aurum

Since you probably don't know, part of my background is that I've actually spent a lot of time doing exactly what you're talking about. To me, nothing gets solved through bypassing and suppression. Actually allow that desire to express itself without resisting it and then you have a chance of going beyond it. Too many spiritual people want to act like they're "above it" and skip the process. You're not. I get that. But here's what you're not seeing. Getting those one night stand is a lot, lot harder than you probably realize. Especially if this: is your background. So I've never looked at it like I was just going out to score a bunch of one night stands. There was always an element of personal development behind it. I would challenge you to actually become that guy. Then if you don't like it, you can disown the whole thing after you've actually gotten some results.

@lostmedstudent You've probably thought about it already too much. Flip a coin and move on. Yes it's unknown and scary, but you have to do it anyway.

@ContemplativeCacti It really depends on what you want. A lot of people are more promiscuous after a breakup. That can be healthy. You have to know "you" and what your goals are.

Just a heads up, creating meetups are against the forum guidelines. It's going to be tougher in university because you've basically committed to being in the environment for a couple years. But it can still be done. First thing you want to do is find out exactly who you what to surround yourself with. Where do they eat? Where do they get their haircut? Where do they live? Etc. Once you know all that information you just plug yourself into those situations in a way that adds value. If you can become a connector / organizer for the people you want to associate with, that's a major plus. It's an easy way to add value to people in a way they will really appreciate. The key thing to realize here is that most successful people probably don't want to hang out with you. That's not a personal attack. It's just that in the same way you want to be around successful people, so do they. And they're busy. So if you're not successful already, you're going to run into gatekeepers that stop you from meeting these people. More than likely you'll have to network with people who aren't so successful until you start making better and better connections.

@Ampresus At your age I’d say just focus on getting experience. Without exerience any advice won’t have the same impact.

@Eric Tarpall seems to be getting dumped on in this thread but I actually agree with him. You need a sense of urgency in life. Otherwise you go from peaceful to just apathetic and passive. It's a fine line. Urgency plus a sense of calm is more of the sweet spot to me.

I'm aware. But I'd rather be real than waste everyone's time. Things like how happy / self-accepting she is. Sense of humor. Social skills. Ambitions. There's plenty of things that matter way more than "did you sit on another dick". I get all that. But you also don't need marriage if that's your end goal. Just one potential path. Agreed. It's a metaphor, not meant to be taken literal. I don't actually think people are sex toys.

@Smika You’re fine. I’ve had all sorts of weird physical symptons that come from your energy shifting and I know others do as well. Just let it do its thing, maybe back off from doing spiritual work for awhile if it gets too intense.

I would agree. It's not so much that I have a problem with monogamy as I can't understand why I would want to limit myself sexually. Even if I was in a LTR with a girl, it's fun for me to bring other people into your sex life. They're like sex toys. And I get off on group sex, it's one of my big turn ons.

@Cortex @Sahil Pandit @Etherial Cat Anybody remember this? Freshmen year theme song right here:

@ajasatya You made some good points and I can definitely see how people could potentially use marriage as a spiritual practice. So if two people really consciously decided that's what they wanted, that be cool. From my POV marriage though isn't an attractive option mostly because I don't care for monogamy. Every time I've been monogamous with a girl it ended up feeling forced and like I didn't even know why I was doing it. I also don't correlate sexual loyalty with being a good partner. If she wants to fuck somebody else I don't care, most people cheat at some point anyway. Just as long as she's okay with me doing the same.

@Lynnel Trust me you’re not alone on this. As much as we can say we are a stage orange culture, the reality is that most people I see have a completely dysfunctional relationship with success. You’re likely unconsciously holding yourself back because success is a very emotionally demanding thing. So we self sabotage without realizing it. Don’t just buy into the stories your mind tells you about why you can’t or shouldn’t be successful. Look for the fear that’s underneth those beliefs. Also, I would suggest going on a success-positive campagin. Surround yourself with people who view success in a positive way and see the way they view the world. Because there’s going to be slight changes in mindset that seperates you from them.

@Shroomdoctor Definitely sounds like some subconscious stuff going on. Dreams are really powerful clues if you know how to read them.

Yes. Also, yes. You can drastically change your emotional life by doing this work. I'm without a doubt the happiest I can remember in a long time. But it often gets worse before it gets better. So just be aware of that.

Thanks man.

Yes you don't want to suppress or resist negativity. That has the opposite effect as you've noticed. Just do the work we talk about on this forum (meditiation, yoga, shadow work, etc) and you'll find yourself being naturally more positive. Also, make sure you are generally surrounding yourself with positive influences.

@Gerhard Bioenergetics helped me a lot. Often times joy or laughter can be physically repressed in our system. Bioenergetics is one way of breaking that up. Also, just start doing the physical act of laughing even if you don’t feel like it. What you’ll find is that what felt “fake” at first quickly becomes real laughter.

@BjarkeT Yes it’s a choice. But that’s often not a useful way of looking at it, because most people have lots of resistance around happiness.

Go out, go out, go out. It never ceases to amaze me how much guys will avoid the obvious answer.

You don’t enjoy socializing, so you don’t go out and gain social skills. Because you don’t have social skills, you don’t enjoy socializing. It’s a loop, and you’re stuck in it. Also, here’s a lesson in social skills: care that your audience can understand you. I had to reread your paragraph several times because you didn’t put in basic punctutation.

Yup you got it, keep going out.

You’re welcome.

@Seed I did improv comedy for about a year as well as toastmasters. All my YouTube videos are improvised. So here’s my two cents. My best performances are always, always, always when I really let go. Especially in something like improv comedy. Toastmasters you can kind of get away with it because it’s okay to just be logical the whole time. In improv comedy, it has to be funny. If you just stay in your logic mode with some sort of ego agenda, you are fucked. Often with very embarressing results. Get into the enjoyment of it. Before an improv show, we didn’t sit there reviewing improv comedy theory. We did the opposite. We clowned. We danced. We sang. We basically just did everything possible to put ourselves in that positive state where we actually were doing it for the fun of doing it. Obviously you’re not putting on a comedy show so it’s a little different. But the principles are the same. Get out of your head, feel good, and let it flow.

@billiesimon Rule of thumb, if you go out and something triggers you bad enough that you start crying when you get home, that’s very much a good thing. This is why I keep saying going out to do game isn’t just game. It’s healing. So many things get triggered when you actually step into your fears and don’t just keep hiding in your bedroom. It’s also why almost no guy unconsciously wants to do it. I wouldn’t stress about it. You’ve got the awareness that women’s approval is probably more important to you subconsciously than you originally realized. Nothing really to do but keep doing the work.

@Nahm Thanks for the recommendation brotha, appreciate it. @Alex bAlex I feel ya man, we all need some sort of mentorship in lives. I currently have someone I see myself. You can obviously pay to get a mentor like Nahm said. That’s usually the most direct way. But you could also find someone you admire and offer to work for free. Tell them you have XYZ skill they might need and that you’ll do whatever they want. Don’t even mention mentoring. Books and courses can also be a more impersonal sort of mentorship. So yeah, mentorship comes in all forms. It doesn’t have to look a certain way. Hope that helped. By the way, if you decide to go with a coach and you pick @Emerald over me, we are going to have to have a very serious discussion via DMs