SilentTears

So, I'm realizing how unconscious I am. Hahaha omg, the second I read that the song I was listening to said "it's okay we all forget". It said it in a way I would usually miss it but it just hit me so hard hahaha omg that's amazing. Thanks angels and sprit guides. Okay, so I am seeing my delivery and unconscious actions I have. Wow, I was reading stuff about something that happened 8 months go. I've changed a lot. That's what opened up my eyes to my new found loss of consciousness. I've developed other positive traits but I've lost a chuck of my awarnesss. I used to just laugh at things that would now get my triggered. If someone tried to project their issues into me I would be like what? *laughs* then try to help and if they were not open then they usually left me alone. Everthing just always worked out. It still does, but things worked magically. And I always accepted that as normal. Which that is normal.

I am kinda lost. Lost is not the right word. seem to have a lack of addictions. This may sound weird, but when you don't have addictions you don't know what to do with yourself (since you unconsciously go from one to another to run away from the emptiness. It's a "good"emptiness you just don't know that). I notice I'm seeking to fill myself up with something, but nothing interests me. It's very surfacelevel even if I do indulge in something. I went to the market and I had no cravings for anything. Saw sweets and other foods. Nope. Saw healthy food. Meh. I usually like healthy food. Or the idea of buying healthy food. Since it didn't matter I did want to get healthy food over junk food. I'm not sure what to do. I'm just sitting here. No urge to watch anything. No urge to even type this. I'm doing it because there a thought about it. Thoughts are one of the things I still have. I've been focusing on concentration meditations as of late.

Journal meditation: not sure how long mood: kinda good. Got kinda agitated from my cat. That needs self reflection on my part. Notes: 1) I am kinda feeling these attachments. Not like mental attatments, but physical energy attatments connected to my body right now. I noticed that when I clean my energy by asking angels, archangels and my spirt guides for help while doing visualization I tend to get rid of these feelings and I feel so much better. 2) I got sick like 3 days ago. Don't really wanna talk about that 3) I became really energy sensitive these past few days. When my sickness first kicked in I could feel peoples energy flow through my legs when they walked passed me or spoke. Later that night I tapped into the divine feminine. I am now in the divine masculine. More yang. 4) I have this lack of passion for some reason. I have zero drive for external stimuli and I just wanna sit down and meditate. I seem to have this slight resistance to meditation when I try and sit down now in days. I'll move around or open my eyes out of lack of awareness. Catch myself but 10 sec later I'm back to it again.

So, it's been some time since I've posted on my journal. So much has happened. My main theme is divine masculine and divine feminine. I finally understand. By embodying both, we really see things in such a different light. Females understand men more then men do lol. So let me share something, Little by little I've become more and more masculine. True yang. Fire. I've embodied it to the extreme. I've felt like a true man. If that makes sense to the person reading. The divine masculine resists the divine feminine. Once someone awakens their divine feminine you are in balance with oneself. As long as we stop resistance. And example of what I'm talking about is acting like a girl while being a "male" so let me restart. Yesterday I chatted with my best friend, But he would always trigger me. For no reason I would get triggered and we realized that it's when he embodies his divine feminine. My divine masculine would resist so much. The more masculine I became I would resist him more and more. I would never want to talk or when we did talk I would get triggered. We discovered that whenever he embodies his divine feminine I would feel this resistance come from my soul. The place in between my heart and solar plexus. I felt this "fire" there. I could feel the degrees in which he embodied more of his yin nature. His natual chart showed his masculine and feminine at both 5 while my masculine was at 8 and feminine at 2. Long story short. We talked and since we figured it out he switched to embodying his masculine side. I would no longer get triggered by anything he said and I felt fine chatting with him. I then discovered or felt like I had a twin flame. It's been a theme that's been coming up a lot in my life. I never understood them till now. The girl I loved would always feel resistance when I used to embody my divine feminine and chase her. Then I switched and unconsciously switched to more of a divine masculine nature and stoped caring. I no longer cared and the roles switched (I still don't fully understand this, since online they say you can only be divine feminine or divine masculine. It just feels right to call her my twin flame if that makes sense? Maybe it's another connection that I'm just associating as twin flame.) This is only understood by people who have awakened both inside of them. Anyone who has awakened both can switch between the two and have different degrees. I became a girl, literally. I saw from a girls perspective. I emoboided the divine feminine. Yin to the extreme is such a good listener. We both realized soooo much about both of our natures. I finally tapped into both. he has delt with this his whole life. Saying as a kid he never understood his feminine side and would resist it so much. I never understood until yesterday. Girls understand guys so much better then we understand ourselves. Like we created all these amazing analogies. And example of one was that divine masculine is like a sun, Shining brightly. While the divine feminine is very cold and doesn't care about the shining masculine. Another one was a divine masculine when angry is like touch me and you will burn while the divine feminine is you look at me you burn. I've never been angry while in my feminine state as I've only fully embodied it yesterday, but that is the example he gave me. It fit so much for the masculine side that I'm sharing it here. He also shared a lot of the insigts he has gotten since he was a child, which really helped me understand this feminine side. Femine is very caring. Like a mature women. It was such an eye opener. I realized so much and when I finally embodied/ switched from a divine masculine to the divine feminine I cried. There was soooo much that happened yesterday that I would have to use pages of words to explain what happened. I can now tap into both divine masculine and feminine. Different degrees. Use and switch to solve problems. I have grown once again. Also, if anyone has had the chance to awaken to both their divine energies I would love to hear about it oh yeah, I no longer get triggered by his femine side since I've experienced the divine feminine side. Oh some of my own insigts are: when I embodied the femine side I contemplated and I realized that sex no longer means the same thing. It's about connection. I also had zero drive for goals and saw that I stoped caring about sex. I had all this sexual energy before and once I became a "girl" I stoped unconsciously seeking it. Wow, this is truly amazing. My whole perspective on life has changed. I realized that the divine masculine has all these judgements about the feminine and the feminine is so kind. I just wanna go on and on about my insigts. Like, the divine feminine is such a good listener. She doesn't look at you while she listens but she actually wants to hear what you have to say. while the divine masculine is always trying to talk over someone or share what they just thought. He wants eye contact and all this extra stuff. Oh and when I'm in the divine masculine state my body is more "open" like my arms are open and my legs are not so close together. But in the divine feminine state all my body parts are touching each other. It feels nice to curl up. if anyone relates then I would love to listen.

Wow, I really like the way you type. I just mean I see positivity and love. Anyways, I saw your journal a while ago and I had wanted to add on to that tarot card. I personally tend to just find a YouTube video and ask my spirt guides, angels and archangels to guide me to the right video and if they have "pick a card" then help on choosing the right card. I usually get very accurate information. Just the other day I got drawn to three different videos all saying the same thing, some may call this "coincidence" or whatever. Anyway, I just wanted to share what I do if you were interested. Also thanks for sharing that one channel chakraboosters. I literally just wondered how to fix the blockage in my heart chakra and I saw your post. Have a great day and I can see the love in you.

@Azis nice to meet you good sir alright, journal meditation: I did something like 10 min a little while ago. Channting: nada mood: very positive and upbeat. Whenever I meditate I get put into these uplifting moods that last a few hours. It's a really enjoyable experience some thoughts 1) my goal is not to understand "truth". (Well, I guess I wish to understand the teachings of self love) my goal is to love. My goal is to live my highest life, one full of love, peace, fulfillment and contentment with every moment. I seek to uplift the emotions/ moods of others. Seeing everyone as beautiful beings and loving them, for who and where they are really helps. 2) my heart has felt kinda "stuck" like a pressure is in my heart chakra. I once had an experience for a few weeks where my heart chakra would shoot extreme heat into my upper body. Now I can feel that it's "stuck" I'm gunna have to go look into heart chakra meditations and see what's up. 3) I just enjoy my time on this earth, co-creating with everyone else. It's not about the outcome, it's about the journey. Love just to love.

So, I saw a ghost haha I’m serious. Notes 1) on my way home from the movies we passed by a graveyard(found out right as we were passing it) and I saw someone, a slim figure I could make out their outfit. It looked like a blue windbreaker and Jeans. It was an open field so there was no where to hide or really go out of sight. We passed one of the only trees and it disappeared.... no one believed me T-T cool experience since I used to see ghost as a kid meditation: 30 min or so mood: extremely well. Just enjoying life. Had a “down” moment for a little bit, but that just made my experience that much better by experiencing the contrast

Much has happened since Wednesday, yet not really. So I'll start off with some notes notes 1) There are things I want to say, but I feel like they are sacred. It doesn't feel right to share journal, meditations: I did something today. Maybe 30+ maybe 45+ min idk. Wasn't tracking it and I did a few throughout my day. Delt a lot with thoughts mood: has my ups and downs... and ups. Hahaha << that's from a "The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent". Some general notes: 1) I ended up working out today and going for a run which I haven't done in a few months. Maybe once or twice in the last three months. I ended it wanting to throw up and had to sit for a while. When I did walk it felt... yeah, you get the point. I ended up pushing myself and I wasn't anything like I used to be. Being in cross country and boxing only a few months ago made me think I still got what I did. I'm pretty slim now. It will probably only take a week or two to get back in a good feeling place. I'm lucky I tone fast.

So, like the story below that you posted you create your own realty. It’s more of like getting in alinement to your desires through feeling good. Each person can take what they want away from it, but the way I see it is Abraham/ Esther Hicks is trying to make people more fulfilled and happier throughout their day to day life’s. The reason I do believe in Law of attraction is because I noticed how I do manifest my desires. There is a lot of great teachings from her from my point of view. I loved how you shared that story as I never thought people thought that way. It really opened my eyes to other people’s perspective on this. Honestly, I would just say try it out. Try and really learn about it. If it works and makes your life “better” then why not use it? If you see nothing to gain then oh well. You lost nothing. So, who really cares what others think? Just do you. Make your life the best possible life you can live. Love you all.

Expectations create reality. We often have lots of conflicting vibrations/ beliefs and expectations going on throughout our day to day. The more we allow the more that comes. once we sort out our vibrations and clean it all up everything just flow into our life’s. Abraham Hicks is the best teacher I’ve ever found to teach LOA. She is funny and engages with the crowd. My own manifestation stories; 1) I once tried to manifest money into my life and long story short I got offered money by about three people to help them with something that day. It’s really about allowing your desires to come through. I've got more but the best experience is your own. It creates trust in the universe and with your angels. At least for me. Good luck everyone. P.S: just some key terms you should get familiar with (rockets of desire, Alinement, vortex, vibration) you will learn as you go about it. Just enjoy the process; that is what matters. How you feel is key. So feel good. Love you all

Some crazy shit. Man. Oh i feel empowered and wonderful about life. I am reading “The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent”... godly stuff. Haha it was very mind opening for myself. I remember when I first got it I was like “I already know all this” so whenever I read it I would always flip to random pages about stuff I already knew. Threw the book aside for that day and then I got my attention grabbed again. Only a few days later - today. I started reading it and my god. There is so much to learn. I had a belief and that belief created my reality. I let go and dropped some resistance and so many wonderful insights and love came together to manifest in my experiences. Never let anyone, and I mean anyone tell you what to do or how to act. Never ever let them tell you what you can and can’t do. Let yourself thrive and just have faith that everything is gunna be alright. Screw all that bullshit(society) and focus on what you want. I just want to clarify that I’m not hating on the low consciousness of society. I love it. It’s perfect. Because of that I have “this” there was no other way but to have it like this.

I just realized. I am attracted to women who have aspects that are a reflection of my inner self. Why "inner" I don't know. Maybe just "self" inner implies a "higher" and more loving side. Yeah, that's what I meant. The aspects I love about myself I unconsciously look for in women. I am looking for myself Hahahaha. I am looking for a female "me" hahaha omg. Hahahah. Im "seeing" more like. Oh my god. I feel like I've been sleeping this whole time. Just now "seeing" what was already there. If Anyone reads this (I keep shifting between thoughts and my realizations for there to be others) is everything just thought and awareness? Am I just a thought that beliefs in itself. What am I? What am I? "I am not sure" that is just an excuses I'm playing to not focus on what I am! My beliefs and expectations are having resistance towards my realizations. I'll have to drop one. Why? My beliefs of what "is" which I believe is mostly bullshit. "Believe". Emotions. I saw this one video a while back about the dark night of the soul and the person, girl, called it the dark night of the ego. I believe I'm starting that process(again). i want to say everything and more and nothing and just become "is". My two desires are clashing. I don't care anymore. Where does this experience of caring even come from. Oh and here comes my self criticism. Oh shit. Awareness is like godly. How have I never seen this before?! I'm laughing. im gunna play some music to see how it effects my... just be

Journal, meditation: 20 min chantting: 7 min notes first then mood 1) I'm noticing a spike in consisness that started a day or two ago. I'm coming to these realizations that I have already realized just forgot. I'm re remembering the things I once knew. I am "here" oh my god. My emotions and my experiences. Omg these realizations. I noticed how non of this matters. Why is it that the simplest things are so complex. Not complex just deep, it's like we graz over the simple things thinking "I already know that" without realizing how deep that thought experience goes. Just a little while ago I had another experience where I was aware of myself but I was watching myself act on My own. Doing impulse things while just observing. Identifying with the idea of myself. Im nothing that I'm having the same experiences as when I had my last awakening. I believe I'm starting to go through another one. Emotions, thoughts, experiences. Uninstalling the software and rebooting... 2) while writing that^^ my emotion shifted for a second of a peaceful non existence. Like nothing mattered and nothing existed besides my sense of thoughts. It's attachments. So peaceful. 3) why is "fear" coming up when I think about the experiences of the past awakening? It disappeared when I focused on it. I have all these preconceived ideas about what I will and will not experience. Things I will realize and things I will have to drop? This is all thoughts. My emotions are like someone bumped into the pendulum. Oh shit... I can feel my emotions slowly swing. This is so odd . My awareness increases and drops. Like a wave. Hitting the wall. I go from grounded and collected to self conscious of my own actions.... basically I go from grounded to seeing the huge about of bullshit I have in myself. Noticing that made me fearful unknowingly. Once I've become aware I'm no longer fearful. Why do I care about others judgements. I think that's something that is getting brought up to the surface. My autoreactions to try and protect this "self". Take care of yourself guys mood: I've been feelings extremely pleasant, right as I was writing this I started to have a mini purging of my bullshit which caused me to unconsciously react at a subconscious level of protecting my sense of self. Becoming aware of my own bullshit is something else man. Oh shit. As I experience these things I'm getting hit with my past memories I once forgot. It's like I'm getting a head start. Omg. Why can we only see things at curtain levels of consciousness. I swear I just saw something that made my mind blank but I can't remember or recall what I saw. "So it's that" "what was that" a perfect description would be catching a glimpse of the ox. I teared up, yet it seems so. wow, wow... a feel myself resisting the process. Let go! I think by typing I'm holding onto "this". Wish me luck (my mind is empty) no thoughts. I'm "jumping" from a state of just pure beings and isness to mind chatter. I realize then realize again. WORDS don't seem to do justice. I'm gunna be purging a lot of bullshit I can feel it and see it. "i" want . I want. I want. Self criticizing thoughts. Damn, I never realized. shadow work? Is this shadow work?

You can channel your emotions, energy, vibrations into the words you type. I don’t think many people are aware of this and sometimes I unconsciously do so. Your feelings at that moment are imbedded into your text. So when people write books that can grab or push away someone’s attention. Its an interesting concept I’ve been playing with and I’ve found it to be true. An example of this would be self doubt about why you are writing what you are writing, which may push people away or make them less interested. It sounds kinda out there. I should actually check if it’s just a vibrational match that the person is connects to. What I mean by this is the reader connecting to the vibrations of the person at the time of writing or is she or he only connecting to the words own vibrations/ meaning stand alone. the reason I believe this to be true is because I have felt people’s emotion through text. Which is quite surprising from a view point from the average person. <— this only happened sometimes and it’s not a 100% going to happen every time kinda thing for me. The more I grow consciously the more things appear to me.

Today was/is a wonderful day. I want to first start off with some of my experiences 1) I ended up thinking of a girl I used to like about a year ago and realized I still have attachments. I then flowed in the moment and tapped into something which led me to watch a tarot card reading and it was spot on. I’ve been getting more into tarot cards and astrology. journal, meditation: 20 min, surrendered to my own thoughts and expectations which Made the experience must smoother no chanting mood: felt quite a bit of love, got excited and danced a bit. Overall I am very content, loving and forgiving notes: 1) this reminded me of what one friend told me one time. That I was the most forgiving person he met. I honestly see things in ways which don’t get me angry. I always see from a forgiving and loving manner. Most of the time I see nothing to forgive. It’s one of the aspects I enjoy about myself. Calm and collected, forgiving and peaceful. 2) one of my nicknames I gave myself and something I wish to become is “The pillar of peace”. Something people use to find peace within themselves. Pillars, some are truth and trust. It’s a concept I really enjoyed. Thinking of people’s characteristics as pillars. Are you a pillar in others life? Are they able to lean and get support from you in a nonjudgmental, loving way. Are you holding them up? Supporting people to their highest aspirations? Hopefully yeah.

That brought the biggest smile to my face. Thank you, and bless your existence. I'm greatful to you. Have a wonderful day @Zigzag Idiot

Wow, I feel like something just exploded in my chest! So much love. I feel so connected to everything and everyone. Oh god I'm crying at the beauty. I love it so much. This moment is so amazing. I'm crying tears of joy. This is such a beautiful moment. I love you sooo much. I love you. I love you. Every person. I feel connected. Tapped in and turned on like Abraham hicks says. Nothing matters which makes it's so beautiful. No matter what you do it's already perfect. Omg do you see how perfect it is. My brain has like this lag of being able to express myself. I stoped crying Hahahaha. I felt like I just broke through a blockage and opened my heart. The fiery passion of love.

Oh my, @Emmaz I saw some of the art work you shared and it’s absolutely beautiful. I saw some of those pieces and my mind just blacked out from the sheer connection I felt with one of them. The second one gave me an indescribable feeling in my chest. The others ones just added onto it. Thanks for sharing, those art pieces were amazingly beautiful.

It’s really nice, interesting, lovely and enjoyable to see my consciousness raise day by day. Short story, I’ve already had an awakening, raised my conscious and been through these things. I’m living and waking up again. It’s such a (everything and more) experience. Witnessing my awareness raise day by day just being this beautiful joy onto me. This is what kept me going the first time. I lost my way because I was so attached to material and everyday life. Seeing it’s illusion was really painful when one does not surrender. The groundless reality, understands the things I once did. (Typed “wow” and autocorrect to meow haha love cats) going through this process a second time, but this time I feel more grounded in this groundless reality. It kinda gets me excited when I think about it. I am observing this reality and it all seems to solid and real. It’s not, Unless it is (for you). I’ve seen the illusion expect it’s just states of consciousness. There is no normal “state” everything just is. It flows into my experience. Whats even more interesting is how I forgot so much. Not until I raised my awareness did my memory come back of these moments. I seem to only remember what I once did when I reach that level. I’m just a beginner at this. Compared to others that is. I’ve got a long road and that’s so exciting. This never ending moment is so amazing I can’t express myself through words. I just love and love. I know tricks to bring myself into alinement. Meditation does wonders for me. Edit: a question came to me. Do others experience “feeling” like a force field put onto them where it’s just pure peace and it raises consciousness. Throughout my day I often feel like I’m bitch slapped with consciousness. Hahaha omg, that’s an amazing way to describe it. So perfect.

How interesting, when I watched your video this necklace really stood out to me and I sat there debating if I should comment on how lovely it looked. It’s nice to see how everything connects

Feel good no matter what jounral meditation: yesterday 37 min broken up into three different meditations (will edit when I meditate later today) chantting: 7 min (was hard to catch onto the words that were spoken) mood: yesterday fairly pleasant. It's hard to put a number on pleasure. Today is going very smoothly and everything is working in my favor and benefit. Nicely done, Joseph. Notes: 1) life is great and just find that good feeling thought and ride it out for all it's worth. 2) Abraham/ Esther hicks is amazing. I just bought two of her books off amazon 3) when taking a shower today I got this feeling that reminded me of how I used to feel at my old place. It was a very present and mindful moment. Just everything is, thoughts stop flowing and you are. I realize that in rainy days I get hit with these mindful moments and that may be why I love the rain so much.

What is vs what "you" want okay, so I was learning and it just hit me. It's so simple and we already knew! Just feel good and trust the universe. Omg, how simple. How many times have we heard that. When you tap into "it" some call it source energy, the vortex, or god. It's so simple, anything and everything you want in life is at your finger tips. Just focus on what you want. Just do the things that make you happy. What you believe is what you will experience. You can change that. Abraham hicks is amazing jorunal, meditation: yesterday I meditated for 30 min and I'm about to do another session of 30 min. channting: I'll do it when it comes to me mood: oh my goodness, so wonderful. Life is just flowing for me. Everything is opening up and I'm just living my dream. The author is creating the story for himself. What do you want? What? You already have it? No fair. Hahaha. No sir, it's fair. Notes: 1) I am so fortunate to have learned what I have learned and to be able to actualiz my desires. I want to change this world where more people can learn and actulize their desires too. I'm grateful 2) today I went on a field trip to some play at a community college and I could become aware of this present moment and notice how we get lost in our own creations. How you react to your own vibration is ironic sometimes. Everything can and will be perfectly perfect(it already is) if you just believe. Change how things happen by how you react and how you feel. You can change others to more of their desires by them just being near your amazing world. Co-creation.

I got nine minutes till the day is over. Some things I realized is love. Love is all that we seek. Love is all that we give. We each try to make more love in this world threw our own means. Love for oneself or for others is the question. My goal is so share love selflessly. To selflessly give all that love I can. “Love is all I can give” - Mandy, she said something like this in one of her videos and it has been a theme in my life lately. I speak of her a lot and I’ve gotten a little self conscious about it. “Does she think this about me” “do others think this when I talk of her” but deep down I don’t really care. Love is all I can ever give. Just love and just a little more love. A few days ago someone told me “there are snakes in the grass” meaning “fake” people. They said they will throw me under the bus without a second thought. the first thought that went through my head is “I’m glad, I’m happy for them. Im glad they will be happy from that. They won’t get in trouble” something along those lines. My soul felt love for them. I am not sure who “them” are. Those are my ideals and values. ThAts how I want to feel and think all the time. i again got the thought “remember the time I helped “blank”.” I wanted to share how I felt when I helped someone carry something down the street and how I felt whole and complete. How I saw the love in life. But thoughts came and asked “what if people think you are showing off” my auto reaction is to run from judgement of others. Love others and myself. Those judgements do not matter. They only feed my not so good feelings emotions. If self-love and love for others are my core values then anything that does not aline is not what I want. Anything that rejects or creates resistance towards my inner nature does not suit me. Love the ones who love. Love the ones who breath. Love the ones who exist. Love just to love. Love because you know how love feels. Love for any reason. Goodnight forum. Thoughts come and go. It’s a matter of identifying and mindfulness of what comes into my awareness

Journal for yesterday and the day before yesterday, meditation: 17 min and 30 min chantting: 7 min total mood: I don't really remember overall I'm usually content and happy with life so I guess I'll add that. I did get into one of my states the other day. It's like a taste of "love" which gets me hyper. Notes: 1) Just a little bit of love. I sometimes feel love, at low amounts which still feels amazing and gets me hyper. I say "low" because I've had degress in which I have felt that ecstasy(love) 2) write my journal as daily instead of writing them for the day before 3) when I have the day off I'm usually more fulfilled and more content with my day then when I go to school. Sometimes I'm just not in the mood to self acutulize when I come home. *bleh* I want to stay in the mindset of staying productive. 4) really debating about university right now. When I get into a pure love state I always tell myself that university is not for me and I see myself doing other things as my life purpose which will make me content, fulfilled and overall, just enjoying life more. I want to start a business.

Oh my god! Haha, the Natal Chart is so amazing! It's spot on! I was reading about myself and it made so ecstatic to see how true it was. Also, I love star girl the practical witch. I found her channel maybe a few weeks ago and she has never failed me . She has been the best I've found so far. This is quite the find, thank you for sharing. I personally just got into astrology because a friend recommended me star girl the practical witch. I've delve deeper into it and this is just what I needed. So thank you, again.