the drugs.

1 stamp, so ~150 mics. Seems unreal that you can go deeper than that. The LSD will tell you that you figured it all out when you're in it, but coming out I can see there's definitely a lot more.

Agreed. Lots of emotions going around but you come back

I'm going to go with a middle ground perspective. As soon as you say ANYTHING is a necessity for the best life possible, you've lost. Because all things are impermanent and you will have to let go of sex at some point. That doesn't mean sex isn't something enjoyable or shouldn't be pursued. If you want to have sex, go for it. But, be mindful of your expectations. Sex can definitely become a coping mechanism or abused due to the high most people get from it.

Dreams! Your dreams are gateways to your unconscious. By studying your dreams, you can find out really just what is going on in there. For instance, I've had a reoccurring theme in my dreams where I get so close to success, but then somehow, someway, I just can't cross the finish line. It's like it's right there. But then I get in a loop where everything and anything suddenly seems to stop me. So what does that mean? Well, it means that unconsciously I may still have some blocks to success. Some buried part of feels like I'm just not good enough to make it. So I bring awareness to it and start to look out for thoughts and actions that may be manifestations of this unconscious belief. The great news is you get more data almost every night you dream. So it's like a free coach every night. Also, you can sent your intention before you sleep for answers you may be looking for. Sometimes the answer will play out in your dreams.

You're talking about Tantra. I have a small passion in this area since I really love sex. Tantra is the art of using sex for awakening. You DO orgasm in Tantra, and actually it's way more powerful the orgasms people typically have. The difference is that you learn to direct the energy of your orgasm. So instead of exploding it out and it depleating you, you circulate through your system and have it energize you. It's not necessary to do that every time. In fact it's not a good idea to do it every time. But it can be powerful The benefits to awakening occur because the ego usually dissolves briefly in orgasm. There is no you, no thoughts of any kind. And so you can use this to taste your true nature. You either use it as a coping mechanism to escape from yourself. Or you get so lost in Maya that you can't even view sexual partners as individuals. It really just depends. There are people who get in monogamy because they think it's what they're "supposed to do", which is low consciousness. And then there's people who really just connect with someone and both people benefit.

@Prabhakerbasically nailed it but I'll throw in my thoughts as well. Enlightened people still experience the ups and downs to life. That's what it means to live in duality. However, they don't view it like we do. During a 10-day meditation retreat, I had what some people would consider an "enlightenment" experience. I temporarily dropped identification with myself. One thing of many that sticks out for me about this experience was my relationship to suffering. Sure, there was suffering. But it wasn't happening to me! It was so obvious at that moment that everyone was simply operating under a misunderstanding. The only reason people had any problems was because they thought their problems were happening to them! I laughed and laughed and laughed. I had to control myself in order not to disturb the other mediators. The rest of the day I spent in a deep sense of peace. Eventually I "lost" the insight as is very common with this work. But I still have the memory which serves as a useful guiding point. So yes, Enlightenment is the end of psychological suffering. But the dream goes on, which is why for practical purposes we do what we can to create an extraordinary life. Of course nothing I'm saying will compare to you proving this for yourself. But hopefully this will serve as some motivation.

I urge you to reconsider or at least test the waters first. I did a 10 day retreat and that was hard enough. I probably wouldn't have stuck it out if I didn't have a formal structure and other people.

Denying anything, including pleasure, is just more ego. Ask yourself: what beliefs do you hold that tell you pleasure is bad? Do you think it makes you more "spiritual"?

From the vibe I get from your post, I'd say college wouldn't be nessesary for you. That being said, continue being strategic. Imagine RIGHT NOW that you made the decision to not go to college. Do you have a place to live when you finish high school? How about a source of income to support yourself? A tangibal business opportunity? People to invest in you? A marketing plan for selling your music? A backup plan in case music doesn't work? Start looking at these questions now. This is a serious thing you're considering and is going to alter the course of your life drastically. It's okay if you don't have it all figured out either. The most successful people committment first and act second. But since you have the luxury of time to plan, don't waste it. Play some chess with your life. About your parents: they sound like caring people so realize they want you to take the "safe" route. They will likely not support your decision if you choose to drop college. So don't expect their help. The disapproval of parents is one of those things almost everyone has to go through. But everyone has to leave the nest. Work double as hard to become a success and they will likely start changing their tune. Or not, but either way it doesn't matter. Not if it's something you know you need to do.

To live an authentic life purpose is not an easy thing. Social conditioning runs so deep in everyone that many people don't even remember what authentic desires feel like. So I'm a bit of a pessimist on this issue. As long as we have a society, there will be conditioning.

You won't be thanking me when you're doing diapers at 3 AM but I appreciate the kind words