aurum

@manuel bon I think you need to focus more here. You've listed a ton of projects, all of which could require all your time and energy to really do well and succeed in. If you try to do them all simultaneously, you'll probably not give any of them the depth they need. You don't need to give up on everything permanently, but I would at least temporarily put some of them aside to focus. Ask yourself: which of these projects right now feels the MOST promising? What's the highest priority? They might all be interesting, but something needs to be on top.

He doesn't have to say it. It's just what happens by default when you are self-deceived that trauma is the root of all problems.

It's difficult to talk about gender dynamics in mixed-sex company in general. Everyone's biases and agenda comes out.

You should care about your trauma if you've genuinely got something from your past you can't seem to get over and it keeps impacting your present experience. Otherwise, move on. You should not make it your life mission to perpetually heal your trauma. Organizing your life around trauma-healing is itself actually dysfunctional. But this is what a lot of new age types do. Healing trauma becomes a never-ending lifestyle for them. They become self-deceived that healing trauma is the most important thing and the magic bullet to solve all problems, when it's not. To be honest, I find a lot of this behavior self-indulgent and full of faux self-importance.

There’s a somatic component as well.

You're associating "manliness" with survival value.

This is excellent. As a subtle nuance to the "compliment" thing, I'll add that I've often found myself giving neutral, observational compliments. For example, let's she tells a story about how some guy was being creepy around her. I might nonchalantly say something like "yeah that tends to be a pretty girl problem". So she knows I just called her pretty. But I did it in a way that feels like I'm just noticing her, rather than actively trying to win her over. You don't always need to do this. Sometimes a straightforward compliment is perfectly fine. But I find this can work well early on when you're not ready to a show a lot of intent yet.

He's not, but that doesn't invalidate his points either. Healing trauma can be important.

New agers love all that trauma-healing psychology stuff.

It is definitely not that simple at all. He's basically just describing new age spirituality.

Great example of market conformity.

Definitely something to that.

I’ve traveled enough at this point to realize that life is pretty similar no matter where I go. It doesn’t do much for me anymore. The things I actually care about require dedicated focus and stability, not just traveling around.

Well that's your choice. In a sense, it's good that you're not overeager to lead. That itself can be a red flag. But also, I would consider the consequences of not being willing to step into leadership at all.

Gender identity cannot be rigidly defined when you deeply look into it. So yes, some people may identify in alt ways. Whether that’s harmful or not is a different question.

Burden is a perfectly good word to describe the experience of responsibility. There’s a weight to it. Burden does not necessarily contradict authenticity.

You need respect from anyone you are going to lead.

Mastery can improve your skills and your confidence. It does not eliminate burden.

No, because writing this comment is not a serious burden. I'm talking about actual burden with consequences, not just having fun. Imagine if you wrote the wrong comment and five people died.

Still a burden, just willing taken on.

Yes, that's how respect works.

Yes, of course.

The person who is respected bears the burden. The value is that if you fail to hold the burden, you lose respect.

That's the whole point. Respect needs to be inherently burdensome.

Not at all. No amount of consciousness overrides the need for respect in a relationship.