aurum

Everything you said is accurate, but my sense is that the way you're interpreting these concepts is not helping you. Try this instead. You should look for your life purpose. You're young and probably don't have much self-awareness about what you want or what you want to contribute or what you're even good at. That's fine. You gotta be unsure before you're sure. That's what being young is for. But you're not going to figure it out if you take a "whatever happens, happens" attitude. You have the be curious and engaged. Experiment. Travel. Introspect. Meditate. That is what will narrow down your purpose. Not doing nothing.

@hazedwin Yeah I'm going to echo some of what Leo said. When spiritual people talk about detachment, they're not suggesting that you should simply do nothing. That's called apathy. It's a fine distinction. If you're not able to wrap your head around it yet, that's fine. Detachment is just another concept. Concepts are meant to serve you. If thinking about detachment isn't helping you, get rid of it.

@Kode13 If you want to meet the perfectionist standards of the logical mind, that will likely never happen. Sometimes you just got to take action and see what happens. I think a better question would be, what do you feel will happen if you make the "wrong" decision?

@zoey101 I think most people would given the right circumstance, don't you?

The fact you even asked this already shows you're overly invested. She should be on the phone with her girlfriends asking those questions about you. Now if you want to just make friends with this girl and add her to your social circle, that's totally fine. In fact I encourage it because having female friends and a social circle is incredibly important. BUT you still want her to see you as the kind of guy who she would fuck, even if she isn't. I'm not getting the vibe at all she sees you that way. Why does she not see you that way? It's because you're not BEING sexual. Guys who are sexual are physical. They make sexual jokes. They can talk about sex casually and aren't afraid to express what they want. It might be friendly and playful, but it's never platonic. Understand that she wants a guy who she is attracted to and owns his sexuality. You're not doing her any favors by NOT being those things. So next thing you should ask yourself is what do my conversations look like? Are they filled with just nice, safe small talk? If so, she might feel comfortable around you but she doesn't feel anything FOR you. Learn what causes attraction. Learn what is in a woman's mind and what they want. That's far more important than trying to figure out how to get this specific girl.

@SFRL I want a girl who is very comfortable with her sexuality. Down with girl on girl. Great sense of humor. Social and outgoing. And overall is in love with herself and the life she has created.

@Ether First major discintion you have to make is between what is ACTUALLY love and what people have been conditioned into believing is love. For many people, love = neediness. When in fact the exact opposite is true, love can't need anything. One of the best examples of this in mainstream culture is the movie Bruce Almighty with Jim Carrey. Watch that shit if you haven't, it's hilarious and actually makes some real lessons if you're capable of seeing them. Basically what happens is that Jim really, really wants to love his girl and for her to love him back. It doesn't work and he ends up tanking the relationship. The redemption in the movie happens when Jim switches his mindset from "I want this girl because she makes me happy" to "I want her to be happy, EVEN IF THAT MEANS WE ARE NOT TOGETHER". That's ironically when they get back together. In essence, Jim moved from having a fearful intention to a loving one. So you don't want to do anything out of fear. This requires high degrees of self-awareness, because you have to be conscious enough of what your true intentions are. Are you pulling away because you're afraid of getting hurt? Or are you pulling away because she crossed a boundary? Did you get her that gift because you're afraid she might leave otherwise? Or did you get it because it's a representation of how you feel about her? Did you not text her back because you were trying to "be aloof"? Or did you not text her back because you were too busy dominating your path and your mission to even remember? It's the subtleties that make the difference, not the gross. It's also just the basic principles of pickup extended. If you buy a girl a drink because that's what society told you to do and you feel like you have to buy her attention, you're a loser and you suck. Hence why the front row of every strip club is called "perverts row". But Dan Bilzerian can fly girls in private jets and shit because he has high status subcommunication and brings the fucking FUN. Every guy who is looking to get better with girls should study that guy.

@Slade If you honestly just expect that the accumulation of success and resources alone will fulfill you, you're in for a rude awakening. It will not. Fulfillment requires an inner shift where you become grounded in spiritual essence. BUT that does not mean success is irrelevant. This is the part Sadhguru didn't mention. There's still plenty of reasons to go out and be successful. Here is a small list: 1) The more successful you are, the more of a positive impact you can make 2) Success motivates you to keep pursuing your life purpose 3) Success often forces you to evolve and grow 4) Success leads to pride in your accomplishments and who you are 5) Success can provide you with the resources to take on more meaningful challenges So no, you don't have to commit yourself to pursuing mastery in only consciousness. There are many, many valid paths. But people always like to claim that their path is the "true path", which is of course bullshit.

@Why? If you want to get really subtle and talk root cause, I'd argue it's because one or all of the participants conversation have fallen out of the flow. What I mean by that is there's this sort of natural way in which a conversation tends to evolve. The energy is flowing freely with no resistance from anyone. But when someone starts thinking too much or has too much of an agenda, what happens is they start resisting the flow. They think the conversation "should" go somewhere else. And that's what creates the awkwardness. I know this is very esoteric so let me give a practical example. Have you ever had an experience where you're in a group conversation and you thought of something really clever or funny to add. But before you could chime in, the topic changes onto something completely different. In that moment, the energy of the conversation has shifted. The flow is moving in a different direction. If you were present to the moment and just enjoying yourself, you'd let it go. You'd accept that that the conversation has moved on and that your clever remark is no longer relevant. BUT, if you were insecure or attached to "looking cool" or "having to say the right thing", you'd get anxious. Everyone was going to finally approve of you when you made that clever remark, and now you're losing the opportunity! Quick, make sure to inject it into the conversation anyway! You might not be able to think of another one later... Of course if you did this, it immediately would be awkward. Everyone would wonder why you were bringing back this topic that clearly everyone else had moved on from. And it would completely derail the current flow of things. Ironically, because of your desire for approval and inability to remain cool, now everyone actually does think you're weird. You actually spent more energy and got a worse result than if you had done nothing at all.

I don't know if you'll be ready for the lessons in these books yet, but I would check out The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane, Captivate by Vanessa Van Edwards and The Solution To Social Anxiety by Dr. Aziz. That'll give you a lot of theory to start. Many of those concepts you may not really embody for years to come, but it will at least set you down the right path. No it's not because of your MBTI type. In fact I would be very careful not to identity too much with MBTI, remember that it's just a general model. I've also asked myself this question about "fitting in" a lot in my life. I can remember as a teenager just being utterly confused why some kids were "cool" and other kids were clearly not. You're a hyper logical guy. And that's okay, so am I and so is probably everybody else on this forum. That's why we've all been attracted to each other. The problem for you socially is when all you know how to do is communicate logically. The difference between socializing and your physics exam is that there's no logical reason to socialize. Nothing to figure out, nothing to accomplish. No end goal at all. Socializing is purely about the emotional experience of it all. We do it because it feels good. This is actually harder than it sounds because it means letting go of attachments to agendas and the need to "get" anywhere. You have to become present. There are other layers to this and I could go much deeper. But I would just take that and see where your mind goes for now.

You're missing the easy solution. If you want to get over being socially awkward, why not go socialize? Meditation and contemplation is your comfort zone. Those are activities you can do alone, i.e not having to be social.

@SFRL There's some truth to that. But you can definitely find cases where that isn't true at all.

@Chrissy j There's many good points in that video, but I've never believed that it justifies swearing off many of the benefits of living in modern society. The result is I'm a bit of an enigma to my friends. I like going to nightclubs and parties, but I don't drink or do drugs. I like going to nice restaurants, but I'm looking for the plain, organic vegan option. I like chasing money, but I largely take that money and use it to fund my life purpose. You have to be very careful not to fall into black and white thinking. If you want to be a hermit living in the woods, great. But it's not what I want, and I believe you can have a truly fulfilling and self-actualized life still living in modern society.

I love RSD. No one else is even a close second except for maybe Jason Capital. But Jason has shifted a lot towards success coaching rather than dating coaching recently.

@LaucherJunge To add to what @Ether said, find out why you're attached in the first place. For instance, let's say you're attached to a certain relationship. Why? What are you afraid of that is making you cling to this relationship? Maybe it's a fear that if you ended the relationship the person would hate you. Or maybe it's a fear that no one would ever like you again. Attachment = fear, always. Your natural state is non-attachment. So don't seek to be non-attached, instead become conscious of the fear that is holding the attachment in place. The hypnosis then crumbles.

@beatlemantis He's insecure and now he's unconsciously shaming you in order to make himself feel better. It's all about his needs, not yours as an individual or a couple. Notice that since he brought all this up, you've been feeling guilty. That's exactly the point. It's a strategy to stop you from cheating on him in the future. That's as blunt as I can be.

@zoey101 It's complicated so I'll break it down as simple as possible. Most people want a positive attitude in life. That's because when you think positive, you tend to manifest positive. And when you think negative, you tend to manifest negative. It's self-reinforcing. Makes sense so far. But what about when you're not feeling positive? What if you are angry, depressed or sad? Well then your attempt to "think positive" can easily become your way of resisting what is. You're "shoulding on yourself" by feeling like you should be positive. Which just makes it worse, because now you're angry or depressed that you can't be more positive. These are the overally positive people with fake painted on smiles. They're wearing a mask of positivity, but it's not authentic. In that case the solution is to just let go and feel whatever you feel. Don't judge any of it either positively or negatively. But it gets even more complicated. While some people wear the mask of positivity, some people wear the mask of "letting go". This is when someone who is actually addicted to their negativity and ego drama will rationalize it as them just expressing themselves authentically. Because we're not supposed to resist negative emotions, right? Like I said, it's a complicated question. It really just depends on the person and the intention behind what they're doing. Are they being positive because they're hiding? Or is this them actually growing? You basically have to decide that for yourself.

@Cammy It's perfectly fine to go by yourself, but I'm wondering why you feel the need to go alone in the first place. You don't have friends who like comedy?

@Slade Awesome! Keep leaning into those edges.

It's been a while since I've seen it, but from what I remember that video is really misguided. The problem with making a black and white critique of the PUA community is that there is no definitive way to do pickup. Every guy gets in it for their own reasons and leaves with different results. I've seen tons of guys come through PUA at this point. It's true that the majority are not really using it as a tool to grow. They just learn a bit theory, go out, and get wasted at the local dive bar. I was the same way. I was a 21 year old college student who just wanted to get laid when I found the community. I didn't give a shit about "self-actualization" or "spiritual growth". So does that mean there's a problem with PUA? Or is the tool being misused by people who don't really have an intention to grow in the first place? Anyone who argues that you can't grow spiritual doing pickup is wrong. But you have use it the right way. The other argument I remember from that video is that pickup = manipulation. This is such a limiting belief for guys who are trying to learn this stuff. Any guy who thinks they can manipulate women against their will into sleeping with them using pickup, come visit me in Miami and we'll go out together. It never works that way. How do I know? Because I know all the lines, all the strategies, all the tactics. They're useful, but not nearly as important as most guys think. When I'm doing game, I'm constantly asking myself WHAT DOES SHE WANT. Because if what she wants and what I want don't align, you're fucked. It's not going to work. Oh, and sometimes what the girl wants is something we would judge as "low consciousness", like alcohol or status. Guess what, it's not your job to be Captain Save A Ho and save the poor little princess. She's human being that's allowed to live her life the way she wants, even if we might judge it as a "mistake". I could keep ranting but I think you get the point. There's so many misconceptions about PUA it's crazy. And it holds guys back tremendously.

@SaltyMeatballs What do you do with your dick? Do you just not have a sex drive?

@Applejuice For me at 17 it was all about friends in high school. If you don't have friends, it's fine if you want to learn some general pickup theory. It will help you with your social skills. But you're not going to have many options in terms of meeting girls. Make do with whatever you can.

@Applejuice We don't know if it's a good idea and neither do you. That's life. Don't buy into the hype that everyone has it all "figured out", they don't.

@shapeshifter This may not apply to you because you're in engineering, but I'd say anyone who cares about professional success in the modern age needs to be on IG. It's not uncommon when I'm networking that people don't even ask for a business card anymore. They just ask for my IG. If you're an employee looking to get hired, you can guarantee that your employer is googling your social media before they decide to call you in for an interview or hire you. It's such a fantastic opportunity. Let's say you wanted to get hired by some engineering firm when you graduate. You have two options: 1) Go around submitting your boring resume, just like everyone else. Get lost in the noise. 2) Create an amazing IG page called I<3Engineering with you doing 60 second videos talking about engineering or maybe building some shit. Post pictures of your accomplishments and your personal life, which humanizes you. Option 2 is so much better. A resume only existed because we didn't yet live a world with social media. It's going to die fast. And that's only for professional success. Don't even get me started on all the benefits it can have on your dating life. It's seriously changing the game and I love it.

This is you right now: You can't reconcile these ideas because they're both true and false at the same time. Contradiction is not the problem. In fact it's inevitable. The problem is that you're failing to see that these ideas are true in a certain CONTEXT. They're models, approximations.