SilentTears

Here’s a picture of myself. Cool to finally upload one today: It’s barely 3 pm got to go work out or mediate. had some internal conflict realized within myself today. Something I always knew but it was just choosing my path. Feels like everything I do has deep consequences or surprise gifts. Nothing is ever as shallow as it looks. feel better then yesterday. Oh yeah, I decided to delete all social media apps. Wanted to experience life again without those distractions. I’ll upload another post after I finish what I have to do. I want to end every day on a positive note. Or feel accomplished in some manner.

I’ll write here daily, I’ll put how my day was, realizations of life, what I did and just about anything on my mind. I’ll commit myself to being more conscious and I’ll check how much I’ve grown every month. Just imagining meditating again makes my heart quiver and shake violently inside me. Haha my body already know. i once mediated a month or two back and my body would not stop shaking for hours. Fucking painful ? whole body just nerves got overwhelmed. I’ll take it slow. 30 min daily? wish me luck ? appreciate it guys. (If everyone even reads this )

This is the start of my new journal wow it’s been years since I’ve been here so much life experience from every single one of you. barely 19 years old, currently in the military. i just wanted a place to sort my thoughts, I don’t plan to really dig deep into this forum. i just wanted to start taking consciousness more seriously. im so unconscious fuck. i know how it feels to be more conscious then I am now. It’s kinda weird how I can feel and experience my state of consciousness I’d say in the past I was pretty conscious. Now I’m much more stable, have a solid life, easily interact with people irl. Basically a normal life. Took years to build myself back up. my story: I used to meditate every day. Sometimes 20 minutes other times hours. Sometimes just used to sit there for hours. I still had bullshit in between but I was very focused on consciousness. Used to have awakenings of surrender and love if you know you know. When I was 14-16 just something in me snapped cause at that time I was still living with my parents. How could I have developed myself in that aspect of life but not progressed in reality. So I put a hold on meditation. On everything. And was like fuck it I’ll build back up the life I surrendered. (This itself was a HUGE realization to me) Joining the army was perfect cause it gave me no time to meditate, busy all day, made friends, learned how to interact with people my age again. For the first few months it was so foreign to talk to people my age. Just completely different wavelengths. ? “that’s hella cute” all the slang they use. Reintegrating into society. pretty much hermited myself all of Highschool took months off just to sit and meditate. Bro was such an amazing experience in my life. Had such realizations not only into my awareness and consciousness but also into energy, spirits etc. had crazy experiences with everyone I was meeting online but it just wasn’t what I was looking for. Gave up the life of love for REALITY. Cause that’s why. Itself is the reason. REALITY. i can’t fully understand at the moment cause I’m not at the level to see it. i just know that leaving “this” behind completely is easy(edit: as well as the hardest thing. We could say I never completely gave up on this because I didn’t just pack my stuff and leave forever pursuing consciousness. So I don’t have really any place to say this but I was on the boarderline) compared to living a life and retaining that conscious state. It’s easy to meditate all day, not pay rent etc. you know. But that’s not life. Life isn’t meant to be easy. Challenge myself to improve. gave up my reality for love —-> then gave up the bliss and awareness of reality again. I feel like I’m still missing a piece of it all but that’s it in a nutshell. Now I want to take on both sides. sacrifice the bullshit and distractions of my life for spirit, god, christ, love while maintaining this life I have. Blossem into whatever I’m meant to be

God damn, someone is pulling my energy from this forum. Unconsciously of course. I’m not in the mood to look for them in the forum but whoever you are (you will know) just say something.

Let me expand on the finding of ones self. We all have a natural set of energies. A lot of time we idealize someone’s energy so much we wanna go that way…. No, just embrace what you are and that’s the best for everyone. If you wanna embrace another path tho then that’s also meant to be. A good way to embrace your masculinity is to stop masterbating but good luck with that.

Felt the…. I’m just gunna post. so, at the moment my energy is taking a new form. Well embracing what it is. No sleep does wonders for bringing out darker sides of myself. Really helps me let lose. If you’ve noticed when you sleep you “reset” if you don’t sleep you keep going. Really makes you feel human when you sleep tho, so that’s that. A big focus of my energy is gunna be my darker trickster energy ? just go wild. Some stories I love are about gods coming and just giving their powers to humans and just watching the fuckery that goes on. Or giving them a god weapon and just watching them turn people into cheese… *hint hint* ——— on a more serious note, When taking this spiritual path you will be pulled or you may become lost. Do not worry. Find your place within yourself. Find yourself. That’s all. If you wanna be a normie then be a normie. A lot of people play this game of raising consciousness. It’s like leveling a character in a video game. What are you trying to reach? once you see the pointlessness of chasing something you really start to grow. That said, many many people are not ready… they are still “doing something”… what was it called… the “great way”. Where people are on their journey. …………… I really wanna harp on those(I don’t really care but if your here then your here for a reason) who are taking this spiritual path but rejecting other sides of life. No no no, do not do that. Embrace life for what it is. What is stoping you? Do you think you’ll become more enlightened? Do you think you’ll grow? okay you may, cause I kinda stay with a select few and alone. Most people are not at my level. So I understand when people go into solitude but when you keep pushing away callings to maybe party or just chill to a movie… then your just wrong. Some of my greatest growths has been embracing that calling and just go normie for a few weeks. Chill with people. You may get bored and go back into spirituality, that’s what I do. —— Too many people are pulling my energy and trying to pull messages out of me so excuse- *yawn* p.s if your reading this, stop masterbating, and stop not embracing yourself. too many people just don’t embrace their inner self. They just do what they believe is spirituality right. Want to kill someone? Do it etc ? (don’t tho, you may go to prison)

I’ve always done the same. It’s a really nice experience. I just felt like adding, your a really good speaker/ communicator. The way you travel your words to my eyes makes me laugh. ?? that spontaneous energy is from the flow.

? Yeah, and who’s that?

What’s really nice about my path now is that even though I come from my heart chakra I’m very grounded and have a constant flow of energy from the lower chakras + my heart chakra. It’s not just my heart chakra taking control, throwing me ungrounded into the beauty of reality. I’ve experienced that, it’s nice but has no substance for me. Doesn’t guide, just insights someone. The first post of mine wasn’t grounded any bit whatsoever, how I needed that release of everything I’ve been holding in. It’s funny how we just keep growing. Sometimes the suffering is the greatest teacher. We may hate, we may love, it really doesn’t matter. As long as you experienced what you were meant to and understand that “now” can be anything, pain, bliss, and it’s all perfect. Neither is better than the other. My path wasn’t easy but I’d never want it to be. There is a love in the pain. A sorrow in the love. A craving, an insight.

This is going to be a place to write down my realizations, I’ve just had an amazing discovery(which I’ve known but keep forgetting, somehow writing makes everything ‘flow’ easier) I've taken the path of complete love and light, constant realization into consciousness and how it can be non other than consciousness. How the only reason you realize is because consciousness made it that way and the only reason anything happens is because of consciousness. After taking many “paths” I realized that there was a whole new side to life. The hardship, heaviness, anger, aggression etc. I always knew but experiencing it was another story. basically I started out as someone with very meditative and Buddha energy. I one day then felt the pain of life… my whole energy system changed(words on words) and I mainly came from the energy of my root chakra/ lower chakras. It’s more profound than any words however words used to convey this is also beautiful. I realized it was my kundalini that started to become active. It rose through my root… made me experience what life was like through someone living in their root. The warrior side. Then it kept rising and oh the suffering it brought was such a beautiful lesson. I needed it. I wanted it. I craved the hardship. When it came I resisted it. When it passed I loved it. I experienced what it was like to live from the sacral chakra, the solar plexus. Now I can feel the energy pressure in/ above my heart chakra. These days I’ve been wondering why I’m so nice to everyone. I’ve been trying to go back to the warrior/ root energy cause I felt “in control” then. life is so funny cause when I was in the root energy I wanted love. I wanted to be nice. I didn’t like being so serious, grounded and facing life with responsibility. I wanted to be free now I want both and neither. I am confused and lost. (Words on words). pretty much, I’ve realized that it’s my kundalini being active… it’s so lovely how you forget(something) to learn(something). Forgetting to learn is the funniest joke what the heck! I noticed I also have resistance from coming from my heart chakra. I think it’s super girly, and light. Hence why I’m writing this journal so everything can flow. just writing this makes my whole energy system flow so much smoother. As a man we learn to bare everything on our backs and never express our deepest self… well, I learned that at least. So coming back into the heart chakra and the center of the energy flip is like a man learning to cry. It’s weird , odd, we remember we used to as kids but it feels so foreign that we push it away.

Your videos are really well made. I love how each time I watch any of your videos it guides me into this flow of being. Then I start seeing synchronicity’s all over your videos… like “we’re more powerful than we know” I’ve been hearing this everywhere. Also, I love watching you share the little stories like the I am creating the story, I am the bus. It shows a lot of self expression, which is wonderful to watch. I appreciate your videos ??

I can feel the energy of your words. It’s been so long since I’ve had a awakening experience. Rather I’ve been developing in different areas of life and spirituality. I’m just more stable and focused. All of this just points to realizations you’ve had, which is amazing. It feels like your pulling from when you had those spontaneous quick awakenings. What I find interesting is how your energy has the enlightened type feel and still feels so solid and stable. Just to let you know. As an energy sensitive person your probably one of the very few on this forum who has great positive energy. Continue the good work Mandy ?

This me right now. I’m mostly just feeling and accepting all parts of life. I notice I resist what I don’t like too much. Dude, I always love your journals. Hope it’s going well! Feel the relief! Dude I wish you the best. Uprooting this stuff is always what our minds try to tend to avoid and I don’t have to tell you that as I can see your aware of it. I’m going through stuff myself and even if the situations aren’t the same I feel you man. ?

Wow, I really liked this. Another thing I enjoyed was that when you typed this your energy changed for every scenario change. It shows how much you have developed. How little your ego controls and tries to be solid. Feels free and flexible. Personally, my energy tends to stay more solid and less flexible and I’m curious if it’s for the fact that you are female and I am male or that you let go of your sense making more. By that I mean ego.

That’s pretty trippy. lol thanks for sharing this video.