Litaken

F**k society! If you realized how many many many things they are wrong about, and how wrong information spreads amongst sheeple, you would dissolve your NEED to fit in it completely. That's the root cause of your issues, you think you NEED to fit in society! You don't need to do s**t! Let your free will free! Do what you want! Accept yourself for who you are. This kind of lifestyle probably already thought you countless lessons that others never had a chance to grasp.

This may sound harsh at first but facing it is the first step to dissolve it which is very very possible! You are projecting your self-hate to others. This self-hate is hidden from your consciousness, because if it wasn't then it wouldn't be able to control you. The answer: Love yourself! Accept yourself as you are! Hate is a way of motivation, but you can see it's effects. Also research the psychological term "ego", Leo prolly has by far the most compact and useful stuff on what it is and how it works.

All fears have a need behind them, which can be thought of as a negative motivation you get from your mind to achieve what you need. The trap of this kind of motivation is that even when you get it you won't be satisfied or fulfilled. What you need you will need more and more and more of, as time passes. I think what can help you is to realize the trap of needing. Your fear rejection because you need not to be rejected. Try to befriend rejection, try to play with it. Try to practice it, with however small things at first. You will see that the fear of rejection is much stronger than the experience of it. You can't eliminate the possibility of rejection, but you can accept and even love it. For some motivation I was so shy with girls I wasn't even able to talk to them, since the past 20 years. Now however there still are a lot of people who just cringe my stomach when I see them, but now I'm able to look at it as practice, which makes it weaker and weaker as time passes.

One thing that helps is to understand and face how irrational your fear is, because that's literally how fear works. Fear makes you overestimate the possiblity of the worst case scenarios. You cling to that video not getting out to public. It's not easy but the best you can do is to accept the possiblity that it might. When you will be able to do that, you will much clearer see that the possibility of that is much lower than you think. Also the internet is full of dick pics and videos, noone cares, specially your customers They won't even know who you are

What you experience is that "good" and "bad" is literally in everything. You see bad in society, because it's literally there. What you want to realilze though, is that it hides the good part, that's how it works! One of the strongest weapons of "bad" is that it can hide the good. If you hate something you are unable to see the good side of it. Everything lies between the duality of what we call good and bad. To help realize this, find things you just mildly hate or disagree with, and try to accept it. You'll notice in a couple of days that you start to see properties of it that you never seen before.

The way I did it is simply understanding it, using reason and logic. One of the biggest steps in this way is understanding how your brain is working, like a magnet, having two polarities, negative and positive. All the negative does is questions, denies and hides what's on the positive side, in an irrational manner. Half of your brain is literally rational, while the other is irrational. You need both to be able to build real knowledge. It's required to build knowledge to detect false or changed knowledge, see you can't only build, sometimes your need to destroy to build something new and better. Another thing is to figure the direct correlation between these terms (they pretty much mean the same in your brain: doubts, needs, addictions, rules, enemy, alert, selfishness. And the emotions attached to these and only these things are fear, hate, guilt, shame, stress, anger. These are what sit in the negative pole of your brain. Love is in the positive side. Notice you can love and hate everything, every term, every thought, everything that exists. All problems you have are related to all these terms. You can understand it more and more by searching for the matching items, if you are stressed about work, then you will find the need you have to work, the fear of losing your job, that you hate it, and feel guilty or shameless about underperforming, the rule to get up every morning, the alert you get all the time making work coming to your mind, and the selfishness which probably makes you perform the bare minimum at work. The more connections you find the more clear it will be that what you call the problem lies in your brain and is pretty much based on a "need" you think you have. This is all the ego is about, I advise you to research it

It's so amazing to see how well this works You minds starts to make you question everything, and reveals the self that senses contradicion. And tells you it's not needed Approaching to infinity, strategy built on any chaos loses to order. We can disprove every contradiction one by one if we search long enough. That proves that logic and contradicion exists, and both together create possibility. We implement it.

Wow, that's quite deep quite quick You don't even need to need yes, you can enjoy anything you want, you won't lose it if you don't want to Even the wanting to be at peace in awareness is ego driven! <- not sure, want is not bad want is the best! You might need to be in peace. Are you afraid of not being in peace?

That something is called the EGO, research it, once you understand it, you will get free of it's illusions. The EGO is an alarm system in you that makes sure you are aware of your needs. You are restless because your alarm system is on, for two reasons: One is to make you focus on your needs, and the other is the contradiction you see that fulfilling your needs don't make you satisfied or calm. The EGO makes you frustrated so you start to randomly question everything, and do random things to find the contradiction. This is your mind solving problems. You don't need anything. Don't believe me, chew on this thought

What you are writing about is very real, you probably feel guilty about writing about it because you think you shouldn't be like that. You need two components to solve any problem in your mind. You can figure out something new from what's already in your brain, and the outer world, other people, etc .. that's the first one. You create new knowledge using your mind. But these information might be wrong, because you are only human. Building new knowledge based on something that is wrong sooner or later will find a contradiction. You don't know where you are wrong, you just know that you are. Your mind can find the contradiction but doesn't know the original problem, because it's way harder to find the solution than to see the problem, just like everywhere in the world, in your mind too Most likely you got it from someone else who thought it's right, and it fit your knowledge then, or assumed something that is wrong. That's where the second component comes in, which is removing information, or assuming it's wrong, and try to prove you found it by creating new info with it being wrong! But it's hard since every knowledge you have you think is right! Try to remember the last time you got frustrated over something, and started questioning everything that's related, eventually finding out where you were wrong and solving the problem? Do you feel the same way now? There are all the things you think are right, but something must be wrong, because you found something that just doesn't make sense! So you are seeking where you are wrong, trying to remove the knowledge where this mistake is. There is a part of your mind that makes you create knowledge, and a part of you that makes you remove knowledge. Removing is the harder part, because you are searching for a needle in the haystack, which you are not even sure if is there, and doesn't even look like a needle before detailed investigation. So you are frustrated which puts you in remove mode, that's what you are doing to yourself. In fact you are shifting between create and remove mode, based on what you are writing! That's essential to solving any problem. In create mode you feel calm, but in remove mode .. Don't get scared, you won't lose anything useful, you are just making yourself questioning everything you know, because you are still not finding it! This is the purpose of frustration, to make you question what you already think is right, because you know something is not! "you think you shouldn't be like that." .. I'm not a doctor, but I know Leo has the answer, that's how I found it. There is a contradiction in you that you can't find. Hint, I only seen a couple of hours of footage from him, nothing spiritual. "Maybe I need to suffer? Maybe I actually need to feel what I am feeling?" This is very very very close to your solution from what I can tell. Think about the things you think you need, and check how you feel about them. Then think about the things you don't need. Can you find a pattern? Remember: what the hell do I know?!