aurum

@Timothy Look, you're free to do whatever you want because it's your life. I'm not trying to push my agenda on you that you should do pickup if you really don't think it's right for you. But I am just going to lay out the raw truth as much as I see it. Self-actualization and growth implies one thing and one thing only: behavior change. If who you feel you are and your behaviors aren't changing, you're not doing self-actualization. The fact that going out to a nightclub maybe feels uncomfortable for you isn't a sign that it's "inauthentic". It's just a sign that you're stretching your comfort zone. That's what is supposed to happen. What really is "authentic" anyway? If who you feel you are and your behaviors are just the product of your social conditioning, why is that authentic? Because someone else told you that's who you are and you just believed it? You should be willing to change anything about yourself at any time. Otherwise you're still heavily ego-identified. The more you go out, the more it will feel natural. The more you will be able to add authentic fun and not just seek attention. The more you actually will be "cool". It's not just going to happen staying in your room. And that doesn't mean you can't do therapy, meditate or whatever else you want to do. I would suggest doing both and looking at them as synergistic instead of combative. You mean guys actually pushing themselves. Guys who are actually growing. Look at how that judgment is an easy excuse for you not to face your own insecurities.

This is a very common problem for men. Here's the deal. Any girl you're going to try to get into a relationship with, she has to first perceive you as an "alpha male" type guy, i.e fun, dominant and fucks lots of girls. if she doesn't see you that way, EVERYTHING YOU DO will be filtered through her perception of "this guy is a loser". That's a battle you will not win. She will not care that you held the door for her. She will not care that you remembered her birthday and bought her an expensive gift. She will not even care that you raised kids together. And she sure as hell is not going to be your emotional support. Conversely, when she perceives you as that alpha male kind of guy and the filter is switched to "this guy is awesome", everything you do is essentially gold. You're treated like a king. I am oversimplifying things, but that's the general gist of how it works. Guys have a really hard time swallowing the truth of this. They want what they're doing to be appreciated and for reality to fit their conditioned beliefs. And then they just get destroyed time and time again and don't understand why.

Good, now we're getting somewhere. Girls are not these fragile innocent angels that you believe them to be. I've seen all kinds of shit over the years, including things like girls dragging me into a bathroom to fuck them after only knowing them for a few minutes, girls cheating on their boyfriend / husband at the drop of their hat, girls who want to be choked and whipped, girls who want to fuck multiple guys at once, girls who want to fuck you in the ass with a strap-on, girls who want to pee on you, girls who want you to pee on them, girls who will lie straight to your face and manipulate you, girls who will hit you, girls who want to fuck other girls with you, girls who will fuck you because you fucked their friends, girls who fuck will fuck you for revenge on their ex and so on and so forth. You don't know this because you lack experience will girls. And so all you know about them is what your conditioning and biology is telling you, i.e that girls are fragile little angels. The other reason is that women aren't going to exhibit the same type of behavior for a guy like you as they will for me. And so you're literally blind to how women act a lot of the time. And now we hit to the real core of the problem. You nailed it. Of course when you don't feel like you're that guy, you feel like you're taking something from the girl. You think her having sex with you would be a negative for her and that you don't deserve it, and so you self-sabotage the whole thing. But here's the mindfuck of mindfucks. The only reason you aren't already that guy is be you think that you aren't. What does it mean to be "cool"? "Cool" is just someone who completely accepts themselves. You not accepting yourself is what largely makes you the guy that girls don't want to fuck. And here's how we tie it back into why I believe spiritual work goes well with pickup. How do you start to see yourself as that "cool" guy? A combination of going out and getting experiences that prove to you that you can be that guy, AND learning to love yourself through your spiritual practice / therapy / healing work. That's it. That's the whole formula. I never think I'm taking anything from any girl I have sex with. I know she's going to have an amazing experience, and even if she doesn't, I know my intention was positive. And so I don't hold myself back.

Yes I have. No I'm not.

Yes I have had many experiences like this where I'm just blown away by the Love. It is beautiful beyond description. Never once has it made me not want to still have sex. Sex is a beautiful thing as well. It doesn't just have to be this needy, ego rampage like what you're describing. You can bring Love into it. If you're checking out girls from afar and masturbating, what you really want is real sex. The only reason you wouldn't be doing that is if you felt like you couldn't. Did you call an Uber today instead of a taxi cab? Some taxi cab driver really needed that money and you didn't select his services. Did you go to a grocery store? Some family that runs a roadside stand in South America probably needed that money a lot more. Are you friends with 7 billion people on the planet simultaneously and spend equal amounts of time with all of them? And I hope you didn't start a business, because your business cannot equally serve all 7 billion people either. You have to understand that part of life IS about being selective. The fact that ultimately we are all One is just a side of the equation. The other side is celebrating and loving our differences. Our individual dharma or unique roles that we have to play. You're allowed to have standards and boundaries. Yes, that means some people are compatible with others and some people aren't. Some people will like you, and some people will not. Some people will want to fuck a fat girl, some people will not. None of that is "bad". In fact I'd argue it's just an egoic desire for approval that we want everyone to like us. Again, these things are not mutually exclusive.

@egoless Read Unscripted by MJ DeMarco.

It's a great question. Rant incoming. To put what I'm going to say in context, I've done meditation retreats, breathwork ceremonies, psychedelics, reiki, yoga and spend around 3 hours everyday doing a formal spiritual practice. I also could have probably built a successful business or written a book in the amount of time I've put into pickup. So why am I doing it? First off, my motivations have changed over the years. When I first started at 21, it was pure sex drive and ego-validation. I've also taken long periods of time off for spiritual work and to focus on myself, just like you suggested. But things are different now. The easiest answer is that no matter how much I meditate, I've noticed that I still have a dick. And that dick wants to have sex. If I don't have a girlfriend (which you get through pickup) or if I aren't at least making an effort to get laid, I basically turn into the creepy guy trolling through Craigslist for sex. Sometimes I read messages from guys that say they don't care about getting laid, they just want to get enlightened because sex won't fulfill them. I think that's insane. By that same logic, you should also never eat, sleep, drink, clean your apartment, pay your bills, play music, read, have a life purpose or do anything because that won't fulfill you ether. Only Being can fulfill you. So let's just sit in our rooms with our eyes closed until we die. And of course, the same guys who usually say this are the guys who wouldn't be successful at pickup even if they tried. Another reason is that pickup is just so much god damn fun. Even when you have a terrible night and your ego is crying because it's not getting the validation it wants, it's still fun. Joking with your friends, meeting new people, singing, dancing, feminine energy, new adventurous situations, letting go of all concerns, blasting through challenges, drama when it doesn't go well and of course, sex. It's an awesome ride. But at the end of the day, even a fun experience is just temporary. So the next question we have to ask is can pickup help with spiritual work and life purpose? What I've found is that when done with the RIGHT INTENTION, it absolutely can. Pickup will fuck with all of your ego's desires. The need for approval, the need for certainty, the need to think, the need to be right, the need to be logical, the need to conserve energy, the need to only see things from your perspective, etc. You basically need to be the exact opposite of all that. So it trains my mind to think that way and it also helps motivates me to do my spiritual practice. If I go out and notice that I'm over thinking everything and looking for an outcome, that gives me leverage to meditate harder. If go out and I'm silky smooth, that's positive reinforcement that meditation is helping. It also helps me with my life purpose. It makes me a better public speaker, a better communicator, better at networking, a better coach and just about everything else. The ancillary benefits are huge. And here's maybe the coolest part. I think a lot of us on this forum have had a lot of pain from negative social experiences growing up. Pickup is a way you can truly heal that. It will teach you to love people again. Will everyone get these benefits? Of course not. But I have seen it happen for many people. So if someone reading this resonates with pickup, go for it.

@Akim You know this answer, it's everything Leo talks about.

This isn't what you want to hear, but you'll figure it out when you're ready. Keep meditating, breathwork, yoga, psychedelics, etc. I can't remember if you've ever done pickup, but if you haven't you might want to consider it.

@WildeChilde I know people who do. Most of them have spent a lot of time developing those powers but they do seem to be real.

@PlasmicProjection The LOA is extremely nuanced. Most people aren't going to get it just because they read The Secret or whatever. At the end of the day, it's just a model though. So if that way of thinking works and helps you, go for it.

@ROOBIO What's the value in going back to school? Do you think it will help you get a job?

@Chaosofthemuse Awesome! Always great to see more conscious creators.

@QandC Yes unfortunately many people aren't ready for the pressure of fame. That's partially why star childs go crazy when they grow up. This is a good time to show some appreciation for your fears and limiting beliefs. They're keeping you from pressure that you aren't yet prepared to handle.

It's not that simple, overthinking is not something you can just solve with a 1-2-3 step formula. You've got to put in the work meditating, doing yoga, healing old traumas etc. That's a long term commitment. But if you really want something you can do in the moment, make an idiot of yourself. Do something that feels so embarrassing that there's no more point monitoring your impression anymore. The key is that it actually has to feel uncomfortable, not theoretically uncomfortable. You really have to stretch it. But once you do, you are going to feel like a completely different person. For instance, something I'll do if I'm out at a bar or nightclub is just start shaking my entire body. It looks absolutely ridiculous and I don't want to do it. But almost inevitably nobody actually gives a shit. And you realize that you cared so much about protecting nothing at all.

@Callum Milner There's a whole thread on this in the Meditation / Spirituality section of the forum. I'd suggest checking that out.

The reason you socialize more when you're in a good mood is that you are at higher vibrational frequency. When you're tired, you're at a lower vibrational frequency and so you want to conserve energy. This is why I don't like the whole "introvert / extrovert" debate. It largely ignores energetic realities and the power of the mind over our personalities. The reason people who call themselves introverts get tired after socializing is that they're expending massive amounts of energy overthinking and analyzing everything. It's exhausting. Just look back at what you wrote in this post. Look at all the questions you're asking. Look how your mind is trying to understand and analyzing every possible little detail. All that mental chatter cost energy and is draining you. When I go out socializing, I know I'm doing well if I'm gaining energy and I know I'm doing poorly if I'm losing energy. Gaining energy = present to the moment, free flowing, authentic. Losing energy = stuck in my head, putting on a social mask, overthinking. This has nothing to do with being an introvert or extrovert. It has to do with whether you're TAPPED IN to the infinite source of energy all around us, or if you've cut yourself off by thinking too much and not allowing the energy the move through you.

This is definitely accurate and something a lot of people neglect. They want to give before they have anything to give or understand what true giving is. This is where I see things differently. Yes, technically you only need Being if you want to be fulfilled. But what I've found is that as you become more conscious, your life purpose and desire to serve others increases. You can't ignore it. As far as the wealth thing goes, I'd challenge you on your beliefs about money. I don't see wealth as a hindrance to raising consciousness at all, in fact I see it as a great tool as long as the person has the right intention. For example, let's say I wanted to open up a yoga studio that teaches people to become more conscious. Or maybe you wanted to attend some workshop to see a spiritual teacher. All of that tends to cost money. I want everyone to have more money than they could possibly every spend. The behavior that people engage in when they are in financial scarcity is the complete opposite to what it means to be conscious. It's selfish and downright sickening to be honest. You could argue that everyone should be so enlightened that it doesn't make a difference, but that's not living in current reality. We live in the 21st century where money is still a valuable tool and people very much care about having enough.

@ExodiaGearCEO I've definitely had breakups where I just was not ready to get back out there right away and took time for myself to recharge. And I know that feeling a starting a business and just wanting to focus on that and nothing else. My only concern is that it's been almost a year since you've guys broken up. That's a pretty long time. Meeting new girls can be emotionally challenging, and you don't want to use your breakup as an excuse not to do that. It's an important area of your life. Girls are not going to flock to you just because your business is successful and you've developed yourself. That's like creating an amazing product and then never promoting it. You do have to put yourself out there to at least some degree.

Of course, everything is neutral at the absolute level. When I said "fucked", that's not a judgemental at all. It's just an observation that if you want to be at peace and not in fear that your relationship is going to crumble any moment, you don't want to tie your self-worth to someone else's validation.

No, RSD is legit. There's valid criticisms you can make about the company if you really wanted to, but there's no doubt they know pickup inside and out.

I think we think the same thing but with different words.

@The White Belt You're in classic codependency. Her validation = your self-worth, so if she leaves you your self-worth will be crushed. That's why you're afraid. The ironic part is that the fear you're experiencing is going to drive you to do things that actually will want to make her leave. You think you're hiding it, but trust me you're not. One solution is continuing to do self-actualization and working on your insecurities. Another solution is her leaving you, breaking your heart, and then you realizing that attaching your self-worth to a person's validation is totally fucked. Your choice.

@Freakrik I'm actually friends with Jmulv. We used to go out together when he was living here in Miami, haven't seen him since he moved away though. He game is undoubtedly legit. I wouldn't hesitate to go to him for advice on pickup. But he would also admit that he definitely has some unresolved inner game issues. So if you're going to learn from him, that's fine. But I would also balance his advice with self-actualization work. It's not worth banging 500 girls if you're just going to be miserable all the time.

@Staples I'd try thinking about the problem differently. Instead of just saying "how can I willpower my way into not being addicted", take a more holistic approach. Do you have an idea of your life purpose? What does your diet look like? Do you have productive habits like meditation or going to the gym? Part of the reason people can't beat their addictions is because they're trying to resist the urge when it comes up via willpower. They treat it like an isolated incident. But that's a bit like trying to win a game you've never trained for. You beat your addictions through everything you do outside your addictions. Spend more time looking at what your whole life looks like.