Litaken

If you don't need something that doesn't mean that you can not have it. In fact that's when you can really enjoy something, what you need is only a tool, sucks when missing but nothing when you got it.

I think it's rather the other way around, the less addictions you have the closer you are to enlightenment.

Is this experience long term? I've had derealization one time when "reality is an illusion" hit me, but I got over it in a couple of weeks completely, it was just a very very heavy restructure in my mind, and I think that restructure hurts, because parts of your knowledge base is to be erased that was contradicted. This destruction is bringing emotional pain with it. And yeah solipsism is clearly not right and ego driven, it's still a projected difference between the "you" and the "not you" or the outer world. But there is no difference really.

Magic is already there, words are spells, you cast them and things change

Imagine getting in danger, like facing a bear. You of course get scared, which tells you to escape. Since it's your life on the line you will not be able to pay attention to anything, but only how to escape (we percieve this as an IQ drop but it's just a matter of what you can focus on). You act on it and you do escape, success! What does that mean? That getting scared was useful for you! So next you will get more scared, your fear feeds off itself. This is how your mind validates fear, beyond your consciousness so you don't know it (yet). But this is a huge limitation, because the only thing you can now focus on in this situation is escaping. This is probably fine when facing a bear, but speaking in public you can see that the urge to escape is how problematic, because your mind won't be able to really focus on anything else. To stop this loop the thing you can do, is to show your mind that there are better options than escaping. And your mind will be able to learn that, but your emotions change much slower than your knowledge. You might already know how to deal with fear but your emotions will adapt much slower, especially for fears that you have been carrying for years/decades. Just give your unconscious mind time and practice sitting in your bad emotions instead of trying to get rid of them (yet another explanation of meditation). It's like quitting smoking, your mind won't let go that easily I've got rid of most of my fears during the past months, but not all, I still can't talk to girls I really like, I've been like that since kindergarden (the ones I don't really I have 0 problem with), I still get nervous on the simplest interactions like saying hi to half-strangers, always weirds me out. But I got rid of tons and tons of negative emotions in the recent past, all negative emotions are aspects of fear, very very similar, I could say when you feel guilty you are not guilty, you are just afraid that you are Ultimately so, because guilt is an illusion as well. Where is guilt? Can you point to it? Can you grab it? It's just a concept.

yeah the other half I love technology I'm an engineer as well, and aware of what beliefs are no worries

As everything, it's just corrupted People don't advance technology to make your life easier, they do it for their own good But that's only one half of the cake luckily.

"What could be reasons for me to keep going? How do I find motivation to continue?" Where are you going? Continue where? Why should you be anywhere else than here and now? There is no reason to, and you are on the path of realizing that. "How can I get a different perspective on what is currently happening? You would think I have grown a lot over the past few years, but now it seems like I just dug myself a lot deeper into the shit over those years and made absolutely no progress." Try to look at the things happening outside from your point of view. Ie. COVID is percieved negative because the only point of view people are considering are their own (not exactly but simply put). But have you considered the long run? Playing chess and losing a game still makes you a better player most of the time. Playing survival with a virus will still make us better in the long run. Our only problem is if we can not accept that any game sometimes we win, and sometimes we lose. If we won all the time the game wouldn't be a game. Maybe it's not you who will benefit from it, but your children or grandchildren. I know it sounds silly but it's a good tought practice, to take the point of view of the virus itself. What does it want to do? The only thing it wants is it wants to live, exactly like you! It doesn't want to hurt anyone, in fact when it hurts you it's destroying it's own living environment. So in this sense you both have a similar goal. "How can I gauge change, or trust that it is possible at all, and even if it is possible, how do I deal with the idea that it wouldn't matter if I don't change the amount of suffering I do experience? Now it seems as if I am doomed to fail if I want to make lasting changes in my life or if I want to hold on to something, and the pain of experiencing that constantly but again keeps me from trying at all." Well then why do you want to hold on? Why don't you let go? You have an image of a future where if you did all that change in your life that you want everything would be different and amazing and happy and peaceful, but this is not the case. This image is shown by your mind to motivate you into escaping from the situation that you are currently in, making you denying your present and seducing you with an illusory future. This is a destructive type of motivation, which we are unfortunate enough to learn from our environment. The constructive type of motivation here would be to act out of just because you can, or out of love. Change is a tricky thing, it's always partial. An object can only change partially, which means that parts of it change, and parts of it stay the same. If the whole object in one instant changed independently from it's previous state, then that object would be a completely different and independent from the state before the change. That's not change that's a completely new object, which would break causality. Why I'm saying this is to encourage you to not take "change" too seriously. I'm not sure how you get with the idea of absolute love, but it simply means that nothing gets lost (again, causality, the object gets lost but it's effects carry on forever). If you let go of the desire to change so much, maybe that's when you will be able to start to change, because then it's not something you must do, but something you can out of just free will, which is degrees less dooming. "How do I deal with the fact that my energy level changes over time where I have energy one week to make many changes and the other week completely go the other way and only want to rest and detach?" Live with it Just accept whatever state you are in, don't try to whip yourself. Again, you are trying to escape, from an illusion that is not real. "How do I deal with the fact that I don't have an enlightened guide in my life? I know I have you, among other things, and you give some good advice, but sometimes I think that living in close proximity to a spiritually enlightened master would be best, and it hurts me to perceive that it isn't." I think your enlightenment is all good, you are just in early stages where everything is a mess, nothing makes sense including life and you felt like that for probably a good time now. I've been in those shoes and even get back there form time to time, but now I know that time is not a waste. You are just sensing that you are going in a loop, just round and round and round. But this happens precisely so one day when you are conscious enough you can recognize this loop well enough to be able to get out of it. This loop is just the lesson, that you are in the process of learning right now, similarly for a youngster if you challenge it with saying the biggest number, he will start going "not one because two is bigger, but not two because three is bigger, and he will go on and on and on, until the point where he will suddenly recognize that this loop would go on forever without any result. That's the time the toddler will stop and have it's mind blown by the lesson he just learned. I've been in such a loop for ages, like 25 till 30, deeply depressed, thought about ending my life for hours every day. But then something amazing happened, I got a missing piece of the puzzle I was struggling with so hard (from Leo thanks for that forever), and the next days/weeks were full of shocking, mind blowing, and beautiful realizations that I never thought even exist. Leo's video in neurosis is just so full of invaluable information and points, I suggest you watching it carefully, again if you did. "How do I trust that existence wants the best for me? It seems as if I have to figure it all out myself now, and that I am not being guided. And in my current state of fear and confusion, this is incredibly paralyzing" No it doesn't. It wants the best for all of us, collectively. If you put yourself in the center, you will always see things that could go your way, but that would be at the expense of someone elses way. Think about life as the optimum of all our bests. This is one of the big lessons of enlightenment (I think, I'm not a guru :D), to deattach from the desire of the self that wants everything to go in it's way. "what could be reasons for me not to get attached to you, for example, or any other form of self-help that I could use to help myself?" You deattach from something when you realize it's only an illusion, this works for anything but probably not the simplest topic. Comes with time.

Haha! I've found something similar with shampoos. For decades I've washed my hair with all kinds of shampoos but my hair got fatty the next day no matter what. I'm allergic so somewhen I got a simple showering hydrating cream from a pharmacy that was way cheaper than anything, like an anti allergic liquid soap and I was told to only use that for cleaning myself. After two weeks of using it as a shampoo every day I realized that my hair then could go on for weeks with staying completely dry (washed with water only). So yeah do shampoos make your hair fatty so you use it every day? Also I think it's a better hidrating cream than anything I've seen, any I used the next day my skin would be even dryer than before, but not with this! (it's called something like Unguentum Hydrophilicum Nonionicum)

Expressing yourself is not easy. It's a heavy conversion from what's in your mind going to your mouth travelling through the environment into the listener's ears and then mind. All of these steps carry noise and distort the original message, and the listener and you have a vastly different structure of consciousness inside that interprets the communication. The words you are speaking means something different for everyone. Simply put, it takes a lot of practice and even then there are limitations to communication. The one I'm struggling with is that I know what ever I say is half right and half wrong, or differently put, there is at least one point of view from where it's true, and another point of view that it's false, and there is no special point of view that would side this debate. Emotionwise I'm similar to you, the thing that is limiting you in your speeches is fear itself. Low self esteem is just a fear that your estimated value is low Fear is an illusion but it's so tricky you want to escape from it, but the thing that makes you want to escape is fear itself, so essentially it's feeding off itself. Fear's what simplifies your mind down to the point you are not able to act as you could normally, because your mind is getting in escape mode, and you are forced to think about nothing else but how could you escape that situation. So yeah I don't think it's possible to get rid of it, but probably learn and practice to sit in it, it worked for me in most areas, not all yet though

We have one of everything. One mom, one dad, one life one death. one though one present, one point of view, one lover one childhood one work. This is our oneness. Talent means that we can create more of anything. This is what we call creation. We can create more children, picture, writing, work, problem, lover, food, car, anything. Of course everything has one price, one identity, one opposite(negative), one equation(equivalence), and one relation to everything else. The one Neo, think about it how many Neos are there? One ring to rule them all. That one ring, is it there? No, it's here, and there as well! Freedom means that we don't even need that one. This is called independence, next to dependence. But we can trade! We all do it all the time, one trade at a time. We choose how. We become a cloud flowing with the sky, or the pyramid, that cannot move. The pyramid is the perfect presentation of a big useless thing. Yet it's magical. The warlock cast his work spell. you are casting cut on a tree. - Damn you! - You say, casting hell on the other driver. What's the difference between regular and magical words, after all?Life teaches you how to cast. When you occuse you use your finger staff. What else do you cast your finger in? See how magical is when you do that? So just cast, good or bad, just know, that you are doing it to the only one. This is the one thing to know, the one knowledge. You are casting right now. Every, single, word, is, a, new, cast. Without stopping. Ever. You are conjuring this moment, there is the energy right now, you can feel it. It twists like an engine, waves like the ocean. The grass is not green, your mind is casting color on your vision. Yet how magical. You are casting 'money' on a piece of paper. Yet how useful. Helps to eat.

Purpose not really, purpose is an illusion hanging down the illusion of survival It doesn't need one. Life is a possiblity without purpose, we are the ones that can fall into the illusion that everything has to have a purpose. Life is not like that, more like music. You don't listen to it for a purpose, just enjoy while it's on. If you were nothing, and you could imagine anything you wanted, what would you do?

No matter if you become conscious of what you really are, you still got a point of view now, which is a part that has been split from oneness. This split will attract it's opposite. I can confirm the attraction stays You just don't differentiate between sex and masturbation too much See even if there is only you you have infinite ways to play with yourself In fact I couldn't imagine anything more exciting that being with someone who also knows that we are one. Isn't love and sex about that? Two separate merging into one? Coincidence? Like how would you phrase the truest man woman love? That you are so in love you become one.

I feel the third eye as well. I've been feeling sensations at the temple next to my eyes for a while now, and it's getting stronger and stronger, specially after good meditations. What I can do with it, is focus the third eye, and the sensations from the two sides of my head will move to the middle, to the third eye. I can't rationalize it, it's just a good good feeling, I love to focus it during meditation

There is a lot of patterns. Everything is coming out of nothing, for example. Your body comes from nothing, goes to nothing. The world comes from nothing (oneness, singularity, big bang), everthing else comes from nothing. So as consciousness. And how consciousness comes up from nothing is just like what we see. Imagine if you were the only thing that is conscious in reality with the vast nothing all around you. Just you, nothing else, not a single form. There is nothing not even limits. What would you do? How about splitting yourself up infinitely, and imagining that you observe one part of the split, from the point of view of the other part. The point of view you are looking from right now, is a split. But you will unite you know that. That's also pretty took for granted, but it is very revealing to contemplate. Actually you can figure out what love is: all splits attract their other half. And this is why god is all loving, since everything is split out of itself. Obviously this couldn't be otherwise, the splits are held together by what they are split from. All these splits are are finite, but what you really split is not. But our mind says that there is a complete absolute perfect infinite split between us and the outer world. I think for what an absolute split is there is only one good example, the split of nothing and god (0 and 1). That might be argued as an infinite or absolute split, but everything else is from this split Everything you see is an illusion. This is not a problem, the problem is that you got lost in the illusion of the material reality, and now you are clinging to it. If you don't see that you are the one, that is because of probably a set of illusions that still manage to trick you. This is all illusions But that's totally fine, we are already full of well-known illusions that we love, movies, video games, etc. We just create the split about reality and illusion, but see you split the same thing. Another pattern is the empyrical nature of reality, like everything that can happen will happen. If you don't have a self, then you don't have a bias. This means that every possibility is equal to you. So you create a world where empyrically everything can and will happen. Another pattern is the no exceptions pattern. Like we'd like to have cherry pick the nice part of our dualities, like praise the "good" banish the "bad". You love beauty but dissmiss the ugly, love pleasure but hate pain. But life isn't like that is it? Everything is present, no exceptions.

How about instead of thinking about it as "I fear of my subconscious because I have accumulated a lot of abnormal beliefs", you look it like this: "I fear of my subconscious, and that I have accumulated a lot of abnormal beliefs". See the difference? You are afraid of the accumulation AND your subconscious, and you mind is blaming one for another You can only get rid of fear if you have found what exactly you are afraid of, but then it's very possible, Leo has excellent mats on fear that will help you. Look at the whole event you described as a movie in which you have and had no impact at all. Or similarly try to pretend you read minds, and instead of you living this throught think about it as someone else experiencing it, you are just a witness . Were you able to clearly see what's going on like that? Right now you probably look at this even as two sides fighting, you and your subconscious. But see this is not the case, it's one thing that is arguing putting up the show. It says that some of the movie is you, and some is not, but it's all you in a sense, or all not you, not inbetween. Try to look at the whole event as a screenplay with the real you not even being involved, just seeing it. One of my latest asscracking insight was this, that when I'm agruing with myself in my head, it's not two sides arguing It's the mind putting up the whole show start to finish, for the observer You just watch the movie, but your mind gets you entangled with it, splitting it all up as "you" and "not you"

It definitely works There is a couple of type of stuff that happens to me: One of the first times I got really high (fainted, barely could walk through doors), I got home and laid down and for just hours I felt generally bad but didn't understand. I felt like I'm disconnected from the world, lost reality, just a little nothing sitting inside what I thought my body was somewhere I called my room. Then a couple of hours passed, and I've gotten better, and I've had the best time of my life doing nothing in my room at my computer. That was very rare for me at that time, now I see how much guilt and fear I've hoarded, so didn't have too much of that. I've had the same or similar a lot of times. Now I understand what was happening, I often get to the same state after decent meditations. This definitely sounds something like an enlightenment experience, so I'd claim useful for spirituality. When I first understood what this idea of reality being imaginary means, (not heard but really understood, the final cut was made by Occam's razor), I was shocked for weeks. After some days you kind of get back to the ordinary life, but getting high after that event had very radical experiences, the deepest existential crisises, where I've seen everything we observe as a code combination of 0 and 1, silly stuff like that, but the definite feeling that I had is that my world is torn apart. I like that this happened because with time you can figure out that it's just pure fear, and you can work it through to realize it. So it definitely helps with discovering what fear really is, another spiritual topic. Another event that time to time happened is hard to put into words but was like I got a burst of consciousness, like from the regular me, I've become someone who is overseeing me, who was sleeping inside of me all the time but now awoken, and just thinking about my past, objectively, how my life is going, but not from a self perspective, rather a temporal controller perspective. So it definitely helps with discovering the ego, another spiritual topic. Also I've always had a lot of insights from just a couple of minutes after getting high, which got levels deeper after learning about actualization stuff. Also I'm seeing the trend that THC doesn't affect first timers. I haven't seen anyone get affected by it the first 2-3 times.

Looking back, fear is amazing. When you are inside that state, you can not differentiate your fear from, hard to name but let's call rationality. I've been in that state for so many hours, years, swinging back and forth, and I was shocked how my seemingly same mind with the same information could take radically different things for truth relied on how I felt that moment. BUT when the bad times pass, you'll be able to reflect back, and see what you thought was dead true at that time, and yet it wasn't. I think you are afraid of meaninglessness, because you are used to having meaning. If you weren't, you'd probably see it's like music, it has no meaning and DOESN'T NEED one. Do you need one :)? Meaning isn't bad, desperately needing meaning, not accepting meaningless is bad. Try to bite and accept! maybe something simpler first that you don't yet. My latest huge huge huge relief was accepting that I'm insane :DDD It loses all it's power once you don't resist it. You can not be sane and not insane. There is no object without background. Also be aware if you defined meaning, you at the same time defined meaninglessness. Sides of the same coin. Absolute equality means either both or neither So in this sense reality is meaningful and meaningless at the same time. Or neither. Honestly, I have no idea how enlightened I am, not do I care. I don't need it, but I can describe what I feel now that my honest, best knowledge and understanding what everything I ever sensed or thought seemingly supports: I am reality looking at itself. Have you ever realized you are in a dream and got a huge relief because you knew you can't get hurt, so all your fear fades away? That can hit you in real life as well. I haven't felt fear or felt bad in the past week, I'm honestly starting to get disgusted by having too much good. Immune to guilt or any self-manipulating behaviour. I know it's not caused by the outer world but me causing it to myself. Can't trick myself with projection anymore. I still got the triggers firing up for a moment, but it can not latch on, I don't even remember it a minute after. I don't hate anyone or anything, consciously, by free choice. I know I did it in attempt to manipulate others, and also it doesn't make sense anymore. How could I hate myself? Wouldn't that be insane :D? I noticed I can be wherever, and move my focus to my body, and notice a general nice sensation, it's like some joy fluid moving on in my body. Mild but definitely there, "physically". I don't fear death. Death is reunion, the revesre of a split up, as the saying goes dust to dust. Love means whatever got split up wants to re-unite. We split up man-woman, and god damn how much we want to unite! So yeah now I think death is probably an awesome feeling since it's reunion. Just now I understand how much guilt I had for my desire for women. Now I understand, that it's just love I can look at others so deep now, knowing that we are the same, to be conscious of it is a very intimate feeling that I love to excercise now (I couldn't look into people's eyes for an instant in my past 30 years of existence)

Just for the sake of the note, the ego does exist, it's derived from the same one thing than everything else, hence exists equally to everything else. I think people tend to fall into the trap of denying the ego. But all denial is a trap as far as I could tell.

Sounds like you lost motivation Maybe something like every other life is going to be lived by you, might count as one, for example :D? I'm feeling so weird I used to look at soooo many people like I want to be them, now that I know I will be them I want to be me more than anyone else

Yeah both, you make a division in reality: static and dynamic. But what you divided is both. That's the property of identity/identification. Same truth-falsehood. See you say a word and ... you cut the world in half. This division is just intelligence, "recognized patterns", the whole stays the same. Your definition of truth is incomplete if it doesn't contain it's every relation. If I write 1+1, i wrote a relative truth, creating a relation, changing the (one) complete definition of truth which makes it dynamic. Or: Truth is relative to Now, and of course vice versa just with everything.

Are you good or are you bad? Are you big or are you small? Are you capable or are you incapable? Are you sane or are you insane? Are you beautiful, or are you ugly? Are you smart, or are you stupid? Are you an imp or a god? Admit it, you are both and all. Are you solid, or are you liquid? Gas? Earth? Water? Air? Fire? Are you selfless, or are you selfish? Are you the body, or are you the mind? Are you love, or are you hate? Are you an angel or a demon? Are you life, or are you death? Accept that you are both and all. Admit that you deny some of these. Are you constant or are you changing? Are you input or are you output? Are you finite, or are you infinite? Are you relative, or are you absolute? Are you the observed, or are you the observer? Are you a creator, or are you a creation? Are you me, or are you you? Is reality not any of these? Are you many or are you one? Are you whole or are you part? What are you not? You are everything. The one everything.

We only see the world relative, but it's more than that. you see yourself a droid relative to someone with an easier life. but you are the god relative to an ant. Find the things you are a god related/relative to, either way I hope you find it's everything Don't underestimate yourself! Negativities always have bad thinking habits behind them. See you might not have a good relation to reality, and you are in your head instead. If so, first accept now, and then love it, in that order. Don't think, observe! Focus on what you can do now, instead of what you couldn't do somewhen. Your closest relation to reality is: NOW. I bet there is yet another thing you don't know you can feel in your body, try to stretch the longest rope in your body and scan it for any feelings your didn't notice before. There is a very good sentence to rid negative thoughts: Okay, but do I need to think of it NOW? You can free your mind of thoughts if you understand this The more you practice the more you will be able to listen to reality instead of talking into it

see forgiving really means forgetting. do you want to constantly get reminded of something negative that happened in the past? Wouldn't you choose to have the nice ones? You can choose Realize you are relatives, and it's the best for the both of you. That's a form of teamplay. That's the direction of life. Grudge is the opposite direction.

You know funny the only thing I can say is what we are more than. And what we are more than, is whatever you can imagine. Imagine what a monkey thinks about what life is. You can see whatever he thinks about, it's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more. Do you think it's not the case with you? But see you can observe so you can make decisions, a looooot of decisions. you can lick your hands out of cuz you can. Do you know the only time you can make decisions? Now Whatever you can imagine, life is more than that. Then start to realize the relations: one of the most thought of is good and bad, they are relative and one is not without the other. you can accept and deny both of them, but in reality you can love everything. You can play with anything you can observe. that is say, a gift, in every way imaginable. if you accept them you start to understand them more clearly. So for the answer to your question yes, they are, everything is equally real to you now You are just a little scared of seeing reality from only one point of view But believe me it's infinitely many point of views Here is a thing to observe: NOW