StarStruck

@dimitri thanks. I will look into it. I actually had the first one on my book list but I will prioritize.

I'm doing daily meditations. The thing is that I can feel it but I can't identify it. It is like a cocktail of different kind poison. Probably it is a mix of two or more emotions. I want to label these so I can recognize them during the day. Otherwise they just go under the radar and fuck me up.

Most people are strange but they hide it to blend in. Being totally authentic and showing your uniqueness can be good but there is a point when it becomes irrelevant and weird. There is a balance between being authentic and socially blending in.

Leo said you can give yourself what you want from others but is this really true? Last year I have been acting introvert and it had its good effects and bad effects. I found this base inner joy but it is nowhere near the joy I get when I share with other people. I feel like isolating yourself has bad effects for your health too. I'm not sure about my premise though. I have a lot of negative karma / negative energy stored up. The intention for seeking social interaction with family and friends is important too. Really enjoy those when I'm in the present and have good vibes and energy flowing through me. I do sense a lot of neediness for attention and approval though. I'm in the process of healing this with various meditation techniques. I don't know how to progress. I don't want to be stuck in this healing process forever. I see other people who don't have this need for attention and approval from others and I'm not there. Is it just hardwired or can one really let go of it?

I had a similar experience the first time I went to a nightclub.

@hamedsf I thought dreams equaled REM sleep. I’m not sure about it. Perhaps it is not the meditation but something else.

Getting into deep meditation. Almost trance like states. Always doin them at night and it doesn't matter if I do it just before sleep time or not, it always messes up my night sleep. I fall into sleep very easily and I even get dreams, which is an indicator of deep sleep but I'm not rested anymore. My brain feels so pressurized that I'm forced to take mini naps. It is a solution but it messes up my schedule. Any advice?

If I lay down I fall asleep guaranteed. I sit down.

@hamedsf when I meditate right before sleep I fall asleep very quickly. I don't have problems with falling asleep. The problem is the quality of sleep.

@Spiral Wizard Breaking the Habit of being Yourself: what is your favorite spirituality book?

With Joe Dispenza's stuff I reached high trance states. Almost felt like I felt asleep but I was awake and when I ended the meditation it took 20 minutes to become sober again.

schindlers list

I started doing meditations by Joe Dispenza. Wow! Just wow! It brought my meditations to a whole new level. The previous meditations I was thought here and elsewhere can't even be called meditations. Reached trans like states couple of times. Almost psychedelic in nature. Dispenza couples meditations with science and he knows what he is teaching about. I read his book the placebo effect a while back and it wasn't really practical. This book I read from him made a heavy impact and I just started and haven't fully developed his program. I'm just in week 1 of his 4 week program.

I recommend you do some shadow work. How was your relationship with your mother? People tend to create relationships with the opposite sex in the same dynamic that you had with your opposite sex parent. I would look into that.

@dimitri I have seen the benefits you described. Micro dosing for a week was just an experiment. The cost: couple of gray hairs. I think 5 MeO DMT makes the person age faster too. The body goes through a lot. Reached egoless thinking couple of times and that was great. I mean emotionally one becomes more mature when taking DMT. I think the same counts for the body since mind and body are connected. Every benefit has a cost.

@dimitri definitely have to take more time off to integrate and become more aware. The body sensations are so strong that it takes over the mind. Probably it is best to just meditate for now to get out of the mind and body. It kind of makes me scared to take a big dose but I have to work towards it. I notice that there is still a lot of trauma in my body. In the beginning I could let it go but now it is getting impossible.

Any tips for surrendering during low dose 5 MeO DMT trips? Last two trips were very hard with a lot of negative emotion and stress. I'm kind wary to do it again.

US police have a difficult job than European police. In the US there are guns under every leaf so to speak. Really makes you think why somebody would want to be a cop. It is either uneducated people who want a police salary or psychopaths people who like to shoot people and play the boss.

I reached this point. In the beginning, micro-dosing 5 MeO DMT was helpful with releasing and it gave a wholesome feeling at the end. At the moment it is just very stressful. It is very hard to surrender compared to the beginning phase. Probably will do a big dose to knock the ego out in the near future but microdosing is not for me.

By age 35 you form your personality and neurological pathways. After that everything becomes more difficult but not impossible. There is also a difference between biological age and your real age. If you sleep good, workout, eat healthy your gray matter will last longer. My goal is to get my shit together and form a strong personality by the age of 35.

You come aware that you are hungry.

Is enlightenment an on off switch though?There are various degrees/ranges to consciousness. It is more like a dail I think.

Too much questions are not good. It is about exchange of emotions as much as exchange of info. Guys who are really good with girls just ditch exchange of info and just provide good vibes from a state of being. That is why there are certain types who are not very smart but they still can attract hot girls. They just provide good feelings instead of providing knowledge/facts. People and especially girls read the subtext of what you say. If you just ask questions because you don't know what to do or say next, that is not good. They are more in touch with their body and feelings and if you come off creepy by trying to value suck off of her she will lose attraction very fast. Same if you are not confident.

What you really want is emotional bonding. The image you can use is, that you are a cake. You don't know if she will like it. So instead of force feeding her by being pushy and needy, asking a lot of questions, trying to make her like you, it is a good use to tease. Just give small bites of your personality and vibe and look how she responds. If she likes the cake, she will want more, if not.. too bad for her.