aurum

@OnceMore You need more women in your life. Case closed. You've created this absurd fantasy because it's the only women that seems like a realistic option. Go do some pickup, get on tinder or maybe just go meet some female friends at yoga. But you've got to cut this fantasy shit.

Right idea...wrong execution. Great, so you looked non-needy. But guess what it got you? Jack shit. She said "hi" to you so she's clearly looking to engage in some sort of conversation. She's not going to think you're weird for responding, that's what she's HOPING for. It's a lay up brother. Take the easy ones when they come. Literally saying anything would have been better than nothing in that situation. And even if you do look desperate, so what? I will take looking desperate over looking "cool" if looking desperate it what will actually get a result. Don't be confined by these general principles.

"I just want money though, I really don't care about creating a network of contacts and starting a business, just so I can get money. To me that just seems like too much work for money. I don't know maybe I am just rationalizing not challenging my current identity, but I really would just like spending my time mediating and being a guy who doesn't have a job but can still have money when I want it." ^This is what I see when I read what you wrote. If you don't want sex, fine. Just admit you don't want it and you're not willing to do what it takes. But this idea that you shouldn't have to work, challenge your comfort zone or change yourself in order to get sex is ridiculous. And maybe you could argue that the raw pleasure you get from sex isn't worth all the struggle it would take to get there. But truthfully that's only a small benefit you can get from learning Game. When done right, the real benefit is the growth you get as a person. The fact that you will have to confront deep rooted fears night after night makes Game a healing process for guys who are growing up with this pain point. And that's really just the start. Does that mean you have to learn Game? Of course not, there's many ways to do what I just said. But if you want sex AND you want personal transformation, Game can be a powerful way to grow.

You already largely do. You just don't realize it yet. Are you pumping your heart? Growing your hair? Digesting your food? Breathing? Creating blood cells? Or are all these things (plus an unimagineable number more) just happening? Of course, you do make decisions. But who makes the decision to make that decision? And who makes the decision to make that decision? So on and so forth/ Where do your choices even come from? Do your choices just appear as a thought? And if they just appear as a thought, did you control that you would have that thought? And if you control that you would have that thought, did you control the thought that had that thought? Or do thoughts just appear with no control from you at all? Maybe everything is just happening. Maybe you're not doing anything at all, while simultaneously doing everything.

@ThirdEyeSees Part of this work is that you have to learn how to balance the material world with your spiritual goals. I don't think abandoning your kids or abandoning your spiritual work is the answer. I've never had kids but I'd try integrating the two. Lead by example. Maybe your kids would want to join you in a spiritual practice like meditation, yoga or tai chi. Have healthy food around the house for them to eat. Show them what a conscious relationship looks like by working on your own if you have one. Show them how to properly handle money by mastering money yourself. Etc etc

@john5170 I've noticed the same thing. Your dreams aren't random. Whenever I have a deeply vivid dream, it always contains insights into my own shadows / what I still have left to purify in my subconscious. So it may be the result of you starting your spiritual purification work through meditation. Have you noticed anything significant about the content of these dreams?

@TJ Reeves I resonate with this 100%. I always heard how men repress their emotions growing up but I thought it was a bunch of bullshit. In reality, I just had no awareness of how much I was stuffing things down. Things I've cried over recently: 1) Music I love 2) Seeing people coming together for a common good 3) Helping others 4) No reason at all, just happy to be alive It's powerful too, stronger than most emotions I can remember growing up. But I love it.

@Vladimir I'm glad you're still going out and actually approaching women. And if your strategy works for you, great. I'm not going to argue. But I've seen a lot of guys who have tried to fix their dating life without being pragmatic and they fuck up a lot. Essentially what you're saying is measuring your results and setting tangible goals = being neurotic. But that's simply not true. Try running a business and saying "oh, I don't need to do things like measure revenue, expenses or set quarterly goals. That's so low consciousness. It's all about just connecting authentically to your customer". I guarantee you will fail. Health is the same way. Do you think professional bodybuilders just wing it? Or are they tracking every calorie, every exercise, every macro? How about landing a man on the moon? Should we just "follow our intuition"? Or should we actually have some engineers do some calculations and set targets? Do you keep a clock to measure time? How about a schedule? A drawer to keep your bank statements? And if we grant that measuring, planning and goal setting is important, why does it suddenly become unimportant when it comes to improving your dating life? Here's the nuance to what I'm saying: you can measure your results and set goals in a non-neurotic way. "OMG, I set a goal for 5 dates this month and only got 4. I suck so bad. Let me cry and put a gun in my mouth" = neurotic, perfectionism, recipe for failure. "Oh, I got 4 out of the 5 dates I wanted this month. That's awesome, let's objectively look at what I did to learn and grow to do even better" = growth oriented, accepting of feedback, positive self-image, actualizing potential. So the evil is not in measuring or goal setting. It's in how you go about it and your intentions. You have a logical, left side of your brain for a reason. Being a strategic and analytical is a beautiful thing as long as you know its limits. But you also need to know the limits of your strategy of "being authentic". Because that will only take you so far as well.

I'd keep in mind that this is not an "either or" decision. Many public speakers post on YouTube as well. If you want more money because you want to contribute more to veganism, understand it's not going to happen unless you are doing something you feel is valuable. A software development company you have little to no passion for is not going to get very far. So I'm going to tell you what work is or is not valuable. Only that you have to decide for yourself. Also, if you're working for Mercy For Animals, how is that not contributing to veganism? What rule says that the only way to help animals is to cut a big check? Just because non-profit Presidents are always looking for donations? Why can't you set the standard?

@Vladimir Emotional mastery is absolutely vital and it's good you've realized inner game is important. But... it's only one half of the equation. First off, your mind needs tangible goals to reach onto. When you say "my goal is emotional mastery", that's such a vague concept that it doesn't mean anything. How will you know when you achieve it? How will you truly know when you're making progress and backsliding? But if you say "my goal is 5 dates this month" or "my goal is to talk to 10 girls tonight", now you have something very specific to get to work on. You'll either succeed or fail. And you'll know where you stand right away and can start making adjustments. Second, how do you plan on getting better with women when you don't actually spend time talking to women? Imagine that someone told you that the way to become an amazing guitarist was by focusing on "emotional mastery" instead of actually playing guitar. Third, the process of going out and meeting women in of itself can create the emotional mastery you're talking about. You're going to have to push through your fears day in and day out, working through them in the process. The other side of the equation is pragmatism. Do you live in a place where you have access to the women you want to date? The right clothes? If you like clubs, how about knowing the name of the doorman on the night you go out? The difference between getting a girls phone number and Snapchat? Where is the best after-hours place? Create a more holistic perspective and that's when you'll really see results. That's when you combine all the great inner game techniques you listed and the practical, down to earth concerns that need to be addressed as well.

@ShapeShift His journey is a great example of what the awakening process can look like in the early stages. Ego runs the house until the inherent unsustainability of the system catches up. I've got friends who had the same thing. They were highly successful, but the way they went about it eventually causes everything to fall apart. That's when they're forced to grow. It doesn't have to happen that way but it is almost an inevitablity for anyone living that life.

@Space Coyote My gut says you are changing and that your current job insecuity is a symptom of your growth. As when change internally, the outside world must begin to reflect back the changes you are making. Is being a "glorified cashier" something that feels aligned with your highest purpose? From the way you describe it, I'd say no. And so you're starting to see friction. Practical next step, spend some time day dreaming about what you want your life to look like and write it down. Don't worry about a "how" right now.

@ArasH First off, you are creating your own reality whether you know it or not. So the fact that nofap has a self-fullfilling prophecy association is not surprising. Your whole life is a largely a self-fullfilling prophecy. As to whether nofap actually works, I've found it really depends on the person and their intention. It helped me at one point just because I was hooked on porn and had to just cut the whole thing. So don't worry about whether nofap is inherently useful for everyone or what science says because you're not going to get an answer everyone agrees on. Think for yourself. Does this make sense for ArasH right now? You can always change your mind after experimenting.

This is an interesting point because every area of success does still follow from certain spiritual principles. And yet if that's all you focused on you'd be fucked. For instance, let's say you were doing meditation with the intention to get better at game. It would definitely help. But if you're new to game, you'd be WAY better off just taking that hour and actually going out because game is a skillset. Imagine you're trying to learn guitar. Sure, meditation could help you get into flow states easier and release your creativity, but more important in the beginning is you just sit there and play for many hours. Plus, there's always a large element of strategic thinking in success. Guys who aren't doing game in a strategic way will spend hours and hours trying to do something that would be stupid simple with an effective system. So ideally, it's always a balance. I want to meditate, be authentic AND I want to systematize every detail to what seems like an obsessive degree where everything I'm doing is conscious and on purpose. Right brain, left brain.

That's definitely possible. Sometimes we get pushed into situations that we can't fully understand the larger picture of until later. I'd say just keep following your passion like you are and keep an open mind to it. There may be a unique way that this ends up helping you in the future.

"Assertive" is probably the word you're looking for. You have high enough self-esteem to go after what you want and stand up for yourself, but you're not looking to bring others down. So really it's a question of self-esteem. There's many ways to get self-esteem, but one of the easiest is to simply do what you want. When you do what you truly want, you reinforce the belief that you deserve to have whatever it is you're going after. Over time, that builds massive self-esteem. Conversely, when you have a need and you tell yourself "oh, it's okay, it's not really that important. That person is probably busy anyway, I'm just a nice guy who doesn't disturb anyone", you reinforce that your needs are not important and you don't deserve whatever it is. And if your needs are not important and you don't deserve it, that reinforces the belief that YOU are not important and not worthy. So just keep that in mind. It's not necessarily about the thing itself, it's that your needs matters.

@Lynnel Have you read The War of Art by Steven Pressfield? Sounds like you might be in a perfect place to check it out.

The first question is: why? If it's something you love so much that you'd spend hours of your time doing for free, why not also get paid? I'm not trying to convince you that you should. But this is definitely something I would spend some honest time introspecting on if you haven't already. Maybe ask some friends you trust to weigh in.

@onacloudynight First off, you don't need to find your exact life purpose to raise your consciousness. Reading a book could raise your consciousness. Being in the shower could raise your consciousness. Going out and getting drunk could raise your consciousness. Everything exists to raise your consciousness, so don't make the mistake of thinking you need to "wait". Second, I'd ask you why do you think people care about helping the world? It's a deep question. When you see a Martin Luther King or Nelson Mandela or anyone who has been idolized as someone who "helped", what motivated them? Then ask yourself: how am I currently viewing the world that's different? What I generally find is that wanting to help the world is actually a byproduct of you raising your consciousness. When you're unconscious, you don't see or care how your actions affects others. You don't see that we're all essentially the same and all equally important. You don't see how purely egoic behavior is actually making you miserable. You don't see that your selfish behaviors are born out of unresolved fears. You don't see that your desire to simply take, take, take is actually the same reason why you don't get, get, get.

@Himanshu It's an interesting thought. Napolean Hill talked about it in Think and Grow Rich. Personally I'm not convinced. I've just seen too many counter examples of low-achieving guys that get laid all the time.

Go deeper. Basically I would say this every time I hit a obstacle in my goals. It was a reminder that the solution is out there and I have to just keep digging to find it.

@Electron What if you were lying to yourself? You don't seem that content being alone 24/7. You're seeking out strangers on the internet to get advice from.

@Kimasxi What's going to happen is you're going to keep crashing and burning until you let go of needing this. Neediness does not attract people. It repeals them. Once you let go, you'll probably start seeing a slow shift in the way you get along with people

Do some research on modern spiritual teachers, I'd think you'd be surprised how many are in a relationship. Eckhart Tolle is great example. I'd actually say that it's harder to date when you haven't done any sort of enlightenment work. If you haven't healing the wounds of the ego, your relationships will be needy, toxic, angry, drama-filled. If you're single, you'll be massively afraid of rejection, authentic connection and have limiting beliefs around what sort of woman you serve. I get what you're saying about the dating pool becoming smaller as you move up the ladder of consciousness. But not every girl you meet or date has to be long term relationship material. And when you do find that person who you really click with, you'll enjoy it even more because you know how rare it is.

@Joseph Maynor Definitely agree. There's really no nice way to say this: when you start making progress in personal development, the average person's problems look ridiculous af. The other day at the grocery store I saw this old woman freaking out at the cashier because he wouldn't accept her 10% off coupons. Why? Because that's all shes got. Think about it. She probably spends hours clipping those things out of her latest issue of Reader's Digest. It's the highlight of her day. But let's not even make it about judging other people. YOUR old problems should start to look ridiculous as well. That's how you know you're moving forward.