StarStruck

I waited for the perfect moment but that didn't come. I was thinking about a strategy to kiss her on the bench we were sitting but I couldn't find an excuse to get closer. I feel so shitty right now. Our date ended 6 hours ago and it is 6 in the morning right now. I was considering to send a msg like "you looked amazing yesterday" but I don't know.

Next date, if I get one, I will just be man to women, and not have expectations.

Nervousness comes from fear. Fear of loss. Fear of heartbreak. Fear of life. That is exactly how I'm feeling right now. I loved my incel life. These emotions are too much life. I shouldn't resist life but I don't know how. Thanks. I'm in love with her. I know I'm irrational and that I shouldn't be like this.

So this guy was right from the start and people were making fun of him all those years:

Is it possible that there is nothing meaningful for a person? I'm a nihilist.

I did some approaches today. The weather is very hot here and girls dress minimal so I guess they get approached a lot and they have their bitch shields up. Approached 8 girls. Most of them didn't even give me 5 seconds to talk after my opener. With two of them I had a conversation. They were ok but I don't know. It was a disappointing day. I also didn't feel good. I received some bad news from family. The thing is that 8 of these girls that I approached, most of them were coming from opposite direction. It is hard to stop them. I guess they feel my neediness and there is just not enough to let them stick around to see/hear more from me. Anti-magnetic personality There are some times that negativity creeps in and that I should stop with approaching. I'm not really getting the return on investment that I'm expecting. I'm also trying to stop with some addictions and I'm trying not to cave in. I just want to cry or something but I can't. I really want to blame somebody, blame girls for not liking me, blame my parents or downtalk on myself. From time to time I'm doing that but that is not really going to solve the problem. Doing the hard work everyday will help me. It is really an inner struggle. I'm not even fully aware what is going on but what I know is that I lost my magnetism. I don't have that grounded presence any more. With my last set I did got a slight taste of that but I was really tired and I went home. Freestyle game is not working out Since two weeks or something I'm doing free-style. I read so much theory of pickup that I thought it would be a good idea just to shoot from the hip. It is not a good idea. I really need to structure my PUA endeavours. Think about it systematically. Currently I suck at opening-hooking. I should focus on that. Nail that and then move on. Actually last two weeks I was just focusing on my body and what happens in my body during an approach, trying to relax but I'm totally missing the calibration. I really need to go back to the drawing board and do PUA with systematic thinking and doing. It is just laziness really. When I'm feeling down and I'm doing pickup, I have to be aware what I'm doing, am I just doing pickup to feel better with myself? I have to admit that I'm doing that and it is toxic. Reasons why I'm doing pickup The reason I'm doing pickup is to get better with women, get sex, grow emotionally and intellectually, become a master of my own mind and body. The last one is really important. I'm learning so much about myself when doing pickup. Things I noticed of my body/mind: I'm starting to notice how I hold my breath just before an approach Becoming aware of my own emotional state through interactions with others, it really exposes them, I wouldn't become aware of them if I didn't expose myself to pickup Become aware of pressure/release, holding onto and letting go vibes Wrong templates I have about the world, problems with aligning myself with the truth There is deep unconscious fear inside of my personality The bottom line is this: I'm expecting a girl to make me happy. It is a recipe for disaster. I'm so confused and I'm trying to understand but I'm putting too much on my plate. This goes back to my point that I made earlier, I just have to have a systematic approach and do the work but having a meta-view of myself is equally important. Vicious cycle of inertia I'm really going into the core of my personality here. Why can't I be happy with myself? Because I can't get girls. Why can't I get girls? Because I'm not the guy that girls like. Why is that? Because I have to do the work but I'm not doing that. Why is that? Because I'm not happy with myself. Do you see what is happening with myself? I'm in a vicious cycle. Nothing is more frustrating that being stuck in a circle! I lack consciousness! What I get is this: I must have patience. Have trust in myself. Surrender myself to the process. Become conscious of my feelings. Directing those feelings into a direction and take action. Love the process, myself and the world. Remember, one day it will all be over. And everything will be forgotten, like it never happened. I have to not forget that I have to love myself. That is really the engine of this work. Because why else would I would put in the struggle to motorboat myself out of this vicious cycle of inertia and negativity? Will she meet me tonight? Tonight, I will have a date with that blonde girl. She said she would be available but she hasn't confirmed the date so it is not set in stone. Now you would say, you are so frustrated about your pickup journey, and now you say you perhaps have a date tonight? Perhaps you are right. Perhaps I should be thankful that there is at least one girl interested in me.

This kind of games reveal how fast I get irritated, frustrated and show that I'm not really smart. ?

https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-integrated-Well-being-Personal-Growth-Self-Confidence/dp/1118509137 It is a two month weekly program. It basically discusses the same material discussed on actualized dot org psychology/mindfulniess videos but in a much structured and programmed way. This book is not a sit-back-and-read-kind-of-book. You really have to do the exercises. I like actualized dot org content but I miss the structure and it is kind of chaotic and difficult to connect the dots if there are so many videos and no crumb trail. This program does it wonderfully. The author connects psychology and spirituality in a wonderful way. I'm still busy with this book.

Some girls can be really rude. I do get it and I don't take it personal but it does mold me into being an arrogant dick. And women should not take it personal if I become one. All girls must like me paradigm sucks. Really if they are not my gf I shouldn't care. Why do I even care? I don't have a good answer. Addition: being an arrogant prick is not a magic pill. Being an arrogant prick is the male version of the bitch shield. It is needed armor to thrive in the sex market.

This is such a major point: Women feel what you feel!!! Also It is not about the right "gesture" alone but also about the balance. Game is similar to surfing.

Use NLP to program your lower needs aka animal desires. That is what really helped me.

Agreed, there is also a wrong way of doing self-amusement though like laughing out of nervousness or being a clown to get approval.

If I was an alien I would use reverse psychology.

If aliens are at earth and they have that kind of technology they probably also have technology to disguise as humans. Perhaps Leo is one of them.

Become aware of the obstacle and let it go.

Emotional ventilation is something good. Normally I would crop up these frustration which is not good. I notice my inner child versus adult dynamic. They are constantly in conflict and it is not great. They need to find a resolution. My inner parent needs to realize it can't push the inner child with force, only convince it with love, respect and reason. And my inner child needs to realize it needs to grow up and integrate for the greater good of the self. My inner parent is definitely the problem though.

Today I was really busy. I could only get out to get some Thai food. I did two approaches. One had a bf but she was like 30 and meh. Even if she was single there was no attraction. I need to work on that. The other one was a cute girl with glasses. The moment she smelled the niceness she scooted off "I have to catch up with my gfs". All hot girls are my coaches Seriously, I can really can get triggered by women who say men are trash etc when the same women reject nice guys. I do get their position. I'm not a knuckle head but by rejecting nice guys you make nice guys like those guys you hate but allow to fuck your brains out. I already have a hot blonde girl waiting for me who wants to meet up this week so I don't have the same convulsive attitude towards pickup as in the beginning of my journey. It gave a more relaxed attitude. My objective is to create abundance in my life. A man with such a mindset is attractive. I do get women. My frustration is not even aimed at them. I'm a little bit confused. Where should I aim my frustration at? Exposure therapy by hot women Every hot woman that I approach I see as my coach. A coach that is teaching me how I can fuck them. They will sculp me in a way, with every rejection, in an exposure therapy kind of way and I will become somebody who they will want to fuck. Is there toxicity inside of me? Yes. Most women lie and cheat. Say they have bfs went they don't have bfs. Don't give me the light of day. Treat me as trash when I'm super nice. By God I will break some hearts and break something else... And I'm not even doing it for them. First and foremost. I'm doing it for myself. This exposure therapy will have a burden on my heart. When you get rejected by so many women, it is hard not to take it personal. I will become my alter ego to transcend my ego. At the end I will need to incorporate both niceness and assholeness. That is what I'm trying to say. Wankerness I had this insight today. Having this overly niceness and approaching ladies is similar to pulling your dick out and just wanking it in front of her. If she doesn't like that sight she will scoot off. If she likes the sight of that she might look at it, giggle and perhaps even help you! If you are a hot guy, niceness might work out for you. Or if you are lucky and a girl likes you at first sight it might work. In general it won't work. On this planet that strategy doesn't work. And it is really hard for me to get it out of my system. I just need to get rejected enough times so there is enough emotional labor for me to change myself. Nicing myself into a girl wants is not a winning strategy!! Getting lucky with blondie So blondie has hit me up again. I told her I can only meet up over 2 days. She can't really wait. I was really lucky to meet her. It was my luck she instantly liked my looks and vibe. She was also not turned off by my niceness. Girls like these are really rare.

People don't chose their childhoods and their kinks so it is not very empathetic to talk about it like that. Personally I really love to put the fear of god into a girl in bed. As long as both parties enjoy it I don't see a problem.

Because of recent frustrations I"m going to implement some radical steps. I'm going to 2x these variables in my life! Meditation Physical exercise: gym Engaging in lusty pleasures other than cheap pleasures: healthy foods Life affirming creativity: engaging in the physical world And also do some low-investment approaches. Also going monk mode: My mindset changes: Focusing on 1% change per day and being future orientated Going to cause of shit and not dealing with surface effects Involving coaches with the shit I'm struggle-ling; not being an emotional black box I feel like a transcended my addiction but I want to reboot quicker. This blonde is waiting for me. I can't wait for weeks.

I love stainless steal for frying steak and simple foods but I notice that if I make complex dishes like mexican food, the food sticks on the pan and it burns. Burned food is not healthy. Just buy good quality teflon pans and don't use them more than 1 year. After one year throw them out and buy a new one if your health is more worth than 30-60 euro per year. Recently I bought high quality teflon pans with 50% price cut. They are amazing.

So I experimented with these two modes. Niceness = wanting something from her, through being nice Arrogant = not wanting something but just expressing your manhood Women can be really mean towards a nice guy, not give him the light of day, or just be outright rude or treat you like dirt. Of course not all women, there is also a category of women that are nice to you (if you are a nice guy) and then just bounce off when they are done with you, tell you they have a bf, in a hurry or something. Am I making the right observations here? I don't get why women on this forum and elsewhere keep telling men to be nice. It really doesn't work. Especially with day game it doesn't work. Perhaps for social game or women that are looking for a beta provider guy it might work. Most guys aren't bad. They are just too nice. They need to drop the bs and just be raging dicks but the key is this: be a raging dick in passive mode, not active mode. It is a way of being, not a way of doing!!! Of course this topic is about about ATTRACTION phase of seduction. There is also a VIBING phase where it is important to emotionally connect to her. Vibing is a later stage, first you need to get a chance with her to be able to vibe. The thing is: when I'm nice with women, they cringe and don't give me a chance. When I'm a dick, they get attracted and they talk to me. I can clearly see signs of interests when I'm a dick (in a passive calibrated way!). Do you think it has to do with me or with women in general?

Today I didn't go out to pickup. I went to the supermarket. I had female eyes on me a couple of times. Perhaps it is the warm weather and hormones. Perhaps it is my energy that is different. I had one clear opportunity to approach. She saw me creeping up (I was walking faster to catch up with her), when she saw me in her peripherals I stopped. Next time I won't and just push through. #fuckit

That is why I love calling girls who ghost me. My anti-fragility is developing but I guess I need to take more action. I'm already doing steady 10-20 approaches per week but I tend to stick to what works. I'm doing Todd's "System" right now. He says rapport and attraction is not black and white and they overflow but you might have point here. I tend to switch to rapport building as soon as possible. Thanks, I will watch that movie. My problem is this I think: micromanaging my niceness/assholeness. I will try to let go of control (for couple of weeks) and let things grow organically and see what unfolds.

I wish but thanks. Still have to reach abundance. My journal is raw and uncensored. I'm glad you liked it. Yes, learn from others. That will cut your learning curve. I like this post of yours. Does it work? -------------------------------------------------------------- I made a thread about my recent findings My conclusions are these: My personality is not static, one day I can be overly nice, the other day just non-caring and straight forward and another day I can be something else It is important to be mindful of my personality profile on that day For example if I'm doing my approach and I feel like I'm overly nice; the moment I'm noticing that, be the exact opposite of being nice to create a counter balance The point is the find the opposite polarity of your personality and start being that, unite the polarity of your personalities and transcend the polarity is the lesson! For example, I'm a codependent, for me it is key to become more of a narcissist -------------------------------------------------------------- The girl that is interested in me looks like her. I'm posting this as inspiration for myself and others. She is hitting me up all the time. You guys might say "you are a lucky guy". I'm not. I'm doing nofap and that gave me a flat line. Girl wants to be nailed by me and I can't even get it up because of my porn induced addiction to porn and messed up dopamine system. My porn addiction (that was a result of my traumatic youth) is still hunting me. If I didn't have a traumatic youth, I would be with her right now. I'm never going to watch porn again! For me porn symbolizes what alcohol symbolizes for a alcohol addict. It screwed me up. Currently I'm very frustrated. I'm fighting an inner jihad.