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I know meditation helps me when I do public speaking. I'm sure it would help you with your audition as well, although just meditating one hour before probably won't do much. You need a habit going.

Quick heads up, you may be heading in the near future for a spiritual experience. No guarantees though. Anyway, let me crack this question of "being cool". "Cool" does not exist. I can remember being so frustrated growing up because I couldn't figure out what was cool. Was it cool to be musician? Was it cool to be a jock? What about money or looks? Loud and outgoing? Quiet and competent? What the hell WAS it? Eventually though, I started to realize it was ALL a sham. Nothing these people had or did made them cool. What was cool was that THEY thought it was cool. And they were so sure of it that it sucked you in. This is a total paradox and mindfuck when you really start to see this. Cool isn't bestowed upon you. You bestow it upon yourself. Paradoxically, not needing people to think you were cool was what MAKES you cool. I've never had so many people like me and respect me in till I smashed the mold and decided to set the standard. But that takes balls, and if you really do it you'll be scared as hell. But that's why people will respect you. They understand on some level that you're not held down by FEAR like them. Of course, some people will not at all think you're cool. In fact, you'll also never have so many people dislike you as before. But so what? This unnecessary "giving a fuck" is what turns you into some bland, carbon copy like everyone else. And it's no way to live your life. In fact, I'd argue this is maybe one of the most important problems someone needs to tackle in personal development.

She is very much like other women. And much like a girl "knows" when she is head over heels for a guy, as a guy you'll know when she really wants you because it's usually very obvious.

And who told you that is "wrong"? I understand what you're saying, and you're on point about a lot of things. But realize the game is played in the field AND out. If you want to get good with girls, like really good, you're going to have to handle these inner issues. Do it in congruence with your spiritual practice.

@Emerald Wilkins gave you some good advice. As a man, your job is to own whatever you are, even if it's some nerd who likes to play World of Warcraft. I'm telling you right now, that guy could be amazing with women. The problem is 1) doesn't think he can and 2) that guy probably never leaves the house to ever meet anybody. Don't look at trying to get good with women as being "anti-spiritual". I honestly believe anything can be used for spiritual work, even picking up girls. Sure, maybe you'll eventually realize it was all a bunch of bullshit and not worth your time. But that's the point. You have to get to that place where you can let it go, and you usually only will let it go once you have it. Look at how your beliefs are influencing your future RIGHT NOW. You say that "it's not for you" and that action has gotten you no results. Do you think with those beliefs that you're going to get anywhere? No, you're going to exactly where you are, which is exactly what your ego wants. Stay the same. Don't change. I call bullshit on guys who want to shit talk pickup because they're "more spiritually evolved". I predict that if we take that same guy, throw him in a nightclub and tell him to approach some girls sober he will either shit his pants or just make excuses about how its "stupid". Because it's scary. It can feel like suicide sometimes because it's such a threat to your ego. At the end of the day, authenticity will make you attractive to women. But this is like a deep authenticity that should scare the shit out of you because you don't want to reveal those parts of yourself to other people. That's why no one wants to do it and so few guys are actually good with women. In fact, you may noy even know what it means to be authentic because most people are so covered in layers of ego delusion that they need a cleanse before they can even get close.

What sort of insights are you sharing with them?

It does...and it doesn't. Here's a fact for you: if you're having sex with a girl, she probably has talked about your dick with her friends. I know girls who claimed to have cheated because she didn't like something about the size of her man's dick. So let's not ignore this reality. But here's the otherside of the argument: women have much deeper needs than simply "penis size". And if you can meet those needs, you can make your size largely irrelevant. As a man, your job is just to own whatever you got. It's way more important to her that she sees that you're comfortable. You got a small dick? Small dicks are awesome, dicks that are too big hurt. You got a big dick? Big dicks are awesome, girls can't even feel that small shit.

I don't at all see more men than women seeking enlightenment. Strip away the layers of delusion and everyone is seeking the same thing. We may just go about it in very different ways.

What affirmations / visualizations are you using? What were you working that you were putting in these kinds of hours? What's the difference between then and now?

What "actually" happens? Who knows. Some people say it causes your RAS to zero in on the correct solutions to your problems, thus your inner world comes to reflect your outer. Others would say your a divine being capable of creating any reality you choose. It doesn't really matter how it truly works. These are all just different models for a certain phenomenon. Pick whatever one you resonate with. You basically have two types of motivations: egoic motivations and authentic motivations. You never don't have enough motivation, laziness does not exist. You only can block motivation by being at war with yourself. End the war with conflicting desires and motivation flows freely. And you're not going to find any. What exactly kind of proof would satisfy you that affirmations work?

All good. Let me guess, you were a fan of RSD. That's your choice if you wish to do so. My guess though is that's not going to happen. And did you figure all this out by getting struck by lightening or being psychotic? Or was it a very natural, intelligent process? Do you think you're crazy? You're railing against it because you're not enlightened. You're actually seeing where this could go, and it's scaring you. That's good. But don't think that means you aren't still accepting things on faith. Maybe. So then why are you here? You seem awful emotionally invested in something that's entertainment. If it's all the same, why did McKenna write a book? Why teach at all?

Got it. Everyone seems to agree that's the way to go. Thanks!

This is awesome. Keep up the reports man. I am terrified / so excited to try this stuff. One question I would ask: do you feel it was worth it to start at the lighter dose? Or is it better to just jump in at something higher?

Yup, right on track. Trust me, I'm right here with you. I know exactly the parts you're talking about and have read the Trilogy forwards and backwards several times. He is my favorite teacher on the subject. But why do you think McKenna wrote that from his perspective? Take a breathe and REALLY think about. Could there be some subtle nuance you're not picking up on? Let me throw you another quote from McKenna: "He has traded everything for nothing and made a good deal" - Theory of Everything Could it be that McKenna, seeing how much modern ego has been tied up in the process in enlightenment, set out to write a book destroying all those illusions? Could it be that McKenna didn't want to contribute to that whole egoic rat race? And yet, he doesn't regret his own experience. No one who is Enlightened does. In fact, he also says he would die rather than live the egoic life we are all living. What does that say about our present state? Why does he say in the second book that Ahab, sensing his freedom, would be mad with happiness? Why is Julie happier than shes ever been towards the end? What does she find that McKenna didn't want to mention? You HAVE to look at the subtle nuances of what these people are saying. Why is meaninglessness depressing? Could that just be your own interpretation? Maybe there's ANOTHER perspective. And how do you know that's always true? Do you think there could ever be exceptions? Why or why not? McKenna himself says at the end of Damndest that his only real essential teaching is: think for yourself. Are you doing that right now? Or have you just bought into McKenna much in the same way a religious person buys into a holy book? Keep in mind this is all very good. But don't stop here.

@Elzhi This is a very common response to people who find out about McKenna, including myself. Keep going. Isn't it rather convenient that you've suddenly concluded that you should "just enjoy your life" after finding out about the costs of Enlightenment? Could that be a ego-defense mechanism in disguise? It's true that enlightenment from an egoic standpoint can be a living hell, but ironically maybe satisfying ego desires isn't what is going to make you live a high quality life.

You're welcome. Good luck!

Dude you're not like some robot just because you have a dick. You have emotions, and you definitely can get attached. If you don't have emotions, I'm actually kind of afraid.

Love is a deceptive word. Let's just say "emotional attachment".

I'd recommend further boundaries, i.e being either ONLY friends or ONLY someone you consistently have sex with. It's just not worth mixing the two in my opinion.

Key distinction for me is "does the reward come in the present or in the future"? In other words, are you doing because it's like play or because it's some sort of means to an end? You have to be careful though, because every career or life purpose is going to have some of both. For instance, you might like playing music but also are interested in monetary rewards. Or you might like playing music, but hate setting up your band equipment for a show. The point is just to get it generally right, not perfect. Really just look for things you're interested in. It sounds cheesy, but if you were a kid with 0 obligations, what would you do right now? I'd be doing this.

Sounds like you're gaining awareness. Cool stuff

You're friends that also fuck each other. I've been in this situation before and don't recommend it. A lot of times either someone starts getting feelings or the friendship becomes awkward. I have pulled it off, but it's really just not worth the hassle. Much better is just to draw the line in the sand. Either you're platonic friends, fuck buddies having sex purely for fun, or you're moving towards a relationship. It's a tough boundary to draw, but you're better off in the end for making the hard call.

Are you mad that you need to eat and sleep as well? Seems like such a waste of time. Do you know for sure that you need to make money first? Do you know for sure that spending time saving money wouldn't be beneficial? Where is this anger coming from? What is at the root of it? Trying asking these questions instead.

Most of the time I have no interest in talking about enlightenment and spirituality. If someone has their beliefs, let them have their beliefs. I'm not going to hit them over the head and tell them "you must awaken!", as if I'm on some sort of crusade. But in other circumstances it's very different. For instance, one of my friends the other day who has been looking into Zen called me to ask me questions about it. It was obvious that he was taking it very seriously, so for him I did my best to answers all his questions. Same thing on this forum and my own blog. If I feel like someone is genuinely ready, then I'll spill my guts for them. Otherwise I'm mostly going to stay quiet.

Or maybe you're not a person at all Your spiritual teacher is right. In the end, any conceptualization you use to try and understand yourself will fail. It will need to be discarded, and in that sense, psychology will not help you. But neither will any other subject, including studying enlightenment itself. However, I wouldn't say that studying psychology is useless. There is life outside of the enlightenment journey, and if psychology is something that feels right to you, go for it. Beyond that, certain psychological concepts can be useful along the enlightenment journey to study and understand. So I don't see why you shouldn't pursue it unless you really don't want to.