I decided to go with another journal here. I somehow lost my habit which has been active for the last 3 years and stopped somewhere around mid to late 2018. With my habit of physically journaling.

I bought a different format and tried again because I use a bullet journal to keep track of daily tasks and to do's. Also, in about one month I have completed the life purpose course. I did tactical reviews of the lp when I felt it was needed and looked at single episodes.

As I reviewed the life purpose course, I was a bit surprised that I achieved half of my goals and missed half of my goals. Fully knowing why and that some of it were inevitable. Some circumstances can't be changed. Yet, I do not have the strength to make a couple of ten of thousands of dollars yet while studying, to support my family. Even if everything works out quite well. There have been some setbacks which just throw me off emotionally.

For potential readers! A warning I sometimes become abusive with the way I use language, also in real life. This is one thing that I became conscious of is toxic and I googled some causes, some are just ridiculous. Yet, this is mostly in extreme cases. Still, here I won't hold back to some degree. Because sometimes humans are so blind, and if I can't even write stuff like this into my journal, then to hell with it!  I'll become vocal if the situation/circumstance calls for it.

This will be a longer entry as a first entry. I did an entry in my digital journal via OneNote in advance as I prepared the review of my LP today. I definitely want to learn from others and from some books on how to stay organized, I've been yelled at my whole life (not that it is a big story anymore), yet when taking the BIG 5 aspect test I score very very low, even if my environment does not necessarily reflect that. In the 2nd percentile. I've seen wors tbh.

What do intend to do with this journal? 

Reminding myself that I am doing something that is fun. I like to read posts on this forum and been a lurker in the past. Some posts have valid insights, now Quora is also very very good and potentially better. Yet, the point is that I did the LP-Course and I definitely won't get any insights about LSD/DMT etc. substances etc. Also, to remind myself that I am connected to others in this process since this is one value on my list. 

The next section will partially go into my review of my lp

Current positive Habits:
Working out 5 times a week with the freeletics app inside or outside the gym
Morning Meditation 1h (See, hear, feel, broad float, choiceless awareness) 
Weekly check-in with Shinzen Youngs Life Practice Programm
Attending 14 days minimum of retreats (6 days of the list, still have 3-weekend retreats left to do)
Scheduling each day in the morning via bullet journal

Habits being implemented:
Sleeping schedule maxing out going to bed from at 22:30 (1h over now)
Deep Work currently listening to the audiobook

Shaky Habits:
Sleeping schedule maxing out going to bed from at 22:30 (1h over now) waking up at 06:00

Lost Habits:
Journaling
Shadow work
Cold Showers

Skills acquired:
Some skills in android programming
Some skills in C#
Some skills in Java programming
Speed Reading 

(Other weird stuff)

Skills being acquired:
Java and Android programming currently
LPI0 Certificat to deal with Linux and the command line

Shaky skills:
Speed Reading 

Skills lost:
C++ ..... (which still pisses me of)


Kaizen(Small things that could add up over time)

Things that I do:
Waking up early
Meditation 1h
Micro hits and background practice
Meditating while walking to class
Meditating while listening to a boring lecture...
Caring about health
Reading 10 pages when going to bed or even only 5-2 pages.

Shaky things I do:
On off visualizations before going to bed for 10 min
Doing the cbt exercise. Sometimes I know it is important. 
(I will do a 30-day challenge since this has been unsuccessful)


Things that I want to do: 
Yoga especially Hata-Yoga
Dedicating more time to Java development (Design Patterns I bought a book last year)
Learning C++ (Bought a book for 10 euro)
Finish the inner engineering course that I bought( I had my birthday ok, even though the course is... not good!)

Things that I am currently not doing (only positive):
Drinking and partying
Playing video games
Watching TV
Hanging out with toxic people ( I kicked out two old friends for various reasons)


That is about it. I still struggle with being orderly or even thinking of an orderly structure. I noticed as a "survival tactic" I piece together knowledge, facts, ideas, statements, conclusions, etc and ideally piece them together in one single coherent presentation or note. I keep practicing and throw away notes that have no use, till I can repeat everything blindfolded. 

Otherwise, I attend a class voluntarily, but I don't feel that I learn anything from it. I left it for now considering only going from time to time. It is nice and such, but not the real deal. I could learn to read papers... as if I never did that in my free time... (yes irony), otherwise I have a Prof. for my bachelors thesis and an internship, also with the same prof, so I can extend a project, which has been the voluntary project I did this year, also with the same prof. 

What else do I intend to do with this journal?
Write once a day or once a week as a reflection about the content, I know I will ruminate and ideally ponder about these things. Yet, I want to get these on a sheet of paper or digital paper to reduce the negative rumination and reflect constructively and coherently Remind my self this is a process not a means to an end.  Having fun, I can read other's journals and be inspired. When I was in China a traveler gave me his journal entries describing how he went through Japan with his bike! Alone! More details are omitted.  Thinking about habits, discipline, and mastery. Since this is what I lack the most at the moment, but this is where I take the most action also!  In general, to get some things off my chest. 
 
Reflection

So, here I go then I'll go to bed since I am at this exact moment 1h and 15 min beyond what I schedule. I will dive into the process of how I will combine this with my bullet journal, potentially this will work to a greater extent than my physical journal. Which I'll use for the occasional shadow work.


I did not read these two articles completely and I still ask myself some time, when I'll actually take notes or if I'll ever do it and such partially highly complex subjects. After my kriya experience in January of February this year. I gained a lot more insight in what I want to do what meditation and supernatural phenomena could be like. For instance, makio which I bet have some chemical or biological mechanism. (Like DMT in the dark).  I recently had a couple of flashes of weird pictures and images as I closed my eyes. Not like on LSD I listened to someone who did a Vipassana retreat and had these visuals and called these enlightenment experiences. Which is just Makyo. IMO

Now I saw a picture of an old lady or guy in grey and white right in front of me as I closed my eyes. The other two pictures I forgot. While I attended the retreat where I had the kriya experience. I noticed that the contours of thoughts, feeling or mental talk from outside or inside can shape right in front or inside the darkness that I can see when I close my eyes and look at my eyelids. I saw an OX during the retreat, yet just the face. TBH I literally thought nature would kill me. There were so many non-normal noises occurring right next to me. A couple of days later I heard myself screaming through a river. I really thought I lost it. TBH LSD felt safer... now I know that this was a Kriya experience and that it is somewhat normal. I did not go fully into the lunatic scale. 

So, the new phenomenon is that I feel at my brain stem where the vagus nerve runs through I feel that there is stirring obviously I speculate. The two links under Makyo below even explain that this is samskaras seeing past lives etc. I had so many odd fking insights because of personality theory that I've been reading on the net for XX years. Let's just see what happens. I love it that Shinzen is so interactive and that I could write, text him about such stuff. Truly a 21st century non-dual, saint, sage, shaman etc. Enough wannabe credit. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Makyo
https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metencephalon
https://wiki.yoga-vidya.de/Samskara#Alte_Samskaras_als_Hindernisse_f.C3.BCr_die_Meditation

I still am in love with zen and when I move out of this apartment or move to do my masters into a different city. I will definitely dive more into minimalism. Here is a video from the zen master where I did a three-day retreat this year and a 14-day retreat last year in France.