ZenTwizzle

I apologize if this is a repeat as I thought I posted this but didn't see it come up so I might have screwed it up.. Anyway. I had an epiphany today in the sense that I recognized that I think I might be what they call an empath and it has caused a whole lot of struggle that had I known and had some guidance I might have navigated better. I am the person who absolutely feels the emotion of other people. I don't just empathize, I grieve , I feel the pain of another and I carry it as if it is my own. I can't watch sad movies, it will depress me for like forever because I feel it so deeply and I think I really have walled myself off because I can't handle others pain along with my own. I still don't know exactly how to deal with it other than I feel like I have this so I can help, but also feel so burdened, so ? exactly how fucked up am I? lol

I'm dealing with that letting go of anger thing too. I have especially noticed it bubbling up unexpectedly and inappropriately lately, which I just attribute to part of this whole process which entails, for me, peeling back layer after layer and uncovering things, beliefs you never knew existed. Ouch! painful stuff sometimes! Anyway, I keep trying different tools to help navigate through the process and one thing that is working for me with the anger is becoming ultra aware that I'm beginning to feel anger, and I engage the ego, with the thought in mind that even though the ego creates this feeling, it doesn't really experience ii, because, surely if the ego got a feel of what it was creating, it would want to stop that. So, I talk to the ego and show it what this anger thing feels like in the body and for me lately it is my heart pounding like crazy and just all tensed up. Now, while this is going on, I ask the ego, once it's felt it, what possible good can this be serving? And if the ego is honest, it will admit, anger is serving absolutely no purpose, then we agree to do whatever we need to do together to calm all. The theory being that the ego does not want to relinquish control, so instead of battling it, make it part of the solution. May seem like a silly mind trick, but what that process is actually doing is bringing increasing awareness to your current state, it's taking control rather than a knee jerk reaction, and you self calm. and, what I'm hoping is also building new neuro pathways that become the new natural response. That's just my little construct that is helping me, but just wanted to give you the idea of coming up with some tools that resonate with you and deal with your anger without reacting to it. I would repeat as others have said though, you have to allow yourself to feel it, you can't let it go if you suppress it . And it also doesn't mean you don't still have to do the hard work of digging deep too.

Thank you Chris, you have been very helpful and am applying your process from your other post. every baby step helps.

I thank all for your responses, even The Frown ( an apt moniker if I do say so myself). It's not that I'm not functioning, I'm just aware that I feel other people's emotions seemingly more intensely and take them on as my own and it is draining. I'm off to read the article mentioned above and just hoping to come up with some better coping mechanisms. I for one think the world could use more empathy , just not to the extent that it alters your own energy field. Thanks for all input though.

I sort of had an epiphany today, keeps happening regularly. But, the one thing I've heard about but never paid much attention to is empaths, but I now realize that I identify with that and wonder does anyone experience what I do. I take on everyone's problems as if they are my own. I feel their pain as if it is my own, I can't watch sad movies because I will live their pain from the movie! Jeeeesh! like I don't have enough of my own problems. I know this from when I was a child and everything would be fine in my world, but if someone I knew was having a problem, I would live through their problem as if it were mine and couldn't let it go until they solved it and then I would feel better. Yeah, greenhorn here, but, that answers so many questions for me because, I find myself walling myself off because I can't handle any more emotion. I so often feel like I carry everyone's problems and I feel their pain intensely and I have never gotten good at overcoming this. Thoughts? anyone

thx. but that is no help. it is out of their realm to help.

thank you for replying, I don't know anyone I could say that to and them understand. I really am trying to understand everything, but this one kills me, because I don't know how it helps others and it kills me

How do you get past ego? and are you?

lol, tenacious little devils, aren't they? (egos that is) I even find myself talking to my ego, and then I realize who's talking!

Wow, so sorry to see you go, but hope and believe you'll be back when the time is right.

Thanks Leo and Avi, I understand the what, just can't figure out the how.

Does anyone else see the humor in this conversation? seems to me the one and only rule is There are no rules. Any perception through any unenlightened filter can not be believed. From my perspective humans just like to make up a bunch of rules.

Wow Sarper, I'm glad that helped in any way. Trust me, I think most of us convolute anything and everything. I am beginning to believe that repetition is what helps rewire the brain and it eventually becomes habit. That new habit becomes your reality etc., but it sure doesn't happen over night, at least not for this girl. lol

Well cool, now you know where the confidence training went a little astray. Now you can get back on that path to be the real, loving confident you.

One mind hack that I use to be able to genuinely forgive people, is wow, I may have work to do on me, but that other person must be in a really awful place to behave like that. That poor person's struggles must be so bad that the only way they are able to cope is behave badly, I'm glad my struggles pale in comparison and I really feel sorry for that other person, they must be in a dark place. When I can really feel the empathy I lose all thought of striking back. For me, it helps to find new ways to process things to rewire your thinking in a more constructive way. Don't know if that might help you, but nothing ventured nothing gained. And as with all things self actualizing practice, practice, practice is key. PS. Cool that you are recognizing the emotion for what it is and wanting to change it.

Are you sure that you were confident and didn't care about other's opinion of you, or did you stop caring about their feelings? Confidence isn't arrogance, or feeling superior. Could there have been a touch of that and maybe you were beginning to feel uncaring at all,l and hence the sociopath ideation. Just a thought

I like to think of it as putting my child eyes on. Things like washing the dishes, but now you're noticing the warmth of the water, the look of the bubbles, the sound of the water. When I pull myself completely in the moment it is with an awareness with all the senses, and while there is no judgement or expectation, it is with a childlike glee and appreciation. You might want to just try the next time you take a shower just really notice how the water feels on your skin, how does the soap smell, what does the shower sound like. If you really take it all in, it is anything but boring, you don't want to leave the shower. and the cool thing is, you are practicing gratefulness at the same time. Anyway, little greenhorn here, but sometimes looking at things from different perspectives you might just stumble on something that clicks with you.

One thing that helps me in dealing with any negative emotion is just allow yourself to feel it, Note where you feel it in your body, what it does to your posture etc. observe it. Pretty soon you realize it is just a feeling that your ego is dictating to you and the feeling eventually ebbs. You'll notice the feeling is just a feeling and it won't kill you and you might even get to the point of changing what you think about that feeling. I was dumped a week before Christmas and was so devastated and couldn't imagine how I could get past the pain. Once I just allowed myself to feel the pain, realize that the pain I was feeling was my ego telling me this is the result of the event. I have since, every time that pain pops up, I tell myself that isn't serving me any purpose and instead of hurting, I now look at that pain as just the feeling of one door closing and a new fabulous door is now open with all sorts of exciting possibilities. Don't know if that will help you, but it has gone a long way in helping me let go of negative emotions that don't serve me well.