aurum

@SirImprovement I've moved on, but I actually was pretty involved in that community for awhile. So I know all about it. Basically it's the place to go if you're angry and hurt about your past experiences with women. Maybe you got divorced, maybe you got cheated on or maybe girls just never wanted to have sex with you. And you're starting to see that the beliefs you were fed about women by society are just not true. So there's a lot of accurate ideas that get thrown around TheRedPill. At the same time, the whole community is so based on pain that there's a lot of victim mentality / misogyny that comes up as well. But you know what? I'm okay with all of it. It's easy for us to judge guys who are going through that. But the truth is none of us are born with the perfect paradigm and perfectly enlightened. You have to go through the process. And sometimes that process is messy. Sometimes the process looks like you being pissed the fuck off. Sometimes it looks like you lashing out at others. Sometimes it looks like plain delusion. So I see TheRedPill as healing disguised as anger. Healing for guys who truthfully don't have many other options. Where else can you learn this and find people with similar experiences who will understand you?

Life purpose. Much easier said than done, but that is the answer.

There is some fundamental problems with this line of thinking. First is that you believe that her emotions are your responsibility. That's another socially conditioned belief. In reality, every person has the choice to feel however they want about a situation. I'm not suggesting using that as an excuse to run around hurting people. But notice that this belief is actually keeping you from being free and fully authentic. Whose life are you living if you're afraid of how she will feel if you break up with her? The reason seeing her feel "bad" makes you feel bad is because it triggers your own feelings of shame. Unfortunately she doesn't understand any of this and so she will likely externalize the cause of her negative emotions onto you. You can't control that, that's her own issues she will have to work through when the time comes. Again, the consequences of you not doing this are far greater than doing it. This relationship is likely just going to get more and more toxic as long as these feelings go unexpressed.

Sounds to me that maybe you want this because you're lost, at least somewhat scared, and don't know what to do.

That's true, but I also believe that's a limiting belief at the same time. Yes, it would turn a lot of people off. Most won't even be able to comprehend it or want to. But consider a guy like Eckhart Tolle, who was essentially unknown to the wider public before The Power of Now. Suddenly he's on Oprah. There's more to drawing a crowd than good traditional marketing. There's an energetic component that often goes underlooked. And when you consider the rate at which the collective consciousness seems to be evolving, who knows. Maybe not so crazy after all. Still, I always try to make sure I show how people will benefit from these teachings and deliver the material in the best manner. That's just social intelligence.

@littleBIG I'm definitely not here to tell you "no". Do what you want. But I'd consider if you're deceiving yourself here. Do you really want to live in a car? Or are you looking for an escape to your problems? Would you be doing this if someone magically dropped a million dollars in your bank account? If so, what beliefs might you have that make you think you can't do that? I'm asking because I don't want you to go live in a car as a reaction to the fact that you lost your job and money is tight right now. I get the whole "don't want to slave 40 hours a week" thing, but that isn't the only way to make some money. Again, it's totally up to you. Maybe try asking these questions in meditation and see what happens.

Understand that your views towards relationships have largely been conditioned by your upbringing and society. We are told things like monogamy = love, fidelity = love and that there's ONE SOULMATE (scarcity) out there for everyone. In reality, these beliefs or agreements were simply created to serve the agenda of the people who were in the relationship and society at large. So I don't think you're on some ego rampage, desperately trying to find the next girl to fill that void in your soul. I think what's happening in this situation is your innate desire for sexual freedom is clashing against your conditioning. Notice that you said the emotion you're experiencing is guilt. That's almost a sure sign that you're suppressing something, which leads to problems. That suppression will turn into resentment for your girlfriend very fast because on some level you'll feel it's her fault. Also, you said that your girlfriend isn't as attractive you'd like her to be. Doesn't make her a bad person, but you don't have to just sit back and let that happen either. You can draw a boundary and date a more attractive girl if you want to. People will try to shame you for that, but the truth is that they're just afraid that they're not attractive enough and won't make the cut. If you're not up to an hour a day, keep upping the time until you get there. Consider yoga too.

I'd question this belief. If you were feeling your emotions fully, they'd pass right through you. You wouldn't be walking around depressed. Technically true, but not in the way you're using it. Your emotions are absolutely under your control, that's just a belief to keep you stuck in your patterns. That's not what letting go is about. Trying to make it go away is likely bringing up resistance, which is the exact opposite of what you want. I'd try focusing more on fully feeling whatever you're feeling. Don't intellectualize, just becoming present to it.

@Emne It's not, but just saying that doesn't help. You need to become conscious of that on your own.

@hinawashi They're incredibly helpful. One good book can change the entire trajectory of your life. Try stacking many of those books and watch what happens.

@vanish No more Fight Club for you.

@7thLetter No one needs a relationship or anything to be happy. However, I've found there's very good potential reasons to want a relationship, some of which you've pointed out. If you're going to do it, I would keep in mind that most relationships are not good ones. A good relationship that's actually worth investing in is a rare thing and can be very difficult to manage.

@How to be wise This is partially why people say life is a dream. Sure, you remember bits and pieces of a dream. But the next morning when you wake up, where did it go? Where is it? Did it even happen? Everyday life works the same way. Only we are very convinced that the events of the past and the projections of the future are real outside the life we’re living.

@egoless It is. The idea that you can’t be charismatic even if you’re an “introvert” is an excuse. Read The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane. A lot of charisma is actually energetically based, which is why there are so many different types of people who are all charismatic.

@NoSelfSelf Leo has a great list of qualities that define self-actualization. But I consider it a life's work.

@Angelo John Gage That's the fractal nature of reality. As above, so below.

@moon777light I love this show. He's sort of right. He pointed out that evidence for scientific truths require more evidence, which means that eventually you get to a point where you have no evidence for your belief. You must take it on faith. But he did "prove" the existence of god either. That would be to make the same mistake as the scientist.

@Uncover Do you take yourself seriously? The world accepts the judgments we place on ourselves.

@PsiloPutty Could definitely be part of it. Hard to say without more information. Why did you start no-fap in the first place?

It's not odd at all. This is in many ways HOW you get girls. You get them when you don't need them. As long as you're desperately running around trying to get into her pants, you're like an anti-pussy magnet. It's literally disgusting from her point of view. The problem becomes when guys use ^ as an excuse to do nothing and stay in their comfort zone.

This is a good strategy. Also, I'd add in that the more girls you're with, the less nervous you'll be. That will help a lot.

@Amit It's not about the amount of work you do. It's the fact that people who we might call workaholics are working from a place of inner deficiency and low self-esteem. They're out of touch with their spirit. As long as you keep up your spiritual practice (meditation, yoga etc), I wouldn't worry about it. And if your concern is productivity, you should be structuring ways for you to work less, not more. That's what productivity means: get more done with less time / effort.

@Vinnie Psychedelics. That's easily the fastest way I've seen to have an awakening experience.

@Paulus Amadeus Great thread idea. One business idea I have (which I'm not attempting to execute on) is opening up a marketing and / or consulting agency specifically for conscious business owners. It provides value because people in the consciousness community are often not effective in business. They don't learn it or they don't see value in it. I've fallen into this trap myself. Sometimes I get so "spiritual" that I forget I have to actually make money and do my marketing properly. It's also a way to help out amazing products come into being. If they're a conscious business owner, than what they are doing should be bringing real value to people.

Some of this definitely comes from inner blocks. For instance, if you talk too fast that's sometimes a sign that you are nervous. The "talking too fast" is just a symptom. All the inner work Leo talks about here, e.g meditation / yoga, will help you out here. @Serotoninluv also made good points. Spend more time around great communicators, even if only virtually. Your subconscious is going to pick up on those subtle little cues that make them effective at what they do. I'd also argue that there's no one "right way" to communicate. They all have value depending on the context. When I'm making YouTube videos on my channel, these are the main variables I'm looking at to judge my delivery: 1) Volume. How loud does the person talk? Great communicators know how to project their voice, but also speak softly when necessary to draw attention in. 2) Pitch. You can speak in a HIGH VOICE or a lowwww voice. Mix it up. 3) Tempo. You can speak reallyreallyreally FAST!. Or, ya know, slow...it...down. Pause. 4) Emotions. Emotional flatlines are boring, fully express your range of emotions. 5) Certainty. No one will buy into what you're saying if you do not buy in first. Drink your own kool-aid. I'd would try recording yourself talking and look at how you do on each of these areas. Then just practice, practice, practice. This is actually a separate question on its own. First off, there are no inherently interesting stories. There most objective "best" story in the world will fall flat if your delivery isn't where it should be. See ^ for work on that. The second thing is to realize that stories should be about you, not the story. You could tell an amazing story with lots of action, plot twists, celebrity appearances and great delivery, but if it doesn't say anything about you, that's a mistake. For that reason, a good story to tell in real life might actually be boring on the surface, but one that reveals a lot about who you are as a person. Also, every story should have a point. Especially if you're trying to influence someone. There's a satisfying conclusion and the listener feels like they understood exactly why they took the time to pay attention. So try taking some of these ideas and play with them. Start telling stories all the time, no matter who you interact with.