aurum

What does "action" look like for you? We need more perspectives from mature women on the forum.

But you can find mature people, as long as you don't set your expectations for "maturity" absurdly high. There are many mature women at Green. If you lived in a relatively Green city or country, you'd find tons of them.

Sure, you might not be compatible with SD Blue. But SD Green is realistic. Tier 1 can love someone genuinely and strongly. In fact, in some ways Tier 1 love can be better because it's more contracted. Contracted love is what you need for relationships, not infinite love. The whole goal of a relationship is to make that person special and to love them in a unique way you don't love others. It's not right to put too much pressure on your romantic partner's development. Their job is basically just to be your partner in raising kids and be a companion as you get older. You don't need a SD Turquoise business partner, and you don't need an SD Turquoise romantic partner.

That's not really the case. You can have maturity at lower stages.

Is that a quote from last night

True mastery of Actualized.org

It's not specific enough from my perspective. "Realness" does not necessarily imply verticality. "Seeing through a frame" does not necessarily involve verticality. Verticality specifically involves integrating lower frames.

It's not just a frame-level mismatch. Frame-level mismatches can happen at any stage of development. Here we specifically talking about a vertical out-framing. The verticality is the piece I didn't see in your description. If you did actually understand it, great. But this is a subtle point that I know people will get wrong, so I wanted to get out ahead of any misconceptions.

Yeah, but be careful because I'm talking about something beyond just simple approval-seeking. Approval-seeking could be a horizontal development phenomenon. I.e, two people at Stage Orange where only one of them is chasing approval. I'm talking about a phenomenon here that strictly emerges from vertical development. Where because you've transcended and included their frame, you are not explicitly agreeing with them. But you're also not strictly disagreeing with them. You're just unintentionally out-framing them. So this is a higher / lower phenomena related to frames. Not just emotional neediness. I asked GPT to summarize: "Non-participatory dissonance occurs when a later developmental stage silently withholds participation in a frame it sees through, thereby destabilizing that frame in the other—without contradiction, judgment, or overt withdrawal."

If you're an engineering type and passionate about the environment, I would be looking to get into geoengineering whatever way I could: Eventually, there comes a time to dry your tears about environmental problems and instead get solution-oriented. Hippie ideas about everyone just living with less or not interfering with Earth aren't going to cut it. We are going to engineer the planet. Imagine getting to work on a geoengineering project that helps ensure the survival of the entire species, including all your loved ones. You would be rewarded extremely well by society.

Believe what you want. I made the points I wanted to make.

Infinite Natasha. She'll be your ex in any dimension

Wow, you were all the women I dated?

Nice. Synonym: Chop wood, carry water.

This one is funny

Non-participatory Dissonance: noun. The subtle psychological discomfort that arises when a person's identity frame is silently not affirmed by another who occupies a later stage of ego development. The dissonance is not caused by argument, rejection, or overt contradiction, but by the other’s non-participation in the illusion. This silent perceptual mismatch destabilizes the unconscious coherence of the original frame, not through conflict, but through deeper consciousness. Example 1: A hippie, SD Green yoga teacher approaches and serenely thanks you "for being deeply human". You smile politely and acknowledge the compliment, but don't extend it back. They notice a subtle drop in energy and a vague sense they have not been fully received. Example 2: An Andrew Tate follower is being loud and braggadocious. Talking about women, they look to you for affirmation. "You know what I'm talking about, right?". You listen without judgment, conscious of the act they are putting on. They start to feel uncomfortable, like they are being seen through, but they don't know why. A key part of this phenomenon is that it is all unconscious for the other person. They notice discomfort without understanding why. Thus they cannot overtly blame you, but it's still felt by them. They may avoid you in the future or lash out at you in other ways. This is important to our work, because as you move into higher stages of ego development, you will notice this phenomenon with those you interact with. You will be less able to genuinely join them in their frame, which will devalidate them. And you will not even intentionally try to do this. You may even accept where this person is at. But the dissonance will still be felt. So it's important for your social relationships that you catch this when it happens, in case it is causing friction. Giving it name will help you to notice it.

Self-deception is such a super-truth. Layers, layers and more layers.

You're still looking at survival through an SD Green perspective.

What other lens would you propose?

I have shared some of it, but I'll be more specific. To whatever extent women prefer "alpha" or "beta" men, that is still a survival strategy. Hyper-particularization is a survival strategy. So is community, disconnection, connection, collaboration, cooperation, competition, loneliness, coldness, warmth, bonding, settling, not-settling, preferences, disliking survival, caring about social degeneration, monogamy, polyamory, physical appearance, and just about anything else you can think of that humans do. We're just talking about different strategies. And strategies are always extremely context-dependent. There really is no "one answer" for how to do survival, because your constraints, advantages, disadvantages and environment always different. Survival is highly, highly relative. Strategies are also unconscious because making them conscious ruins the "realness" of them. People are generally not at a level of ego development where they can handle the paradox of both having a survival strategy and recognizing it as a strategy. This is a long way of saying everything is maximizing survival. Every tree, every bacteria, every animal, every human.

That's right. In that sense, survival is pointless. But you still have to participate in it. Unless you want you and your loved ones to die? Embrace the paradox. Purpose is about doing something you find meaningful with your life. Usually in the form of contribution to the world. Geoengineering is a good purpose for humanity to pursue. It will challenge us in many ways to evolve. Potential is about what humanity could become. More developed, more powerful, more loving, more conscious, more wise. Imagine humanity as an intergalactic species. That's potential.

Survival, purpose and potential for humanity.

My relationships have been all over the map. The one constant seems to be that I find the right woman for learning whatever lesson I need at that moment. Which often only becomes clear in retrospect, after that relationship has closed. One of the highest ways of looking at relationships is as a developmental container. Not as something that is going to give you everything you think you want, but as something that expands who you are.

And what about the next crisis? Crises never end because survival never ends.

So have you given up on women, but now you're just more at peace with it? Like a voluntary celibacy.