StarStruck

I wonder how it is with other people. I just observed it in myself how I create problems or rather want a problem be solved (like wanting a business or wanting to start a family) and then self sabotaging myself so I don’t get what I want. This is also robs my of the chance of getting it and discovering that is not it. Part of me still wants the things I want but I will be trying to apply radical honesty to my actions in my daily life. A lot of the things I do is just to escape the moment or to avoid a state. I think some people can even use enlightenment to escape. Eventually something will trigger them to snap back to reality and they will see their life is a bigger mess than before + time lost. The naive thing I believed in for years is that there will come a time that some enlightenment will come and everything will be fixed. That has to be earned and the price has to be paid. And such future moment of salvation doesn’t exist. It is the now. It is so unsettling.

You really don’t like Trump.

I wonder what the bug was thinking looking at you.

It was the same with tobacco. The science told us it was bad but it took decades before it sunk into mainstream consciousness and dignity. Porn will be recognized the same way as tobacco one day, but it will take time.

I read that book a while ago. There are still people who say porn is innocent. Man. It still hasn't caught the mainstream.

I feel like a lot of people will come to this position you described, sooner than later. I have been on this forum for couple of months and there are a lot of people who hold onto enlightenment. Pursue the ox like a zen devil and get trapped instead of letting go and transcending. When you are enlightened you continue life. Enlightenment is not about escapism. At least you are brave enough to make a thread about it. Some people will waste much more than 6 years so consider yourself lucky. What if you lost 12 years instead of 6? Hopefully some people will read this thread and save themselves.

I finished Derek's course. I expected more. His assistant who did a recap of every segment was more helpful than Derek himself. The only thing he did during the whole course was bragging (perhaps to inspire?) and his assistant gave really good advice. It helped me. For people who are into enlightenment I advice RSD transformations by Julien. His program is a great fit for people who are at orange-green and bellow. Especially his trauma release, meditation techniques, paradigm shifts and model of enlightenment is great. I noticed that most of his teachings are "inspired" by David R. Hawkins. Those books are great. It is a good alternative if you don't want to spend a lot of money on a program.

This guy is a selfmade man. Interesting person to listen to. He is the antithesis of spirituality. Interesting to listen if want to learn more about stage orange spiral dynamics. He got some interesting programs.

Just use OneNote. Keeping all my notes at one place works best for me.

Second go Dose: 8 mg 5 MeO DMT Intentions: none Preparation: read into infinity (form and formless, actualized and non-actualized, in particular) It was the same setup as last time. I expected the same as last time but I kept an open mind. Last trip was full of fear. During this trip I got into the same realm as last time. I felt sinking into my bed. My ego was struggling to keep up trying to hold onto anything. I was literally dying. Last time I couldn't stop my hyperactive brain (thinking about being judged for screwing up). It was silly but the thoughts were impulsive. I was just sick of it. I gave up. I just let everything go and at a certain moment I broke through a barrier and I saw that I was in a cloud of fear (one can say matrix) but no more. I broke through it and there was peace. There were no clouds, just sky, endless sky. This trip was such a contrast to my last trip. The last trip was fear induced (fear I was projecting ). This trip started the same but I feel like I transcended myself. I don't feel depressed any more. It is to soon to say but we will see. This trip started so bad. 1 minute into the trip I said to myself where did I get myself into but somehow I managed to turn that around taekwondo style. At this moment I realized I have many matrix's in my psyche that just make me locked in my paradigm. This trip gave me so much to write about in terms of self-actualizing. Most of the things I wrote above, I already knew, but 5 MeO DMT helped me see it by forcing me to experience things. In my experience, fighting back (not surrendering) is impulsive. I'm mentality saying to myself "don't fight back, don't fight back" but I can't help. At the end I surrendered but it was like a war, where you slowly retreat, instead of full surrender. Probably at high doses of 5 MeO DMT that will be a different story. Main lesson: fear is temporary, love is infinite

This was just to test the waters. I read about some horror stories so I wanted to test the waters before jumping into the pool so to say. I know myself so I wanted to take it slow. So I didn’t want my first time to be horrific and then stay away from the god molecule for god knows how long. My intention for the trip: -test the waters -letting go/stop resisting -be ready to die I put all the gear ready. I meditated for 30 minutes before starting. I knew this wasn’t going to be a deep trip and it will feel like dying. In my head I imagined a train coming and me jumping in front of the train. Would I do it? I said yes. I heated the pipe, vapor started to form, I put the pipe in my mouth and inhaled. I held it in for 30 seconds and I felt it coming. There was still ego, it was resisting, and if I didn’t know any better and resisted it would have been a disaster, but I knew better. At this point I realized that ego death is scarier than actual death. I wasn’t resisting but my ego was like a little child jumping in trying to stop me. Started to see some fractals but it was only for couple of seconds. It was scary but for some reason I liked the fear. I felt alive after years of dissociation. It was so counter intuitive. Mind you this was just one hit. I wanted to go for a second hit but I realized the vapor was already gone. Tried it anyway but probably burnt it or the vapor was already gone because I didn’t take consequent hits. Take-ways: -Ego death is scarier than actual death -I got some experience how to heat the pipe (without wasting a big dose of DMT) -I knew small dose of 5-Meo-DMT is scarier than a big dose because there is still ego. -DMT showed me what letting go really means but that I have some inner resistance - I knew the truth was at the end of the tunnel; only obstacle to reach the truth is resistance The first take-away was already know to me but now I experienced first hand. Overal it was a pleasant experience as crazy as that sounds. I felt like one of those people who do dangerous sports to feel alive but it is not the same of course. I can imagine some people having bad trips because of this psychedelic. You have to research. I knew for example what ego death was and that it is scarier than actual death but it is one thing to know it, it is another thing to actually kill it. Conclusion: -I would have gone all the way but the trip wasn’t strong enough. -I only took one hit so that is understandable. The real dose I got is probably 1/3th of 10mg -I got the hang how to heat the pipe. That is valuable to me. I didn’t waste a huge dose -And I got a taste what ego death is; my previous notion of ego death was childish -next time I’m going to do 10 mg again but I will take 3 hits instead of 1 -research how to heat the pipe a little more, the liquid disappeared very quickly, there was no burn though -at no point I told myself what did I get myself into. I was going deeper and deeper but it stopped prematurely because of low dose.

He was a true trooper.

@trenton Rich people let other people work for them.

@Dutch guy just pop some 5 MeO and tell me how it went. :))

Are you really asking that question? 5 MeO is spooky. Not everybody is into killing himself. Especially if that person is heavily invested or happy with his current life. Promoting psychedelics will do jack shit. There is already a main stream group who does it and they use it for recreational purposes. According to spiral dynamics people evolve out of necessity. Hard to convince people to do something out of selfless reasons. People usually ask what is it in for me? I’m struggling with this too.

Couple of days ago I did my first mini dose of 5-MeO-DMT. I got the experience I was already expecting. I felt like literally dying but I handled it well. The ego was fighting back but I guess that is normal or not? What can I do to prepare? I read in some threads that there is nothing you can do to prepare for this but if you have a history of tensing up, there are some things you can do like meditation, trauma release and shadow work. I did those things but when I came eye to eye with ego death all my preparation went out the window and my survival instinct kicked in. I was ready but my ego wasn't. I don't even know what it was defending? It just "was". Me having an ego death right now is with minimal dangers. I don't have wife and kids. I'm in between jobs. My only obligation is school. And there is a quarantine. Might go balls to the wall but I'm trying to understand why my first experience was so different than other people's first time.

@Nahm I got that insight in a recent trip. The only reason I believe something is because I believe something. 5 MeO can help me with letting go of trauma but I read it can make it worse too. That is why I’m careful. By the way I have a technical question: If I believe I’m not my avatar anymore, the duality collapse, I merge into non-duality and come back into this realm of dualism, right? Only with your “physical” death you merge permanently with non duality / infinity if I understand it correctly. I mean to type this message on this forum one has to use duality.

That doesn’t sound like ego death to me. @Javfly33 @28 cm unbuffed Thanks for sharing that. I think we have some commonalities in that regard.

@Thought Art thanks for sharing your report. How many hits did you take off one 5 mg dose? When I heated my pipe the substance vaporized immediately. I wanted to take 3 hits but I got 1 hit.

@OBEler small dose of 5 MeO is scarier for the ego, because the ego is still there. It will feel like you are literally dying. I handled it well because I have been training my mental release muscles. It feels like you are sinking into the ground. And to me it was clear there were two options resisting or surrender (which means dying). To me this kind of fear was unknown. If you don't have a reference experience, it will catch you off guard.

Openmindedness means not having a bias. It doesn't have to do with truth. The truth is the outcome/product.

It is the day after. I had a dream that I was a hunter in the Victorian era with dogs and the equipment and then I vanished into infinity. Tonight I planned another 10mg but I’m not sure if I should take it. Yesterday I got a taste what dying of the ego means. I mean I can prepare more but how much can you prepare for such a thing? Going for a walk and after that I will decide.

@GodDesireOnlyLove thanks for the lesson

Define intelligence. The question is too broad.

It is just a model.