StarStruck

It is not the fault of the "followers". Gurus tell their followers "enlightenment will solve all of your problems." You said this line more than once. I'm not really judging. I'm curious how people feel about their addictions and procrastination after they declared themselves gods.

I'm struggling with the same thing so I can't help you. ;(

Yesterday I took a deep look into my relationship with myself. I recognized patterns how I treat myself and how I treat others. I saw that I basically was projecting the structure of my relationships onto the world, looking for evidence to keep that paradigm alive, setting up defenses to protect that paradigm, and acting in certain ways to manifest that. Basically the structure of our reality is created during our childhood, the content is our parents, but with time the content changes. We get to know new people and our surrounding (content) changes but the structure (our paradigm) stays more or less the same. This is so core to my existence that it involves literally everything. If you had good parents, and thus relatively less trauma, this is not a problem for you but if you had bad parents it can really skew things up. And enlightenment is just one aspect which can be harder. Actualizing is basically parenting yourself: After that thread I did couple of hours of research that made a lot of things clear for me.

What I'm wondering is that people claim they reached the highest truths on this forum, became God, and in the same breath they tell us they still have problems with addictions, procrastination, bad behavior and other stuff. Isn't that humiliating?

Accepting and letting go are two tools you can use to parent yourself. Actual parents use these two behaviors too. A good parent knows when to accept (give love) and when to let go (let the child unleash). Letting go is like letting a arrow go from a bow. When you are a good parent you don’t push them. You let them “unleash” like an arrow from a bow. Letting the arrow unleash without enough pull (self love), Will makte the arrow not go so far. That is why parents who give a lot of love to their children, have children who make it very far. Love is a currency.

Self-actualizing is actually parenting yourself. A good parent accepts the child’s flaws, and let’s the child accept its flaws (by explaining), this part is important. If you can’t let the child accept its flaws, it can’t transcend its flaws. That video I posted is actually really good. Many of our inner castles that we created to defend against another part of ourselves are the problems in itself. For example if you a procrastinator and you resist yourself being like that (create defenses not to be like that) you fall in your own trap. I think the sequence of accepting your inner child and then encouraging your inner child to improve is important. Just discarding your inner child and bullying him to change will force the child to disown parts of himself (create inner castles) and the destructive parts that he tries to defend against will hit him even harder. These inner castles are in our sub conscious and most of them we are not even aware of. Just dissociating of the castles of the sub conscious won’t let the castles disappear. That is why telling somebody “you are not your personality” is like telling a donkey he is not a donkey. Even if the donkey is not stubborn enough to accept he is not a donkey , he will just be a donkey who believes he is not a donkey. The crux is letting the subconscious of the donkey convince itself he is not a donkey. For example I see people who pop 20-30 mg of 5 MeO DMT and they say they become god and shit. And the next sentence: I still procrastinate, lol. It is also important what stage you are. From what I understand is that people are stuck at the emotional level that they had with their parents. If you are a person who had parents who pushed you to disassociate parts of yourself you will disassociated a lot of yourself. If you keep doing what your parents did to you will just reproduce the circumstances of the parental relationship. 1. Accepting: you first need to do a lot accepting yourself (giving yourself self love). 2. Letting go: And if you are done with that you can move to the next stage which is encouraging yourself to reach your potential by “letting go” That is what parenting is: accepting and letting go. If you skip part 1 and move to part 2 you will make the part that you are trying to improve even worse from what I understand. Anyway, these are just my interpretations of my research.

@James123 I know the theory but actualizing it is hard.

I didn’t expect to end up here. 14:39

You are god is probably the funniest and the most truthful thing you can say to somebody.

@mandyjw agreed. It makes me uncomfortable to think about it like that. The self-help literature always told me those borders existed you know.

@mandyjw You say there isn’t a higher and lower self but then you proceed to explain the difference between the two. I’m confused about that. I’m not sure how to proceed now. Negative self talk and taking away from self love when I fail my high standards is definitely something I need to work on. At the moment I’m pushing myself to work harder. Something that I’m not use to. It just creates stress and I think I need to be mindful of how I interpret these sensations. Part of me says (traumatized part) just wants to stay where it is and the other part wants to move to newer places. Both parts want the same thing but it is hard to sell.

@mandyjw there is a lower self and a higher self. For me it feels these two are always fighting. I do notice that I can lash out at my lower self. When I try to be nice to the lower self things go much smoother but there is still this inner struggle between the one who is seeking comfort and the one who wants to be a higher self. Your comment about higher self lashing out in not-selflove is something I didn't notice. That part of me always told me I'm lashing out because I love you and want you to be the best. How can I sabotage myself if there is just 1? Do you need two persons for sabotage? I'm kind of confused about that question but I will think about it.

Less thinking and more doing. That should be something you should write on your fridge. The mental prison is build on fear and you need to seek what puts fear in you and then do it until you aren't afraid.

Do you guys use any techniques or a model when journaling? What do you track? Are you consisted? I'm interested to know how others journal.

@IJB063 I'm addicted to content. I consume much more books/podcasts and other multimedia than I write about it or contemplate about it. I tried to stop with consuming information and I notice it is very hard. Probably it is a good idea to go cold turkey and stop with books, youtube and podcasts for a while but it is very hard. There is thus negative sensation in my body if I don't indulge in my addiction. Self help has become a form of escapism for me. I think my first priority should be to heal the addiction for information and then create a healthy balance between consuming information and self-actualization. I'm not sure how I'm going to do this. I have to turn inwards. That is what I know and then get my hands dirty. Just being present and deal with life is something I have been neglecting. It is so much easier to neglect the present and indulge in endless self-help material.

Thanks for the tips guys. I'm using OneNote. Sometimes I have trouble coming up with topics to write about. The problem is that there are topics but I'm not aware of what is going on in my head. What I noticed that it is important to go deep into topics and not stay on the service level. I think this is called going meta. This is something my mind really like to do. I rather browse on the net or do something else to distract myself instead of being aware what is going on in my head. I recently bought a more comfortable phone. I'm going to try to keep track of my automatic thoughts. These thoughts are so rapid that most of the time I'm not even aware of them. The problem with that is that I can be stuck in my own web of thoughts. Especially because I'm negative minded. Before opening this topic i checked my daily journal and I noticed that most of my entries were so similar. This is probably why journaling is something I dont like to do. I don't get a lot of return on invesment. I'm going to implement the tips I got in this topic and I hope that will bring a change.

Didn't do jack shit today.

Save enough money to buy enough food and do a retreat for X amount of months.

Subtility Taking walks and contemplating is so fascinating. I encounter people, things, and memories. Especially walking somewhere where I got a lot of memories gave me some interesting insights. Trying to catch myself how I react to things is so useful. It approach it like studying a lab rat. Today I noticed how I resist to things. It is so subtle. Enlightenment is so subtle. I have been looking for the magic pill and there isn´t (besides 5 MeO DMT :)) but there is a magic formula and that is just consciousness. I'm starting to connect various concepts discussed within Actualized org and outside of it. It is all pointing to the same thing. I already understood this on a conceptual level but now it is getting experiential. Something I noticed too is the danger of low level conscious thinking, when I'm in that stage I'm just wasting mental bandwidth and not becoming wiser while it feels like I'm doing something useful. Holistic thinking combined with concentration and being unbiased is truly something else. If one has skin in the game and wants a certain outcome you can't even see many subtilities.

It has to do with quantum mechanics.

@dimitri there are people on this forum who figured out electric vaping. It can work. I’m not comfortable with the pipe and the burning onto the glass after multiple uses. That can’t be healthy. And secondly those burns onto the glass also tells you that you waste most of the molecules.

Melting Last view days I have gotten flashes of my higher self. What I could have been and can be. And all I have to do is just to be. My stress levels have plummeted. I still have my old ways but I feel like a part of me is melting. The ego is a reflection of my surrounding. It is like a (dirty) mirror. There are some backlashes and projection of significance/meaning into things but it feels like a losing battle for my ego. yesterday I was so nihilistic but today I feel not bad about it. I’m seeing the difference between doing versus being.

You need ceramic coil. If you use the other kind of coils that is used for herbs it won’t work. I bought the right coil but I still have to test it out. @dimitri @Javfly33

You could try electric vaping.

Meaninglessness Today I did a spirituality walk of 2 hours. A little bit through the forest and a village nearby. I tried to strip meaning from everything. It made me so nihilistic. It is so disorientating. At least for tonight I don’t feel like doing anything. I’m just going to sit with the feeling. I feel like a dog who stopped chasing his own tail. In the beginning I felt stupid. Now I’m feeling a kind of relief but it is so disorientating. During this time I started to see how my self agenda fucked so many things up in the past. I’m kind of angry at myself and I get why. I have to do some reconciliation. All what I need is in the now. I got in the being paradigm couple of times in the past view days but I flip back to the meaning paradigm. I’m so needy. Needy for gf most of all. It consumes me.