StarStruck

@FlowerNote I wouldn't depend on reddit.. lmao https://www.insider.com/are-smoothies-healthy-2019-4

@FlowerNote blending destroys the fibers too. I suggest you google it.

I had a wonderful walk in the forest. Did the deficiency consciousness versus being consciousness perception exercise. It changed my whole experience of taking a walk. At a certain moment I even lost sense of myself, but it was temporary. I think I finally got my first nondual experience while not being on something.

Yesterday I read the book rewired and today I'm reading the winners effect. I think two books per day is not practical. It isn't leaving me time to contemplate; gonna limit myself to 1 book per 1/2 days. The book rewired was not that good. It was on a pop culture level. The good thing about that book was that it gave questions at the end which was good to contemplate the following topics: Honesty, evolution, compassion, Solitude, self-care, Boundaries, living your authentic self and learning to never censor that for anyone or anything. I'm going to read must reads from now on. I don't have time to waste on such books.

Simple answer is: because you care what other people think of you for [blanc] reasons. As serotoninluv says follow your sensations in your body. They will try to tell you something. Probably you have a lack in something or a trauma. I have troubles with this too. When we lack something in ourselves we look for outside things to fill that bottomless “hole”. It will never fill up. It is just a way of the brain to postpone/deny the present.

Daily walks, contemplation and shadow work Since Corona I'm doing daily walks, usually listening or watching something, occasionally also just walking in silence. That last mentioned is doing me so good. Walking and contemplating is such a wonderful combination for me. Last two months or so I got a much clearer view of my inner landscape and it feels like the tip of the iceberg in the unconscious deep waters. Just pushing emotions and fears away has been something I have been doing for a long time. Doing that is like putting it in the fridge. It will just stay in the fridge until you take it out and "melt it away". Iceberg analogy is so powerful. I did some methods of shadow work but I'd love to find new methods of doing it. I'm also so lucky that I have the time to do such stuff. I can't imagine having a full time job, getting home & being tired and finding time to do such stuff. Feeling so shitty for not having a gf right now but I know having a gf wouldn't solve the problem. It would just be a surrogate for the problem, which I still don't understand fully. Today I noticed that I don't even value my complete freedom. Settling down is basically willingly giving up some parts of your freedom for "something". I'm afraid I will never find the one and there is absolutely no reason to believe that other than my past bad experiences. At the moment I have nothing to lose. It is the perfect time of my life to go deep.

Be sure to document it with video so you will be an example to others.

Thinking about buying a Samsung Note 10 Lite to make notes, it is also great with making sketches/mindmaps, and watching video while making notes. It has the capability to split a screen into youtube/onenote for example. Do I really need it? Dunno.

Gym rat mentality is something we can learn from Life is just about moving from one chapter to another. It kind of reminds me of gym rats. Real gym rats (at least here) who achieve their goals don’t fuck around in the gym forever. They go in, don’t fuck around, do the work and go home. Eventually they reach a stage, reach their goals and move to the next stage; go and do another sport. People who just fuck around, don’t have purpose and motivation just half ass it, spend as much time as the gym rat in the gym and get stuck in the gym forever. And they never reach their goals whereas if they reached their goals they could go and do another sport with their spare time. Enlightenment is so similar. There are people who fuck around and there people who go balls to the wall. It is not about the time spend alone, it is also about the effectiveness and efficiency. My grammar sucks but fuck it. ?

The 5 MeO Trip of last Friday (15 may) changed me. I reached egoless consciousness that night. I can’t recreate it but I do feel the potential of it happening it if I meditated. Since last Friday I didn’t meditate that much just out of laziness. I have to be more serious about integration work. Nowadays just being busy trying to be productive. Laziness is just a clever way of the devil to rob your time so you don’t have time to be enlightened. I really This week I’m going heavy on productivity. I have a self help book list ready. Going to read two productivity self help books, do the exercises, contemplate and integrate. I’m excited and I have faith.

@Juliano Zn I heard somebody who swallowed their tongue and died. Not with Kriya Yoga by the way. Currently reading Kriya Yoga revealed. I stopped reading after Khecari Mudra. I’m just gonna do the exercises until I reach a point that I’m comfortable with doing such dangerous exercises. How far can you go with your tongue?

@reves are you not afraid to swallow your tongue though?

On a macro perspective you need to change paradigms. When you get a need to fulfill your addiction, there is usually tension in your mind and body. There are methods to relax your mind/body, you will need to do some research. At the same time you will also need willpower. Don't let your thoughts set the terms. You set the terms and your thoughts should follow. If you let your thoughts roam, they will look for weak spots and seduce you to smoke again. Until your paradigm has changed you will have to do this until you take on a new persona; somebody who is not a smoker.

Kechari seems dangerous. I don't know if I want to do it.

Corona is getting on my nerves and I feel lonely. I need female companionship but screw that shit. In the supermarket I saw some nice girls but my focus is on fixing my motivation and productivity right now. No time for distractions.

Today somebody gave me 5 euro because he thought I dropped it. I wasn’t sure but I acted like it was mine because I wasn’t sure. Later on I felt bad. I think it kind of exposed a part of me: it is safer to be dishonest than honest. I mean it was only small amount of money but I totally dropped my values for it. To be fair to myself in the moment I thought it could be mine. I just lied about being sure about it. I felt like I was possessed and on auto pilot. This kind of connects to my psychedelics trip of couple of days ago which you can read above. It was almost like the universe sent me a test and yes I failed it.

@Loving Radiance I finished the program in two days. And it was my second run. I already did the program last year. This time I took notes. About your learning pace... It is something personal. I prefer a fast paste so I keep oversight of the whole.

@Loving Radiance http://julienhimself.com/self-help/ They sell it as a program or online seminar. I did the program. Online seminar is just the same but you can ask stupid questions at the end, and they charge an arm and a leg for it.

Thinking about doing a retreat for two days during this weekend. Nonstop meditation to catch up my lack of meditation this week.

I did a micro dose of 5 MeO DMT. First inhale there was some resistance. During the second inhale I fully surrendered. It was the first time I managed to do that. It was amazing. I was in this different head space and I could see everything clearly. It felt like I could fully use my brain. The contrast between “that” headspace and my normal headspace is similar to an adult’s headspace and a child’s headspace. I didn’t get much time to examine things because the trip didn’t last that long but I definitely need more honesty in my life. Third inhale was something else. I totally lost who I was and I was gone. I still knew who I was but I was definitely out of my body. It felt like a very long time. I really didn’t know what to do with it but I saw the ego was a construction. Eventually came back to the “dream world” (insider joke). This puts a different perspective on things. Experienced nothingness for the first time. It was on a low dose. For a moment I thought I was stuck there but I knew that was not true. I tried to made the best out of it but I wasn’t prepared. There was some inner conversations going on but I don’t have a recall.

@The Don if you search on NLP and ADHD there are some books about it. The book I’m reading is not in English and not in pdf format.

I read somewhere it can be healed with self love but it is very difficult. The older you get the more difficult of a job you have. NLP is a great tool to reprogram the brain. Currently reading a book about it.

I have been eating calf liver for the last year and it helped me tremendously. It is so satiating and packed with nutrients that I rolled back my muscle meat consumption. My body asks for less meat and I'm a big meat eater. The taste of it is strong because it is packed with vitamins, minerals and trace elements. When you develop a taste for it it is actually delicious. Chicken liver and calf liver is actually not strong in terms of taste. You don't even need to consume a lot of it. It has 20x the nutrients that muscle meat has. I try to eat it once a week and it solved all of my health problems. Don't confuse pills with actual food. I hear a lot of people say they rather take live pills but your body only absorbs 1% of the pill. When you actually eat the organic substance, in this case liver, your body actually processes it and can take the nutrients out of the food. I recommend you play around with some recipes. I had to play around to find something that fitted my taste buds. Making it with unions and green peppers is my favorite way. You will eat less muscle meat. I always have great night sleep the day I have eaten liver. And I feel a boost mentally and physically. https://chriskresser.com/natures-most-potent-superfood/

Our ancestors ate organs until not so long ago. Just eating muscle meat is something new for our species. Even tigers and so on go for organs first. They know it instinctively.

"Furthermore, there can be a concern that animals that have been exposed to toxins and pesticides will have toxicity in their organs. It is important to remember, however, that while organs, such as the liver and kidneys, act as filters for toxins that enter the body, they excrete those toxins and do not store them." https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319229 Just munch on some organs, bro.