Nemo28

@Nahm whats so funny ?

Words do me no good, they are just sounds, i need drugs to understand this.. I thought i died 2 months ago when i fully surrendered to ayahuasca, but here i am again seeking something again..its never ending, its like life is telling me to to do ayahuasca every month, maybe then i will get it.. Love you too <3

Yeah i wish i could see it directly without drugs too.. its so obvious, yet i cant see it..its soul crushing and depressive.

So in the end I can't have the cake and eat it? Today especially I noticed background of stillness to everything that's happening around me, very nice, it's like all the passing cars are like little rocks thrown into the vast ocean and barely make any sound I feel like ayahuasca is helping me to collapse that seeker/self difference into one. I might do peyote retreat to further melt into oneness. Much love <3

@peachboy Hahahaaa hillarious! :DD

Durring this last year i have noticed my dreams start to make more sense, they are more consistent and logical to what i experienced before when it was total nonsense, and hard to make any sense. Sometimes when im dreaming its very surprising to wake up from it knowing it was just a dream, cause it felt so life like. The sights, sounds, bodily sensations seem just like now. Also the dreams are pretty much always nice so much that i would choose to never wake up from them if it would be possible. But i suppose im still dreaming now, since there is no difference between a dream and reality in my experience, i guess everything is just a dream. But if so why people are so desperate to awake from dreaming (seeking liberation), wouldnt that lead to awaking in another dream? Since there is nothing but dreams within dreams..

@ivankiss wow amazing read! I very much resonated with what you said. Interestingly enough I made a short animation describing my feelings on encountering a "shadow". If you want, please take a look - >

On ayahuasca I see this current life as nothing but beautiful (beyond description) dream and I have the power to know, to change what's going to happen next, how people will behave what they will do, I could forsee their actions and create the reality I desire, but at end of the trip or the peak I always choose this one, where I'm sorta ignorant and not knowing what's going to happen next, it's as if I'm learning how to trust the universe. Hmm maybe that's it, I'm here to learn how to trust! Wow thank you Nahm! bless you and much love my dear friend <3

i would also like to know how im doing it in this sober state. On ayahuasca its easy, but once im back in the dream i dont know anything Maybe its the feature of this dream.. @Nahm please tell me!! Im begging you, you must know! Give me some clues, please.

Hello my selves So I had a dream where I dreamt I was chosen to be the one who would create new human by trusting the universe to fill me with love energy. So as I lied down to merge with love I experienced intense overwhelming sensations of love that came in and out from my throat region. So was wondering if this means my throat chakra is opening? I was never into the whole chakra game but weird things start to happen to me, the same thing also happened from my chest few times.. And I wouldn't say it was a dream it felt very real. Does anyone experience something similar?

I made this animation, which illustrates the concept of "shadow". Its not very brainy ^^

I can think of so many reasons why people do things, usually there is lots of negativity involved. I feel hate, jelousy, disguist etc., i get so much bad vibes from people. I dont know where all this comming from? The negativity is soul crushing sometimes.. I try to love, accept everyone with my best ability, but usually i dont recieve that back which i give, so it makes me sad.

Did you use psychadelics? Ok instead of feeling guilty i will feel gratitude ^^ Yeah i am very aligned with my hearth. I dont really do meditation or any spiritual practices, i just observe and remain in the silence. I do feel im diving deeper into something progresivly. Sinking in my hearth. Yes, im so sick of trying to be spiritual..there is still some fear in me, the fear of comiting sins, i feel like if i do something universe doesnt like it will punish me and will suffer greatly. So there is this little ego still.. Yes, there is still resistance to love i sense. Sometimes im just writing radom persons "i love you" this helps ^^ ITs like all this built up resistance and fear just vanishes cause i did the one thing that i fear the most which is to say those words and it destroys my image of myself i have built, till im left with nothing. And its nice I dont really meditate, only when i feel like it, i feel like all my life is meditation. I never leave my awreness, im always there. Yes, this is what im learning now, that being here in whatever state you are right now in, is the perfect state and doesnt need to be changed. I am with the Truth in this presence be it sad or joyfull. Yeah i have problem saying those words to me, it feels kinda fake and weird but i know this is the way, the love is the way..

Yeah, psychadelics showed me that divine love, but i had to really want it, nothing in me knew of love, until i trusted the unknown and made conscious effort to ask for love. It felt like such a struggle. Now im with love, surrendered and empty. Still remain kind confused thou, but not really caring much

@TripleFly Yes, i suppose i am those things or rather they are in me. I see my sensitivity as challange to how much i can accept everything. During 1-2 years my state of being has tranformed from making life all about me to making it all about "us". What i see in myself is desire to transmute my negative thoughts, feelings into positive expressions that would benefit all. I have to say ayahuasca has helped me a lot. It literally opened my hearth. Yes, totally agree. When i started loving myself everything changed, its still changing. Indeed its the ultimate teaching. And i struggle with that too, insted of feeling greatful i feel guilty for having so much blessings..Need to practice graditude. This was the message from my recent ayahuasca trips, "To love everything, even though you know you cant, but you do it anyway". It was my dying wish.. Well since the very begining i was overwhelmed by the negativity of my own mind, this has stunded my normal development of consciousness, as i couldnt process my emotions and got trapped in my own desstructive mind. Well anyhow i have made enormous progress these recent years. I have escaped my mind and now exist as pure being, ofc the negativity is still there (albeit at very low lvls compared to my past situation). What i do is i assume the worst and with open hearth accept it and transform it into love. I bless all people and i wish them happieness. This is my practice. ] Highest love to you my friend as well! <3 Love, love, love..lets drown ourselves in it ^^

But if i want to accept everything about me i also need to accept the negativity i feel and think, and be okay with it, but its sometimes overwhelming, i know im stuck in this negativity, it just feels the most realest thing thus more true (relatively speaking) . "I mean if i can be okay with embracing suffering then im very powerful and loving"" thats my thought process. Seems im even enjoying those thoughts cause it makes me feel superior for being able to endure.

Its what everyone is looking for right? I want to give it to everyone, but certain thoughts doesnt allow me. For example: " oh sure you want to accept her, but she might think you are interested in her sexually, which you are not, so if you show her love that will create misunderstandings and reasons for hate, cause she only wants romantic love. "

Well as i said I only have assumptions. Everyone is assuming one thing or the other, for some reason i go into negativities which is a perspective one could take, since there are only perspectives. For exmple..I see a friend who today is avoiding me. This makes me assume the worst, which is she/he hates me probably, instead of rejecting this i accept this, forgive and transform it into something more positive. Ofc i could have made better story, like saying, "she/he might have difficulties in personal life and is in pain so she/he doesnt want to have any social interactions". But i choose the negative interpretation, i dont know why, maybe to grow in myself more love..hmm

@Nahm it does, its my dirrect experience, i cant argue with that now can i ? It feels super true. Its like looking t stars outside or the moon. again my dirrect experience contradicts this.. by shifting my attention to something else as @SoonHei suggested it ?

Thank you, this is exactly what i needed to hear! Indeed its all about attention. But why do i find to be so attracted to negativity..does embracing it makes one stronger? Cause throughout my life its what i always have seeked.. Sometimes this happens automatically, when i listen to Alan Watts, i just lose all my hearing and only aware of my being, its pretty nice state, but it happens so rarely ..

@TripleFly Hmm being alone is great, but i feel like im doing it too much, so now im indulging myself into social activities if the oppurtunity strikes. Although its really hard to relate to people, im mostly silent in conversations, cause i have nothing to say, everything seems ok as it is, so i have nothing to complain about. Yes, im taking care of myself too, this whole year i dedicated solely for self-growth. ITs been amazing, so much creativity unleshed! I cant help but to want to grow bigger, and it seems accepting all the negativities i get from people makes it do so.. although i wish there would be other way.. Yes, i am very lucky to have so many gifts from the universe, the problem is i dont know how to use them. Im trying my best to take care of my body and soul, but sometimes i feel guilty for all the good things i have while others are less fortunate..

Well im making lots of assumptions about reality and people, i am mostly assuming the worst, which feels true, there is lots of negativity in people and me. I really cant see how can i stop assuming the negative, i wish i could..

Yeah i know that i am everything ^^ i just wonder if these negative thoughts can be switched off ..

Yeah, I never really noticed how much darkness and negativity there are around others before, I was more focused on myself (my own egoic problems) and never really thought about others, but now it's the way around, I have abondoned my egoic desires and extended my awareness outside to what I perceive other people and there is so much negativity and pain, which is why it gets overwhelming, I guess I can't do much about it, just practice acceptance and love. It feels as if I have no choice lol, it's what I really want, to accept as much as I can, all that negativity..

Yeah but it's only true from one perspective. It's also true that I am those sounds and thoughts, I mean not really cause I can observe them, but they are part of me. I think I want to be aware of all of this "noise" in order to heal "myself" or the world.