StarStruck

Today I was contemplating about this topic and I came to the realization that my fear for a lack of love/affection/attention from people is like a poor person's mindset about money. A poor person's mentality is made in a household that is poor. The person grows up and goes out of his home. Becomes somewhat successful but still fears going broke and becoming poor like in his youth. Because of his fear he only sees dangers and no opportunities and thus spirals right into manifesting his biggest fears; becoming poor again. I guess I need to build a healthy relationship with love/attention/affection. I don't know how. Can anyone suggest some literature?

@electroBeam I will reconsider psychedelics again. Micro-dosing 5 Meo DMT is just torture so I stopped. I will vape 22 microgram in the near future. My fears are these: having to live a lonely life, having no friends, and having no girlfriend. I'm starting to see how these fears are warping my perception of reality. I'm also seeing how I'm self-sabotaging to repel meeting people due to my fear. My subconscious is trying to keep homeostasis in my life. Recently I got a gf and she likes me. This girl is kind of a bomb in my life. Unconsciously I don't feel like I'm not worthy of a gf and she accepts me as I'm. You know what happened? My shadow side got control over me and I started binging on porn and avoiding meeting her(and developing erectile dysfunction). And as a result I'm hating myself. I got into shadow work and I'm working on that. You are right, working on deep psychological issues through shadow work is more important than social skills. I think I will develop social skills naturally if I fix my shadow side. Accepting who I'm with all my fuckups is hard but if I don't I will keep fucking up the rest of my life. I'm looking backwards instead of to the present/future. I'm 31 so there is definitely time to fix stuff. I'm ok accepting my autistic side but accepting for example my porn addiction is too hard. Porn addiction is the result of escapism of the present. You are right. I don't know what I want. I don't want my happiness to depend on one girl. I feel like she will dump me because of my erectile dysfunction anyway. According to the nofap community it takes about 2-3 months to rewire your brain if you do hardcore nofap. So what do you suggest? Just accepting myself/present moment (in the form of meditation) and reading shadow work material?

@electroBeam thank you for your extensive response. I appreciate it. Couple of points: it is true that I have a pain body. I was always the loner type. I really don't want to be stuck there and accept my faith. I would like to integrate and transcend by becoming socially successful and then moving on. Also I don't really do it for the girls. My reason to become socially successful is purely to integrate and transcend. Would ayahuasca help? I did 5 MeO couple of times and it only made my fears bigger. I tried to let go and it worked to some extend to me hardcore psychedelics feels like trying to do calculus while I'm struggling with algebra. How will psychedelics solve my real life problems though? Latest video by Leo about ego development only confirmed what I always believed. You really can't become an enlightened person if the lower stages aren't developed. Lack of a social circle is a real thorn in my back. I don't even want to social circle for the social circle. I want the skills that one needs to get a social circle. Wanting a social circle but not able to get it is what really hurts. Social skills are important none the less, especially in business.

Also these socially savy person can just sniff out if you are not confident and not cool by just one sentence you speak out. I think how you carry yourself (body language and eye contact) plays a big role too. They will start ignoring you very quickly and you will be out of the rotation. I honestly don't get why people don't focus more on social circle. Once you are part of the rotation hot girls just keep flowing in and if you don't fuck up you can get laid very easily this way. Anyway, I'm not doing this for the girls. I just want to make more friends, step out of my comfort zone, and defeat my fears.

Thanks for the answers. Next time to topic comes up, I'm just going to talk about the positives of religion in general and not go further than that. @Nahm that is some deep shit. I had to reread it 3 times to understand it. Are you saying that a belief is a "standalone thing"? I thought religion is highly personal. Everybody has its own variation of it. Nobody has the same knowledge/opinion whenever we talk about religion. I think you were trying to say that if there was one same belief where 1 trillion people believed; there is just the belief and nothing more.

I make digital art. I'm just a beginner though.

I'm reading a book by Jean Monbourquette on shadow work. I wish I discovered shadow work much earlier. It is already transforming my self-esteem, relationships and more.

It is one of my favourite books thus I used it in the name of my journal. I think it is better than a generic name. I will be posting my acquired resources here instead of posting it in the subforum. I think it is better if it is in one place rather than all over the place. Things I have in place: my private journal and common book meditation: 5 minutes meditation after waking up, 30-60 minutes during the day Contemplation/self inquiry every two days for two hours I make a podcast for personal use every week Psychedelics every two weeks (on average) I went to the gym every 2 days Life goal: Being specialized IT consultancy, no focus on a specific field within that sector for now daily/weekly/monthly/yearly goals I want to maximize my productivity and effectiveness: it is a bottleneck for reaching my life purpose so I first need to break that camel's back. Secondary goals are getting a girlfriend/more friends Might post updates on personal developments in my life, sticking points and random thoughts. My personal interests are: IT Health and fitness Productivity/self-help Enlightenment Travel Cooking Anthropology & history Metaphysics

@Preety_India Thanks, that is great advice for long term relationships. I'm not sure if I want to be in a long term relationship with this girl. I'm just trying to game her and doing a bad job I guess. It is a mutual exchange of sex and affection until we find better partners. That is my definition of FWB. @JosephKnecht dude

@Roy true that. Blue pill says one needs to find a balance between dominance and intimacy. I don't have a lot experience with girls so I'm still in the balancing act. I need to date more girls but I feel stuck. There is no place for me to meet other than gym and the streets due to corona.

@Roy I know what you mean. Usually it ends in a train rack. I"m just trying to learn some lessons to understand female life forms. If you act too kind you are not good, if you are too mean you are not good too. Wtf do they want? @Preety_India How can I describe her then? I try to not judge her past (because she is highly educated and kind) which is not easy for me. I can admit that. @JosephKnecht We have a complicated relationship with pretty Preety. Don't let me get started about it, broer.

@Opo thanks

So I'm 31 old guy so I don't have a biological clock in terms of fertility but I do feel the clock ticking. I feel like I'm in that Goldy locks area where I can still find a young woman around 21-28 year old who hasn't slept around too much, preferably no marriage behind her, and definitely no kids. Finding a life partner is definitely not about the specs but I feel these are relatively acceptable expectations. I recently stopped being a moderate incel and talking to girls and stuff. This made me think about my dating strategy. It will definitely feel ok dating loose women but I don't really want to end up with one of those. The thing I really want to say is that I don't want to waste my time and that means: 1. take more action to meet new people/not be idle 2. invest my time and energy correctly. Do you guys think I have a tainted view on dating? I want to settle down before 35 so I could still get a 25 something girl to settle down with. Since Corona I have this hurry that I really don't know how to deal with. It feels like life is slipping out of my hands. I'm doing a lot of sports and eat healthy so I look very young for my age when I look in the mirror but I feel old inside. I feel like setting weekly challenges like "do 10 approaches this week" or something similar to this so it is measurable and I don't do a lot of empty brainstorming without taking any action. It is very easy to slip into desperation and it is really not based on anything; I'm tall, average looking, there are some girls who are interested, and somewhat intellectually developed. It kind of reminded me of the buddhist who say look within what you are looking outside of yourself; but how do I even do that? I tried shadow work and that helped but subconscious is not easily convinced.

This thread is about my porn addiction so this is a little warning if you are easily triggered. For a long time I was an incel. I didn't have any girlfriends because I expected girls to approach me (yes, I know how spoiled that sounds as a guy but it was my upbringing). And I was a heavy masturbator. I got everything from porn so why would I put effort into talking to girls and trying to know them. Intellectually I knew I was just wasting my youth doing this. There were girls interested in me but I was just not open and didn't know how to chitchat/connect to them. I read tons of books on addictions (to stop my porn addiction) and nothing worked, until I came across David Hawkins stuff and that brought a change within me. Addictions had less control over me. I started feeling like a man again. I mean, masturbating does deplete you. Stopping with porn made me fill up with man juice, literally and figuratively. The size of your testicles determines how much you produce man juice. I produce a lot of it and I didn't know what to do with this energy. I started hitting the gym everyday but that wasn't enough. This male energy eventually pushed me to do day approach. It was scary but when I finally completed my first set of approaches I felt courageous. I felt a different person and this new energy radiated to different parts of my life. Eventually I met a girl, she was cute, smart and all that.. but promiscuous. I'm holding off meeting with her because I want to finish my 90 day no fap challenge but this girl doesn't sit still. She fucks around. She can do what she wants so I don't judge her but it caused a crises within me. These feelings of jealousy, anger and range were unfamiliar with me. I quickly realized that I shouldn't project these emotions onto her or the world but use these emotions to power my self development. This is the part where I want to ask advice. Where should I put my energy towards? I mean meditation is a staple so I'm doing that nonetheless. I'm also working on my life purpose which is becoming an IT consultant. This is what happened: I wanted to use her as a rebound chick as an incel > I caught feelings for her > and now I'm stuck with these nasty feelings. I'm writing about them and trying to understand them. I know what I have to do: keep her as a side hussle and look for a "respectable" girl but these feelings kind of overpowered me. Accepting her as a friends with benefits partner is the easy part. I just want to learn from this relationship this time because I don't want to repeat it. It is not the first time this happened to me.

@Javfly33 I thought about that this week actually. It is great that you say the same thing I thought. I'm doing meditation and Joe Dispenza style of praying. I hope it will work out. I don't want to be embarrassed or let this girl slip out of my hands.

@Javfly33 ED can be caused because of many reasons. I think my situation is as follows: I just trained by brain to have sex with a lcd screen. By the way I'm super fit, I'm going to the gym 5 times a week now, and I feel the masculine energy radiating from my groin area. The problem is the ignition which is in the brain. There is only one way out: no-fap for 90 days to rewire the brain and sproud new dopamine receptors. Problem is that she won't be hanging around for 90 days. This girl has a big sex drive.

Have plan B too. I recommend you write a business plan for yourself with yearly goals. If this website idea catches on, there will be competitors popping up like mushrooms.

After death you get truth, according to my grand parents.

@Javfly33 yea of course, I started reading "Letting go" (it taught me the letting go technique and the hierarchy of consciousness) and power versus force (basically letting go of resistance). I coupled what I learnt with shadow work to reprogram my sub conscious mind. Sad thing is that me stopping porn has put me in a flat line. I have basically ED right now because I bombarded my dopamine receptors with porn during corona. She wants me to fuck her but I can't. I don't want to invite her and get embarrassed. Fuck this shit. It is all my own doing but I can't help but to be a little bit angry towards myself.

@JosephKnecht I love stories. They are easy to remember. I wish I could fish with a net. I don't have the social circle and there is corona. I just have to do a lot of approaches and stay open minded because I do get desperate from time to time. @Javfly33 today I went to the gym. I work from home. There was no opportunity to meet new girls. I'm looking around. I never see guys approach girls on the street. How the fjck is everybody meeting girls? By the way I did chitchat to some people at the gym and made a friend. I tried to talk to a girl too but she didn't seem to be interested.

It is a great product for introverts and people who want to prop up their "charisma": https://www.charismaoncommand.com/ I really loved this product because they give action steps/exercises after every module. The modules range from confidence, to storytelling, to presence, to comedy and much more. Charlie who is the maker of this program connects these different subskills wonderfully. His advice can be very simplistic but it works amazingly. You just have to take action and not rush through the program. Yesterday I got into conversations with a bunch of people and I was wondering like "how the fuck did that happen?". And it happened so consistently that I felt that change in myself. Personally I don't know any other program that is better. This program really gives the person an overall view on interpersonal skills. I'm going to use this program as a framework for my further research.

Thanks, preety.

@Keyhole interesting username; why did you chose it?

That is what she said.

Have you talked this with your partner? You need somebody to share your described experience with. If you are not comfortable sharing this information with your partner, you may want to focus on that. I´m having similar problems and what I really try to do is being an `open box`instead of a `closed box`. Closing yourself because of your feelings just retards one´s development. Relationships expose who you really are.