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Nothing is necessary for your happiness, The question is, what do you want? When I sit down and map out how I want my life to look, one of the common themes that always comes up is people. My life purpose involves people. Relationships involve people. Financial freedom involves people. The way to have success with people is to enjoying socializing. So it becomes necessary for me by knowing what I want. If you feel people will have an important role in your life moving forward, I would suggest that you explore a similar attitude. In my experience, that's not the point of socializing at all. The topic when it comes to socializing is often completely irrelevant. In fact, having an "interesting topic" can actually detract from socializing well. This is a skill that you learn if you ever get into PUA or improv comedy. How do you have a great conversation without talking about anything of significance? The reason why this works is because good socializing is a lot about the relationship between you and the person you are talking to. If you're talking about this logical third-party topic, then you're not addressing the relationship. You can obviously do some of this, especially with men, but it shouldn't be the whole thing. That's true, they probably won't be interested. But you have to understand that there's a time and a place to talk about these kind of things. Actualized.org forum? Fantastic, go all in. College house party while Cardi B is playing in the background? No. There's always a context. Part of socializing is being able to read that. I mostly just socialized a lot. I know that's not an appealing answer but that was a big part of it. I thought I hated socializing, but the reality was I just I didn't understand it. If anything I would say I hated myself.

Is that you, or is that your scarcity talking?

I would go all in on winning and getting whatever that lifestyle means to you. While at the same time, keeping up your spiritual practice to ground the success you're achieving.

@CroMagna It would serve you to clarify your life purpose statement. I don't doubt that you've identified it correctly. But "To cultivate and demonstrate tranquility/inner peace" is such a broad statement that there's no real clear direction on how to achieve that. You want to figure out what you want first. Then the how is much easier. So get more specific. How can you make that purpose more tangible?

@Rinne Nice topic. It's easy to get caught up in the spiritual "just go with the flow" mentality and think that you don't need to schedule. Personally, I write out my schedule for the next day right before I go to sleep. It's crazy how just knowing what you need to do and when to do it saves you from so much procrastination and time wasting.

@Cortex For anyone who doesn't believe this, read a book called Don't You Know Who I Think I Am? by Justin Ross Lee.

Vegan. I’m not an expert in nutrition but eating vegan just feels much better to me. I’ve also gotten comments from people since I’ve starting eating this way that I “seem” really healthy. Without them even knowing anything about me. Oh, and I have a soft spot for animals.

@Alexop I do coaching as well, so this is a question I’ve asked myself a lot. You don’t need to get certified. There’s no technical laws on this. But you do need to know what you’re doing and be able to prove that to people, especially since you have your age working against you. Certification is just an easy way to get training and access to experienced coaches who can mentor you. If you can find some other means of accomplishing that goal, go for it. You also don’t have to spend 10k on iPEC. Lots of good programs that will run more in the 3-6k range. Some even less than that. Send me a DM and I can help you more.

@ExodiaGearCEO No magic formula, just study the pickup theory and then actually test what you are learning. 95% of the advice out there is shit. But you've got to start somewhere. Until you've tried a bunch of theories, you're not really in a position to say what works and what doesn't. At least you'll be failing in the general right direction.

@Crazy_Monkey_Brain First thing you need to try is establishing a boundary. And by boundary, I mean that this type of behavior is not acceptable if you guys are going to be together. Which I hope is true. So AGREE with what she says, because arguing will get you nowhere. But then also clearly state your boundary. E.g "Baby you're right, I didn't answer your text message. But the way you're acting right now is not okay". She likely push back on the boundary. "It's not my fault, you're the one being an asshole!" STICK TO THE BOUNDARY. In some cases, that will be enough. She'll cool off and realize she overstepped. But in some cases, it won't be enough. She'll just keep violating the boundary over and over again. If that happens, now you MUST enforce the boundary. And that means cutting it off the relationship. I say MUST because if you do not, I promise you it will only get worse. She's going to realize that you're not going to do shit and that she can get away with anything. If you do have to enforce the boundary and cut it off, then you need to be prepared for her to FLIP. She's going to see that you're not fucking around and that you you're going to actually cut it, so now she's going to try to pull you back in with sweetness. She'll apologize, she'll say she was acting crazy, she'll say how much she loves you, she'll probably even try to fuck you. IT'S A TRAP. Walk out of there with your self-esteem intact, knowing that you stood your ground.

Yeah you definitely got it. Or you could also say that the way in which we use loyalty tends to be manipulation. No one is saying that loyalty or commitment isn't necessary at times. I attempted to make that clear in my original post. The reason I went on that rant was because the way I interpreted you talking about loyalty was moralization. In other words, OP and his wife shouldn't have a threesome even if they both want it, because loyalty is important. Classic moralization.

You gotta take off the handcuffs man. Let it happen. Loyalty is not what you think it is. It's highly selfish. What happens is that people use "loyalty" as a power tool to serve their own needs. By saying that someone is disloyal, you can shame them into compliance. Be loyal to your country! So that you will serve the military and get killed. Be loyal to your spouse! So that you won't fuck other people and leave them. Be loyal to your family! Because families are a group of people who get together to serve each others needs. So on so forth. I'm not saying there aren't times where being loyal is a good idea. But you always have to ask yourself: whose plan am I on? Am I on my plan? Or am I on someone else's plan? With loyalty shaming, it's someone else's plan. They're getting something out of you.

@PhilGR When you explore "out of the box", you have to expect that people are going to resist and not understand it. So a big thing that I care about is relate-ability and being able to speak the language of whoever I'm talking to. For instance, when I'm with my friends who like to party, I'm not going to start talking about mystical experiences and self-actualization. I'm going to talk about how dope Travis Scott's new album is. When I'm with big CEOs, I'm going to talk about social media marketing and systems building. When I'm with my spiritual friends, were going to talk meditation and psychedelics. You want to think of yourself like this ultimate chameleon. Any environment you go into, you can just blend right in. It's not being fake or inauthentic. It's understanding social context. So if you girlfriend and family don't understand self-actualization, drop it. And find friends who DO get it and who you can speak with.

@PhilGR It's good to be aware of these kind of situations. Like I wouldn't suggest anyone invest long-term into becoming a truck driver at this point, not with self-driving vehicles right around the corner. But I wouldn't freak out about it. There will always be work to be done and the market will adjust accordingly.

Solve your problem before it’s problem. Don’t be the guy who is platonic, platonic, platonic oh wait I have a dick. That sexual tension should already be there, even if you guys are friends. She didn’t reject you, you rejected yourself. Expect that you are going to take all the initiative. The fact that she did nothing is more than enough of a green light to keep going in that situation. You can always pull back if you go too far. You gotta shoot your shot man.

@Leo Kaminski I'm a coach, send me a DM.

Yes. You're free to do whatever you want, but don't just swallow the monogamy kool-aid blindly. There's lots of various lifestyles people have found success with.

@Black Flag Make the distinction between observation and judgment. Observation: Today I went to the grocery store and bought cookies. This violated the diet I've been on. Judgment: Today I went to the grocery store and bought cookies. I'm such an idiot, I can't believe I ruined my diet. I'll never get skinny. Fuck. Observation is just data. It's the difference between the facts of the situation and the stories we add on. Complete detachment from the situation, almost like you were viewing everything in third person. You can recognize something isn't "good" and still not judge it. I don't like smoking, but that doesn't mean I'm going to go around shaming people who smoke. You just recognize they're on their own journey and doing what they think is right.

The key is to work several angles congruently. First angle is your inner game. Do things like meditation and yoga, because these are natural practices that will get you out of your head and into your body. Second angle is owning your environment. Yeah, I can go to some random nightclub or social situation where I don't know anyone, muscle through the resistance and quickly make friends. I've done it countless times. But why make it harder than it needs to? Instead, deliberately structure situations where you do know people and you're a bit like the "king" of that environment. Think Dan Bilzerian, not random pickup artist running around approaching strangers. Third angle is social momentum. Socializing is a muscle, so the more you are social the easier it becomes. Conversely, the less social you are, the harder it becomes. We are creatures of habits. So work that in your favor by being social as much as possible. For instance, I have a rule that as I go about my day, I will talk to any strangers that I come across. It might just be saying "hi" to the cashier at the grocery store or striking up a conversation with the person next to me at Starbucks for 30 seconds. But I'm going to do it because I understand the importance of momentum and keeping this mouth moving. And maybe I can add a little light into their day. You can also use momentum on a micro scale in any given social situation. I went to this white party last week where I only knew a couple of people, so the first thing I started doing was talking to whoever I saw. That built momentum throughout the night itself.

@AdamDiC Awesome stuff man. There's amazing research being done on MDMA and healing trauma. Definitely not a tool that should be ignored.

@MrDmitriiV I'm with you on this one. If you study energy work, there's nothing about certain people gaining energy from being alone versus being with other people. The reasons introverts "think" they lose energy in social situations is because they're too stuck in their head. They're analyzing everything and self-monitoring, which causes them to lose energy. You can see this for yourself in social situations. If you pay very close attention, you'll sometimes see that people who become trapped in their heads start yawning. They're exhausted. An extrovert is really just someone who has gotten out of their head. Because they're not self-monitoring out of fear, their energy expands. And they just get more and more. I've had both sides of these experiences numerous times. I'll be out socializing somewhere, and as soon as I get stuck in my head, I'm exhausted. It's like I'm running a marathon, except all I'm doing is standing and talking to people. But when I'm socializing and I'm out of my head, it's like I have endless energy. I go home feeling so jacked up that it might even carry over to the next day. The final nail in the coffin on the whole "introvert / extrovert" debate is that I've just seen too many cases where it's arbitrary. You tweak one simple variable and suddenly an introvert becomes an extrovert. And visa versa. It's way more accurate to say that we can be either. Stop treating these personality tests like gospel, they're more a reflection of your current self-image than anything else.

I've been to similar music festivals of the same caliber. Not going to lie, they were pretty amazing experiences. I don't regret them at all. I also spend a good amount of time in the night club scene here in Miami. You definitely see a lot of what you are talking about, with people just numbing themselves with drugs and alcohol. The reason I don't judge these people is because I was them. I was the guy doing lines of coke in the bathroom and getting wasted all the time. Another funny thing about the party scene is that the higher you go up the ladder of social status in these environments, the less people are often concerned with partying. Here's an example. The best night club promoter in all of Miami is a vegan who does yoga and is into personal development. That might sound surprising on the surface, but it's not. How did he get to be the best promoter? Because he's got a vision, he works hard, believes in himself and is always positive. But your average club promoter? They're the ones drinking excessively, doing drugs and running their lives into the ground. That's why their business never really takes off. I think if you spent more time in the scene instead of assuming things from afar, you're going to realize that a lot of your beliefs don't hold up.

@Santiago I had almost this exact same situation with one of my exs. I was in the relationship because I basically just enjoyed being in it. We had a lot of fun. I wasn't looking for some sort of happily ever after. If that's what you want, that's okay. You are allowed to have your own agenda. It's possible she might try to shame or guilt you into feeling otherwise. Because any guy who won't commit is a piece of shit with emotional issues, right? Now let's look at solutions. If she really wants the marriage stuff and you can't see that happening, it might just be better to cut it now. The longer you are together, the more you're both going to invest into the relationship and the harder it will be to breakup in the future. It's also doing her a service in the long run. The sooner you guys breakup, the sooner she can find a guy who does want marriage. That's really important for a woman because typically time is not on their side. Her looks are fading and her biological clock to have kids is ticking. By age 30 she's already pushing it, which means she should meet a guy by at latest 28-29 if she wants family and all that. It's still possible later, but science apparently says it's much harder. So that's what I did in my situation. I just ended it and set her free to find someone else. She's got a new guy and they're living together now, worked out perfect. The other thing you could do is just be completely honest with her. I don't see myself with you in that way. Maybe she changes her mind, or maybe she breaks up with you. Either of those will work. Here are the two things you do NOT want to do: 1) Stay with her out of "obligation" because she got sad 2) Lie to her that you want something more, string her along for a couple years and then drop the bomb. That will be a fight you do not want to have. As long as you don't do either of those, you should be good.

Of course. I expect that there will never be a time when I don't have a limiting belief. Continuous growth = continuously running into blocks. There's really no way around it. They get deeper too. In the beginning, you might just be tackling surface level limiting beliefs about things you're just misinformed on. But the more work you do, the more you're diving into deeper subconscious stuff that it's really embedded in your psyche. Can you let go of your attachment of wanting the process the end? Trust me, if I had a quick "1-2-3" process for ending your need for validation FOREVER, I'd give it to you. But I myself aren't even at that point. I still fall into the trap sometimes of seeking approval and wanting to rub my success in the face of everyone who doubted me. A big thing that will help is catching it. If you can recognize what's happening, it takes a lot of the power out of it. You don't have to buy into those thoughts. You just need some meta-awareness. Beyond that, just do the techniques that have been proven to work. Meditation, yoga, breathwork, energy work etc. You don't have to reinvent the wheel. It doesn't have to be a psychologist, but going to see someone (therapist, coach, mentor) who can help guide you is an EXTREMELY good idea. I love books and YouTube videos, but understand that these tools are made for large audiences. They may or may not address your specific situation. But when you work with someone one on one, they know exactly where you're at and what you need.

@LoNatural It's not completely wrong, I've definitely seen some of the positive reactions I get from women as I get in better shape. The problem is that it's still way too simplistic thinking. It's not big guy = get girls and small guy = no girls. There's about a hundred different factors that are going to determine whether or not a guy is good with girls. If you want to start hitting the gym, great. But don't think that's going to make girls magically start having sex with you.