StarStruck

I told my barber I don't want to settle down until I'm 35 and he had a grin on his face probably thinking I just want to sleep around. He is probably right. lol

I wasted my 20'ies with depression, gaming and porn. I was lucky to stumble upon Eckart Tolle when I was 16 but the situation with my toxic parents were so bad that I couldn't socialize (get a gf or good circle of friends). I was also very unmotivated due to low self-image. Pickup wasn't very advanced and fit for misfits at the time. The hard part was that I knew I was wasting my time. I was not enjoying wasting my time because of this. It took a long time before getting out of the pit of hell. I'm now 32. Luckily I did work out and eat healthy in the last 10 years and I look very young for my age. I did read a lot of self-help books but it was very passive and ineffective. I was kind of stuck in a circle of negative energy. My bad childhood influenced my other relations, that made me unhappy, that influenced school and work. And that is how I wasted a lot of time. Recently I changed a lot. Dating younger girls (in their 20'ies) feels like I'm "catching up" and healing myself because when I was 20 I wished I could date these girls but I didn't know how. These recent successes in my life didn't make happy. It opened old wounds and I feel like I'm trying to fill a void that can't be filled. I don't want to waste valuable time. I'm in my prime right now. It won't get any better for me from this point. Before 35 you are fit, healthy, have hair, and own a mentally sharp and flexible brain. Once a guy reaches 35, it will reach full maturity (Buddhists say life cycles come in factors of 7, (7x5=35)), and I agree with this. Also doing pickup after 35 feels weird, talking to pretty young things while balding and graying is not my thing. What I would like advice about is how to keep a balance between work and play. I found a new toy which is pickup and I'm afraid that it will just replace my old habit of watching porn and waste a lot of time doing that. I wasted my 20'ies doing porn. I don't want to waste my 30'ies doing pickup. What I would like to do is pickup (in a moderate fashion) for 3 years and then find somebody to settle down with.

My self-actualization is not going fast enough. I'm working on productivity (procrastination) at this moment. It is a tough nut to crack. After that my self-actualization will enfold. So to answer your question. I don't believe I fully embody it.

I meant biologically. Prime years in biological terms is something undisputed. I agree that in terms of self-actualization you can reach your prime at any age though. I'm focusing on the wrong things I guess.

I loved this playlist. It starts very basic and goes in very advanced stuff within conceptual thinking. There are 21 videos on the topic. I already read some books on systems thinking but he touches on things that I didn´t know. He also has a lot of other videos on different topics.

Movement is part of maya

I think you are right. I'm always forgetting it is just play. I always take it too serious. To some degree I do get why I'm like this and I'm trying to show compassion towards my behavior and that is the first step to escape my mental prison in the form of my mindset. I'm aware of the balance between theory and practice. At the same time I'm also not trying to do a lot at the same time. I'm focusing on healing childhood trauma and improving productivity; and that already takes a lot of mental bandwidth. Developing relationships is more on the backburner tbh.

@Tangerinedream I'm not good in making friends. Before the lockdown I was going to the gym 3-4 times per week and I made some acquaintances but the relationships don't develop into friendships. I'm very unconscious about this topic. Probably @flowboy is right. I do have a victim mindset and I'm working on it with David Hawkins level's of energy. I will rewatch that episode. People tell me I'm thinking too much, or more precisely, I'm thinking in a lower level of consciousness. I can't really help it though. I'm doing my best. I didn't have a nice childhood. Socially I'm a savvy person but I think I just have the wrong mindset. In the past my victim mindset was worse. Much worse. I worked on it for a couple of months last year and I got some benefits from that but I guess I need to go back to it.

I don't approach a lot. For me it either has to happen spontaneously or it is not happening. As I said I'm very passive and I expect the girl to give me signs or do something. I did approach a girl couple of months ago, and we talked like 15 minutes, we exchanged numbers and she said she has a bf. So I got sad about that (because she was very cute) and dwelled about that for a while. I know it is stupid but that is how I'm. Tinder has destroyed my self-esteem. I don't get a lot of matches on that app and I developed the selfimage that I'm unworthy.

I have some friends but none of them are close friends. They live too far and I'm emotionally distant. Good advice. Material world is Maya. There is only energy.

Last year I have been so much in solitude that I have been dissociating from life. I think it comes from not interacting with people a lot and living in my head. The only way is to seek interactions but with the lockdown in Europe that is a hard task. I think the lockdown will last another 3 months. I'm fully putting all my time and energy into myself for those 3 months and after that I will see. Currently not even aiming at stage yellow girls. I'm a very passive person so I need to work that. Probably just going to start with stage red-blue-yellow girls just to get the notches on my belt.

What is good and wrong depends on the person. Everybody has different "why's" for living life. What I really want, is to settle down one day, preferable find someone who is stage yellow. I'm not fully stage yellow so I really need to work hard but my current solitude is dragging me down. I'm aware of that. Age of your partner is just one factor to consider. Most important thing is chemistry but that doesn't mean age is not important in the consideration.

That is why I'm postponing it until I'm 35. That is my plan. Currently I'm in therapy and reading a lot. Thanks for that insight. Definitely need to read Ken Wilber anytime soon. There are a lot of books to read. And I'm going to therapy once a week. I just want my progress to go faster because time is going so fast. I'm 32 and I want to start dating but first I need to clean up my mental bandwidth as you said.

That is what I want. It is not easy for me. And I think enlightenment alone is not enough so I'm also into selfhelp.

I want to reach enlightenment before marriage too. I'm busy on it. There is slow progress. That sounds so sad, bro.

You mean you don't trust women?

@Arcangelo who is Ruby Pellet? A dog and a cat can't have conversations with me. And can't give me kids. I don't like loneliness unfortunately. I'm in solitude since the lowdown. Lockdown is driving me crazy.

You could look into day trading.

Models is a good book.

You need to eat organ meat. A lot of people have trouble because they eat muscle meat only. Organ meat is difficult to cook but it is super tasty if you can make it right. I'm doing it once a week and it helped me in so many ways. Since I'm eating organ meat I cut back on muscle meat. My body just doesn't need to eat it that often.

Atheists are usually smart but they are arrogant and egoistic.

Lack of free will can be seen as an autopilot of an airliner. You are just there in the cockpit to observe the dashboard and do nothing else. Stoicism on the other hand is very pragmatic. It shouldn't be taken to literally. How I see it is like this: the software called "stoicism" can be uploaded to your auto-pilot so it is up-to-date and can function better.

As meaningless as a knife when you are eating soup. But knifes can be important when you are eating something solid.

I was tracking my hours spend on my LP in onenote with some kind of excel sheet. It doesn't work out. How do you guys do it? I'm willing to spend 10k hours in a span of 15 years. What I did was divide 10k through 15 years and then divide it through 12 months and track it on a monthly basis to see if I'm on track. My question is specifically about what kind of format you are using like excel or something else.

@somegirl how did you get to know him? And how is your relationship now compared to the beginning?