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@ADD You got a couple different questions going on here so I'll hit them one at a time. Personally, the answer is zero. Everyone wants to feel safe, including me. And women can bring amazing things to a relationship. But because I understand gender dynamics, I know a relationship is not where I should be looking to get that need met. Safe is how I want her to feel when she's around me. If she's saying things like "baby you make me feel so safe", that's perfect. My safety is irrelevant. I could get hit by a train tomorrow and not give a fuck. And it's not because women aren't capable of taking care of you, themselves or whatever misogynistic things people want to say. It's because that perspective helps preserve the masculine / feminine dynamic. She has to feel a bit like you are this sturdy pillar she can lean on. And no, you don't get to do the same. Sorry. Welcome to most in relationships. They're incredibly challenging and most people have no idea what they are doing. You're basically talking about the honeymoon phase. Everything is new and exciting and everyone's needs are getting met. But as soon as those needs stop getting met and the novelty wears off, things change real fast. I'm with you man. If it was only a choice between what you described and being single, being single is 1000x better. But what I believe is that it doesn't have to be like that. It starts with you though. You handling your own emotional needs and becoming an independent person. And then being crystal clear on what kind of girl / relationship you truly want. Without both those pieces, you're gonna fuck up. You need to handle your shit so that you can be that "pillar" I was talking about earlier before and attract a high quality girl. You need to know exactly what kind of girl / relationship you want because great people with a bad strategy is still a recipe for disaster. If you do that, I truly believe you can have a great relationship. I don't at all think you're irresponsible. It's possible it's just a phase. I went through a phase where I was single for like five years while working hard on cold approach, and that was a great decision. All I would say is don't feel pressured into one because you feel like it's what you "have" to do.

@Slade I've actually been trying sungazing for the past couple of months because I wanted to see first hand what would happen. I'm going to make a vlog about it once I'm done. So far I'd say it's overhyped. People have made some pretty large claims about sungazing, like that it will cure all your physical problems or give you instant enlightenment. What I have found though is that i definitely seem to get a boost of energy once I'm done a session. Not every time, but enough that I've seen a pattern. The experiment continues.

That's actually not what it says at all. Spiral dynamics is about integration. You don't "stop" pursuing success because you evolved. You just become aware of the limitations of the previous paradigm and integrate what worked well with your new awareness. For instance, maybe in stage green you still have a desire for success. But it's based on the desire to help others instead of just trying to achieve some sort of material wealth, because you've realized materialism alone won't make you happy and ends up backfiring.

@Ether Yes, he helped me out a ton in getting through the really early stages of the awakening process. There was so much purging and general confusion about what was happening to me. Don't know how I would have done it without him.

@Scholar It's good you're contemplating, but you're making this harder than it is. The map is not the territory because it's a map of the territory, not the territory itself. Get it? When you look at a map, do you think you're actually look at trees, mountains, oceans etc? Or do you understand that it's just a model of the actual thing? Well, that's what all your beliefs are. Models of reality, but never actually encapturing the full essence of reality How could they? The only way to truly capture the essence of something is to BE that thing! Anything else creates a distortion.

I challenge you to find 10 pros who started that late or even later. Hate to say it, but probably going to have to get a least a part time job. I would look for something obviously involving skateboarding. Or, look for something involving marketing so you can learn how to promote yourself on social media. Maybe you can even find both.

@Seed Nice. I found adding it as your phone / computer wallpaper really helps as well.

@Emne Welcome to the community. This is a very common question, so don't be surprised that it's still confusing. Your spiritual practice essentially is a process of stripping away thoughts and behaviors that aren't authentic to who you really are. It's like achieving freedom, because you are free from acting in a way due to what others want. So there's no telling exactly what you will decide to do as you evolve. Only you can make that choice. What most people find though is that they don't desire to do nothing. Something calls them, and they feel more passion than they ever had before because it's truly authentic to them. Now we're talking life purpose. I encourage you not to look at these ideas of "life purpose" or "enlightenment" as binary things that you either have or don't have. The reality is that it's much more like a spectrum, and the goal should be to continually evolve till the day you die.

Nothing is technically happening in the brain, it's all spiritual. People want to say that emotions are just chemicals because they're assuming chemicals are a real thing that already existed and that we just discovered. Wrong. We made it up. It's a conceptualization that happen after observation in an attempt to model the world. But that's all it is, a model.

Life purpose was huge for me. Because when you're off your purpose, you have no reason not to distract yourself. Yeah, I could say that you just "shouldn't" be distracted because it's an addiction or whatever. But the reality is that if you're not moving towards something, why not just watch Netflix? Seriously. Your only options are either entertainment or do nothing at that point. So I would really place an emphesis on drilling down on your purpose. Watch how the personal boundaries about what you will allow for yourself just come right up.

@ExodiaGearCEO Many girls will hook up with other girls and they have no dick at all. Even if you dick was too small, who cares because you can't change it. What you can change is everything else; your dominance, your vocal tonality, your dirty talk, your emotional connection, your oral sex + finger skills, your orgasm control, your immersion, your physicality, your stroke, basically 99% of what makes good sex. But you're worried about your dick size. You got to get over it man.

@Saumaya I love Influence by Robert Cialdini. It's a classic psych book that will basically teach you everything you need to know about influencing people. I don't read much philosophy anymore, but Walden by Henry David Thorough and The Stranger by Albert Camus are great.

There's really only two options: 1) Up the level of effort you are putting in. If someone else is putting in one hour, you put in three. 2) Look for strategic advantages. Maybe get a better coach, or figure out how to leverage other people.

@saish Spiritual work like meditation, yoga etc will definitely help. But you also want to start generating that positive feedback loop of actual abundance of girls in your life. That means going out and interacting with lots of girls. Having female friends. Sleeping with some of them if you want. Until you do that, it's going to be very, very difficult to actually be non-needy around girls when the chips are down.

@Xin Start simple. Get a basic meditation habit going, start looking at your diet and reading personal development books. You'd be amazed how just doing that will create massive change.

Yes, that's how 99% of people live their life. Their confidence depends on the environment around them. One of the reasons I loved doing cold approach pickup was that it forces you to detach from that. You have to be able to go to a brand new city, to a venue you've never been, sober, with no friends, girls rejecting you and still walk around like you own the place. It's serious emotional warfare. Ultimately, what I've come to believe at this point in my life though is that confidence doesn't come from you. It comes from being connected to your spiritual essence. That part of you that's eternal, unchanging and knows none of this is that serious. If you don't meditate, get on that asap. It will massively help with this.

@Marcell Kovacs Think of your progress more like the stock market. It goes up, then it goes down, then it goes up, then it goes down. But always, the overall trajectory is up. I'm saying this so that you don't feel like you did something "wrong". This is just the nature of growth. You felt alive because you were leaning into your edges. The only way to get that back is to start leaning into them again.

@Jamesc You could. But enlightenment is such a radical process you may find yourself being called to do something else. The good news is that whatever it is, it'll be authentic.

@Arcangelo I'm going to give you what I feel you need, not necessarily what you asked for. Be aware that by you not approaching right away, it's highly likely she knew you were initially scared to talk to her. Hot girls are used to getting approached and they know all the subtle "signs" that guys give away when they want to talk to her. We're not that sneaky. Good move there. This also says to me that you're still bought into the "provider" strategy for getting laid. You want to show the girl how much you love kids because you believe that's what she's looking for in a man. The reality is that most young girls are not looking for that, and even if they were, they're definitely not looking for it within the first two hours of meeting someone. Unless you're already in deep rapport with some a girl, I would never be having a political debate with her. Everything should generally be light, playful "me-you" communication. Here's an example. Girl: I'm really pro-life, I don't think there's any reason for an abortion. You: How did you decide that? Girl: Well I was raised Catholic growing up. And they taught us that at church. You: Oh no, the last Catholic girl I met said she was trying to have 12 kids. You're not trying to do that, are you? Girl: What?! Haha no, that's way too many. You: Are you sure? That guy over there *point to random dude nearby* looks like he's got money for child support. Maybe you should talk to him. Girl: Omg you're such an asshole! You: I'm just kidding, come here you crazy baby maker *hug* Something like this is way better than trying to have a "logical conversation" about whether you should be pro-choice or pro-life. Seduction isn't about logic, it's about emotions. You should default to never asking a girl what to do, ever. There are certain situations where asking is the right move, but this isn't one of them. She's not nearly invested enough. You're the man, you lead. "Please be the man and make the decision". It's good that you made a choice. The reason I don't like getting coffee in this situation is that it doesn't move the interaction forward at all. You guys already had lunch, coffee is like a step backwards. Better would have been to set plans for the future and then grab the number. It's not wrong to pay, but you do have to be aware of how it's coming off to the girl. If she gets the sense you're doing it just to sleep with her, that's bad. Always set plans in person if you can. Trying to coordinate over text with a hot girl you just cold approached is like trying to triangulate the Sun's position relative to Venus. I don't know if that's even a real thing but it sounds difficult She actually doesn't want to see you, but she's going to tell you she does so that you don't get upset. Personally, I'd cut her off. Being stood up twice is a major disrespect to your time and boundaries. Move on.

If all a guy is looking for is to settle down with some cute girl with some basic commonalities, I agree. You could eventually get that doing what you said. I've done it myself in the past. But in my current reality, that's selling yourself way, way too short. It might be a good stepping stone if you're new to game, but you'll never consistently date the most attractive women you can doing that. The results I'm personally after require a much different strategy and lifestyle design.

@Vingger Still waiting on his collab with Kendrick and Lil John.

@Shin What is your alternative suggestion?

@Shakazulu I moved this thread to the Dating / Sexuality because it was a bit off topic. Can you explain more what you're asking?

Could be a huge positive. Comedy requires good timing, not taking things too seriously, expansive energy, speaking the elephant in the room, etc. All things that can come as you wake up and self-actualize. If it's important to you, yes. You don't have to be "like them". In fact, by not being "like them", you'll likely have a far, far more successful career.

@WildeChilde I'd obviously like to brain dump everything I know now into his head. But that would defeat the purpose of the journey. So instead I'd just say, "everything you're worried about isn't true".